“Hey, kid, welcome to the bigs! Bigs are what we now call the bags, because they’re big. During the lockout of 2022, in effort to fix the game, MLB started using couch cushions at each base and the frame of the couch as home plate. So, in the bigs, you just collect the cushions as you round the bases and put them in the couch to score at home. See, ‘home’ is already there in the name, and the MLB owners were smart enough to realize that. Plus, it helps them reach a new demographic. Kids love furniture.” Wakes with a sudden jolt. Whoa, I was having a nightmare that MLB was in a lockout, and instead of figuring out the financials for both sides, they were making the bases bigger. That wasn’t a nightmare? Oh, crap, I’m going back to sleep. Though, now I kinda understand Rudy’s hitter projections for Oneil Cruz. He’s 7’4″, so bigger bags means he just needs to make one step towards 1st base, hence Cruz’s projected .282 average. So, the TGFBI is an industry league of ‘perts from all different sites, competing against each other. The league is a 30-round draft, 15-team, mixed league with weekly waivers. Kinda like the Draft Champions, 15-team leagues we do at NFBC. By the way, who wants to do another league? I need to draft to fill this pre-pre-preseason. (If you want to compete against me and a few hundred of your worst frenemies, here’s our Razzball Commenter Leagues signups.) So, here’s my 15-team, mixed league, TGFBI draft recap and some thoughts:
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Hey, what’s up, I’m Grey Albright, a big, big fan of the Kansas City Royals. Born and bred in the Kay Cee — blue fo’eva! I only eat turtle, and by ‘turtle’ I mean meat that is slow and low. When someone mentions Chisholm, I think jazz should be more improvisational and lowercase. I like my Dons named Denkinger and my Steves named Balboni. I was born into a powdered blue blanket and I still use it for rallies. A born and blue Royals man! As of this past Saturday. So, I took part in the LABR, 12-team, mixed auction this past weekend and I built a team revolving around two big Royals players, because I have a screw loose, and I cannot not NOT not love me some upside. Unlike most of my ‘pert league recaps, this might actually help youse because it’s a shallower league. Besides being an auction and two catcher, it’s very similar to our RCL leagues (spots available to take on me and all of your worst frenemies, and win prizes; it’s free — sign up for a Razzball Commenter League under that linkie-ma-whosie.) Anyway, here’s my LABR 12-team, mixed league draft recap:
Please, blog, may I have some more?In solidarity with MLB players, I drove to a cliff on the PCH, overlooking the Pacific Ocean, stepped out of my Sebring while it was still in neutral, locked the doors, and watched as it rolled off the cliff, crashing into the roof of a billionaire’s beachfront home. To illustrate the MLB owners’ position, I went to a Chipotle, and on a sign clearly labeled “pull,” I pushed for hours, screaming, “What happened? Am I locked out? This is totally unfair!” For the fans, I took out a full newspaper ad, pleading for both sides to go back to the negotiating table, and that was seen by the 12 people who still read a hard-copy of the paper. We. Are. United! Which is what I was shouting as I was escorted away from the Delta terminal.
So, no great news has come out about the MLB lockout. I’m not a labor reporter, and won’t bore you while pretending to be. This is an evolving shituation that could change tomorrow or six weeks from now. My guess is there will be movement in the landmark case of sooner vs. later. Hopefully, it won’t last much longer. *wavy lines* The year is 2081. After a 60-year lockout, a deal is finally struck between the 80-year-old player rep, Wander Franco, and Rob Manfred Jr. Jr., the 15-year-old MLB commissioner-slash-influencer who opens graves and harvests human bones for petroleum on TikTok. *wavy lines* Yikes, what kind of dream was that?
If you want this broken down to you in the simplest of terms, I have good news and bad news. The bad news is we already lost one week of games. The good news is you’re not Rob Manfred.
Could anything be more appropriate than Rob Manfred practicing his golf swing on the worst day of his tenure as MLB commissioner? https://t.co/8mI4OlAL0s
— Razzball (@Razzball) March 1, 2022
“It’s all about the fans.” — Rob Manfred, walking past a store that sells ceiling fans. What if Rob Manfred’s real job was to make Bud Selig look good in retrospect? Makes ya think, huh? Ain’t sayin’ anything groundbreaking here, but when MLB owners aren’t losing money by losing games, the system is broken.
