Dynasty Leagues, 2016 Fantasy Baseball

There’s an old African expression that I just made up, it goes “A hippo in the Bush is more dangerous than a pack of lions”. Whether anyone in an actual African country has ever whispered that phrase I don’t know. What I do know is, that in the Razznasty a Hippo is more dangerous than all the other Lions combined. After leading by the slimmest of margins entering August, the Matt Truss led Hippos has put his foot on the gas, switched on the nitrous, and left the rest of the league in the dust. In the past 30 days he’s gone from 121 points and a half point lead over Raskals, to 137.5 points and an 11.5 point lead over his rival. With good across the board production, and a slight edge in pitching, Hippos is doing it all. Seriously he’s top 5 in every category but RBIs, where he ranks 6th. Way to come on Matt, you’re both a Czar, a scholar, and a Maine resident. That means you’re Russian royalty, know how to spell deductible, and love a good Skowhegan whoopie pie. What, you don’t understand why whoopie pies and Maine, particularly Skow-Vegas, are synonymous? What can I say there are just mysteries that can’t be explained. This isn’t one of those, I just don’t feel like uncovering why the two are related. The whoopie’s are amazing though….Hey it’s the final Razznasty Update for 2016!

Standings

Outside of Hippos and Raskals at the top of the heap, there’s been some shakeups in the ranks, as early pace setter Mentok, fell on hard times and dropped 11 points and 4 spots in the rankings to 6th. From his despair rose two squads; Alice Sweet’s Tomatoes, who jumped from 5th to 3rd, adding 4.5 points in the process, and the Nick the Dick led FreshPrince OfPurgatory, who jumped 4 spots in the standings from 7th to 4th, gaining 13.5 points month over month. Shill Team 6 jumped one spot slotting in at 5th place with a score of 115, a 4.5 point gain for the Shill’s. The distinction of “biggest loser of the month” belongs to our fearless leader Yes Cheese, who dropped 23.5 points in August. Not since Tom Petty was on tour with the Heartbreakers back in 89′ have a seen such freefalling. Immediately following Cheese is Nightpandas, who’s right on Cheese’s tail with 92 points. As for rankings 9th through 11th it’s comprised of three teams in the 80’s, though these 80’s look far less fun than these 80’s. Just sayin….As for the true battle of this league, the one for last place, it’s a blood bath led by yours truly. I think my competitors really underestimated how bad I can be at things I set my mind to. I mean if you read enough of my writing you’re well aware that I’m pretty much illiterate. So I sit in the bird dog seat for the top pick, praying that Shohei Otani and the Ham Fighters do me a favor and post his ass. Regardless, I’m the best at being bad, like Willa Ford, but in no way hot.

Trades

Welp, the trading deadline came and went like a fart in church and I think much of it had to do with a few things, A. all the competitive teams own all of the MLB players already B. said competitive teams weren’t trading with other competitive teams, because well, they’re the ones they’re competing against. Makes sense right?

As you can see Hippos and Raskals were by far the most active in the trade window, but the best grab has to belong to Cheese who adds the best pitcher in baseball. Hurt or not, I 100% agree with acquiring the best pitcher/player in the game at his lowest price point. Sure there’s some risk that Kershaw could be damaged goods, but more than likely he’ll come back and be his usual dominant self. Can’t blame Raskals for making the move, when the championship chalice is so close, it’s tough not to chase it with a gold bottle of bubbly. The J-FOH led Epic of Goodfoldamesh did an excellent job of acquiring some pieces for next year and beyond, adding a surging Didi Gregorius and super Met Yoenis Cespedes. As for the rest of the trades, you can see for yourself you have eyes. If you’re listening to this on tape because you’re blind, sue me.

Wavier Adds and Drops

This month I’m trying something new with wavier adds and drops, I’m not typing them. I mean why should I? I have the magic of screenshot! If I’ve learned anything from the countless hours of Disney mind control training I call watching movies with my children, it’s that you always use magic if you have it at your disposal. So boom! I’m going Disney in this bitch!

Hippos