Now, before you grammar police start kicking down my door, just slow down. This English Major knows what he’s doing. That little title up there is what we call intentional, or better yet, a play on words.

Creeper of the Week? How about ‘Ashamed of the Past Three Years and Source of Rage for Fantasy Owners and Atlanta Fans Alike?’ Too long? Too accurate? No, that’s a pretty accurate banner. As a Braves fan I really do feel like I’m channeling my inner-J-FOH. And if you’re still struggling to identify the culprit of said rage, the following interaction with a friend of mine reveals the answer in the most eloquent way possible:

Melvin. Melvin, not good enough for a B.J., Upton. Oh, wait…Jr. There we go. Melvin Upton Jr.

Pause. Inhale. Pause. Exhale. Repeat. (Yeah, you, like me, may need a few of these for this one)

But now we change the tone, because, if you look close enough, the clusterf@ck that was Melvin Upton’s Atlanta tenure seems to be unclustering itself.

• Melvin Upton, Jr., OF (2.8%) – Don’t all rush at once to the waiver wire (or just close the tab quite yet). He’s clearly available in basically every league, but maybe this paragraph will nudge you to examine your current OF status and see if a flier is in store. Upton’s slash so far this year is .293/.341/.463. So, no way in hell he keeps the AVG up, but the other two aren’t that far fetched. Last season in San Diego he slashed .259/.327/.429 through 228 at bats. Small sample, but a drastic improvement over his porous time in Atlanta. Now let me pose two further questions to you: 1) Could we be seeing a changed Melvin Upton? and 2) Do you think he just all of a sudden, at 28, forget how to play baseball? Let me give you the answer key: 1) Yes. 2) No.
  • A career 18% Line Drive hitter, Upton moved that up to 24.3% in 2015, while maintaining a similar Hard Hit % but pulling the ball more. BB% the same, K% steady and sucky, wOBA right on par with his Rays years (.326). That’s a lot of saberhagenmetrics, so let me simplify it…
  • He never forgot how to run. In Atlanta, he just forgot how to get on base so that he could run. He produced 32 SB in those dismal ATL years, and averaged nearly 40 the five years prior in Tampa. He sports a .171 ISO thus far, the same number as 2015, and just a shade under his best years as a Ray.

  The former 2nd overall pick will not live up to the mammoth contract he’s about to finish out, but he’s proving he’s still worthy of a spot in the MLB, and, arguably, a spot on your fantasy squad. I believe he accumulates 500 ABs this season, too. Jabari Blash can maysh (add a little redneck swag to that word) with the best of ’em and should vie for time in the Padres outfield, but Matt Kemp’s no ironman, and Jon Jay isn’t close to as talented as B.J. Melvin. His brother leaving town does nothing but relieve his pressure, freeing him up to play the game he was so damn good at for so many years. Get him now before that owned % keeps creeping higher.

