The A’s promoted Chris Carter. Too bad Chris Carter wasn’t around when Mulder was pitching for the A’s. Then they could’ve had Scully call the game. Chris Berman looked at his stats and says, “All Chris Carter does is hit home runs!” which means he’ll kill your average, won’t steal bases, and probably won’t help your runs and RBIs. Back in January, Chris Carter said this about playing with the A’s out of spring training, “I’m still thinking it’s my job to lose, basically. It’s a business. They want to win and make the team better.” That isn’t as great a quote as, “Who are you, Karim Garcia? I do not know you,” but it’s still pretty solid. It’s like you go into a job interview and say, “If you want the burgers to get flipped right, I’ll get hired. What, you want crap burgers?” Unfortunately, Carter was in Make Believe Land hanging with the Easter Bunny. It was not his job to lose. In the preseason, I said, “This Chris Carter looks like Ryan Howard. In every possible way. He strikes out a lot. He hits a lot of homers. He talks to Turtle about tequila. He weighs 230+ el-bees. He stands six foot five. He once finished off a grand slam 7 hours after the last pitch of a game thanks to Denny’s.” And that’s me quoting me! Further in my Chris Carter fantasy, I gave him the line of 35/22/55/.225/3 in 400 ABs and said he’d be called up on June 1st. He missed a month of that, so now I’ll revise it to 30/17/40/.235. I.e.Please, blog, may I have some more?