Fantasy Baseball Advice

Last week we went over the fantasy baseball busts of 2008 and yesterday we went over 20 best draft picks for the hitters in 2008. Today, we go over the best value for their 2008 draft picks — the pitchers. The top 20 best draft picks of 2008 were figured out the same way I figured out the busts, using Rudy “Point Shares” Gamble’s fantasy baseball player rater. You’re not going to see someone such as Brandon Webb on this list, because he was drafted high and supposed to perform well. The players on this list are late round gold nuggets found between the turd nuggets. In each entry, I put the Average Draft Position (ADP) and the Minutes of Erection (MOE) metric, which I made up to illustrate how much you enjoyed owning these fantasy baseball pitchers. Anyway, here’s the 20 best draft picks of 2008, the pitchers:

20. Joe Saunders - If owning Saunders caused you to have an erection that lasted longer than forty-five seconds, you should see a doctor. ADP, 330 — MOE, 0:45

19. John Danks - Danks turned out to be a solid contributor for the back end of a fantasy staff. *laughing a la Beavis and Butthead* I said, “staff.” ADP, Undrafted — MOE, 2:57

18. Grant Balfour - I don’t want to focus too long on the math of this because that’s Rudy’s job, but, according to Point Shares, Grant Balfour gave you .47 points in the standings. To compare, Carlos Marmol, Kazmir and Jenks are a few guys who had good seasons, but gave you less value. ADP, Undrafted — MOE, 4:01

17. Jon Lester - Lester’s season was so good it forced Lance Armstrong back out of retirement. Nobody steals Lance’s cancer-surviving thunder! ADP, 274 — MOE, 6:30

16. Derek Lowe - Turned in a solid year in a contract* year. *For Dodgers, contract refers to what STD you catch from Alyssa Milano. ADP, 182 — MOE, 7:42

15. Brad Lidge - I hope he breaks Gagne’s record of consecutive saves. That’s not a joke or sarcasm. I really do. These are the things I care about. ADP, 167 — MOE, 10:27

14. Justin Duchscherer - Too bad he’s sporting a porcelain hip. ADP, 331 — MOE, 14:59

13. Kerry Wood - At the draft, you said to your friend, who’s a Cubbies fan, “You may as well put Wood directly on your DL now.” Who’s laughing now, dooode? ADP, 312– MOE, 22:00

12. Edinson Volquez - Mock Draft Central says Volquez went undrafted in 2008, but like Cueto the other day on our bust list, Edinson was drafted in all of my leagues. I told you to draft him about a dozen times in the preseason. ADP, Undrafted — MOE, 27:03

11. Mike Mussina - I didn’t pickup Mussina in any league. That’s not to say I was right, but when a 39-year-old dude declines for five years then picks it up suddenly, I don’t buy into it. ADP, 332 — MOE, 9:20

10. Joakim Soria - Is it JO-akim? JOKE-im? Why doesn’t ESPN have his last name’s pronunciation on his player card? It’s like 1776 up in this piece with no love for the Royals. ADP, 158 — MOE, 29:47

9. Ricky Nolasco - My twelve-year-old cousin texted me this, “GNBLFY, but thought U were crackaz when U told me 2 pick up Nolasco. Thx. BTW, U C RR/RW? Bananas is in trouble! L8r.” NP. ADP, Undrafted — MOE, 33:51

8. CC Sabathia - In April, it seemed like Sabathia was going to weigh down your team, then he ended up anchoring it. (<– Play on words, boyz!) ADP, 53 — MOE, 37:50

7. Mariano Rivera - I’ve mentioned this before, but I don’t think I ever got my answer. Why does every other closer generally go by his last name and Rivera goes by Mariano? Out of respect? Maybe, but people didn’t call Eck, “Dennis.” Someone post the answer in the comments. Thanks! ADP, 101 — MOE, 44:27

6. Ervin Santana - Of course there’s a Santana on this list. Ervin? Zoinks! ADP, 330 — MOE, 44:30

5. Ryan Dempster - Coming off back-to-back lackluster seasons as a closer, he’s lights out as a starter. When I say, “No rhyme…” You say, “No reason…” “No rhyme…” “No reason…” “No rhyme…” “No reason…” ADP, 331 — MOE, 44:41

