Razzball Glossary
Sometimes we use big words here at Razzball. Or made up words. Or big, made up words. Or acronyms. Or big, made up acronyms that don’t mean anything to anyone, even us. If you’ve been reading for a while, you probably know the fantasy baseball terms that follow. If you’re new, or old with a bad memory, then this might be a helpful list of some frequently used terms. This is not a definitive list of definitions and will be updated frequently. (Or when we get a chance.) If you have a glossary suggestion, submit it in our Fantasy Baseball Forums.
! – Exclamation point usually indicates sarcasm. “Matthew Berry is ESPN’s top fantasy analyst!”
Analcysts Link – Ex players hired by ESPN that provide discomfort for fellow baseball analysts and the viewing audience. Prone to obvious observations “Dunn is strong!” or circular arguments like “He’s a good player because he knows how to play good in situations where it’s important to be good. And that’s why he’s a good player.”
Balbonis Link – Any portly hitter – usually a 1B. Renowned for their power and lack of speed. Usually strikeout a lot. Not much shelf life. See Steve Balboni, Ron Hamelin, Ryan Howard, Prince Fielder, Cecil Fielder
Beerer Goggles Link – A pitcher or hitter who looks good when your options are scarce. “Does Joe Inglett look good to you? Or do I have on some Beerer Goggles?” In honor of Scott Beerer, the Colorado Rockies pitcher who retired in 2006 with a lifetime record of 3-5, 4.82 ERA and 1.68 WHIP. (full credit to Razzball commenter, Knighttown)
The Big FraGu Link – Franklin Gutierrez
Bit The Silver Bullet / Struck Coors Extra Gold Link – When your normally reliable pitcher goes to Coors Field and leaves your ERA with a hangover ’straight from the Rockies’ – e.g., “I accidentally started Chris Young last night at Coors Field and he bit the silver bullet.” Alt definition: In the spare chance someone pitches a strong game at Coors, you have ’struck Coors Extra Gold’. As with supermarket and liquor store fridges, the Silver Bullet is a lot more common than Extra Gold. (full credit to Razzball commenter Paper Tiger)
Blahtoon Link – Rabelo/Treanor; any combination in the Cardinals middle infield.
Blairing Mistake Link – Named after Blair from Facts of Life, it involves fooling yourself that a player is more attractive than they really are because their peer group is homelier. Usually found in the Catcher and Middle Infielder categories. “Drafting Dan Uggla in the 4th round was a Blairing Mistake on my part.”
Blanco Polanco Link – Jeff Keppinger
Bowden Fluffer Link – A young, nubile outfielder that gets one all excited about their 5 tools. Rarely lives up to the promise. See Elijah Dukes, Adam Jones, Cameron Maybin, Delmon Young, Felix Pie, et. al. Named after Reds and Nationals GM Jim Bowden who has a boner for these types of players.
Caminitis Link – Aflliction caused from overjuicing on steroids that causes a player’s stats (and body) to quickly regress after a short spike. “I’m not sure if Hafner has Caminitis but, if not, it’s scary to think his head could grow bigger!” (full credit to Razzball commenter nmdunkel).
Car-Ma Link – Carlos Marmol.
Chronic Mastertrader Link – Fantasy baseball manager who has a compulsive need to offer up trade proposals that have no chance at giving birth to an actual trade. Has vivid fantasies that completely lopsided deals will find a willing partner. “He just offered me a crappy closer and Brandon Inge for Aramis Ramirez. What a Chronic Mastertrader! (full credit to Razzball commenter, BigFatHippo)
Chump Dump Link – The trading of two or more average players for one superstar. “I traded Krispie, Scott Downs and Yunel for Berkman. I can’t believe he fell for the chump dump.”
Cleveland Streamer Link – When a pitcher you picked up for a stream start craps all over your team’s stats. “I picked up Wakefield because he was going against the Royals and he gave me a Cleveland Streamer. It’s going to take a week to clean the mess he left on my ERA and WHIP.” (assist to Razzball commenter Hank)
Country Strong Link – Adam Dunn, Jim Thome, et al.
Cream of the Crap Link – The top hitter for a weak position. “Joe Mauer is looking like the cream of the crap.”
