Fantasy Baseball Advice

You just lost the Word Series. Curl up into a ball and cry. Aw, baby’s crying. There’s no crying in fantasy baseball! Actually, there is. Prolly more than in real baseball. I carried a hanky around during every Harang start in 2008. Wait, this is about Longoria. Longoria a keeper? As they say in Fargo, you betcha. He missed two weeks in the beginning of the season because the Rays were dragging their feet, then he missed a month at the end with a broken wrist. I know where your hesitation might lie — the Derrek-Lee-broken-wrist-loss-of-all-power factor. Luckily, Longoria’s wrist injury came in a place that should heal fine and have no lingering effects, according to the Disabled List Informer. The power he displayed when he returned from injury and in the postseason backs this up.  Anyway, here’s some more keepers or players to not keep for your fantasy baseball team in 2009:

KEEP

Joey Devine – People thought Brian Dunkleman and Ryan Seacrest were both necessary. They weren’t. Watch as Devine Seacrests Ziegler. Or will it be Ziegler Dunklemaning Devine? Don’t you hate when your own shizz confuses you? Hmm… Maybe none of that makes sense. Well, as the Talking Heads said, Stop Making Sense. (BTW, this winter will be the winter of Devine. I’m going to push him hard — not literally that would be battery.)

Stephen Drew – Sorry, 2009 will be known as the Winter of Devine and Drew. Can you feel the excitement? I can’t hear you. No, really I can’t. You’re reading and I’m typing. What would I hear?

DON’T KEEP

Brad Ziegler – This shizz will become more clear when 2009 spring training starts, but I highly doubt Ziegler is the closer in 2009. So if you must make a decision right now, don’t keep him. He’s getting Dunkleman’d! Hmm… Still not making sense.

Miguel Tejada – Since I put a young potential SS keeper above, I figured I’d put Te-nada here, although no one’s really even considering keeping this schmohawk. I know that.

Did Longoria outproduce Alex Gordon? Yeppers. Ryan Braun? Nopers. Somewhere in the middle’s not a bad place to be, ask Malcolm and Monie Love. Three home runs last night gave Longoria 25 on the year in only 111 games. What’s really nice to see is he hit these three after sustaining a broken wrist. He should be safe for the last week-plus of the season, but I have to think the Rays are going to rest him a bit during next week’s games because the franchise’s first playoff series means a bit more. So keep that in mind going forward. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Erik Bedard – Has a torn labrum and it could mean… Well, it could mean nothing for Bedard for a while, if ever again. The Mariners lost Adam Jones, George Sherrill and three prospects for Nadir Bupkus. “Bad trades are a part of baseball; I mean who can forget Milt Pappas for Frank Robinson for gosh sakes.”

Shaun Marcum – Marcum down for done.

Cameron Maybin – 4-for-4 yesterday. Right now, I’m not that excited for this year, but he might get a legit shot next year.

Ben Sheets – In a followup to his sore arm, the GM said today, “He’s got pain, and he sometimes can pitch with it, and he sometimes can’t.” Ringing endorsement! I went over why dropping Sheets was probably the way to go.

Troy Percival – Pitched for the first time in a week, throwing a scoreless eighth, only to watch Wheeler blow the save. Percival will now be back in the closer’s role as long as he stays healthy.

Chris Perez – More than likely not in the closer’s role anymore as he tried to give away last night’s game. Jason Motte figures to see any saves in the last week plus.

Rickie Weeks – First at-bat in 5 days. Every time Ned Yost started Weeks you know Sveum was cringing, muttering that if he were manager he would never start Weeks.

Zach Greinke – 8 IP, 2 hits. I think at this point I’ve been Greinke’d.

Justin Duchscherer – From the files of, “Dur.” His bullpen session was cut short because of pain. Surprise, surprise. He’s done for the year.

Tim Lincecum – Bit of a scary moment for Lincecum in yesterday’s game. The 118 pitches? Nah, he usually does that by the seventh. The scary moment came in the second when Lincecum tried to bunt a Randy Johnson fastball and it smashed his fingers into the bat. He came back with taped fingers and continued on like nothing happened. Later on, Lincecum won a between-innings chili cook-off, taught some youngsters how to use radiometric dating to disapprove The DaVinci Code and then saved Dunn out in the kiddie pool. Wear floaties, big man!

It’s very rare that a player of Big Papi’s caliber falls into this bad of a slump. Maybe burying that David Ortiz jersey had an adverse effect? Let’s look at some things we know. Ortiz bats third in arguably the best lineup in baseball. He pats his hands together before every pitch like he’s making arepas. He still knows how to take a walk. What we don’t know? His actual age. He’s supposedly 33 years old, but he’s Latin so I’d say he’s anywhere from 35 to 47 (which makes him anywhere from two to twelve years older than Pujols). For the purposes of this, we’re going to assume last year was a harbinger of things to come — that Papi’s best years are behind him. Let’s look at last year, he hit 116/35/117/.332. If that’s a sign of trouble, then I’d like to fill up my team with guys whose jerseys are buried under Yankee Stadium. But, wait, could his knee be bothering him? Sure, but it was bothering him last year and look again at those numbers. So he’s in the worst slump of his career, he’s hobbling around Fenway like a drunk Bea Arthur, yet I’m telling you this is the absolute best time to buy David Ortiz. That’s right, trade for Ortiz — steal him away from your opponents because his stock won’t be low for long. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday:

Evan Longoria – He looks really solid. I still don’t think you should sell your dead nana’s jewelry to acquire him.  Remember Braun’s ‘07 was the exception not the rule. Longoria hit a fastball in the seats. Off speed pitches are usually the bump in the rookie ride.

Nick Markakis – He has four steals already. If he gets to 30 homers (which he should eventually), you’re gonna wish you had him.

Carlos Gomez – In your box score it shows a K in the first inning. He struckout trying to bunt with two strikes. You’re thinking, “Well, that shows how committed he was to moving the guy over.” Dude, he was leading off the game! I really don’t think you want CarGo on your team right now. He doesn’t know what’s coming or going with pitch selection.

Alexis Rios – Sweet stroke meet Sherrill’s fastball.

Pat Neshek – I love middle men, there I said it. But when they’re struggling — ugh. I dropped Neshek for Dotel in one league I had him.

Zach Greinke – He should’ve got out of the third without giving up any runs. Did he crawl into a ball and start weeping? No. He handled it very well. He’s passed the mental health check so far. Unfortunately, he’s not striking out men like he should be. Am I worried? His ERA went up after giving up only one run in 9 innings. Of course, I’m not worried.

Adam Jones – He looked really solid. I still wouldn’t touch him.

Rafael Betancourt – It’s got to be a matter of time. Borowski cannot get people out. How long can the Indians let a guy who you wouldn’t trust in the seventh inning keep getting the ball in the ninth? I don’t think very long. If you have Borowski without Betancourt on your team, I would try and get Betancourt in a trade quick-fast.