4. Rich Harden - Harden gave the value of someone drafted 2nd round. Now, if you did draft him in 2nd round, the reactions at the draft would’ve been split between committing you to a psych ward and banning you from the league, but imagine the end of the year reactions. Your leaguemates would be searching your room for Biff Tanner’s sports book. (BTW, am I the only one who thinks about time travel at least once a day? I am? Okay, moving on…) ADP, 210 — MOE, 53:15

3. Roy Halladay - According to Point Shares, Halladay gave you more than a 10 point swing in the standings. So if you won with 70 points carrying Halladay, you would’ve only had 60 with the average pitcher off waivers. ADP, 98 — MOE, 59:01

2. Tim Lincecum - 265 Ks in 227 innings. Mmm…. That’s like looking at a young Suzanne Somers. (BTW, and sorry to freak you out like this, but Suzanne Somers is 62 years old. That’s a GILF.) ADP, 119 — MOE, 59:50

1. Cliff Lee - Your leaguemate, “Of course you won. You had Cliff-freakin-Lee!” Yup, that’s what Cliff Lee did to people this year. ADP, Undrafted — MOE, 59:59

On Monday I finished up the hitters recap with the 21 - 40 outfielders for 2008. That’s after going over the top 20 catchers, top 20 1st basemen, top 20 2nd basemen, top 20 shortstops, top 20 3rd basemen and the top 20 outfielders for 2008. Phew… Now exhale through your nose, Downward-Facing Dawg, and inhale as we look at the top 20 starters for 2008. As we went forty deep with the outfielders, we’re going to need to go forty deep with the starters. The hitters showed a definite lack of offense in 2008 so that must mean the top 20 starters are deep with quality choices, right? Look at the big brain on generic italicized voice. I based these rankings on the ESPN Player Rater, which I don’t fully agree with, but I want the rankings to be as neutral as possible. For a better player rater, download our fantasy baseball player rater. Anyway, here’s the top 20 Starters for 2008 in fantasy baseball and how they compared to where we originally ranked them:

1. Roy Halladay - When Borowski, Todd Jones and a host of other schmohawks missed the bowl for three months straight, Halladay’s 246 innings of a 2.78 ERA and 1.05 WHIP was just the kind of disinfectant your staff’s bathroom needed.  Preseason Rank #13, Preseason Predictions:  15-7/4.00/1.25/120, Final Numbers:  20-11/2.78/1.05/206

2. CC Sabathia - Nearly topped the list and he had an awful April. Take a look at this ‘pert roundtable. People were falling over themselves to unload Sabathia. He was shelled in the playoffs! He threw 600 trillion pitches in ‘07! He looks like a fat Dontrelle and now he’s pitching like one! Sometimes it’s best to hold tight. Preseason Rank #4, Preseason Predictions:  20-9/3.40/1.15/210, Final Numbers:  17-10/2.70/1.11/251

3. Tim Lincecum - Here’s a guy I warned everyone about in the preseason. Am I dumb or prejudiced against the non-mustachioed? Probably a bit of both, but I worried Lincecum would struggle a bit on a decimated team. A lack of offense when coupled with a very young pitcher… Anyway, he did fine. Obviously. Dur. Preseason Rank #31, Preseason Predictions:  10-7/ 3.75/1.25/170, Final Numbers:  18-5/ 2.62/1.17/265

4. Cliff Lee - You had to disregard everything you’ve ever learned in your life, including basic math, to trust Lee to rank this high. That’s why Karabell, the Forrest Gump of fantasy baseball analysts, was the only ‘pert to predict this. Somewhere in a rough, tumbleweeded neighborhood, Hater Bell shakes his fist at the gray sky. Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  22-3/2.54/1.11/170

5. Johan Santana - Didn’t it seem like he had a mediocre year? I mean it was mediocre for him with yawnstipating wins, but it’s still top five for starters. That’s not really mediocre. Actually that’s not at all mediocre. Weird how The NY Media misinterprets things, right?  Jeter might be the tenth best shortstop in the majors and you’d think he discovered a neverending box of Dunkin’ Donuts Munchkins™. While Johan throws 200+ Ks and a 2.53 ERA in 234.1 IP, and people are wondering if he’s lost it. Preseason Rank #2, Preseason Predictions:  18-9/3.10/1.06/240, Final Numbers:  16-7/2.53/1.15/206

