Smell that? No, not the Hot Pocket you have turned to lava in the microwave, the smell of taeks so hot they are burning a hole in your phone screen. It’s bold prediction szn and we here at Razzball are getting in on the action. For an example of hawt our taeks are, let’s take a trip back in time to April 4th, 2022. Grey once again didn’t do too shabby with his prediction and Steve Paulo didn’t do badly either. Everyone else though? Yikes. Michael Kopech…an ace…I’m crying inside. What awful takes do we have in store for this season? I may take a shot at being slightly less bold, we’ll see. Just like last season, I’ve provided my own feedback and ranked these takes from lukewarmest to the hottest of fire. The further you scroll, the hotter the take, until the takes turn into the surface of the sun and threaten to consume all of fantasy baseball Twitter. Happy Opening Day!
KeelinBillue: Darick Hall is a sleeper pick for RoY.
Keelin playing it pretty safe in the hot taek realm. Like a pico de gallo, this take adds some flavor but won’t make your eyes water.
Son: That dominance of Japanese baseball did not end with the WBC crown. Instead, it will extend into the country celebrating the AL ROY, NL ROY and AL MVP. The sun has risen!
Like a nice kick of wasabi, Son is bringing a little heat to the takes. Yoshida, Senga, and Ohtani…i can dig it.
The Lineup Builder: Aaron Judge finishes outside the top 5 in HRs across MLB.
LB going after the top dog is fairly hot, but also, this prediction is one injury away from reality so I’m saying…it’s not the boldest of the takes.
JKJ: Lourdes Gurriel Jr. hits 25 HR and drives in 100+. LGJ is locked into at least the top half of an improving Diamondbacks roster. They’ve got some youthful vigor that can get on base and run real fast, so there should be plenty of opportunities for LGJ to utilize his excellent plate discipline and above-average power for fantasy juiciness.
It wasn’t that long ago we were thinking LGJ was going to be a fantasy stalwart and I can get behind the change of scenery narrative with the best of ‘em.
EWB: Robbie Ray finishes in the top 10 SP because the K rate combined with Win luck thrusts him into the fantasy spotlight again.
Win luck is a serious thing and the Mariners should be in a prime spot to provide plenty of it. Predicting the former Cy Young winner to finish in the top ten is medium bold..salsa verde over here.
Grey: Tommy Edman will be hitting 9th regularly by June and everyone will wish they drafted Brendan Donovan instead in the top 100.
For my own team’s sake…I hope this one is true. I was a hard fade of Edman this draft season and don’t have nearly ass many Donovan shares as I’d like, but alas, I’d love to see this happen.
MattTruss: Jake McCarthy steals 70+ bags and leads the league. We haven’t had a 70 bag stealer since Jacoby Ellsbury in 2009. We are long overdue and I think Jake the snake runs wild. My roto teams sure hope so.
Another one for my fantasy team wish list. I have McCarthy on every team I could get my hands on him with. Predicting a huge stolen base season in the year with a bigger first base and limited pickoffs isn’t the boldest of choices, but it’s been so long since we’ve had this style of play. Fingers crossed for this jalapeno-level take.
B_Don: Bo Bichette finishes outside the top 30, Freddie Freeman outside the top 50.
If these takes were ranked by pure vitriol, B_Don would be number one. The number of times he’s taken to the airwaves and keyboard to bash these two is mindboggling. The victory laps would be epic.
MarmosDad: I had a nice little write-up for another Blue Jay all ready to go…then less than 20 minutes after I picked him in our AL-only auction draft on Saturday, Toronto sent Nate Pearson down to Buffalo. Oof. While I still think Pearson will get meaningful innings for the big club this year, the pivot is to another (former) Blue Jays hot prospect in Gabriel Moreno. Initially slated to split time with Carson Kelly in Arizona, the latter’s broken forearm pretty much guarantees that Moreno gets the lion’s share of starts behind the dish. If we’re going bold here…let’s predict a 500 AB, 25 HR, 75 R/RBI, .280 AVG season for Moreno that sees him finish ahead of both of his old catching buddies in Toronto and land firmly in the top 3 fantasy catcher rankings in 2023.
Catcher taeks, get your catcher taeks here. Even though catchers are boring, this one is a little spicy. This would mean Moreno is out hitting Varsho, Stephenson, and Kirk though, nevermind Realmuto and Will Smith. I like the optimism, we’ll call this eating habaneros like candy.
Coolwhip: Wander Franco stays healthy and posts a top-20 hitter season similar to Dansby Swanson’s 2022.
Phew…now we’re getting hot. Maybe predicting a former top overall prospect to emerge as a top 20 hitter isn’t that bold, but I’m liking the heat. Like a nice spicy Thai chili, gimme some of that.
Mike Couillard: Luis Ortiz is this year’s Spencer Strider. Ortiz flashed electric stuff in his 16 inning debut last year and pops off the charts in Eno Sarris’ Stuff+ rankings (113 Stuff+ on the fastball and 128 Stuff+ on the slider). Sure, he was sent down to Indianapolis to start this year, but remember, Strider started in the bullpen last year before his meteoric rise. And let’s be honest, the guys Ortiz has to hurdle in the Pittsburgh rotation are mediocre or already prepping their reading list for a future IL stint (Rich Hill, JT Brubaker, Vince Velazquez, and Johan Oviedo), so getting him into this rotation by mid-to-late April isn’t a stretch. Add in some raw ingredients like the Pirates finally needing to put some talent on the field to win fans back, Dick Mountain’s Spring Training tutelage, and a nice home park, and you have the factors for some pitching magic. With some extra harnessing of his raw stuff, you could see Ortiz push ~11 K/9 and low 3 BB/9 with an ERA and WHIP around 3.30 and 1.15, respectively.
Alright, I like Ortiz and all, but claiming he’s going to emerge as a top five pitcher this season…seems a little absurd, like drinking Maddog357 from the bottle.
The Educator: The Cubs have 4 top 40 starters at the end of the season
I’ll even name them: Hayden Wesneski, Jameson Taillon, Drew Smyly, and Justin Steele.
My thinking: The Cubs have shown an ability recently to take pitchers and get their best out of them, even guys like Adrian Sampson were useful last year. They are coached to pitch to contact, and adding defense across the diamond everywhere but third base will really help this staff. Trust me, that defense is gonna be elite.
None of these guys will electrify the radar gun and only WesNasty will show up on PitchingNinja on Twitter. What they can all do is actually pitch a baseball in a way that limits walks and hard contact. Take any of these four guys late and you’ll be happy with the solid production.
I think The Educator is a Cubs fan or is playing right to Sara Sanchez’s heart. I have drafted exactly zero of these guys (will likely look to stream Steele in RCLs though) and predicting all four to finish in the top four is pretty bonkers. Some ghost pepper level heat over here.
Jeremy Brewer: Jarred Kelenic is the most valuable Mariners outfielder this season and breaks the 30/30 barrier. Julio who?
Umm…Rodriguez. You’re huffing straight Carolina Reaper extract, Brew.
There you have it, all our boldest predictions! Be sure to drop your own in the comments below and enjoy watching all the action unfold today! LFG!! MORE EXCLAMATION MARKS!!!
