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Elly De La Cruz (3-for-5, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 12th and 13th homer) hit one of his homers so far in Cleveland, over the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, past the Drew Carey statue, that it went back to Cincy. That home run ball went 467 feet and 119.2 MPH. You don’t have to know about exit velocity to know that 119.2 MPH is not a real number. You hit that sorta number when you’re in the Grand Prix in some far-flung city in the South of France. “Excuse moi, I am Elly De La Cruz’s batted-ball and I wish to know where the Autobahn is because of how fast I travel.” It’s ridiculous. That people are talking about Elly De La Cruz already as a bust is so absurd. Elly De La Bust This! You write off E! for 2024 fantasy at your own risk. Also, in this game (and it was a lot): Candace Bergen’s husband, Luke Maile (3-for-4, 3 RBIs) had the most random slam (6) and legs (2) of the season; TJ Freidl (1-for-4, 2 runs) hit his 18th, and is one of the hottest bats in the majors, while stacking up to be great 2024 fantasy value; Christian Encarnacion-Strand (1-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs) hit his 12th. More like Christian Encarnacion-Strong! Then on the other side, Bo Naylor (1-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs) hit his 10th. He’s been way more productive in his call-up than either of the “hot” Pirates catcher bats (Endy and Henry — Hendry); Kole Calhoun (1-for-4, 2 RBIs) hit his 6th for gingers everywhere; and Andres Gimenez (2-for-4, 2 runs) hit his 15th for people who still confuse him with Amed Rosario. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If The Voice chairs be swinging around for any free agent pitcher this offseason, I do believe it’ll be Blake Snell (6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.25). See, I said pitcher, and Ohtani can’t not do that there. I’m doing The Voice in the voice of Blake Shelton, is it working? No? Okay, pardon me, pardner. I done upset you, I hear that now. I’m still doing it, is it working? No? Okay, I will stop now. You can’t say Blake Snell is slapdick by going out and having a Cy Young year when he’s about to become a free agent for maybe his last huge contract of his career. (Maybe not, will depend on where he signs and for how long, but he seems like that type to take the money, then go into a five-year siesta. I’m Cust kayin’.) If Snell wins the Cy Young award (which I imagine he will), then signs a five-year or something-year deal with the Yanks (or Red Sox or even goes back to the Padres), you’re betting on him being great again next year? If so, please tell me, I have a bridge in Kansas I’ve been trying to offload. He has a 5 BB/9! I mean, that’s not everything, clearly. I’d take that and his near-12 K/9 and would love it, but that command and expecting anything close to a sub-3 ERA in 2024? That is a hoot now, I tell ya what. I’m doing the Blake Shelton voice again. I’m sorry, I’ll stop now. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Are the Rangers the American League’s answer to the Braves? In this Ted Talk, he will discuss…*nudges my dog, Ted, to talk*…Go ahead, boy, say something. C’mon, stop humping! Oh, are you doing that as a nod to Semien? You are so clever! Just like me for drafting Marcus Semien (2-for-4, 26th and 27th homers)! What’s that, boy? What does attacking the mailman mean? The mailman’s name is Garcia? Oh, wow, for Adolis Garcia (1-for-4, 36th homer)! Jesus, you are so unbelievable! Okay, what are you doing for Corey Seager (1-for-3, 2 RBIs, 33rd homer)? *Ted does nothing* C’mon, boy, I’m bored…Bored…Borey…Corey! Wow, my dog is so smart! There’s no one smarter, is there boy? Wait a minute, smarter…Evan Carter (1-for-4, 2 RBIs, 4th homer)! Okay, let’s see what you have for Leody (2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs, 13th homer). *Ted joins a cult* Wow, brilliant! Thanks for joining me for my Ted Talk! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s the end credits of one of your favorite movies. You’re weeping, and snorting from tears. Then, just before you get up and trip on your neighbor’s feet, the screen comes back on. Up there, in bright lights, it’s Al Pacino and he says, “Hoo ha! Excuse me, Canha! That’s Mark Canha, and he’s been hot for the better part of the last week. Now, please be careful on your way out of the theater, and don’t trip on your neighbor’s feet.” You stand and applaud. Your claps echoing out. The Devil’s Advocate sequel was better than the original, you exclaim, as you head for the exit and trip over your neighbor’s feet. So, Mark Canha is hot, and worth rostering, and that’s what type of week it is. The type where it doesn’t matter what a guy can do in two weeks, just what he Canha right now. Thank you, Mr. Pacino. Now, how about a Gigli sequel? Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Junior Caminero is being called up by the Rays. Junior Caminero is also a little tiny car that Spanish boys drive when they’re five years old and first starting growing out their mustaches. The Junior Caminero goes vroom vroom but it only does it when a nearby father makes the noise. Junior Caminero also is a top five prospect for all of baseball what on earth are the Rays doing calling him up right now on…*starts singing* Do you remembah? The 21st of Septembah? Do you remembah? It’s not the 1st of Septembah? Do you remembah? Rays? Hello? We’re seriously asking. So, here’s what Itch’s said, “He’ll finish up 2023 at 20 years old with 31 home runs across two levels, 20 of those coming in 80 Double-A games during which he slashed .314/.379/.557 with a 17.1 percent strikeout rate. And Grey will be hunted this winter.” What? He ranked Caminero 6th overall in the top 25 prospects. I’d grab him in all leagues, and now I’m particularly excited about 2024, if Junior Caminero can break camp. Vroom vroom! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Third year is the year pitchers break out. Conventionally. Sometimes you’ll have the Braves make a Touki out of a rookie, who will as quickly disappear. A Quicki, so to speak. Usually, though, pitchers come up and struggle. It’s just a mess. Then they settle in a bit more in their 2nd season with fewer ups and downs, hinting at promise and things to come. Then their third year happens and everyone is like, “Hmm, where did this come from?” It came from the guy becoming comfortable in the majors. Hunter Greene will be that next year. I thought it would be this year, but there were still ups and downs, and a very long injury. Next year, Hunter Greene will be a 2024 fantasy ace. A guy that will throw some of the most dazzling numbers you’ve ever seen. This won’t be free in drafts. Everyone, I imagine, will expect it. Although expected, he will still surprise how good he is. Yesterday, Hunter Greene (7 IP, 1 ER, 3 hits, 1 walk, 14 Ks, ERA at 4.24) showed you what he will be in 25 of 30 starts next year. Taking a playoff-bound team yesterday, and just doing an utter flummox. A fluttermox. Hunter Greene’s entire 2024 fantasy season will be a fluttermox. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

In this business, we call this an In Appreciation of Ronald Acuña Jr. post. Yesterday, he went 3-for-5, 3 runs, 2 RBIs with a double slam (38, 39) and legs (67). He’s on the doorsteps of a 40/70 season. A 40/70 season is absurd. Can remember Jose Canseco going 40/40, and people were rightfully floored. It was the most unheard of statline. Even when people tried to match it, they mostly fell short. A few achieved it, but all of them were just barely able to make it (none of them made the HOF either, oddly enough). Acuña is not just flying through 40/40, but 40/70! For fantasy, this is the best season ever. After we just had a best season ever! See the Historical Player Rater for more.  This Acuña year is basically if Aaron Judge stole 70 bags. Acuña has 138 runs, 100 RBIs and is hitting .338. Honestly, I thought after Judge’s previous season, we would never see anything comparable. Now, I’m thinking Acuña goes 50/80 in 2024, and Julio Rodriguez goes 60/60 and Betts goes 70/70 and Corbin Carroll goes 100/100 and Robbie Grossman goes 120/120! What a time to be alive! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Willson Contreras (1-for-3 and his 20th homer) giving the winning run to Adam Wainwright (7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 7.40) for his 200th win is severely throwing off the Comatose Cardinals Fan. “Okay, I’ve been doing a snooze button for what? Ten days? Weeks? Months? Wow, that’s wild. I feel great! Good to see Adam Wainwright pitching, too bad he allowed that homer to Contreras. Those pesky Cubs, amiright? I’m not right? Hmm, I might need to sit down. Wait a minute, I am sitting? In a jar of formaldehyde?” Maybe because I’m old enough to remember the days of 300 wins by a starter (not in one year, I’m not that old), but 200 wins feels significant. Not sure we ever see another one. Gerrit Cole is the closet (not officially, but Johnny Cueto’s not winning ten more, let alone 57 more), and Cole’s five years away, at least, which assumes health. I used to laugh that deGrom was one of the best pitchers of his generation and he won’t crack 100 wins, but a lot of pitchers won’t. Wainwright is a throwback to a bygone era. An era when pitchers started the game in the 1st inning, and went as long as they could. Sometimes, that meant all the way to 200 wins. