Robles Dee, Robles Dah. Victor’s Up, Brah!

Yesterday, Victor Robles was called up by the Nats.  He’s number two in Prospector Ralph’s top 100 prospects, and everyone loves him, even Brad Garrett!  Robles will likely be the first guy I go over this offseason when I go over some high-profile rookies for 2018.  He is real, and he’s beautiful.  So, here’s the text question I posed to Prospector Ralph yesterday, “Who gets more at-bats from now until the end of the season for the Nationals, Alejandro De Aza or Robles?”  At that point, Ralph stopped talking to me, but it’s even worse.  Prior to my text, I saw “…” showing that he was typing, then that disappeared and nothing.  Just silence.  Eventually, I got a text back that Robles could play half the time.  I don’t know.  My guess is Nats are promoting him as a sort of butt pat that he did well this year.  Maybe he replaces Werth, Kendrick or Taylor here and there and plays a few times a week.  Werth’s shoulder has been barking and he’s woof, in general.  I didn’t care about picking up Robles in a 12-team mixed league, but grabbed him in a 15-teamer to drop Francisco Mejia, who was last week’s “YOU GOTTA GRAB HIM!”  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Tanner Roark – 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.48.  Fun fact!  George Hamilton used to call his toaster a “bread tanner.”  As for Roark, meh, don’t love him.

Aaron Nola – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.71.  Ugh, he looked so bad recently…Sonavabench!  Well, I guess it wasn’t that great of a start, but those Ks would’ve been nice.  Now, you know we’re going to start him for his next start, which is seemingly a good start that the Stream-o-Nator likes, and he’s going to get bombed.  You know that’s gonna happen, right?

Jorge Alfaro – 1-for-4 and his 2nd homer.  Phils really need to remove some prospblocks from their lineup.  If I were them, I’d be like, “Goodbye, Rupp…. Later, Galvis…. Hey, Tommy Joseph, don’t let the door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya.”  Galvis is the most puzzling one, because I can’t imagine they’re purposely giving him 162 games played this year to help with his arbitration for another team.  Does that make sense to anyone?  Though, this is also a team that said they can’t bench Tommy Joseph because he leads the club in homers with 21.  I’d guess the Phils’ manager gets his stats still from USA Today.

Jameson Taillon – 4 2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.78.  Crazy Idea Alert!  He can’t pitch since the removal of a testicle because he’s off balance.  So he should put a walnut in his jock strap to balance himself.

Jon Lester – 6 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.35.  A 4.35 ERA this year could garner some Cy Young votes.

Ian Happ – 3-for-5, 2 runs.  Random Prediction Alert!  Maddon will play Happ every game in the postseason like he suddenly came up with this brilliant idea and everyone will praise him.  What will be forgotten is how long he platooned him this regular season when Happ should’ve just played!

Asdrubal Cabrera – 2-for-4, 1 run and a double, which should’ve been a home run.  But as all good things must end for the Mets — wait, is Mets short for ‘must end? — Asdrubal is headed for an MRI.

Brandon Nimmo – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 2nd and 3rd homer, hitting .283.  You in March, “I like how Miggy’s schedule looks in September for H2H, so I’m drafting him in the 1st round.”  You now, “Nimmo is the best hitter on my team.”  Nothing necessarily makes Nimmo a great player, but that doesn’t matter this time of year.  In April, Thames hit 11 HRs.  For H2H, that doesn’t matter anymore.  Nimmo matters.

Matt Harvey – 5 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 1 K, ERA at 5.82.  He still looks like The Dark Knight, only directed by Joel Schumacher and starring George Clooney.

Jeurys Familia – 2 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 5.17.  Just want to put it out there that I have no idea what the Mets are doing with Familia.  Is this some sort of weird rehab assignment?  No idea, and my guess is the Mets don’t know either.

Tyler Mahle – 4 IP, 3 ER, and lates.  Yeah, next matchup doesn’t get easier, and you can lose him.  Buh-bye.

Marcus Stroman – Will return from an elbow contusion to start today.  Here’s hoping he’s up to the task!  Get it?!  Because he’s short!  Oh, forget it.

Dan Straily – 5 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.95.  There’s only about twenty pitchers I’m holding right now if they don’t have a favorable next start.  With that said (not a U-turn, but this time I’m running the stop sign), Straily’s next start isn’t great.

Brad Ziegler – 2/3 IP, 2 ER, and the blown save, ERA at 5.04.  Oh, boy, someone’s limping to the finish line.  I don’t think clubs replace closers this late in the year unless they have no plans on the guy who is currently the closer being the closer next year and the guy they are planning on promoting is on the club, i.e., I could see grabbing Barraclough (that’s fun to spell).

