What’s that smell, you ask? Is Latch-Key Kid burning the cookies at Razzball HQ? Did B-Don leave the toaster oven on again? Not quite, it’s the smell of taeks so hot they could melt a hole through your ergonomic desk. It’s bold prediction SZN, and we here at Razzball are getting in on the action. For an example of hawt our taeks are, let’s take a trip back in time to March 26th, 2025. Yikes. Crochet was excellent, Devers and Freeman were definitely top 15, Roden and Bailey Ober were awful. Someone NAILED a PCA prediction though! Steven Kwan also wasn’t too far off. Not all bad.
What awful takes do we have in store for this season? We can only imagine. Just like last season, I’ve provided my own feedback and ranked these takes from luke-warmest to the hottest of fire. The further you scroll, the hotter the take, until the takes turn into the hottest thing known to humankind. Last year, I ranked these using spicy fast food options, and the comments were concerned for my digestive system. This season, we’re taking a more natural approach to the heat scale. Happy Opening Week!
B_don: Mookie Betts is the least valuable starting outfielder for the Dodgers on the player rater. Brenton Doyle finishes higher on the player rater than Roman Anthony. Because I need a deeply flawed player to believe in every season…Oneil Cruz finishes as a top 20 player this year.
We have hotter Mookie takes later on, Roman Anthony could definitely bust, and Oneil Cruz, while flawed, is an enormous talent, and I like the call. This take is one Carolina Reaper, hot, but manageable.
Mike Couillard: Carter Jensen cracks 30 homers. Maybe picking a rookie that managed to hit 23 roundtrippers 131 games across three levels in 2025 to add just seven more isn’t bold, but did you even know he had that many until I mentioned it? Jensen’s Savant pages – both Baseball and Prospect – are dripping in red. If you love Kyle Schwarber, Ben Rice, and Dominic Canzone, you should also dig Jensen. He swings the bat hard and makes sufficient contact, in all the right ways. Between splitting backstop and DH duties with Salvador Perez, there should be plenty of runway for Jensen to accumulate 500-plus plate appearances in KC.
I like it, and have nabbed Jensen late in a few leagues. I knew Couli was high on him and expected him to draft him in Perts, but he let him fall to me. Shameful. I’ll give this one hour in Death Valley hot.
MattTruss: I already called Murakami leading MLB in HRs and Justin Crawford leading in steals in the staff picks, so I’ll dig a little deeper here. Alec Burleson is a top 10 outfielder, and Ryan Weathers is a top 10 pitcher on the player rater.
A twofer, what an overachiever! Burleson could get there pretty easy, but Weathers will never stay healthy enough for a top 10 season, right? Right. We’re at a two-hour visit to the Lut Desert level of heat.
JKJ: It’s time for my closer hot take of the year. In the past, it was my boy Tyler Kinley making me look like I didn’t know one single thing about RP. I stand by his skillset; he just didn’t have the opportunity I expected. And with the Rockies, I should’ve expected it. This year, it’s my new boy…Justin Sterner. Started very strong in 2025, then hit a rough patch in late May/early June. Got sent to the minors for tweaking, and it worked. Down the stretch, in which the A’s went 24-6 in games he pitched, Sterner rocked a 40:7 K:BB over his final 37.2 IP. The high-leverage usage only increased as the year went on (5 HLD and an unlucky BS in September). He’s bound to pull ahead of the other names in that pen. I’m ready for 25 SV and something like a 3.25 ERA and 1.05 WHIP.
Predicting the A’s to have 25 savable games is hot enough, but predicting someone in this bullpen to be fantasy relevant? That’s crumby with crackers. This take is hot as the surface of Venus, a nice 860 degrees F.
MarmosDad: Jesus Sanchez becomes the first Astro-to-Blue Jay outfielder since Teoscar Hernandez to tap into the Blue Jays’ magic fountain of hitting and sets career highs in HR, RBI, R, SB, and AVG with 25 HR, 75 RBI, 70 R, 18 SB, and a .265 AVG. I tried to justify Jesus Sanchez as the most valuable fantasy hitter, but I chickened out. A bold prediction, though? Let’s dreamcast on that one. Blue Jays hitting coach, David Popkins, isn’t exactly a household name, but he’s known up in these parts as the man with the plan that worked. Popkins was named as Baseball America’s 2025 MLB coach of the year for leading the Jays to a Top 5 finish in runs, OPS, and wRC+. If he can unlock the Dominican Deity’s potential, there will be a lot more northern fans praising Jesus this summer.
What a homer. I give this the temperature of the hydrothermal vent at Two Boats, a balmy 464 C, for our friends to the north.
Joey Bart: Aaron Nola receives Cy Young votes. It feels like everyone is forgetting about how good Nola has been in the past. His 6.01 ERA is a good reason for people to fade him, but we’re talking about a guy who’s received Cy Young votes four times over the previous seven seasons. He also had a 3.64 ERA, 1.11 WHIP, and 10.0 K/9 rate during that span.
Wow, Aaron Nola, huh? Like…THE Aaron Nola? My flabber is gasted. This take is exoplanet, KELT-9b hot, around 7,200 F.
Kelder: The Cy Young won’t be Skenes and Skubal. In fact, two new arms will win this award. Cade Horton had fixed his strikeout rate issues by the end of 2025 and is a hyper-efficient hurler. Trey Yesavage is “hurt” to start the year, but that’s just innings management. Here are your pocket aces after pick 100.
Woof. Speaking of homers. I really hope I eat these words on Yesavage, since I drafted him everywhere before the injury, but a Cy Young from the kid would be astronomically insane. I hope Kelder put some cash on this pick. Here we have an Eta Carinae take, a nice 72,000 F.
Grey: Just gonna rattle some off and I’ll let you pick up what I’m putting down, i.e., maybe I get one right out of five: Zack Wheeler isn’t a top 200 player overall on the Player Rater at end of year; Willi Castro is more valuable than Mookie Betts; Tommy Pham gets signed after season begins, then, in his 1st at-bat, he calls for a strike zone review, robot ump says he’s wrong, and Tommy stabs the robot ump; Jac Caglianone and Vinnie Pasquantino are both top 30 players and the Royals’ new fences play a major part; Brent Rooker gets top three MVP votes and has a top ten season overall for fantasy.
If Willi Castro is more valuable than Mookie Betts, Mike C is going to win a lot of leagues. That’s crazy speak. Top 30 for Cags and Vinnie P is also extremely high. Honestly, the most likely scenario is the Tommy Pham prediction. This is Large Hadron Collider hot, where the highest temperature ever recorded was 9.9 trillion degrees F. Toasty.
There you have it, all our boldest predictions! Be sure to drop your own in the comments below and enjoy watching them crash and burn.
