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Don’t ask where that title is going.  Is it a pun?  A double entendre?  Perhaps a triple one?  It’s a mess, really, but there’s something funny in there…I think…but I don’t wanna think about it much longer, it’s making me uncomfortable.  Instead, let’s discuss the point of my babble: Jason Hammel.  So far on the season, Hammel is sitting with an ERA close to his xFIP and has had neutral luck in BABIP, LOB%, and HR%.  Couple that with a K/9 over 8 and a BB/9 near 1 and moving him to a pitcher-happy place like the Unicorn Vomit Park, it’s hard not to like Jason’s chances for putting up at least his season average.  I’m looking to Hammel to be my SP2 in most leagues today knowing full well he has the opportunity to finish with SP1 numbers.  But enough about that, let’s talk about this: here’s my other hot takes for the Monday DK slate…

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Clayton Kershaw, SP: $10,700 – One of the few times I’m gonna talk about Kershaw on here because there’s very rarely a reason to talk about one of the most dominant pitchers in the game.  Why?  Because you don’t need me to tell you he’s good buuuuut…we’re in Coors tonight.  Given the arms around him, I see no need to touch him in cash but for your GPPs he could be cash monies.

Jacob deGrom, SP: $9,700 – I’m in between on this call.  On the one hand, the Padres have been terrible of late and vs right handed pitchers.  On the other hand, deGrom’s home/road splits being less than encouraging.  The third hand which is actually the cover of a box of Hamburger Helper, he might go underowned on a night with Gerrit and Felix on the mound.  Not my cup of tea in cash but in tourneys, I’ll take him with a splash of coke, five shots, and turn it into a Long Island.

Andrew Cashner, SP: $8,000 – Andrew should be fine for your SP2 today but has less pizazz compared to the Hammel Toe.  Why do I insist on perpetuating that?!?  Regardless, his home splits put him around 21 DK points a game.  That’s straight Cashner, homie.

Ubaldo Jimenez, SP: $6,400 – Houston just got blanked by John Danks…I mean…JOHN DANKS.  Speaking of, had plenty of Astros yesterday.  Danks for nothing, Astro-gliders!  But more to the point, Ubaldo seems to have righted the ship a bit this year but be very aware: there’s another four letter word that off-rhymes with ‘ship’ and that could very well be what Ubaldo gives you.

Ryan Vogelsong, SP: $6,100 – Strictly tourney here as Vogelsong tends to pitch well at home.  Though the Pirates bats have come alive of late, Vogelsong’s main enemy are lefty bats.  Other than Pedro Alvarez (who plays 1B/3B and is only $4,100…yes I’d play him…yes I’m hedging without even leaving Ryan’s post), I could see a quality run here for the price he’s going at.

Wilson Ramos, C: $3,500 – BvP doesn’t mean much to me…unless it’s against R.A. Dickey, you see?  Ramos is 9/13 with a double and a HR off the ‘ole knuckler.  For this reason, I’d also consider Ryan Zimmerman at his $4,100 price tag (9/29 with a HR and a double) for either 1B or 3B.

Wilin Rosario, 1B/C: $3,100 – Yes I talked about Kershaw.  I’m also not going to ignore the fact that it’s in Coors against a lefty for Rosario.  It just takes one solo shot at this price for you to take a shot yourself and think of him as Wilin Rosario Dawson.  But please don’t because that’s gross.  If you can’t tell, I’m trying to pay down at catcher today as I see no advantage to paying up.

Paul Goldschmidt, 1B: $5,300 – Goldy at home vs a lefty, you say?  I love Gooooold!  Yes, this means a thumbs up for A.J. Pollock and Mark Trumbo but I’m gonna lay out some trepidation: they’re coming off a 16+ inning game.  Yes, I’m writing this on Sunday night late enough to see pricing which means that is one long-ass game.  I could see some fatigue or some guys rested.  If AZ puts out a Quad-A lineup, I might swing the other way and be interested in Alex Wood.

Adrian Gonzalez, 1B: $5,000 – I’m not gonna talk about Coors much as I see no need.  The weather has improved and Kyle Kendrick has not.  Gimme all ya lefties, Dodgers.

Freddie Freeman, 1B: $4,300 – I really wanna stack against Archie Bradley.  But then I look at who’s actually part of that Braves lineup and I throw up a little in my mouth.  I might still have a roster like that, but I’ll have someone else put it in for me.  I’m sorry, the gag reflex is already getting to me!

Kolten Wong, 2B: $3,900 – Let me get this straight: Wong has been batting lead off for one of the better offenses in baseball and he’s sub-4K?  Something is very Wong with your algorithm, DK…

Aaron Hill, 2B/3B: $3,400 – I didn’t exactly forget about him in the Goldy blurb but more wanted to point something out and since there’s not much really to say about Hill, I felt this was the best place to do it.  Chase Field is a very hitter friendly park.  If/when a series is in Coors, I always try and see if the Dbacks are playing at home because it makes it easier to fade Coors bats if I have to without feeling like I’m missing out on potential.

Chris Davis, 1B/3B: $4,600 – Lefty on the mound, you say?  Psshaw I say cuz Crush Davis don’t care, he just crushes.  Davis is like that one Katy Perry song…hrm, I’m trying to remember said Katy Perry song.  I think it was about boobs…oh wait, Hot N Cold!  Yeah, Davis gets locked in and smashes HRs at a prodigious rate and then becomes trash for a couple of weeks.  Right now, he Crushin’ so Crush along with him.

Jhonny Peralta, SS: $4,200 – Can I just not roster an SS today?  Is that possible?  If not, Jhonny has a HR in two of his last three games and three in his last 10 overall while batting either 3rd or cleanup most of the time.  I’m more inclined to see if there’s a punt play available when lineups drop than pay up at SS today.

Ryan Braun, OF: $4,700 – Braun seems to have found that ‘magic’ that he had a couple seasons back and gets a not so intimidating lefty in Jaime Garcia.  If you aren’t using your brains and going to Colorado, you should be using your Braun.

Andre Ethier, OF: $3,800 – Only reason I’m bringing him up.  How is a lefty playing in Colorado against Kyle Kendrick not priced over $4K?  Now watch Don Mattingly be a Donkey and start SVS over him…

Steve Pearce, 1B/OF: $3,800 – He’s burned me many a time and he’ll probably do it again but we got ourselves a sub-par lefty on the mound for Steve to Pearce my heart again.  Like Johnny Cochran said, if the splits fit, you can’t make him sit.

I’m Only Happy When It Rains

Oh the weather outside if frightful…we have a couple ofpotentially wet games on the slate tonight with BOSvsMIN seeming like a guaranteed rainout at the moment and WASvsTOR seeing over 50% chance of rain and threats of thunderstorms in the area.

Doing Lines In Vegas

Your lowest o/u will be up in in the Pacific Northwest with The King vs Pineda at 6.  It’s important to note that Vegas hasn’t handed this game to Felix, giving him only a -143 line, making Pineda an interesting choice for tourneys.  Either way, better have a darn good reason to start a bat up there.  Vegas seems to have changed its mind a bit from opening line to now as four games have lost half a run while two have gained.  The game that lost a half that intrigues me is LAAvsTB.  Seeing the score drop and the line of -160 puts me more in line to consider Garrett Richards than I had previously.  It looks like Vegas also recognizes that Chase Field could be a mini-Coors as well, bumping the O/U to 8.5 (a half run lower than the Colorado game).  That Atlanta stack is becoming more and more a reality for me.  Someone please get me some saltines and 7-Up…