Cuddle Boy Link – Relievers who are good with holds but fail anytime they try to close. See Rafael Betencourt, Kyle Farnsworth, the kid from American Virgin who pays for the abortion of a girl his friend knocked up and then, when she’s recovered, goes back to that guy.
Cust kayin’ Link – Fantasy Baseball version of Just sayin’. “There’s two body types for relievers, tall and slender and tall and fat. The tall and fat ones are on everyone’s list to get injured, while the tall and slender ones are the ones that do get injured. The tall and fat ones end up pitching until they are forty-five. Cust kayin’.”
Disgraceful List Link – What DL stands for when a player goes on it after a conspicuously bad run of hitting/pitching. See V-Mart, Ian Snell.
Dr. Freeze Link – Nickname for Dr. James Andrews as anyone going to see him is going to be on ice for 12-18 months. Francisco Liriano went to Dr. Freeze in 2006 and he’s still not fully thawed. (assist to BSUjam).
Dropped a Deuce Link – When a pitcher costs you a win for regular fantasy baseball and a loss for Fantasy Razzball. “It’s bad enough Kyle Farnsworth is a Cuddle Boy, but he had to drop a deuce on me too?” (full credit to Razzball commenter, bostonaccent)
Droppelganger Link – When you drop one player for a very similar player. “Should I drop Yunel for Asdrubal? Or are they droppelgangers?” (full credit to Razzball commenter, Big Fat Hippo)
Dustied Link – When a pitcher has been left in too long.
ESPN Hindsighter Link – ESPN Insider
Fanny Pick Link – When someone picks a player in the draft before they should because they are a fan of the team. Like Fanny Packs, they look ridiculous and real men have nothing to do with them. (assist to Razzball commenter Awesomus Maximus)
FEMAs Link – Closers that are paid to provide relief but are woefully equipped. Rumored not to care about black people.
Fingercuffed or Fingercuffing Link – In relation to fantasy baseball, it’s when you have a player on a regular team and also on your Razzball team, which rewards overall crappiness. “I’m fingercuffed to Mark Reynolds.”
Flat-Billed Pitchypus Link – Rare species of pitcher whose hat brim is perfectly flat and either covers their full forehead – exposing only glaring eyes – or is tilted to the side. This species is prone to early success and a quick fade once the shock has warned off. See Dontrelle Willis, Chad Cordero, Shawn Chacon.
Forsters Link – Any portly pitcher. Renowned for being surprisingly athletic given their weight – despite the fact they are indeed athletes and, thus, by definition should be athletic. Seem more likely to be lefty than righty. See Terry Forster (infamous as being called by Letterman a ‘tub of goo’), LaMarr Hoyt, David Wells, CC Sabathia, Rich Garces.
Fucking Your Stepsister Link – Rooting for your fantasy player when he faces your favorite team. While it may be tempting and you can try all you want to justify it, you know its incestuous. (assist to Razzball commenter PWNightmare)
Fumethrower Link – One-time flamethrowing reliever that continue to pitch after they can no longer throw the gas. Some have been known to coast downhill for years. See Trevor Hoffman, Troy Percival, Jose Mesa. (assist to Razzball commenter Get Figgy With It)
Futility Player Link – Someone eligible for multiple positions but doesn’t warrant a starting position in any – e.g., Marlon Anderson, Brendan Ryan, Marco Scutaro, Ramon Vazquez etc. Tony LaRussa hearts these players.
Hodgepadre Link – Random Padres pitcher. “San Diego is home for a whole week. Time to pick up a hodgepadre or two for my fantasy staff.”
Homeschooling Link – Hitter or pitcher who is comfortable at home, but is a mess on the road. See also Road Scholar.
Jobacum Link – Max Scherzer. Mashup of Joba and Lincecum.