Okay, back to fantasy, as I said last week, I was updating my 2022 fantasy baseball rankings, but later on I discussed it with Rudy and we’re holding tight for now, because, honestly, one week missed of games isn’t going to change anything. Two weeks isn’t really anything, either. Later this week, maybe I’ll change my mind and remove a couple weeks from the projections. Maybe I’ll leave the positional rankings’s projections on a 162-game scale and only change my top 500. A few players might actually be benefited by the lockout, and there was some news. So, let’s get on the other side of this “Anyway,” and get to it. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this offseason for 2022 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Byron Buxton, 2022 Fantasy Schmohawk
March 4, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Overrated | 69 Commentsby: Grey
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When someone says “therefore” in real-life conversation, you know they’re full of shit. Byron Buxton‘s 2022 projections are a big, giant “therefore.” People are expecting him to “therefore” for six months straight. He will need to beat the longest previous “therefore,” which was Luke Voit in 2020. The longest “therefore” in history is O.J. Simpson from birth until June of 1994. A “therefore”record that might not ever be broken. Some say that OJ’s “therefore” is the Cal Ripken consecutive game streak of therefores. A “therefore” to end all therefores. Therefores happen, don’t get me wrong. I therefore’d once in conversation. Was out to dinner with Cougs, and a couple we were with was talking about how their sister was doing an upcoming Ted Talk — an actual Ted Talk, not my dog, Ted, talking, which would actually be the best Ted Talk ever — and this friend’s sister was about to do a Ted Talk about ants, and I said, “Don’t tell me anymore. Your sister is giving the Ted Talk? Therefore, I will be watching.” And, boy, was I lying my ass off! Like I’m watching a Ted Talk, let alone one about ants! See, “therefore” is the giveaway. Next time you’re hanging with your friends say “therefore” and those friends, if they’re real friends, will no longer be friends with you, because you will be lying to them. Friends keep it real. They will stop being friends with some friends like ones using “therefore” in conversation. So, last year, Byron Buxton’s statline was 50/19/32/.306/9 in 235 ABs, and his projections are saying therefore/therefore/therefore/therefore/therefore. Therefore, please just stop the lies. So, what can we expect from Byron Buxton for 2022 fantasy baseball and what makes him overrated?
Please, blog, may I have some more? George Springer, 2022 Fantasy Schmohawk
March 3, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Overrated | 38 Commentsby: Grey
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So, wasn’t expecting to write a George Springer overrated post. Didn’t seem like a guy who could possibly be overrated. What’s to overrate? You know him and he just missed half of last season, and he always misses time. Why is he even overrated? I’m having a hard time figuring that out. His Steamer projections from us are 100/32/85/.257/7 in 524 ABs. Don’t think any of those numbers are unattainable. I have him down for 91/27/63/.246/7 in 503 ABs. So, few less homers; same steals; little less average; counting stats are what they are. My problem is. Dot dot dot. Pause for effect. Dramatic sting. Why is that being drafted in the top 50 overall? If I told you I had a 27/7/.250 hitter, you’d say to me, “That’s a pretty cool story, bro, is it Anthony Rizzo?” And I’d say to you, “No, it’s George Springer,” and you’d say, “No, it’s not, but cool way to disguise Anthony Santander, Broseph,” and I’d say, “I’m not your Broseph, I’m being serious. Are you only able to guess Anthony names?” And you’d say, “Easy, Chilly Wills, is it Eduardo Escobar,” and I’d say, “No, CHILLY WILLS! IT’S GEORGE SPRINGER?!” And you’d say, “I think you suddenly went deaf because you started screaming,” and I’d say, “I’m no longer having this conversation,” and you’d say, “Is it Eddie Rosario?” And I’d throw you off the horsey we were sharing on this carousel of thoughts. So, what can we expect from George Springer for 2022 fantasy baseball and what makes him overrated?
Psyche! So, yesterday, I said I was updating my 2022 fantasy baseball rankings, but later on I discussed it with Rudy and we’re holding tight for now, because, honestly, one week missed of games isn’t going to change anything. What, I’m gonna remove three runs, three RBIs and four-tenths of a homer and steal? Next week, we’ll reevaluate and potentially take two weeks of stats off the projections, or something else, yet to be considered. Next week, I’ll also do a state of the game roundup and discuss Acuña, Kershaw, and others. Anyway II, why is George Springer is overrated?
