Disclaimer: Razzball is not responsible for the cowboy drivel you are about to read. The author – against the sound advice of his family and friends – has ignored eating, bathing, and socializing for the past three months to play Red Dead Redemption 2. Our sincere apologies.

Hey mister! We shared our woes over a pint of whiskey at the Top 100 saloon. Now it’s time to mount our horses and head out into the NL West. Just over there beyond that mesa we’ll come across a bed of Diamondbacks. These surly sums-a-b*****s are know for their bad temper, so approach cautiously. I recommend a small game arrow for a perfect skin. Ten perfect skins and we can craft ourselves a purdy saddle! Why lookie here! Exactly ten Diamondbacks! Whoa boah! Settle down. Let’s get a good look at ’em…