Jockular Sphincteritis Link – Any injury from sack to back that initiates laughing and wincing at the same time. See Chris Snyder’s testicular fracture, Kaz Matsui’s anal fissures, Carlos Guillen’s raging hemorrhoids, Felix Pie’s testicular torsion. (assist to KarlJ)
Jokey Smurf’d Link – When you receive a gift-wrapped package in a trade only for it explode in your face because of injury or a player’s poor performance. See video for further explanation (as if any is necessary). Example: He gift-wrapped Aaron Harang to me for two crappy players but it looks like I got Jokey Smurf’d. (assist to mikeisalegend)
Kazaam! Link – Situations where closers are brought into a non-save situation and have no idea how to act. The results aren’t pretty.
KazIwadome Link – Any Japanese player.
Krispie Young Link – Phonetic pronunciation of Chris B. Young to help avoid confusion with the tall San Diego pitcher.
Krispie Young Sr. Link – Mike Cameron
Latin (Fill in Age) Link – Whatever the age, add 3-4 years. In honor of the many Latin players who have lied about their age and got caught (Alfonso Soriano) as well as the many players who sure look older than they claim (Renteria, Ortiz, Pujols).
Leftosaurus Link – A lefty pitcher over 40 years old that gets by on craftiness and 8 variations of changeup. Prone to the homer ball and hitting the showers before the 7th inning. See Jamie Moyer, Tom Glavine. (assist to Razzball commenter pOrk burn)
Metco Link – An alternate name for cavernous Citi Field. “That ball would have been out of most parks, except maybe Yellowstone and Metco.” (full credit to Paper Tiger)
Middling Infielder Link – Middle infielder that puts up okay stats across the board, but gets people irrationally exuberant come draft time. Usually once had speed or hinted at 20 HR power – see Edgar Renteria, Orlando Cabrera.
Minayal Link – Denial of the truth by a GM – either disingenuously to the press or, even sadder, they believe the lie. Includes denial of player injuries, trade rumors, manager firings, etc. Example: If it weren’t for the Mets being in such minayal, Reyes would be on the DL and I could have an empty bench spot on my team! Related adjective is Riccardulous.
MR. B (Middle Reliever Believer) Link – A fantasy baseball player that loves middle relievers to a borderline unhealthy degree for speculative saves and ERA/WHIP help. “Hey Mr. B – how long you going to waste bench spots on Zumaya and Rodney?” (full credit to Razzball commenter IowaCubs)
Pedroia Paranoia Link – Fear that a middle infielder coming off a great year is bound to regress horribly. This regression is known as the Bret Boone Swoon or Carlos BuyerBewarega.
Pitchslapped Link – When the opposing pitcher hits a home run off your pitcher. “Damn! Carlos Zambrano pitchslapped another one of my starters!” “I can’t believe Brett Myers gave up a homer to the other pitcher. Though, if anyone deserved to be pitchslapped, it’s him.”
Pronk’d Link – You think you’re drafting an All-Star and you get an All-Suck. “I drafted Hafner and Rich Hill. Damn, I was Pronk’d!” (full credit to Razzball commenter, BaronVonVulturewins)
Prospblock Link – An older player who’s blocking a younger player. “Seems like everywhere he goes Gregg Zaun is a total prospblock.”
Pulling a Kotchman Link – When someone’s on the DL for longer than expected. Origin, Casey Kotchman was out with mono for a year and a half.
Pwnson’d Link – When a pitcher gets hit so bad, it makes you go a little batty. In honor of Sidney Ponson. “Ian Snell gave up 7 runs in a third of an inning. I’ve been Pwnson’d!”
Razztastic Link – A supremely crappy performance. “Seven earned runs in a third of an inning for Washburn. Now that’s Razztastic.”
Razzterful Link – See Razztastic.
Ricky from My So Called Life Link – Carlos Beltran. See resemblance.
Road Scholar Link – Hitter or pitcher who is brilliant on the road, but is a moron at home.
Roofie Link – A rookie pitcher who fails to deliver on their tremendous K potential and, instead, abuses your trust and violates your ERA and WHIP.
SAGNOF Link – Steals/Saves Ain’t Got No Face
Schmohawk Link – Any less than desirable player. “I can’t pick up Jones. I already got three schmohawks on my bench.”