Please, blog, may I have some more? RazzSlam Recap: Seiya? I’m Going To Swing From The Chandelier
March 2, 2022 | Our Leagues | 84 Commentsby: Grey
I’m a big fan of the everyman. I consider myself the everyman. I’m every man’s everyman. A pioneer of normcore. Track pants and a blinking light on my car’s dashboard that either means my seatbelt isn’t on or I need oil. That is me. What better way to elevate the Everyman Culture, then to take part in a tourney where no one is smarter than anyone else. Enter the RazzSlam, a Best Ball tourney. Every everyman likely knows what a Best Ball league is, but, if you don’t, it’s when you draft a team and the computer manages it for you by choosing who are your best players, and you get those stats. It’s basically one fantasy league removed from the robots taking over and killing us all. Well, the last laugh is on you robots, cholesterol is beating you to the punch! Kinda love that Razzball is putting on a tourney (hosted by NFBC — thank you!) that no one really has any clue how to strategize. A true everyman experience. Oh, I’m sure there’s a few people who think they know the correct strategy for Best Ball, and a few of them might be right, but there’s an under 1% chance they know why they’re right, and it isn’t just luck. In some ways, Best Ball leagues are a lot like Best Ball strategies. Throw a ton of them out there and a few good ones will rise to the top through sheer force of players’ performances and nothing you’re actually doing. That’s the fun. Anyway, here’s my RazzSlam, a 42-round, Best Ball 12 team draft recap:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Walker Buehler, 2022 Fantasy Schmohawk
March 1, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Overrated | 82 Commentsby: Grey
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So, if you’re keeping a mental note of all the pitchers I don’t like, you might realize from the Anime Grey videos, Julio Urias is one of them. Now, I’m throwing in Walker Buehler. Trevor Bauer’s a big ol’ piece of garbage, and the only person ranking Max Muncy lower than me is Madison Bumgarner. Chris Taylor’s never done nothing for me no matter his position eligibility! I’m going to become the biggest hate spewer in SoCal! I’m going to put on my Vin Scully jersey and tell everyone it’s for Scully from The X Files. Just to insult them! I’m going to go to Dodgers games — fifteen minutes early — just to show them up! I’m going to tell everyone that will listen that Nathan’s hot dogs are better than Dodger dogs! I’m going to tell everyone that Dodgers’ superfan Mary Hart’s legs weren’t that spectacular! I’m going to tell everyone that Dodgers’ superfan Larry King is still alive…on Epstein’s island! I’m gonna tell them Clayton Kershaw isn’t a Hall of Famer and that I once saw Sandy Koufax eat pork! I’m the biggest hater in Los Angeles! But, now, about Walker Buehler. Sigh. I’m not going to run through why I would never draft a top starter. I wouldn’t, but this post isn’t about that. Wrote about that across 15,000 words in the top 20 starters for 2022 fantasy baseball. I won’t be drafting a top starter or Walker Buehler, but I can dislike Walker Buehler on his own. Brave! So, what can we expect from Walker Buehler for 2022 fantasy baseball and what makes him overrated?
Please, blog, may I have some more? Nolan Arenado, 2022 Fantasy Schmohawk
February 28, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Overrated | 28 Commentsby: Grey
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I went back to my room at the Radisson. (This is not a sponsored post.) I laid my head down. Lied my head down? Ya know, because I was lying to the doorman when he asked if I had friends. It was none of his business. Plus, what was he doing in my room? Did each room at the Radisson have a doorman? I asked him that, then asked that he show himself out. After tucking me in. The tucking, the doorman did. It was so tight it was suffocating. I could barely breathe. So, I jostled around in the bed like a caterpillar shedding its skin, would I become a butterfly? Likely, yes. I was able to get one hand out of the tucked-in sheet and grab the mechanical claw I had on the nightstand that I used to feed myself grapes, so I could imagine I was a Russian prince. After the grape dropped into my mouth, I reached, with the mechanical claw, to grab a twenty dollar bill to light on fire to start myself a cigar. Earlier that day, I withdrew my life savings in twenties, and placed them precariously on the window sill. Hmm, I thought, if I lit a cigar in this non-smoking room, I might want to open the window first–
NOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Torendao!!!
Please, blog, may I have some more? NL West: DHs for 2022 Fantasy Baseball
February 24, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Sleepers | 58 Commentsby: Grey
In the last of the series where we (I) cover the incoming NL DH class of 2022 fantasy baseball, we turn our lovely eyes West to the NL West, and today we’re joined by the great Pacific Northwesterner, Edger Martines. Edgar Martinez, Mariners’ Hall of Fame DH, wasn’t available, so I searched an online database for someone who sounds like him and who lives in Seattle.
“So, Edger Martines, what was it like being a DH? Anything these new NL DHs can gleam?”
“I work at a Chipotle.”
“That’s great! I love their rice.”
