Trade rumors are starting to brew as we get deeper into the season, so do yourself a favor and trade your closers on losing clubs right now. Richard Rodriguez? Kendall Graveman? Get whatever you can before the blurbs start to absolutely bury their trade value. You could still get a top-100 bat for one of those guys. With Twitter and mlbtraderumors.com, your league-mates might be too savvy to figure it out, but send those offers out now before you’re holding a ticking time bomb who you are praying ends up on a team that needs a closer. In the world of fantasy, it’s the equivalent of knowing that a corpse is about to turn into a zombie in the background of a scene in any zombie movie. You are the hero in the foreground and in focus. Behind you, a fuzzy, out of focus shape slowly staggers up. Slay that zombie, especially if he’s played by Josh Gad! On to the blurbs!
A Blurbstomp Reminder
We will analyze player blurbs from a given evening, knowing that 1-2 writers are usually responsible for all the player write ups posted within an hour of the game results. We will look at:
- Flowery Diction – how sites juice up descriptions of player performance
- Q and Q – when a site contradicts a player valuation on back-to-back blurbs
- Hex Enduction Power – where a blurb can make an injury much, much worse
- Stephen A. Smith IMG_4346.jpeg Award – Given to the player blurb that promises the most and delivers the least.
The hope is that by season’s end, we’ll all feel more confident about our player evaluations when it comes to the waiver wire. We will read blurbs and not be swayed by excessive superlatives, faulty injury reporting, and micro-hype. I will know that I have done my job when Grey posts, and there isn’t a single question about catchers that he did not address in his post. Onward to Roto Wokeness!
Flowery Diction
Gleyber Torres is not in the Yankees’ starting lineup Thursday versus the Royals.
Torres got it going a bit earlier this month but is now 2-for-35 (.057) with 15 strikeouts over his last 10 games. Tyler Wade will draw the start at shortstop and bat ninth in the matinee tilt against Kansas City.
Source: Rotoedgeworld.com
I see something like this and wonder where the flowery language has gone? That Javy Baez “abysmal performance” blurb, which then cited his tremendous statistical output as if it were terrible? Where is that language? To remind both readers and non-readers:
Baez: 12/6/17/5/.233 in the first 19 games of 2021 (abysmal)
Torres: 22/3/23/4/.246 over the 64 games of 2021 (got it going a bit but is now 2-for-35)
After reading over more of Baez’s blurbs, it seems ole Rotoworld has a thing for Javy Baez’s strike out issues, which, fine. He does strike out too much. BUTTE, Baez is the 10th ranked SS on the Player Rater 2021 Season-to-Date tracker, and Torres is…36th. If you’re going to whip out some high school spelling bee adjectives regarding player performance, it should be equal opportunity. I want equity in my blurb descriptions, otherwise you’re using hyperbole to color fantasy baseballer’s (Grey’s mom’s term) perceptions of players using only subjectivity. I should have used that blurb to buy Baez low, but none of my leaguemates were stupid enough. Go figure.
Q and Q
Brewers designated OF Derek Fisher for assignment.
Fisher went 2-for-8 during his short stay on Milwaukee’s active roster. The 27-year-old former supplemental first-round pick of the Astros is now a career .195/.285/.378 hitter in 172n total major league games.
Source: Rotoedgesportsworld.com
I’m again disappointed that there aren’t more ridiculous descriptive words in this blurb. I thought Fisher was something of a prospect, and that he’s been a bit of a bust in context to his yearly draft-day hype? That being said, when Edward Olivares was sent back down by the Royals, he was labeled a disappointment in his blurb, which cited a triple-slash of statistics accrued in less than 200 at bats, not 170+ games games. Maybe this is a case of editorial finally convincing writers to not be so cruel when players are struggling IRL? Maybe there’s a certain type of player that blurbists have a blind spot for, while Olivares and Javy Baez are given performance descriptors like “abysmal.”
