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Fee Fie Fo Fum, I drafted Buxton in the third round of my fantasy draft, would someone please slap the taste out of my mouth, for being so effing-dumb? Good gracious, the stench of my rotting 12th place carcass (Razzball Experts League) has somehow permeated through the dark web of Fantrax into my once lovely apartment. I say once lovely, for not only did it used to not smell of dead lilac water and festering wildebeest guts, but the windows were once open, the beaming sun warming my immaculate body like a microwave, kangaroo jacking another mediocre real estate agent, while everyone outside roared in applause. The true, raw, beastly, animalistic nature of humans on full display as they awaited the grand finale, the final curtain, where I would take my usual bow and hit the bowflex for a couple hours, a gift to the stragglers, yes, but mostly just a gift to myself. You see, I look at my body like a finely tuned… hold on, I’ve gotten off track here. Ahhhh, that’s right, darkness, misery and terror, back to that. So, sadly, Mt. Vesuvius was unable to erupt on this tragic day. So what if she came six times, the fact is I couldn’t provide the crowd with most potent window cleaner known to man when they needed it most…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings ya’ll! Tis I yet again, Tehol Beddict, legendary bull-fighter, master class stripper, fantasy sports champion, and the west coasts top male escort 3 years running. Tis true, my name has been associated with much folklore, for I have gone balls deep more often and more ferociously than THIS grand creature. That’s right, click that link, turn the lights down low, turn up the volume and get a clearer picture of what I’m speaking of. But I come to you today, not to boast about my seemingly constant erotic encounters, but to give a little insight on fantasy baseball, though in a strange way they both go together. Ok, so they really don’t. Hopefully that didn’t get many of you “Magic the Gathering” players too excited. Anyway, this week’s session will consist of me comparing some players who have stood out to me all season with some of hip hop’s most famous rappers. I will even include the best single lines of these rapper’s career, so that’s something to get pumped about right? This genius idea was inspired by young Kendrick Lamar’s controversial verse on Big Sean’s new record, Control, where son came in and claimed both the east and west coast throne. Kendrick has the streets talking and this priceless Adolph Hitler response has kept me in tears all night. I’m guessing many of you would prefer me comparing bands like Pearl Jam and Guns and Roses but we’ll save that till Axl Rose dies, which could be as soon as next week. This is just part one and the end will consist of some short blurbs of what else went on this week in fantasy baseball so skip to the bottom if you like. ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!? No? Oh well, lets do it.

Please, blog, may I have some more?