We’re back with what I like to call: My Conspiracy That Getaway Day Is The Best Day For Pitching. Am I wearing a tinfoil hat? Yes, what’s the alternative? I forgot my Big Jugs trucker hat and you want me to get melanoma? That’s awful, friend. This conspiracy theory, that the lamestream media is saying is more misleading than The Clinton Kill List, might just be confirmation basis, but, I ask you, gentle reader with a fading hairline, what good is a confirmation basis if that shizz ain’t confirming anything? I got more blind spots than an Airstream trailer, but I see every pitcher around baseball yesterday pitching well, and I ask you, take my hand and follow me to Conspiracy Loonloon Land. Take my hand metaphorically! Let go of my hand, you weirdo! So, Kodai Senga (6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.95) threw another gem. Was it because it was Thursday? Who’s to say? (It was.) I begged people to draft Senga this year, as he was going around 175 overall and an absolute steal. Speaking of which, I present to you frequent commenter, Oaktown Steve’s comment from yesterday that everyone should read:

I tell you draft about 10 pitchers around pick 120 to 150 overall, and they mostly work out. Every year. Kodai Senga was no different. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jeff McNeil – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, 2nd homer in four games. McNeil’s because he can’t McStand! Bam! I McNailed him! No? You’re right. He has been hot for a few weeks though.

Merrill Kelly – 5 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 3.45. So, what happened to my conspiracy theory for Kelly? Well, smartie pants, Kelly is a girl’s name, and his ERA is 3.45, which is SHE on a calculator upside-down. So, naturally!

Adrian Houser – 5 IP, 2 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.53. Without looking at Houser’s game log, I’m going to guess every start of his is either 5 IP, 2 ER or 4 IP, 3 ER. Nothing else.

Eury Perez – 4 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.06. Marlins’ pitchers have a patch on their uni that reads “MIA” and it’s not for Miami, it’s for their missing shoulders.

Reese Olson – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.30. In March, “I feel pretty good with Jeffrey Springs, Drew Rasmussen, Lance Lynn, and Robbie Ray.” In September, “I’m holding Reese Olson for the final two weeks because of matchups. Does anyone know any voodoo doctors so I can do a curse on my opponent?”

Matt Vierling – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and a slam (9) and legs (6). I’m not sure if I even knew who Reese Olson was in March! Moving on! I grabbed Vierling as a batty call yesterday, and *blows on knuckles, wipes knuckles on shirt* Damn it! Why did I have ketchup on my knuckles? Vierling is also in this afternoon’s Buy column, so you can wait for that, or act now, snitches!

Akil Baddoo – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer. Yabba dabba Baddoo!

Spencer Steer – 1-for-4 and his 21st homer, hitting .265. Steer? There’s only two weeks left! Hit the pedal!

TJ Friedl – 1-for-3 and his 14th homer. Everyone on the Reds is interesting, and I like Friedl a lot. Though, I prefer to talk about how Elly De La Cruz was pinch-hit for late by Senzel? Woof, Daddy.

Mitch Keller – 8 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.04. *receiving Direct TV signals from tinfoil hat* Getaway Day!

Jack Suwinski – 2-for-3 and his 25th homer. Absolutely will be in this afternoon’s Buy column because he’s been hot for about ten days. Suwinski now, there’s no tomorrow.

Alfonso Rivas – 1-for-3 and his 3rd homer. If you have Alf in a league, you’re killing at least one cat. Haaaa! I kill me!

Josiah Gray – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 4.07. Convinced if Josiah Gray is good it will be despite the Nats. As I said the other day about not trusting the Royals, that goes for the Nats too.

Andrew Vaughn – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 20th homer. Way to go, Andrew Yawn.

Kyle Farmer – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer, and 2nd homer in two games. He won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy column, but Farmer does seem to be planting schmotatoes.

Royce Lewis – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer, hitting .300. I’m going to make so many unforced errors drafting Lewis too early next year.

Edouard Julien – 1-for-4 and his 13th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. Yes, sure, grab him! He seems to be heating up! Can’t hurt to be facing the White Sux all weekend either.

Kenta Maeda – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.50. Facing the White Sux can’t hurt. Think about how the White Sux have nothing to play for and it’s the end of the season. They’re calling down to the concierge for an early checkout.

