by: Grey
Phillies’ pitchers have held the Tigers to 6 2/3 IP in Game 1; shutout on three hits in Game two and no hit yesterday by Zack Wheeler in 7 1/3 IP. Seems the Tigers’ pregame sessions meeting around the batting cage while Javier Baez takes batting practice are paying off. “So, swing 7 inches above […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
On the left side of the screen, my face comes out and says, “Jon.” My face comes out on the right side of the face and says, “Gray.” Welcome back to another edition of Grey on Gray. How is Jon Gray this good? We go to my first thought, “The Rangers are cheating.” No? Okay, maybe not, but their offense is fierce and their pitching is about as good as the Rays. Wait a minute…Rays…Grays…My God! They’re both cheating! No? Okay, perhaps not, but Jon Gray (9 IP, 1 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 12 Ks, ERA at 2.32) looks gorgeous, and there’s no shame in us kinda sharing a name. Welcome aboard the Gray Train! Next stop googling old pictures of Erin Gray on Buck Rogers! Short story on Jon Gray: He could be this good; he’s not quite this good; he could get lucky all year; there’s scenarios in play; semi-colons are fun. A 2.32 ERA is a tough order to maintain. Regression could happen. Coolwhip just gave you a full Jon Gray fantasy that is comprehensive to his changes. It’s all down to a very nasty slider and his sweeper (which is a horizontal slider), or just his slider, depending on where you’re looking. It’s been pitch black–damn, I shouldn’t have used a thesaurus for that. It’s lights out. A combo of a change working, slider killing them, a fastball inducing weak fly balls and cheating has made Jon Gray go from okay to may-as-well-be-on-the-Rays. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Reds’ manager, David Bell, who is commonly known as Dumb Bell, not because he’s the dumbest motherf*cker to ever manage a baseball team — Phil Nevin is dumber than him — he’s known as Dumb Bell, because he’s the 2nd dumbest MLB manager. (It’s a 29-way tie for 2nd.) Imagine having five top 100 prospects, all under the age of 27, and thinking, “How do I get Kevin Newman into the lineup?” This perplexed Dumb Bell for countless hours. He took a trek to visit a Buddha statue in downtown Cincy (it’s outside Buddha’s Mongolian BBQ) to ask the Buddha what he thought he should do, and the Buddha said, “Look deep within for the knowledge you possess,” so Dumb Bell dropped his pants, bent over backwards in front of a mirror and tried to find that knowledge deep within himself. Sadly, the only knowledge he now possesses is he needs to wipe better. So, Dumb’s got a new piece to play with as Elly De La Cruz was called up. Just gave you an Elly De la Cruz fantasy. Yes, he’s a pickup in every league. Oh, and “yes” reminds me of something: Where the Helly is CES? Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?Ah…you smell that? That’s the inevitable runs that Aaron Nola (7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 3 walks, ERA at 4.30. ) gives up every game, but as unearned. Smells so nice. Can we bottle that? Wait, I have something else for you to smell. No, not that! Don’t pull Eduardo Rodriguez’s finger! I’m talking about this…*takes a long, deep inhale* “Did you put rose petals on top of doggie doo?” Ah, yes! Trea Turner‘s game yesterday (4-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs) on top of his season-long “Everyone, check your sneakers because someone dragged in an odor, and it wasn’t Rougned.” With that odor lingering, it’s a bad time to shut the Buy Low Window, too. June’s Kyle Schwarber’s month, but Treat Urner is the type to go from zero to 100 in the matter of one game. As we saw in the WBC, he can hit 12 homers in two weeks, and get his average up fifty points in the snap of a middle and thumb. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Yesterday, the Dodgers called up Jonny DeLuca. He’s been tearing up Triple-A, which is pretty impressive for a studio enforcer who’s having an affair with Lana Turner. Jonny DeLuca’s got all the photogs on call, and, yeah, see, he’s got pics of your favorite movie stars in ways you don’t wanna see them, see. He’s also got solid power and speed, and had a 15% strikeout rate in Triple-A, so the contact is there too. Think he might be more of an NL-Only or deeper mixed league guy for now, but worth monocling. Unless you wanna see your dame splashed all over Look! magazine. Also, the Cards are calling up Luken Baker, but, if you’ve seen him, he looks exactly like Adam Dunn. In the minors, he even wore his number.
