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RazzSlam Recap: Seiya? I’m Going To Swing From The Chandelier

March 2, 2022 | Our Leagues | 84 Comments

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I’m a big fan of the everyman. I consider myself the everyman. I’m every man’s everyman. A pioneer of normcore. Track pants and a blinking light on my car’s dashboard that either means my seatbelt isn’t on or I need oil. That is me. What better way to elevate the Everyman Culture, then to take part in a tourney where no one is smarter than anyone else. Enter the RazzSlam, a Best Ball tourney. Every everyman likely knows what a Best Ball league is, but, if you don’t, it’s when you draft a team and the computer manages it for you by choosing who are your best players, and you get those stats. It’s basically one fantasy league removed from the robots taking over and killing us all. Well, the last laugh is on you robots, cholesterol is beating you to the punch! Kinda love that Razzball is putting on a tourney (hosted by NFBC — thank you!) that no one really has any clue how to strategize. A true everyman experience. Oh, I’m sure there’s a few people who think they know the correct strategy for Best Ball, and a few of them might be right, but there’s an under 1% chance they know why they’re right, and it isn’t just luck. In some ways, Best Ball leagues are a lot like Best Ball strategies. Throw a ton of them out there and a few good ones will rise to the top through sheer force of players’ performances and nothing you’re actually doing. That’s the fun. Anyway, here’s my RazzSlam, a 42-round, Best Ball 12 team draft recap:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Walker Buehler, 2022 Fantasy Schmohawk

March 1, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Overrated | 82 Comments

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So, if you’re keeping a mental note of all the pitchers I don’t like, you might realize from the Anime Grey videos, Julio Urias is one of them. Now, I’m throwing in Walker Buehler. Trevor Bauer’s a big ol’ piece of garbage, and the only person ranking Max Muncy lower than me is Madison Bumgarner. Chris Taylor’s never done nothing for me no matter his position eligibility! I’m going to become the biggest hate spewer in SoCal! I’m going to put on my Vin Scully jersey and tell everyone it’s for Scully from The X Files. Just to insult them! I’m going to go to Dodgers games — fifteen minutes early — just to show them up! I’m going to tell everyone that will listen that Nathan’s hot dogs are better than Dodger dogs! I’m going to tell everyone that Dodgers’ superfan Mary Hart’s legs weren’t that spectacular! I’m going to tell everyone that Dodgers’ superfan Larry King is still alive…on Epstein’s island! I’m gonna tell them Clayton Kershaw isn’t a Hall of Famer and that I once saw Sandy Koufax eat pork! I’m the biggest hater in Los Angeles! But, now, about Walker Buehler. Sigh. I’m not going to run through why I would never draft a top starter. I wouldn’t, but this post isn’t about that. Wrote about that across 15,000 words in the top 20 starters for 2022 fantasy baseball. I won’t be drafting a top starter or Walker Buehler, but I can dislike Walker Buehler on his own. Brave! So, what can we expect from Walker Buehler for 2022 fantasy baseball and what makes him overrated?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Nolan Arenado, 2022 Fantasy Schmohawk

February 28, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Overrated | 28 Comments

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I went back to my room at the Radisson. (This is not a sponsored post.) I laid my head down. Lied my head down? Ya know, because I was lying to the doorman when he asked if I had friends. It was none of his business. Plus, what was he doing in my room? Did each room at the Radisson have a doorman? I asked him that, then asked that he show himself out. After tucking me in. The tucking, the doorman did. It was so tight it was suffocating. I could barely breathe. So, I jostled around in the bed like a caterpillar shedding its skin, would I become a butterfly? Likely, yes. I was able to get one hand out of the tucked-in sheet and grab the mechanical claw I had on the nightstand that I used to feed myself grapes, so I could imagine I was a Russian prince. After the grape dropped into my mouth, I reached, with the mechanical claw, to grab a twenty dollar bill to light on fire to start myself a cigar. Earlier that day, I withdrew my life savings in twenties, and placed them precariously on the window sill. Hmm, I thought, if I lit a cigar in this non-smoking room, I might want to open the window first–

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Torendao!!!

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Grey

NL West: DHs for 2022 Fantasy Baseball

February 24, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Sleepers | 58 Comments

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In the last of the series where we (I) cover the incoming NL DH class of 2022 fantasy baseball, we turn our lovely eyes West to the NL West, and today we’re joined by the great Pacific Northwesterner, Edger Martines. Edgar Martinez, Mariners’ Hall of Fame DH, wasn’t available, so I searched an online database for someone who sounds like him and who lives in Seattle.