6. Cole Hamels - Hamels was my preseason Cy Young pick; he might have had a chance with some more run support. He finished with the second best WHIP amongst Major League starters, top ten for ERA and 66th in run support. For some runs next year, maybe he can brushback his opponents and hope they do the same to Victorino. Preseason Rank #7, Preseason Predictions:  20-7/3.20/1.10/210, Final Numbers:  14-10/3.09/1.08/196

7. Brandon Webb - Another stellar year for Webb as he led the NL in Wins. Though Webb does go through long stretches where he’s nearly unusable. In fact, if you throw out April and July, Webb had a 3.86 ERA in ‘08. That’s right; Webb’s “blah” with makeup on it, otherwise known as “pretty blah.” Preseason Rank #3, Preseason Predictions:  19-7/3.10/1.20/190, Final Numbers:  22-7/3.30/1.20/183

8. Ervin Santana - Going into the 2008, Ervin was homeschooling for the better part of two years while making Wandy Rodriguez seem like a Road Scholar. Then 2008 came and Ervin myth busted his way to solid Home/Away Splits. Now if he can figure out what the deal is with Mentos and Diet Coke. Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  16-7/3.49/1.12/214

9. Dan Haren - Post All-Star break numbers were once again, “Win a Date With a Tad Mediocre.”  Preseason Rank #8, Preseason Predictions:  17-9/3.60/1.20/210, Final Numbers:  16-8/3.33/1.13/206

10. Ryan Dempster - What ESPN said in February, “Dempster has little value as a starter…” What I said to ESPN, “Stop sending me your stupid magazine. I don’t read it.” What ESPN said, “It’s free.” What I said, “I still don’t want it and why are you calling me at 6 o’clock in the morning on a Saturday?” What ESPN said, “To tell you about ESPN Total Access Rewards!” What I said, “I don’t want ESPN Total Access Rewards.” What ESPN said, “In order to get the free magazine, you have to sign up for ESPN Total Access Rewards.” I said, “I hate you.” Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  17-6/2.96/1.21/187

11. Rich Harden - “They call me, Mr. Glass” ended up staying healthy and putting together a solid year. Just remember, he had a healthy year this year and still only pitched 148 innings. Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  10-2/2.07/1.06/181

12. Ricky Nolasco - In 95.2 Post-All-Star break innings, Nolasco struckout 98 against 12 walks. I’ll put it another way. Nolasco walked twelve batters in fourteen games. Here’s that same information with numerals instead of words and exclamation points. Nolasco only walked 12 guys in 14 games!!!  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  15-8/3.52/1.10/186

13. Mike Mussina - 1 ACROSS, Yankees Pitcher falls just short of 300 wins and won’t make the Hall of Fame. (FYI, Tommy John doesn’t fit.)  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  20-9/3.37/1.22/150

14. Derek Lowe - In 2007 and 2008, Lowe struckout 147 and gave up 194 hits both years. Elias Sports Bureau said this is the first time in history a pitcher has given up exactly the same amount of hits and struckout the same amount two years in a row. Okay, they didn’t say that, but it sounds like something they would say. Here’s some more things Elias could’ve said around their office last week, “For the first time since July, Ralph in Human Resources tried to fool Parking Enforcement with a homemade handicapped sign.” “For the third time in less than a week, our CEO called Jayson Stark a ‘pain in the ass,’” and “For the first and last time, John in Accounting ate Mexican for lunch.” Preseason Rank #33, Preseason Predictions:  15-7/3.90/1.30/140, Final Numbers:  14-11/3.24/1.13/147

15. Roy Oswalt - Grey’s 12-year-old cousin texted this in, “Chillax about Oswalt’s year end numbers lQQking like he continued his eversoslight steps backwards. In the 2nd half, he was DOMINANT. l8r…” Preseason Rank #10, Preseason Predictions:  15-7/3.60/1.22/150, Final Numbers:  17-10/3.54/1.18/165

16. Ben Sheets - Somehow he went the whole season without pulling a Kotchman. Matter of fact, Kotchman went the whole season without pulling a Kotchman. Luckily, Furcal picked up the “Pulling a Kotchman” slack. Preseason Rank #32, Preseason Predictions:  60-Day DL, Final Numbers:  13-9/3.09I/1.15/158

