Fantasy Baseball Advice

Tommy John Surgery, “Hey, has anyone seen Billy Wagner’s arm?” All Pitcher Arms ignore Tommy John Surgery as they continue to read Men’s Fitness Magazine. Tommy John Surgery, “Well, it’s important he gets this message. His arm’s not going to get better without me.” Other Pitcher Arms whistle. Tommy John Surgery, “I will not be ignored!” Then Tommy John Surgery boiled Billy Wagner’s Arm’s Rabbit and followed his kid to a local carnival. Now it looks like Billy Wagner’s career is in danger. Ayala should continue to get the bulk of the saves, but always keep this in mind, Ayala is just not that good. Even in keeper leagues, drop Wagner. He’s no good to you anymore, Tommy John Surgery came calling. Next year, the Mets will probably look to make Francisco Rodriguez the highest paid closer in baseball. Hey, I wonder if Tommy John Surgery and K-Rod were working together? Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

B.J. Upton – Out until the weekend with a strained quad. A B.J. quad strain is blue balls, no?

Emmanuel Burriss – For those who just lost Upton. Burriss got a steal yesterday. He might get 3+ steals this week. In all of my H2H leagues, I’m currently starting him. He goes from the Diamondbacks to the Padres later in the week. I could steal against the Padres; I’m not fast. (UPDATE: He was injured yesterday and is no longer a replacement option for Upton.)

Jack Wilson – Might be out for the season with a hairline fracture in his right index finger. Before you throw in the towel because you’ve lost Jack Wilson, take comfort in knowing you don’t own him on any team.

Tim Lincecum – 8.1 IP, 1 ER, 9 K and 126 pitches. I hope his innings/pitches this year don’t catch up to him next year. I do, because I think Lincecum could be special. With that said, why can’t these schmohawks limit him to 100 pitches when he’s up six runs? How much evidence do you need that high pitch counts lead to injuries? If you were making a run for the pennant, would you let him throw 180 pitches? Inconceivable!

Gary Sheffield – 2 HRs. Afterward Sheff said, “Sheff tried to hit the white off the baseball.”

Jon Lester – 7.2 IP, 9 Ks, 0 ER. Looks like Lester didn’t ask Make-A-Wish for just a no-hitter, but a whole season of productivity.

Jeremy Guthrie - Not pitching tomorrow because he has the “flu.” That’s short for he has a crapload of innings on his arm. If you’re still waiting around for him in leagues, I wouldn’t anymore.

Kevin Gregg – Will return on Tuesday and Fredi Gonzalez said he’ll continue to use Matt Lindstrom as the closer. Why? Because Gonzalez is in a H2H matchup and he owns Lindstrom, obviously.

Dave Bush – 8 IP, 2 ER. It’s only fitting that Bush comes right before Wood.

Brandon Wood – 2 HRs. I told you to pickup Brandon Wood on Friday, since then he has three HRs.

Yusmeiro Petit – 2 2/3 innings and 5 ER. And we might see Jobacum again after all. (Yes, Jobacum just came after Bush and Wood. And that’s how you make a triple-decker double entendre sandwich.)

Matt Antonelli – 1-for-21 since being called up. Don’t worry, Padres. You still have the future promise of Khalil Greene.

Albert Pujols – Said he’s considering Tommy John surgery in the offseason. Wasn’t Wagner enough for you, you monster?!

Yesterday, Luis Ayala was acquired by Mets. You know that thing about the girl you don’t know is better than the one you’re with? The grass is greener thing. Yeah, the Mets just got themselves a new girl. Why? Wagner’s old and he just had a setback (of course) so he’s not coming back as soon as thought. I’d peg mid-September as a fair timetable his for return. For now, it’s still anyone’s game for saves. Heilman, Kunz, Feliciano, Orosco, Mr. Met, Ralph Kiner, et al. They might all be better options than Ayala, but they’re not the new girl. The only reason why we’re concerned with this is because the Mets will win a lot of games. If someone can separate themselves from the pack, they could get a decent amount of saves while Wagner’s on the mend. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Hideki Matsui – Set to return on Tuesday. I’d prefer a hot hand, then a vet who’s just returning from injury. Especially a vet that has averaged a HR every 25 at-bats for his career. Not sure what the excitement is, but I guess it’s a Yankee thing. How’s Jeter treating you, Yankee fans?