“So, Edger Martines, what was it like being a DH? Anything these new NL DHs can gleam?”
“I work at a Chipotle.”
“That’s great! I love their rice.”

To find our NL East DH fantasy baseball recap-a-thingie click that link, and to find our NL Central DH fantasy baseball whose-he-whats-is click that. So, who are the best candidates for DH on the NL West teams, and what can we expect from them for 2022 fantasy baseball?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

NL Central: DHs for 2022 Fantasy Baseball

February 23, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Sleepers | 62 Comments

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Welcome back to our National League DH coverage! Joining us will be DH extraordinaire, Cliff Johnson.

“Cliff, what do you think is the hardest part of being a DH?”
“You have to be ready to play from any position.”
“Like 1st base, or catcher?”
“No, like from the far right of the bench, to the spot right next to that, to the spot right next to that, to the spot–”
“Okay, I think I got it. If DHs are always sitting, any ideas why DHs always seem to be named after places where dudes stand? There was you — Cliff. There was Stairs, and there was Chili.”
“Chili?”
“Yes, a Chili stand.”

All right, so the other day we went over the best candidates to DH in the NL East and their fantasy value. Today, you guessed it! So, who are the best candidates for DH on the NL Central teams, and what can we expect from them for 2022 fantasy baseball?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

NL East: DHs for 2022 Fantasy Baseball

February 22, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Sleepers | 63 Comments

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So, the preseason looks like this usually: Update a post from last year with a find and replace for “2022 fantasy baseball,” do a schluffen, and wake me up in time for Opening Day. This year: Is there going to be an Opening Day? Then, I lower my head and walk off, tears rolling down my cheek. Slowly at first, then the tears pick up steam, and now it’s Niagara out of my tear ducts. As I pass a group of snickering kids, I scream, “My contact lenses are bothering me! Respect your elders!” So, since we have a little bit more time — and hopefully only a little bit of time — let’s take a moment and look at each NL divisional team and whom they will likely trot out there as their DH. Trot Nixon? No, that horsey is on a farm upstate. Geez, that sounds like he did a well-choreographed handshake with his maker. He’s just retired. About fourteen years now. Why is this post about Trot Nixon? Hard to say! So, who are the best candidates for DH on the NL East teams, and what can we expect from them for 2022 fantasy baseball?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Less Bunts, More Schwarbers

February 21, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 71 Comments

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Ron Blomberg, the first DH known to man, stood in a parking lot, outside Parsippany, New Jersey’s Ramada Inn, sipping a coffee and eating a donut. Mr. Blomberg was there to meet new recruits for the National League DH. A starry-eyed, Paul DeJong stepped up for a badge to Ron’s seminar, and to chat with Ron.

“I’m a big fan, Mr. Blomberg.”
Ron looks Paul DeJong up and down, not thinking much of him, “Of course, you are.”
Paul tries a new tact, “When you’re DH’ing, the electricity coursing through your veins, the fans at a fever pitch, it can’t be that hard to come off the bench, right?”
“It’s easier to get come off a towel,” answered Ron, as he handed DeJong his crumbled up napkin, holding his donut crumbs, and walked into the Ramada.

As expected when I started my 2022 fantasy baseball rankings, the DH is coming to the NL. Personally, I’m pumped, like I was Ron Blomberg myself, who gets a nickel for every DH at-bat, because Ron Blomberg invented the DH. His income just doubled. Have you seen the latest Fortune magazine with Ron Blomberg on the cover with the title, “Nickelaire?” Sorry for all the old schoolers who think pitchers hitting is sacred. I think it’s a sacrilege to hitting. Tomato-tomato-pronounced-with-a-different-emphasis.

You, a thoughtful person, “But NL pitchers have been working on their bunt for 47 years!”
Me, a person who doesn’t give a flying eff, “Pull the plug!”