17. Edinson Volquez - I told you to pick Volquez up on March 18th so you were forewarned. But I didn’t have the foreskin to predict quite how well he would perform. Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  17-6/3.21/1.33/206

18. James Shields - The credo goes, third year starters (aka starters with 40 - 70 starts of Major League experience) are most likely to breakout. As far as credos go, that’s as good as any. I love Shields because he made good on the credo.  Preseason Rank #18, Preseason Predictions:  14-6/3.75/1.10/185, Final Numbers:  14-8/3.56/1.15/160

19. Chad Billingsley - See Shields, James or one quarter of an inch above. I like Billingsley even more going forward, but there will be plenty of time in the offseason for me to extol (<–15th Century Word of the Day!). Preseason Rank #36, Preseason Predictions:  16-7/3.20/1.30/190, Final Numbers:  16-10/3.14/1.34/201

20. Daisuke Matsuzaka - In the spirit of globalization, I had my Dice-K comments translated into Japanese then translated back to English for our Razzball readers. Here’s what I was left with, “Dice-K’s outlying numbers warned of impending tsunami. Luckily Red Sox bring Hello Kitty toaster and make bread of opponents.  Sayonara.” Preseason Rank #23, Preseason Predictions:  17-7/4.00/1.25/200, Final Numbers:  18-3/2.90/1.32/154

The Mets are like the seasons. When summer turns into late September, you can count on there being a fall. The “heroes” change every year. Last September, Reyes disappointed. The year before, Beltran took a Wainwright curve ball that had more of the plate than the pitchfork that Prince Fielder uses for dinner. This year, Reyes and Beltran finish strong, but the bullpen is “led” by Luis Ayala. Lucky for the Mets, they really don’t have enough prospects for Minaya to pull off a vaginal punch of a trade like Grady Sizemore/Cliff Lee/Brandon Phillips for Bartolo Colon. Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

CC Sabathia - Winner of the ‘rented mule’ award for the 2nd straight year.  Pitching on 3 days rest for the 3rd start in a row, he went 120+ pitches on Sunday to pitch the Brewers to the playoffs.  Hopefully this rented mule doesn’t get beaten in the playoffs like last year.

Any Hitters or Pitchers on the Tigers, White Sox and Twins - Yahoo doesn’t count tomorrow’s games. This is a travesty in roto. Tomorrow’s games are part of the season. If the White Sox win, the one day playoff on Tuesday between the Twins and White Sox are also a part of the season. This is just lazy on Yahoo’s part. Everyone is aware that ESPN is completely free, right? As for tomorrow, pickup anyone that could help you. If you’re unable to be caught in ERA and WHIP, grab middle relievers for the chance for a vulture win. If you’re fine in average, grab any hitter that could possibly contribute.

Ryan Ludwick - Finishes the year with .299/37/112.  Just as we predicted…for, um, Manny Ramirez.  Remember those hitting stats next time someone says “Hitters are much more predictable than pitchers.”

Freddy Garcia - Pitching Monday and likely will pitch the White Sox into the playoffs for the 2nd time in his career.  Unfortunately, he’s not on the White Sox this year.

Josh Outman - Loses for the A’s ending up 1-2 in a yawnstipating 4 start audition for the A’s this September.  His last name is fitting just not in the way he’d like.  He’s not “The Outman,” he’s just likely gonna be told “Out, man!” when he competes for the A’s rotation next spring.

Randy Johnson - After a year or two of impotence, the Big Unit is back in thrust mode.  A complete game win against the Rockies gives him a winning record for the year (11-10) and an impressive # of starts (30), IP (184) and K/BB (173/45).  With 295 career wins, he’ll likely be returning for another season.  Jamie Moyer will be doing the same as he’s only 54 wins away from 300… *rechecks player profile* Oh, wait, is that 54 years old?

Mike Mussina - Finally got to 20 wins, but he was unable to finish the Sunday New York Times crossword puzzle.  Luckily, Rivera was there to finish up the puzzle.

NL Cy Young - Webb has the 22 wins, Lincecum has the 265Ks, Santana has the best ERA and WHIP.  Our pre-season picks of Peavy and Hamels aren’t looking so good… (But don’t forget Grey told you to pickup Nady on the 4th day of the season. Nady!)