Colin Poche – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 2.15. Oh, nothing, just wanted to point out he has 12 wins. Twelve!

Luke Raley – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 19th homer. Almost as incredible as Poche’s win total, Luke Raley has a chance for a 20/20 season in under 400 ABs.

Aaron Civale – 5 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.06. Drafting all Rays’ pitchers next year. Okay, and all their hitters.

Ryan Mountcastle – Orioles’ Brandon Hyde of the Hyde Park Hydes said Mountcastle isn’t a candidate for the IL right now, due to his shoulder. That’s nice, I still dropped Mountcastle, there’s no time for waiting out day-to-day injuries.

Kyle Bradish – 7 IP, 4 ER, 7 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at…Wanna guess what his ERA is? C’mon! Guess! Higher or lower than Kevin Gausman? Bzzt! Wrongo! Much lower. It’s 3.12.

Gunnar Henderson – 1-for-4 and his 26th homer. Everyone’s talking about NL Cy Young. Mean’s while, AL ROY is going to be a coin flip among three names.

Ryan O’Hearn – 1-for-4 and his 13th homer. He’s one homer behind Jose Abreu in roughly 200 less at-bats.

Kevin Gausman – 4 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.40. Still higher than Bradish. He’s Bradish-ish.

Nathan Eovaldi – 3 1/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 2.96. A pitcher being unhealthy and still pitching feels like a mistake, but I am merely a handsome little boy that gets by on his looks.

Jonah Heim – 2-for-5 and his 17th homer. Him ’em with the Heim!

Corey Seager – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 31st homer. Every time Seager is lifted early from a game I’m greeted by ILzebub whispering, “Red rum, I did it to Adolis, I can do it to Seager.”

Matt Chapman – 0-for-3 as he was activated from the IL. Singing the Batman theme song from the 60s TV show, then yelling, “Chapman!” Sadly, counting on Chapman will turn you into the Joker.

Vladimir Guerrero Jr. – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 22nd homer. On the Player Rater, who’s higher:  Cake Batter or Spencer Steer? Nope, but close. Too bad Cake was drafted roughly 490 picks before Steer.

Alek Manoah – Jays’ manager, Schneider said, “Feels like (Manoah is) not ready to compete so we’re going to respect that and kind of move on from it.” Yeah, he’s not ready to compete now, unlike when he showed up at camp out-of-shape and unprepared for the pitch clock.

Jared Walsh – Was recalled from the minors with David Fletcher. Can you say “Angels’ season saved?”

Jasson Dominguez – Had Tommy John surgery and will return in 9-10 months. I am gently nodding my head in that direction for Ohtani.

Michael King – 4 2/3 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 2.77. Was briefly excited about Michael King for next year, then I remembered it was the Yankees and they’ll sign someone like Kenta Maeda, and leave King in the pen.

Aaron Judge – 1-for-6, 4 RBIs and his 32nd homer. Told you that he was still playing and hadn’t retired in June! You and your lies! Real question: Next year, Aaron Judge, no doubt 1st rounder still? You’re not at all worried about the injuries and how they affect big men *cough* Giancarlo *cough*

Trevor Story – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer. The Story is one oft-told. A guy is great, then gets old.

Rafael Devers – 4-for-6, 2 runs and his 31st homer. I could get used to the Ceddanne Rafaela Devers combo platter.

Ceddanne Rafaela – 4-for-9, 3 runs and his 2nd homer. His parents were like, “We should name our kid after where he was conceived,” and didn’t like Backseat or Chevy. This is how former Mets’ great Howard Johnson got his name.

Tanner Houck – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.94. He’s a Streamonator call, you know who he is. So, this is not fantasy related, but the Red Sox fired their Chief Baseball Officer, Chaim Bloom. Having a guy running a team for the rebuild, then firing them before the team has a chance to turn into a winner is one of the more dickish things an owner can do. Chaim Bloom is about to become the Red Sox’s Gene Michael. Cashman has the job security of a Supreme Court justice, and is still riding the coattails of Michael, six years after his death! Also, one final point, if you’re the Red Sox, why give the Yankees the satisfaction of firing a guy while you’re playing them? It implies your play vs. them had something to do with the firing. Always fire guys after they win a game vs. someone like the Pirates. It’s the only way!