  Now onto the real hitters…

  The Top 100 Hitters

  Rank	Name	Pos	Team	Trend
  1	Mike Trout	OF	LAA
  2	Bryce Harper	OF	WAS
  3	Paul Goldschmidt	1B	ARI
  4	Carlos Correa	SS	HOU
  5	Anthony Rizzo	1B	CHC
  6	Josh Donaldson	3B	TOR
  7	Nolan Arenado	3B	COL
  8	Manny Machado	3B	BAL
  9	Andrew McCutchen	OF	PIT
  10	Giancarlo Stanton	OF	MIA
  11	Edwin Encarnacion	1B	TOR
  12	Kris Bryant	3B	CHC
  13	Jose Bautista	OF	TOR
  14	Jose Altuve	2B	HOU
  15	Mookie Betts	OF	BOS
  16	Miguel Cabrera	1B	DET
  17	George Springer	OF	HOU
  18	Chris Davis	1B	BAL
  19	Nelson Cruz	OF	SEA
  20	J.D. Martinez	OF	DET
  21	Starling Marte	OF	PIT
  22	Jose Abreu	1B	CWS	UP
  23	Justin Upton	OF	DET
  24	Buster Posey	C	SF
  25	Charlie Blackmon	OF	COL	DOWN
  26	Jason Heyward	OF	CHC
  27	David Ortiz	DH	BOS
  28	Joey Votto	1B	CIN
  29	Todd Frazier	3B	CWS
  30	Ryan Braun	OF	MIL
  31	Robinson Cano	2B	SEA	DOWN
  32	Dee Gordon	2B	MIA
  33	Yasiel Puig	OF	LAD
  34	Gregory Polanco	OF	PIT
  35	Lorenzo Cain	OF	KC
  36	Adam Jones	OF	BAL
  37	Carlos Gonzalez	OF	COL	UP
  38	Albert Pujols	1B	LAA
  39	Adrian Gonzalez	1B	LAD
  40	Xander Bogaerts	SS	BOS
  41	Carlos Gomez	OF	HOU
  42	Troy Tulowitzki	SS	TOR
  43	Yoenis Cespedes	OF	NYM
  44	Miguel Sano	DH	MIN	DOWN
  45	Brian Dozier	2B	MIN
  46	Matt Carpenter	3B	STL
  47	Freddie Freeman	1B	ATL
  48	Prince Fielder	DH	TEX
  49	Ian Kinsler	2B	DET
  50	Eric Hosmer	1B	KC
  51	Adrian Beltre	3B	TEX
  52	Brandon Belt	1B	SF
  53	Francisco Lindor	SS	CLE
  54	Maikel Franco	3B	PHI
  55	Jason Kipnis	2B	CLE
  56	Kyle Seager	3B	SEA
  57	Corey Seager	SS	LAD
  58	David Peralta	OF	ARI
  59	Adam Eaton	OF	CWS
  60	Matt Kemp	OF	SD	DOWN
  61	Hanley Ramirez	OF	BOS
  62	Christian Yelich	OF	MIA
  63	Stephen Piscotty	OF	STL
  64	Evan Longoria	3B	TB
  65	Joc Pederson	OF	LAD
  66	Anthony Rendon	2B	WAS	DOWN
  67	Hunter Pence	OF	SF
  68	Brian McCann	C	NYY
  69	Dexter Fowler	OF	CHC	UP
  70	Gerardo Parra	OF	COL
  71	DJ LeMahieu	2B	COL	UP
  72	Kendrys Morales	DH	KC
  73	Corey Dickerson	OF	TB
  74	Trevor Story	SS	COL	DOWN
  75	Tyler White	3B	HOU	UP
  76	Steven Souza, Jr.	OF	TB
  77	Carlos Santana	1B	CLE
  78	Brett Gardner	OF	NYY	DOWN
  79	Delino Deshields, Jr.	OF	TEX
  80	Starlin Castro	SS	NYY
  81	Mark Trumbo	OF	BAL	UP
  82	Colby Rasmus	OF	HOU
  83	Mark Teixeira	1B	NYY
  84	Jonathan Lucroy	C	MIL
  85	Kole Calhoun	OF	LAA
  86	Daniel Murphy	2B/3B	WAS	UP
  87	Shin-Soo Choo	OF	TEX
  88	Jacoby Ellsbury	OF	NYY
  89	Ian Desmond	SS	TEX
  90	Travis Shaw	3B	BOS
  91	Brandon Crawford	SS	SF
  92	Jean Segura	SS	ARI	UP
  93	Ben Zobrist	OF	CHC
  94	Jeremy Hazelbaker	OF	STL	UP
  95	Nomar Mazara	OF	TEX	UP
  96	Jay Bruce	OF	CIN
  97	Eugenio Suarez	SS	CIN
  98	Lucas Duda	1B	NYM	DOWN
  99	Rougned Odor	2B	TEX	UP
  100	Melvin Upton, Jr.	OF	SD	UP

  • It’s obviously early in the year. STILL. I wouldn’t go making drastic moves quite yet, but a few new additions to the Top 100 are worth looking at in place of a struggling player that you drafted. As expected, the MI pool thins out from last week as the new power hitters creep in. Not a lot of changes at the top, or even the middle, but look for guys like Jeremy Hazelbaker (most added hitter in ESPN leagues), Nomar Mazara and the aforementioned elder Upton to bring some immediate value to your lineup, if needed.
  • We’ll soon bring guys like Michael Brantley and Jung-ho Kang back into the fold, which will only make it tougher on underachieving fringe players like Mike Moustakas, Brandon Phillips, Kolten Wong and Mike Napoli.
  • Angel Pagan fully deserves to be in here, but I’m so scared to pick him up for the fear I’ll have to drop him later in the week. There a few things he does so well: get hits, score runs, land on the DL. For as red hot as he’s been, he’s gonna have to force me to pick him up and place him in the top 100. Which he probably will in Week 4.

  Drop those comments!