Scott Downs’ Syndrome Link – Successful late inning reliever whose progress is retarded by other bullpen mates. After Scott Downs who has had a sub 2.00 ERA for the Jays from 2007-2008. (full credit to Denys)
; (Semicolon) Link – Bartolo Colon. A punctuation mark signifiying a pregnant pause – one that should be taken literally and figuratively before starting this former Cy Young Award winner who is clearly half the pitcher he once was (talent-wise, anyway). (full credit to BaronVonVulturewins)
Sparkakis Link – When Nick Markakis hits a home run.
Shizz Link – Shit.
Sonavabench! Link – Exclamation when one sees that a player on their bench has had a monster day. Can also be used as a noun or adjective. “David Murphy just hit 2 HR but I didn’t start him today – sonavabench!” “It doesn’t matter what I do – my team is a spiteful sonavabench”. “Shoot me now – my fantasy team just had a killer sonavabench day.” (assist to Razzball commenter pOrk burn)
Sparky Anklebiter Link – A vertically challenged player that wins the adoration of teammates and irrational hometown fans with his scrappy play and spunky attitude while simultaneously irritating everybody else. Often lauded for their ‘hard work ethic’, ‘passion for the game’, ‘playing the game the right way’, and ‘110% effort’. See David Eckstein, Dustin Pedroia (assist to Razzball commenter nmdunkel).
Staff Inflection Link – When your fantasy baseball team is on the verge of a good overall pitching day then the last guy to pitch screws everything up. “I had a manageable 3.50 ERA and 1.20 WHIP day going until C.J. Wilson’s staff inflection.” (full credit to CT Old School)
Sweatshop Foreman Link – Manager who laughs at suggest ‘pitch count’ labor laws and squeezes what he can out of his pitchers. See Dusty Baker, John Gibbons. “Billy Martin was such a Sweatshop Foreman that his pitchers made custom cleats for Rickey.”
Taipei Slinklo Link – Joe Nathan’s nickname. It is significant only in its randomness. For someone who is as vanilla as Joe Nathan, he needs some random ethnicity. “Hey, Taipei Slinklo, you gonna save this game?” “Pho sho!”
Tater Tots Link – A young prospect who projects to hit for power in the majors. “Matt Wieters is struggling in his major league debut. But don’t worry, he’s a tater tot.” (full credit to Paper Tiger)
Teabagger Link – A catcher who hits a triple. “Joe Girardi’s teabagger in Game 6 of the Yanks-Braves series led to a 3-run rally.” or “Alyssa Milano cheered as Russ Martin delivered a teabagger in front of a raucous crowd.” Full credit goes to commenter, IowaCubs.
Ticker Shock Link – The opposite of Ticker Tease. When one of your pitchers is going and the score appears like the pitcher got rocked, only to find out later that it was the bullpen that gave up the runs or they were unearned. “I saw the Cards lost 10-2 and I had Wainwright going. I nearly cried until I saw they were 9 unearned runs. Phew, just a case of Ticker Shock.” (full credit to Grimlock)
Ticker Tease Link – The excitement you feel when you watch Sportscenter and see along the bottom that one of your big fantasy teams has put up a huge number. Only to find out later your guy went 0-for-5 in a 9-0 win. “Why is Dan Uggla such a ticker tease?!” (full credit to knighttown)
Tied To The WHIPping Post Link – When a pitcher’s defense tortures him with errors leading to a final stat line that’s ok on ERA but horrid on WHIP – e.g., “Man! Ponson tied me to the WHIPping post last night. 1.50 ERA but 2.50 WHIP! Why is Jeter still playing shortstop?” (co-credits to Denys and Hebrew Hammer)
The Town that Bobby Grich Built Link – Anaheim; sometimes referred to as Bobby Grichville.
Weepstakes Link – Any popular waivers pick up that doesn’t live up to expectations and leaves you regretting the wasted top waiver pick. See Cueto, Scherzer, Kershaw, etc. Example: I won the Eugenio Velez weepstakes. Netted me a .125 average and .5 steals. Fun times! (full credit to Denys)
Wickmen Link – Joe Borowski, Todd Jones, etc. In honor of Bob Wickman.
Yawnstipate Link – A portmanteau of yawn and constipate. It’s the act of feeling like you’re going to yawn from someone’s stats but not quite there. “Polanco yawnstipates me.”