Clayton Kershaw – 6 IP, 6 Ks, 1 ER. Should’ve had a win, but Braun took Chan Ho out of the Park.

Chris Dickerson – Hit a homer the other day. Went 3-for-5 yesterday. I think I’ve officially beat Dickerson into the ground.

Chris Davis – About to get third base eligibility if Hank Blalock can return and stay healthy at first. Yes, it’s an if the size of the Grand Canyon.

Andre Ethier – 2 HRs yesterday. He’s been starting over Juan Pierre on most days and has 4 HRs in his last four starts.  Torre sits him against lefties, which makes your job easy for when to start him.

Carlos Pena – HR yesterday. Four HRs last week. When I ranked him 46th in the top 100 for fantasy baseball’s 2nd half, here’s what I said, “For those looking for someone who can hit 20 HRs in the 2nd half. Here’s one.” And that’s me cutting and pasting me!

Javier Vazquez – 8 IP, 1 ER, 8 Ks. June, 7.48 ERA; July, 5.65; August, you dropped him. Hey, Vazquez, how about you buy me dinner first?

Melvin Mora – 5-for-6 with 2 HRs. As I mentioned, in this week’s Buy/Sell, Mora’s feces has been smelling like Reese’s Pieces.

Edinson Volquez – 7 IP, 0 ER. This doesn’t mean he’ll go on another run like in the beginning of the year, he’s just trying to find his way to a 3.50 ERA. He’s currently at 2.73.

Rickie Weeks – Left with a thumb injury. Nomar, “I feel ya, man!” If Weeks is hitting the DL is the point, you play the Pass Line.

Alexis Rios – 5-for-6, there will be a point during this offseason when I’ll write a post making a case for Rios being a sleeper for next year. Just comment, “No.”

Roy Oswalt – Threw a one hitter over 8 IP. Looks like he put his hip injury behind him (or beside him).

Ty Wiggington – Accounted for all three of the Astros’s runs yesterday and this week he went 9/3/9/.560. There was a bit of a Wiggington Fan Club forming yesterday in the comments. I’m assuming future meetings of the WFC will be taking place in the octagon.

B.J. Upton – HR yesterday. May all your pitchers pitch at Petco and all your hitters hit at Arlington. Amen.

Jensen Lewis – Got the save yesterday as Perez entered the game in the seventh. Lewis is being viewed as the closer, whether he’s the best guy for the job is irrelevant. If you’re holding Perez for saves, you’re only going to get the very rare situational ones.

Adam Lind – HR, 3-for-6. Averaging a HR in just over five games since his recall and hitting .330.

Todd Jones – Went back to the DL, but it looks like Rodney is the closer now anyway. (Rodney is now sure to give up five runs just because I wrote he’s the closer.)

Brandon Moss – Left the game with an ankle injury. Now he may gather some moss.

Dan Wheeler – Got the save on Sunday when Balfour couldn’t get the job done. (Balfour did intentionally walk Hamilton with the bases loaded. This is the only time this has happened to anyone, except Barry Bonds in the last 60 years, according to the Elias Sports Bureau. Actually, they didn’t say it, but they could’ve. Here’s some other things Elias Sports Bureau could’ve said this week around the office, “Tuesday was the first time Jim in Accounting didn’t call his wife three times before noon,” “Thursday marked the seventeenth time since March that Sally, Burt’s secretary, dropped a call” and “Fridays will no longer be Casual Fridays for Peter because he can’t tell the difference between pants and sweatpants.”