To find our NL East DH fantasy baseball recap-a-thingie click that link, and to find our NL Central DH fantasy baseball whose-he-whats-is click that. So, who are the best candidates for DH on the NL West teams, and what can we expect from them for 2022 fantasy baseball?
Please, blog, may I have some more? NL Central: DHs for 2022 Fantasy Baseball
February 23, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Sleepers | 62 Commentsby: Grey
Welcome back to our National League DH coverage! Joining us will be DH extraordinaire, Cliff Johnson.
“Cliff, what do you think is the hardest part of being a DH?”
“You have to be ready to play from any position.”
“Like 1st base, or catcher?”
“No, like from the far right of the bench, to the spot right next to that, to the spot right next to that, to the spot–”
“Okay, I think I got it. If DHs are always sitting, any ideas why DHs always seem to be named after places where dudes stand? There was you — Cliff. There was Stairs, and there was Chili.”
“Chili?”
“Yes, a Chili stand.”
All right, so the other day we went over the best candidates to DH in the NL East and their fantasy value. Today, you guessed it! So, who are the best candidates for DH on the NL Central teams, and what can we expect from them for 2022 fantasy baseball?
Please, blog, may I have some more? NL East: DHs for 2022 Fantasy Baseball
February 22, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Sleepers | 63 Commentsby: Grey
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So, the preseason looks like this usually: Update a post from last year with a find and replace for “2022 fantasy baseball,” do a schluffen, and wake me up in time for Opening Day. This year: Is there going to be an Opening Day? Then, I lower my head and walk off, tears rolling down my cheek. Slowly at first, then the tears pick up steam, and now it’s Niagara out of my tear ducts. As I pass a group of snickering kids, I scream, “My contact lenses are bothering me! Respect your elders!” So, since we have a little bit more time — and hopefully only a little bit of time — let’s take a moment and look at each NL divisional team and whom they will likely trot out there as their DH. Trot Nixon? No, that horsey is on a farm upstate. Geez, that sounds like he did a well-choreographed handshake with his maker. He’s just retired. About fourteen years now. Why is this post about Trot Nixon? Hard to say! So, who are the best candidates for DH on the NL East teams, and what can we expect from them for 2022 fantasy baseball?
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Ron Blomberg, the first DH known to man, stood in a parking lot, outside Parsippany, New Jersey’s Ramada Inn, sipping a coffee and eating a donut. Mr. Blomberg was there to meet new recruits for the National League DH. A starry-eyed, Paul DeJong stepped up for a badge to Ron’s seminar, and to chat with Ron.
“I’m a big fan, Mr. Blomberg.”
Ron looks Paul DeJong up and down, not thinking much of him, “Of course, you are.”
Paul tries a new tact, “When you’re DH’ing, the electricity coursing through your veins, the fans at a fever pitch, it can’t be that hard to come off the bench, right?”
“It’s easier to get come off a towel,” answered Ron, as he handed DeJong his crumbled up napkin, holding his donut crumbs, and walked into the Ramada.
As expected when I started my 2022 fantasy baseball rankings, the DH is coming to the NL. Personally, I’m pumped, like I was Ron Blomberg myself, who gets a nickel for every DH at-bat, because Ron Blomberg invented the DH. His income just doubled. Have you seen the latest Fortune magazine with Ron Blomberg on the cover with the title, “Nickelaire?” Sorry for all the old schoolers who think pitchers hitting is sacred. I think it’s a sacrilege to hitting. Tomato-tomato-pronounced-with-a-different-emphasis.
You, a thoughtful person, “But NL pitchers have been working on their bunt for 47 years!”
Me, a person who doesn’t give a flying eff, “Pull the plug!”
If Paul DeJong’s first taste of being a DH isn’t a success, there could be upwards to 550 more chances this year. Dot dot dot. If the Cardinals want to have the worst DH in the National League. All of my 2022 fantasy baseball rankings are currently accurate as far as DHs in the NL, but once guys start signing, things could change dramatically. I’d guess at least half the NL teams go out and sign someone, and the Brewers cut half of their DHs. Hey, the Brewers used to be in the AL, right? So, is that why they already have five DHs? Maybe they can give one — say, Rowdy Tellez — to the Cards. If I were the Cards, I’d be on the lookout for anyone. Yes, I’m suggesting they pass on the DeJong, while he gets the Grey poop-on. Tomorrow, I will start a multi-day forage into the newly minted NL DHs, going through each NL team and their perspective DH, as I try to find a truffle in the pig shizz. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this preseason for 2022 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?