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Was announced on Saturday that Shohei Ohtani is done for the year. Though, it doesn’t mean he’s done with the Angels. He can re-sign–I am effin’ around! Of course he’s done with the Angels! Be thankful he doesn’t return to Japan after playing with the Angels. He left the Angels and a 212-pound Tim Salmon was lifted off his shoulders. A 20-year Rally Monkey’s Paw curse that festered under his skin for years must now be exfoliated away with Mariners’ skin cream. Thank God, Ohtani was able to walk away from that barge of bad luck in Anaheim. The Angels turn even the most bright-eyed, bushy-tailed among us into Danny Glover on a toilet about to explode. As Ohtani emptied his locker, it became clear the Angels were one of the best teams to stream against these final two weeks, and Sawyer Gipson-Long (5 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 2.70) took advantage. Long made short work of the Angels, but is he actually, pause for drama, good? He has three pitches (four but uses three).

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I looked at Jake Alu. To repeat for emphasis, I looked at Jake Alu. Again, but with an exclamation mark, I looked at Jake Alu! That’s how random I was willing to go for a hot bat for this week’s Buy column. Loyalty and long-term outlooks mean nothing. I’d cut my grandmother if it meant a fantasy league win! Sorry, Nana. So, ended up on Willi Castro, because he’s been hot, that was first and foremost, but also: I haven’t talked about him nearly enough this year. The drawback to my style of roundupping (totally a word!) is if a guy doesn’t hit a lot of homers, he could fall by the wayside. I mentioned Willi Castro a total of seven times this year.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We’re back with what I like to call: My Conspiracy That Getaway Day Is The Best Day For Pitching. Am I wearing a tinfoil hat? Yes, what’s the alternative? I forgot my Big Jugs trucker hat and you want me to get melanoma? That’s awful, friend. This conspiracy theory, that the lamestream media is saying is more misleading than The Clinton Kill List, might just be confirmation basis, but, I ask you, gentle reader with a fading hairline, what good is a confirmation basis if that shizz ain’t confirming anything? I got more blind spots than an Airstream trailer, but I see every pitcher around baseball yesterday pitching well, and I ask you, take my hand and follow me to Conspiracy Loonloon Land. Take my hand metaphorically! Let go of my hand, you weirdo! So, Kodai Senga (6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.95) threw another gem. Was it because it was Thursday? Who’s to say? (It was.) I begged people to draft Senga this year, as he was going around 175 overall and an absolute steal. Speaking of which, I present to you frequent commenter, Oaktown Steve’s comment from yesterday that everyone should read:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

This is George Kirby’s fault. He has polluted the minds of Major League Baseball, far and wide. George Kirby has pricked everyone’s brain and seeped his early curfew pitch count into their brain custard. It is so prevalent, Dusty Baker, the guy who once threw Aaron Harang, The Harangutan, for 178 pitches in a 9-1 game just to see if he could get his arm to fall off. Dusty Baker who once said to Mark Prior, “I don’t know if you ‘need’ an elbow.” That Dusty Baker pulled Hunter Brown with a no-hitter after 78 pitches in the 5th inning, having struck out 7 guys (and walking two)! Dusty Baker did that? What’s next, David Ross not batting Mike Tauchman leadoff? Don’t even get cute! So, Hunter Brown has some of the prettiest peripherals I’ve seen, and am tempted to say he could be a number two next year with a chance to be an ace. He has thrown too many innings though, so glad Dusty pulled him. *dodges tomato* What? Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?