Wow, assembling this week’s list of players made me dizzy with enthusiasm. No. I’m lying. To help write this post, I have a hired a shadow writer sorta speak. Readership meet my shadow writer — Vodka. Vodka, meet readership. What did you say? Drink more? Silly you. You’re already empty! Let’s get this thing started before I get prescribed anti-depressants.
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The fantasy gods can be a cruel mistress, and after dealing a crushing blow Thursday night in a frustrating (ie stupid) brawl-induced injury, taking Zack Greinke from us, the gods have claimed their next victim, another newly acquired player and top fantasy shortstop, Jose Reyes. The gods work in mysterious Reyes. I know. Let it […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?I begin with this:
The scene above is from Wednesday’s Mariners v. Astros game, and I realize that the clip has made the rounds by now. Still, I’m compelled to bring it up because it is truly wonderful. From the leaning grab, to the triumphant hoist and subsequent chug, this man wins the week. It always seems like the most brilliant moments happen at crappy games in empty stadiums, and this is no exception. What a hero.
Oh yeah, two-starters… Week three’s look-ahead is below. As always, probable pitchers are subject to change. For a look at all fantasy baseball streamers, click that link.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Gattis, Gattis, who the eff is Gattis? He wandered the streets asking that exact same question to everyone he came upon. Spiritual advisors, ski instructors, girls who smelled of patchouli and had dreadlocks. WHO THE F IS GATTIS? Because I’m a glutton for punishment and endless catcher questions, here we are again with me recommending […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?I would do anything for a title. I would do anything for a title. (Sing with me guys!) I wooooould doooo anythiiiiiing for a title. But starting middle relievers in fantasy baseball?? Oh no I WON’T DO THAT!(Bring the music in). I had to go “Meatloaf” on you there. It worked for the post and let’s […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?When one guy in a fight is named after a maximum security prison and the other guy is named after something Velma from Scooby Doo says when startled, who do you think is gonna win? Quentin took a pitch off his bicep. Nay. It grazed off his arm. Not just any pitch either. A 3-2 pitch. Are we to believe sweet, innocent, my fantasy ace, Zack Greinke in all his 12-year-old boyish looks would wait to throw a purpose pitch on 3-2? A 3-2 purpose pitch?! That makes sense. Maybe next time he’ll walk him, then toss a pick-off throw low so the 1st baseman has to slap the tag real hard on his leg. A 3-2 purpose pitch?! That’s fertilizer! Get off the ‘roids, Quentin, you have rage issues! So, Greinke has a fractured left collarbone. He’ll be out at least six weeks. My guess for his return is the All-Star break. Why does awful have to happen to my wonderful? Why, deity of choice?! Why?! Someone please tuck me into a sleeping bag of cashmere and rock me back and forth until I fall asleep. Please make this pain go away. Or hurt Quentin. That would help. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
PSYCHE! Before we get into today’s post I just wanted to inform everyone that the Stream-o-Nator has returned. It’s new and improved. Stream-o-Nator, “You know that sounds like a compliment, but it’s really implying I wasn’t that great last year. I’m gruff, but those things hurt my feelings.” So, this year the Stream-o-Nator no longer has numbers 1 thru 1000 (?). It’s now on a dollar scale like you’d find in a draft. A $30 starter is obviously great. A $1 starter is probably awful. Lower your dollar threshold to where it’s appropriate for deeper leagues, i.e., a $15 starter for 12 team leagues would be solid. $10 starter for 15-team leagues would be solid. $2 starter for AL-Only leagues that only use Astro and Indian pitchers is great, etc. Also, SON comes with ownership numbers for 12-team mixed leagues. So, go say thanks to Rudy, it’s all him. Anyway II, here’s the roundup:
Please, blog, may I have some more?If I could find a way
I’d take back those words that hurt you….
Damn you Cher. Damn you and your catchy songs. And damn you for killing Jack Nicholson in Witches of Eastwick. No one kills Jack. Jack is the man. Goes to Lakers games. Hits on Jennifer Lawrence during the Oscars. Lives in Hollywood. The man.
If you drive about an hour south of Hollywood through Los Angeles you get to Newport Beach.T hat just happens to be the home town of one Gerrit Cole. (Sexy Segue complete.) Cole is also the man. Drafted first in 2011, he will get his call to the show at some point this year. This guy can flat out pitch. In his first professional year, Cole climbed the complete ladder of the minor leagues by starting in high-A ball and ending in Indianapolis (AAA) for a cup of coffee. The guy sports a 98+ fastball that if it hits you it’ll leave a six-foot hole coming out. And he’s not afraid to be aggressive. (Be aggressive! B. E. Aggressive!) Just listen to what Gaby Sanchez said about the kid via Dejan Kovacevic of the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review:
“Some guys who throw hard, they’re a little shy about going inside. This kid, he’ll get two strikes on you, then back you off, and now he’s got the whole plate to get you out. Tough, man. Tough.”