If Paul DeJong’s first taste of being a DH isn’t a success, there could be upwards to 550 more chances this year. Dot dot dot. If the Cardinals want to have the worst DH in the National League. All of my 2022 fantasy baseball rankings are currently accurate as far as DHs in the NL, but once guys start signing, things could change dramatically. I’d guess at least half the NL teams go out and sign someone, and the Brewers cut half of their DHs. Hey, the Brewers used to be in the AL, right? So, is that why they already have five DHs? Maybe they can give one — say, Rowdy Tellez — to the Cards. If I were the Cards, I’d be on the lookout for anyone. Yes, I’m suggesting they pass on the DeJong, while he gets the Grey poop-on. Tomorrow, I will start a multi-day forage into the newly minted NL DHs, going through each NL team and their perspective DH, as I try to find a truffle in the pig shizz. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this preseason for 2022 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

15 Team, NFBC Draft Champions Recap: My Outfield Is A Jarren VerBruJudgo With A Carlson and Carl’s Jr. Jr.

February 18, 2022 | Our Leagues | 79 Comments

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In honor of the MLB lockout, I walked into a Starbucks, wearing a full baseball uniform, with stirrups, and ordered one of those 45-ingredient drinks that all the baristas hate to make, then said my name was Rob Manfred, and started screaming, “Don’t tell anyone the MLB Commissioner was in here! Do you hear me?! Don’t you dare tell anyone! Don’t call TMZ and send them the video you’re taking of me right now! Don’t you dare tell them Rob Manfred, MLB Commissioner, didn’t tip you either! That’s HIPA, so don’t you dare tell everyone any of that!” Then I stepped out of the store with my $37-dollar unicorn Frappuccino, took a big sip and realized they prolly spit in it. So, me and a bunch of Razzball commenters got together and took part in an NFBC Draft. I’m down to start another draft too, if there’s demand. Just ping the comments with a note that says something like, “Didn’t I see you in a Starbucks ordering a unicorn frappe?” I’ll make signups for the draft available on our Patreon first. For this draft, I used my 2022 fantasy baseball rankings (dur) and so did others, which screwed me real good, especially when someone drafted Steven Kwan like 150 picks before his ADP. You know who you are! This left me with a total shizzshow of an outfield, so that’s fun! Well, we’ll leave something for the recap, shall we? Yes, we shall! Anyway, here’s my NFBC draft recap; it’s a 15-team, two-catcher, draft and hold league that goes 50 rounds and has no waivers:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Best 2022 Fantasy Baseball Team

February 17, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Draft Strategy | 53 Comments

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The best 2022 fantasy baseball team is a misnomer. Thankfully, none of us know what misnomer means. Sounds to me like someone tentatively wants to date the Travelocity Gnome’s daughter, “Miss Gnome, er, you wanna grab some boba and chill?” Miss Gnome brushes back her hair and bats her eyelashes that are almost as long as her two-and-half foot body, “I’d love to,” but her voice is high-pitched, which is a turnoff, so you cancel plans with her repeatedly until she gets the hint. Sorry, Miss Gnome, I like my women’s voices low like their stature. Any hoo! So the title is a bit of a superlative. What was I gonna say, “The Mostly Kinda Good Fantasy Baseball Team?” You’ll get over your scoffing; I have faith in you. This is the best 2022 fantasy baseball team that I can put together when drafting from my top 100 for 2022 fantasy baseball and top 500 for 2022 fantasy baseball. Honestly, I could draft another 25 teams from those lists, and they’d all be different, but equally terrific… Well, one of the twenty-five would only be sorta terrific, but it would be really hard to tell which one that is. If I took Adalberto Mondesi in the 4th round, everything after would change. If I took Trea Turner in the 1st round, everything after would change. I’ve previously gone over my 2022 fantasy baseball draft prep for the first few rounds and pitchers pairings. For this exercise, I’m taking Ronald Acuña Jr. in the first, because, well, people complained previously I always did this post by taking the first pick, so I’m switching it up, like when you combover your hair right instead of left. My “Best Fantasy Baseball Team” from last year is hilariously awful, and I’ll show you that team later in this post. Oh, it’s so so so so so so bad. I mean, it puts everything in question. Like, was I dropped on my head last preseason?

As for this year’s best fantasy baseball team, until pick 100, I’m taking one guy somewhere in every fifteen picks. It would be nice if I was in a league where someone drafted Gerrit Cole and deGrom in the first round and I was able to take Shohei Ohtani in the 2nd round (which is likely in some leagues), but since Acuña and him are in my first 12 picks, according to the rules I’ve set up for myself, I can’t take them both. Then, as we all know, once you get into the 100s, there’s wide gaps between ADP and where players are actually taken. People tend to look at team need over value. So for this exercise, once I get to pick #101, I’m going to pick two players every twenty picks. Finally, because there is so much latitude in the latter rounds, I gave myself free rein to fill up my team after pick 200. Throughout the draft, I also gave myself the ability to reach to a lower draft pick, but not reach forward. Or reach around, if you’re feeling frisky. It should still be my ideal team…or not. Let’s see, shall we? Bee tee dubya, this team is a 12-team, 5×5, one catcher, 5 OFs, MI, CI, 1 UT, 9 P, 3 bench, just like the Razzball Commenter Leagues (go sign up, you Big Chungus). Anyway, here’s the best 2022 fantasy baseball team:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