Matt Kemp – 1-for-4 and his 18th homer, and 2nd homer in the last three games.  His nickname should be Ma-Ke, because that looks like what a baby says when it does doody in its shorts.   Maybe Ma-Ke needs to make more, because doode got fat.

Yolmer Sanchez – 1-for-4 and his 10th homer.  On our last 7-day Player Rater, Sanchez is around that of a top 50 hitter.   Sounds schmotatoey to me.

Jose Abreu – 1-for-4 and his 28th homer.  You know after you spin a fidget spinner real hard and it spins on its own for a while?  I’m just f**kin’ around, I don’t know anything about fidget spinners.  When I was a kid, we spun records, snitches!  I was just gonna say Abreu feels like he coasts, almost floats, to a 30 HR, 100 RBI, .300 season.

Corey Kluber –  7 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 13 Ks, ERA at 2.56.  I don’t think it’s coincidental that two of the leagues where I’m in first, I own Kluber.  He went into hashtag beastmode in May and is making Kershaw be like, “Damn, I wish I threw that well.”  Kluber’s…*points up* and everyone else is *points down*.  Kapeesh?

Jose Ramirez – Out a few days with a sore wrist.  Someone doesn’t care about your H2H playoffs.  Erik Gonzalez started in his place and homered twice.  Jose Ramirez owners are:  *Stan Gable licks tin*  Hey, that’s my Pi!

Francisco Lindor – 3-for-6, 3 runs and his 27th homer, hitting .270.  He doesn’t steal that many bases.  His OBP is only .331.  So, I don’t know, maybe hit him third instead of leadoff.  Just thinking out loud.

Lance Lynn – 6 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.94 vs. Clayton Richard – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.78. This game was in Petco, where you don’t have to be a horse or Verizon to roam free.

Wil Myers – 2-for-4 and his 25th homer, hitting .241.  Wow, I thought this guy retired.  Well, he plays for the Padres, same diff.

Nolan Arenado – 2-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 31st homer.  Check this out, I’ve made a Leaning Tower of Pisa out of Styrofoam peanuts and it’s being held together by nothing but gravity–NOOOOOO!!!!  Toreando!!!

Carlos Gonzalez – 3-for-5, 2 runs and a home run.  Guess how many homers CarGo has.  Oh, forget it, you’ll never guess.  He has nine!  Wow, the painting of himself in his attic must’ve gotten old.

Jon Gray – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.07.  I feel more comfortable with just about every starter at home.  Well, every starter but Gray.  Who me?  Yes, you!  Couldn’t be?  Then who?

Clayton Kershaw – 3 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 2.15.  Hard to say a guy with a 2.15 ERA is losing a step, but he sure doesn’t look 100%.  Or a red underlined hundred, if you’re millennial.

Kevin Gausman – 3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.99.  Every day I get more and more impressed by the Orioles’ pitching.  I wonder if they could coax Doyle Alexander out of retirement to throw some innings for them, can’t be much worse.

Aaron Judge – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 39th homer, and two more strikeouts to push season total to 184.  Should easily get in the top ten all-time for strikeouts in a season.  Might take some serious hacking to get top five.  For what it’s Werth, a few of the player years in the top ten were very usable, 260-ish average years.  However, Judge would easily have the best average of any of them if he maintains around .275.

Chase Headley – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer, and 2nd homer in three days.  He’s not in this afternoon’s Buy column, because he’s Chase Headley, but he could be heating up.

Todd Frazier – 1-for-3 and his 23rd homer, hitting .210.  Next year, Frazier’s undrafted in shallower mixed leagues, right?  I mean, if you were to tell me back in March, Meryl Streep started playing a role called, “Todd Frazier,” I’d say it’s still not believable this is Todd Frazier.

Starlin Castro – 1-for-5 and his 14th homer, and 2nd homer in three games.  I would like to point out all of these Yankees homers were off Orioles pitching.  A pitching staff that one highly astute person pointed out would be bolstered by signing a 67-year-old Doyle Alexander.

Kyle Gibson – 7 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 0 Ks, ERA at 5.19.  He’s pitched better recently, but zero Ks gets The Gas Face like P.W. Botha.

Kelvin Herrera – 2/3 IP, 3 ER, and his 4th blown save, ERA at 4.24.  The Royals haven’t outright said Herrera is the dog food that you accidentally eat and think it’s pâté, but he is dog food that you accidentally eat, right?  Does anyone own Herrera and not have a perma-wince?  A forearm strain is not good for pitchers, and Kelvin is suffering from one.  Unfortch, his handcuff is suffering from being Brandon Maurer.

Sam Gaviglio – 5 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.41.  Gaviglio is pitching for KC?  Wasn’t he on Seattle earlier this year?  Eh, he’s just Gaviglio.  Life goes on without him.