But when will we see him in black and yellow?
Please, blog, may I have some more?Much like the more ballyhooed Closer Report, the alternate week Bullpen Report covers everything that those dudes who get quality starts don’t. It’s starting again, in case you haven’t noticed, and no, I am not talking about those unfortunate flare-ups that you cover with medicated ointment, bullpens are in flux. So you get a little of the saves, some of the holds, and some of me just ranting. Ugh, the situation for closers is an ugly ever-changing conundrum. This week’s cluster F belongs to the St. Louis Cardinals. Mitchell Boggs goes all Chernobyl on your weekly ERA and just falls apart. Have no fear as Trevor Rosenthal didn’t look much better. Boggs is still the guy you want here, Motte isn’t coming through that door anytime soon and no one else has the label as go to guy in the bullpen yet. So sit tight and just enjoy this closer-coaster with no seat belt. Here’s what I got this week, some sleeper Holds guys with improving, yet slightly arousing situations, and some other run downs on teams’ closer situations.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Welcome to the brand new series called Bear or Bull. In this series, we will be talking about animals and how they relate to baseball players. No, really, we are. Otis Nixon is a cheetah! No, not like that. More like, if by animals I mean market trend descriptors. Yes, that totally makes more sense. No, not really. Basically, I’ll be spotlighting players every week and make a framework of where they trending, a big picture analysis type of thing. Think Sky’s Creeper of the Week, but for multiple seasons, mixed with a hint of Grey’s Buy/Sell with a touch of my manly musk and prowess. We’ll do some light bio work, have some lol’s, make some GIFs, and assess where this player is and where this player is going. In the end, you’ll learn whether or not I’m Bearish (not zesty) or Bullish (yes please) on the player. Personally, I’d always want to be the bear. A polar bear actually. All I would do is hunt for seals and fish, drink a bunch of Coke, and never fear anything. Well, except global warming I guess. And maybe acid reflux.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Yost would tell you that Holland is still the closer, but Kelvin Herrera should be the closer in KC. No, there’s no official closer change, but it’s obvious. You really only had to watch the last two games for confirmation, and Malcolm Gladwell would tell you to Blink. In his last game, Holland took the save to the very brink. Herrera had opposing hitters’ bats in the clink. In my daily diet, I eat mutton, it’s high in zinc. I call my therapist, Saran, and this is my shrink…rap! Sorry, I just mentally transported back to my days of Bum wine and roses when I thought I was black and I’d start freestyling. Every teenager who thinks they’re cool right now, so did I and now I’m a fantasy baseball blogger. Muahahahahaha… So, what I began saying was Yost can say whatever he wants on the Royals closer situation, but Herrera is the better pitcher right now, and he could be a Donkeycorn by the middle of May. I would continue to hold Holland, but Kelvin should be owned, as well. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?Note: If you don’t want the story, just scroll down to the bottom to see the statistical markers on how to tell the difference between Hot/Cold streaks or a real improvement or eroding of skills. But Santa is watching. And so am I. All the time.
Welcome friends and family! Actually, you’re right. Hi Mom. Thanks for being my only reader. I’m not sure if you remember who Chris Shelton is, but I certainly do. A week or so ago, I was actually thinking back to the best hot streaks to open the season, and if any of them were produced by players that I had owned. After all, the season is only a week old. Hope springs eternal and what not. So, of course I’m expecting Mike Morse to hit 489 homeruns. And yes, Yu Darvish will finish the season with 56,284 strike-outs. Stop looking at me like that. Thinking back and reminiscing all those seasons I’ve been playing fantasy baseball, which is 16 years if you needed to know. And since I deemed it necessary that you know that, I also, while somewhat ego driven, deem it necessary that you know I am not an old fogey. I’m actually only 30. Which to me feels old, but in fact, really is not that old. If you need proof, ask anyone over the age of 30 how they feel. I assume they will say they feel older than me. And then roll their eyes in disgust. And also, while we’re on this tangent, I’m not fat either. My OkCupid profile says I’m ‘average’, so therefore, it is the truth. And no, you’re not getting a link. Unless you are a hot female that resides in the greater metro area.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Ranking prospects for fantasy purposes is a tricky exercise. Back in February, I rolled out my Top 50 Fantasy Prospects for 2013 (part 1, part 2), and those are already garbage. The variables involved are constantly in flux — talent emerges, talent regresses… opportunity comes, opportunity goes… clubs get cold feet because of service time, clubs don’t give a shizz about service time. So, given the fluid nature of this prospect business, I thought it might be helpful to keep a running ranking throughout the season. This post will run every other Wednesday, providing a biweekly glimpse of the soon-to-arrive impact talent. Let’s get started.
Please, blog, may I have some more?