Here we have a guy that fantasy sites touted as a possible cheap speed sleeper for a few years who failed or eventually failed the “Must Reach 1B to Steal” test. This is a list of players I was able to think of off the top of my head while my dad stared at me while I was writing (we’re in upstate NY for a little while so I can get some quiet time to write while my little one dominates the grandparents):
Jarrod Dyson
Mallex Smith
Dee Gordon-Strange
Myles Straw
Travis Jankowski
I’ll have to do a bit of a dive to see if there’s any correlation between the player and how they’re blurbed. Who will be labeled a Draft Day Bust? How about Perennial Fantasy Tease? Or my personal favorite, Guy Who Just Can’t Hit But Gets Points For Trying.
Hex Enduction Power
Springer not in the starting lineup Thursday vs. O’s
This appears to just be a maintenance thing, as Springer has dealt with severe oblique and quad injuries this year and was just activated off the injured list on Tuesday. Randal Grichuk gets the start in center and is hitting fifth against Dean Kremer and the Orioles.
Source: Rotoedgeworldsports.com
If this sounds super familiar, it’s because every blurb site wrote very similar reassurances after Springer missed the first game after coming off the IL last time, only to go right back on the IL. I really don’t want this to be true. He’s killing me in a head to head league. Let’s all agree that it’s not happening, and nod our heads in unison. Even if someone is asking you a question that should absolutely shake your head and say no. We’re all nodding. If it leads to malfeasance, that is the toll we pay to keep Springer a baseball boy. I feel a bit bad about any murder or general pain we cause, don’t get me wrong. I just know the power of positive collective thinking. Keep nodding. You’ll receive a text with a venmo number soon. Save the contact information and set up monthly payments so I can fund my life of writing words. Keep nodding. Good. Good.
Stephen A. Smith IMG_4346.jpeg Award
Gary Sanchez belted his 13th home run of the season on Thursday afternoon against the Royals.
It was a sixth-inning three-run shot off Royals reliever Anthony Swarzak. Sanchez also singled and scored in the first inning, finishing the day 2-for-5 with three RBI and two runs scored. The power-hitting catcher has been on a heater here in June and may be the favorite for American League Player of the Month honors.
Source: Rotoedgeworldsports.com
I’m all for Gary Sanchez going on a heater, mostly because my mom is a life-long Yankees fan who absolutely hates Gary Sanchez. Trolling my mom is fun. However, American League Player of the Month? On Yahoo alone, for the past 30 days, he’s ranked 69th (nice) overall. Maybe all 68 players ranked above him are in the National League? Let me see here…Jonathan Schoop is the top ranked hitter?!? What the H is this world we’re living in? If that dude doesn’t get Player of the Month while also playing on the Tigers and hitting…almost .400? Well, I’ll be annoyed, maybe I’ll even hem and haw on Twitter. Just kidding. I save Twitter for getting irrationally angry about people’s opinions, then deleting most of my replies and creating no original content of my own. Anyway, this blurb was as wrong as I was about holding Nick Solak. I can think of 10 players in the American League off the top of my head who would be the favorite. Gary Sanchez, despite how much it would piss off my mother, is not the favorite for American League Player of the Month unless he hits at Kyle Shwarber levels for the next week. Shwarber doesn’t even think he’ll hit at Shwarber levels next week. Whoops. I did the thing where the word Shwarber doesn’t mean anything anymore. Time to think of his exact opposite. Skinny, defense first, scrappy, hates fun. Mike Matheny.
That’s all for this week, folks. I’ll still be in upstate New York next week, so let me know if you need any chicken riggies, Saranac pale ales, or salt potatoes. I’ll be in the land of triangular pizzas, free from the disgusting reign of “party cut” midwestern pies. A circle should never become a square, people. It’s sacrilege. Two things that Chicago needs: More hills, and triangular pizza everyone. There should not be a single establishment that serves pizza cut into squares or rectangles. It disgusts me. I’m disgusted! Have a good week!