2022 Fantasy Baseball Draft Prep, Pairings

February 16, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Draft Strategy | 58 Comments

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Here’s a post that’s gonna make you wanna slap ya mama and tell her Don Magic Juan sends his best. The other day I told you how to draft your pitchers for 2022 fantasy baseball. I laid it out to you nice and simple (if you have a degree in “What The Hell Is Grey Talking About?” Not a PhD, mind you. Just a BS.) Today, we forget all that jabberwocky on the who-ha and get down to business old school-style (which means if you don’t comprehend, I will hit you over the head with a baseball bat signed by Joe Clark.) What I’m hoping to lay out to you is who do you draft 2nd, if you’ve drafted so and so first. I think it might be helpful to go through pairings for your 5 outfielders, all your middle and corner infielders too. I’m not sure I’ll have the time or patience to do them. We’ll see! Or not. Your choice. (Actually, my choice.) For easy reference, the royal we will be using the top 10 for 2022 fantasy baseball, top 20 for 2022 fantasy baseball, and the beginning of the top 100 for 2022 fantasy baseball. I’m going to assume you’re in a 12 team, 5×5, MI, CI, 5 OF, 1 Utility, 1 Catcher league, similar to our Razzball Commenter Leagues. (Sign up for multiple leagues, and beat the heck out of your frenemies or make new frenemies!)  Anyway, here’s some pairings for the first two rounds of 2022 fantasy baseball drafts:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

2022 Fantasy Baseball Draft Prep, Pitchers’ Pairings

February 15, 2022 | 2022 Fantasy Baseball | 57 Comments

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Did you ever think we’d get to the end of the 2022 fantasy baseball rankings? You did? Wow, you had more faith than me. Some time around the top 60 outfielders for 2022 fantasy baseball, I thought we were gonna have to pack it up and start ranking something else, like the top 20 Reasons Why We Weren’t Finishing The 2022 Fantasy Baseball Rankings. 1. Lazy. Never the hoo! Here we are now! Entertain us! Wait, that’s my job. Now that I think about it, why is Nirvana saying “Entertain us?” They were the band supposed to entertain us. Wait, were their concerts just mass karaoke singalongs where the audience sang to them? Hmm, will research this and get back to you! So, from the 2022 fantasy baseball rankings, specifically the starter rankings, comes a need for this post:  The 2022 fantasy baseball pitchers’ pairing tool. This is where things get interesting! And by ‘interesting’ I mean massively confusing. If what you’re about to read were found scribbled in a notebook, the FBI would be watching me. If The Green River Killer stood up and read this at the next prison Meet N’ Greet, no one would blink an eye. Because, well, his company would prolly be all murderers too. Moving on!

For these pitcher pairings, I’m going to be using our (my) 2022 fantasy baseball rankings. Notably, the top 20 for 2022 fantasy baseball, the top 20 starters for 2022 fantasy baseball, top 40 starters for 2022, top 60 starters for 2022, the top 80 starters for 2022 and top 100 starters. You can also just get Rudy’s downloadable War Room by signing up for the Subscriptions. Okay, formalities out of the way. *rolls up sleeves, makes farting noise with hand under armpit, rolls down sleeve* Let’s get busy! Now, what is a pitcher pairing? It’s your plan for putting together a fantasy pitching staff. A course of action, of course — of acoursion, naturally. If you have A pitcher, which B, C, D, E and F pitcher goes with him? Which is different than ‘F this pitcher,’ that’s what you say by end of April after one of your starters gives up five earned in two-thirds of an inning. You should have six starters. The sixth starter is, well, Bailey Ober comes to mind. Or Tony Gonsolin. Cristian Javier also comes to mind. Triston McKenzie anyone? I’m going to assume you’re in a 12 team, 5×5 and some variation of 9 pitcher leagues like the Razzball Commenter Leagues, which are now in the process of filling up. Put on your pants and look presentable! Anyway, here’s pitcher pairings for pitching staffs for 2022 fantasy baseball drafts:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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