Vernon Wells - 2 HRs. Doesn’t his name sound like a city in upstate New York? *old-timey voice* When I was a kid in Vernon Wells, New York, we didn’t have fantasy baseball. We had baseball. And we had fantasy. If you combined fantasy and baseball, you were gay.

Someone who’s friends with Dr. James Andrews just sent him this email, “Yo, Grisly Andrews, quick question. Am I holding onto Hudson or should I pick up Campillo? Also, love to have you over again for dinner, but Mary says you can’t reconfigure a chicken from the bones and scraps. It freaks out the kids. Peace!” Let’s see, so far this year, Dr. James Andrews has seen Hafner, Marcum, McGowan, Estelle Getty, Mulder, Austin Kearns, Freddy Sanchez and now Tim Hudson. That is a Dean’s List of broken dreams and unfilled promises.  As we move into August, you have to make hard and fast decisions and go with the hot hands. So, with that in mind, I’ve already dropped Hudson. His injury sounds like it might need surgery. Even if it doesn’t, an arm injury on a guy who’s playing for a team that decided to pack it in sometime on Monday is not a good thing. In deeper leagues, I probably won’t wait longer than a few days to cut ties with Hudson. It was a good run while he was out there and it’s not goodbye, it’s see you maybe next year. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jorge Posada - Done for the year. You can go ahead and back date this to April.

Michael Young - Fractured his finger, but vows to be back in a week. I believe it. This guy is so set on getting 200 hits every year I could see him not wanting to score a winning run in an extra innings game just so he might get another at-bat and a chance at another hit. Let’s hope Young never gets to 3000 hits, because if you thought Wade Boggs’s induction into the Hall of Fame was boring, you’ve seen nothing. At least Wade’s speech had the “Is he going to mention Margo Adams?” factor and the “Is he going to start eating chicken?”

John Maine - Shoulder tightness forced him out of the game. In ten team leagues, he’s the next guy I cut. I’m looking at Ubaldo, Meche, Randy and Wandy. (BTW, Wandy should pronounce his name like it rhymes with Randy. Cuz that would be awesome, possum.)

Salomon Torres - Kazaam!

Casey Kotchman - HR yesterday, now 3 HRs in a week. And that’s one home run for every mention of him I’ve done in the past week. That’s my quota. He’s now off my list and I won’t mention him again.

Ian Snell - 7 IP, 4 ER and got the win. This was his second win since April 12th. Wow, what a razztastic season.

Jeremy Guthrie - 6.1 IP, 1 ER, 4 Ks and the win. This performance bought him a two week reprieve on all of my teams. (Maine and Hudson’s injuries didn’t hurt either. I mean, they did hurt, so that aided in Guthrie’s reprieve… Oh, forget it.)

Mike Mussina - 5 IP, 6 ER. Currently reading The Corrections.

Kevin Slowey - Shutout, 6 hitter, 5 Ks. Great start, but I’m not looking at grabbing him in any league. Am I as smart as a 5th grader? You decide.

Alex Gordon - 3-for-4 with a HR. Also the HR was his first against a lefty all year (so of course it came on the bench in the few leagues where I still have him. Sonavabench!). To call Gordon a disappointment up until this point, would be like calling the Astros’ Randy Wolf trade questionable.

Adrian Beltre - 2 HRs. As I mentioned to my Nana and Popsie, Beltre is good in the 2nd half of the year even when he’s not good in the 1st half.

Zach Greinke - 7.1 IP, 2 ER, 11 Ks and the win. I’d point out how I traded Melky to Rudy for Greinke three months ago, but Rudy’s 21.5 points behind me at this point so it would be cruel to point out anything to do with his team. I probably shouldn’t even be mentioning that he’s 21.5 points behind me. I definitely will not be mentioning that I’m also beating him in our Razzball league. By a lot.

Adam Jones - 3-for-6, 5 RBIs, HR. I think Michael J. Fox in “Lucky Man” summed it best when he said, “I became so intoxicated on the nectar of money and the ambrosia of unlimited possibility, that I fell completely under its influence, forgetting for a time that it wasn’t real.” So true, Michael J., but Adam Jones is for real. And has the best ESPN player photo to prove it.

Armando Galarraga was perfect through 6 innings and, for fantasy baseball purposes, Galarraga has been solid all year, but that could all change by next week. No… Don’t deflate me! (Doesn’t that sound like a Coldplay song? Don’t deflate me… As we soar… Through the clouds…. Like balloons… I love Gwynnie…) Galarraga’s sporting a 3.2 BB/9, 6.10 K/9 rate and a .246 BABIP… Grey, numbers and old people scare me! Please. Okay, I’ll take it easy, but his WHIP should probably be in the 1.35 range vs. 1.20. So a lucky BABIP is disinfecting his WHIP. Masking the potential odor. He’s got a strong offense behind him so he might get his share of wins. Just don’t count on his peripherals remaining purdy. Armando Hammer may be from South America but don’t snort him….he’s baking soda. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Casey Kotchman - 5-for-5. If he doesn’t get some kind of kissing disease again from open-mouthing the rally monkey, this could be the start of a hot streak.

Jeff Mathis - Finally hot again. Only took him two and a half months. Eh, doesn’t matter to you, does it? Not like you need a catcher. You do? Oh, well, golly!

Howie Kendrick - 4-for-5. Okay, some of this Angels hitting can be attribute to a thin Indians pitching staff.

Mike Mussina - 8 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks. 13 Across, Mussina’s season co-hosted by Cathy Lee Crosby, “That’s _________!”

Shane Victorino - HR off Maine. Moves in front of Alexis Rios with his 7th HR.

Carlos Quentin - 2 HRs, up to 26. I know how you feel, it’s all icing at this point. I agree, but say you grabbed (HR-hitting OF who’s on waivers) and traded Quentin for a pitcher. So you have a pitcher and (HR-hitting OF who’s on waivers), who could have the same amount of home runs as Quentin from now until the end of the year.  Things that make you say, “Hmm…”

Chipper Jones - If I’m talking about him, what do you think happened? He’s not hitting .400, he didn’t home run… He was injured? Look at the big brain on Brad. Chipper says he won’t need the DL. Instead, he’ll just clog up your bench. Sweet!

Luis Ayala - Remained the 8th inning setup man and managed to tighten Hanrahan’s hold on the closer job by giving up 3 runs.

Jim Thome - HR yesterday. I feel like Thome’s bringing the potatoes and mashing them, but people are still calling him a turkey. In the last month and a half, he’s batted over .320 with 9 HRs and 18 RBIs. If everyone on your team was doing that, you’d be in first place asking for fanny kisses.

Tim Hudson - Elbow tightness, but word on the streets of Hotlanta is he won’t miss a start.

CC Sabathia - So if he gets 8 straight wins, he’s not going to win the Cy Young because stats don’t carry from one league to another. When was this rule put in place? Before the invention of the phonograph? There’s interleague now, you morons! Why are we counting those stats? This “no carrying of stats” can’t even be defended. There’s no one sitting around in a bow-tie (and really all of these baseball elitists wear bow-ties), saying, “By George, Randy Wolf can still win the Cy Young because he was traded within the same league, but CC can’t. We’ve really figured out a way to make our stats matter!”

Ricky Nolasco - He’s been too good thus far to bail this quickly, but he gets the Mets next. He’s either headed for another Zoinks! or a Rebound! I think we’re looking at a Zoinks! (BTW, Rudy picked up Nolasco for this start in our league. Greinke’d!)

Jarrod Washburn - Trade target for the Yanks. Guess they saw the Randy Wolf move by the Astros and didn’t want to be left out.

James Shields - He’s the mother sauce of a great pitching staff. Mother sauce, I tell ya!

Jason Bartlett - Will be activated on Thursday. He’s been on the shelf all month and he still has 18 steals on the year. It was a knee injury though, so use some caution, you.

Kevin Kouzmanoff - Glad I just traded him so he could start to get hot. *sticking hand in blender like Chunk*

Billy Wagner - Got the save. That ends the Smith-Duaner-Heilman-Feliciano Experiment until Wagner’s next flare up. (Two weeks.)

Mike Hampton - Set to join Braves rotation next week. I bet a bunch of you went back to reread that. Mike who? Hampton what?

Adam Dunn - Grand slam yesterday. They should weigh all MLB players in Dunns. Allow me to demonstrate, “Eric Byrnes is a third of a Dunn,” “So Taguchi is 3 Dunn arms,” and “Mike Napoli is 4 Dunn legs and 7 Dunn sausage fingers.”