Please, blog, may I have some more?(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH)
“Please welcome to the stage, De La Cruz, the Spanish-language De La Soul cover band, and their smash hit, “Sábados.” De La Cruz sings, “Sábados es a Sábados, Sábados es a Sábados, Sábados es a Sábados, Sábados es a Sábados…” A kid squints, unsure if he’s in the right place. He asks the kid next to him in Spanglish, “Hola, amigo, I thought es concerto was about Elly De La Cruz?” The kids says back, “Sorry, I only English and Spanish, separately.” So, Elly De La Cruz and Oneil Cruz don’t just share a last name. They look like the zygote split at exactly six foot, five inches. They are the Big John Studd and Hulk Hogan locked-up, forehead-to-forehead, throwing 107 MPH bullets to first and hitting 120 MPH lasers into the bleachers. Elly De La Cruz and Oneil Cruz are both 40/40 threats with contact issues. If Elly De La Cruz is called-up within a few weeks, they’ll likely both be drafted within a round of each other next year. They are the Wonder Twin Powers. Regarding Elly De La Cruz and when he’ll be called up, I figured later this year, but I could be wrong (would be the first time), and I don’t want all of you to miss out. My figuring had a lot to do with Christian Encarnacion-Strand is much older and should be promoted first, then De La Cruz would be called up, but it doesn’t need happen to like that. They’re both ready, and De La Cruz might be younger, but is actually better. De La Cruz could be a top 50 overall player the rest of the way, and absolutely should be stashed. He’s definitely ready for his walkup music: Meany, meany, meany, meany (Decir que?), Meany, meany, meany, meany (Decir que?) Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
I was lost, out of sorts. I began standing at urinals with my pants at my ankles like I was a five-year-old. I’d say to Cougs, “I did a poopie.” Soiled. Ugly. Couldn’t go on. Jordan Walker was sent down. The power of his presence gone. From my life. Pain. I felt. Today, WE’RE BACK BABY! I’m pulling up my shorts and no longer asking my wife to wipe me! I’m an adult again! My oxygen mask can be removed! I can breathe again without your assistance! The roses are redder than they’ve ever been. Tear up my Last Will and Testament; I’m gonna live forever like Irene Cara! I can feel it! So, I still don’t understand Walker’s playing time shituation but I doubt he’s being called up to sit on the bench. Grab him everywhere. Unless you don’t love love. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
I was feeling reflective yesterday, so I turned to the mirror and sang to myself, I bought a toothbrush, some toothpaste–Mirror, “Please don’t sing that song.”–A flannel for my face…Pajamas, a hairbrush–“Please stop, please.”–New shoes, and a case! I said to my reflection–Stop Squeeze’ng me! Yesterday, Josh Naylor H.A.M. got on a roll (4-for-5, 3 runs, 6 RBIs) with a slam (8) and legs (4). Naylor? Can’t we talk first? Get to know each other? I’m tempted but the truth is discovered…Can Josh Naylor become a thing? Sure. I fumble for the clock…alarmed by the seduction…Time to get serious, what kind of thing did you have in mind with Naylor? There is a large contingent of 1st basemen like Josh Naylor who will give 20-24 homers, no speed and a .270 average. In Squeeze terms, that’s a novel, some perfume, a fortune all for you. It’s basically a top 15 1st baseman, and right now he’s around the 25th best 1st baseman (or was prior to yesterday, at least), so he’s got some ground to gain. Will you become bored of Naylor if you roster him? I see what you’re saying…Tempted by the fruit of another… Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?A.J. Smith-Shawver was called up yesterday. A.J. Smith-Shawver began pitching in 2020. You watched Tiger King; A.J. Smith-Shawver developed a 96 MPH fastball. You stuck a cotton swab up your nose; A.J. Smith-Shawver perfected an 88 MPH slider. You wiped down groceries from Door Dash; A.J. Smith-Shawver learned how to throw a 85 MPH change. You are not the same. He’s 20 years old! Wanna feel old? He graduated high school in 2021. Wanna feel dumb? You went to college; he went to the majors! This is why I love the Braves. They’re not afraid of promoting prospects. Take note, Reds! A.J. Smith-Shawver looks like he could surprise in the majors, like Spencer Strider did last year. Too much pressure for a prospect? Please. A.J. Smith-Shawver went up four levels this year. What do I have to show for the last two months? A bunion? A.J. Smith-Shawver is the Doogie Howser of MLB. Stop overachieving, you’re making me feel bad! By the way, if the Braves get Max Fried back, their rotation will include Jew, Jew, Smith-Shuster. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
The easiest thing you can do is put together an incredible fantasy pitching staff with only pitchers you drafted after 200 overall. It’s not just in hindsight. You could’ve blindly grabbed guys after 200. It’s easier to put together a staff after 200th overall draft than from the top 20 starters. Jon Gray? Don’t mind if I do! Patrick Sandoval? Sure! Sonny Gray? Okay! Andrew Heaney? Sure, I’ll take the occasional blow up! Hunter Brown? Why not? Jose Berrios? Yes. Nathan Eovaldi? Absolutely. Alex Cobb? Yes. Martin Perez? I’ve seen worse. Merrill Kelly? Absolutely. Marcus Stroman? He just threw one-hitter vs. the Rays and has a 2.59 ERA. (He added in 8 Ks in that one-hitter with one walk too.) Know how I chose those eleven starters after 200th overall? I went to the ADP of 200 overall and took 11 of the next 14 starters from 200 overall to 268. 11 of the 14 starters after pick 200 are doing great. 11 of 14! On the other hand, five of the top 10 starters overall are garbage! DeGrom, Nola, Woodruff, Verlander, and Sandy. Your mileage can vary with Gerrit, Burnes and Strider, but let’s say they were worth it. After the top 10? The next three were Scherzer, Cease and Bieber. Wow! It makes so much sense to draft starters high I cannot take it. I am brimming with sarcasm, if you can’t tell. 11 of 14 starters after 200 overall were solid; five of the top 10 are iffy at best. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?Hope everyone is having a nice Memorial Day weekend, and enjoying some baseball, or as Chef Boyardee calls it, Our National Pastatime. This Monday let’s remember all the other red-white-blue American things one hears backstage at a Larry The Cable Guy concert, including burping and farting and wearing an American flag t-shirt. Eat a D, ISIS! Much like how America was just a Platonic ideal, then went to Washington and had to get its hands dirty with the gory details of governing, we have MacKenzie Gore (7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 11 Ks (career-high), ERA at 3.57) getting his hands dirty with making good on the promise of being a top prospect. Yesterday, he threw 106 pitches, 75 were strikes, and 23 were swinging. Overall, his command is still a bit wonky — 11.5 K/9, 4.3 BB/9, 3.48 xFIP — but if the Ks are that good, the command won’t hurt him. Those Ks are Murica thru & thru. Not spelling shizz out is Murica too. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH)
Wistfully, “This guy has such great health.” That’s Royce Lewis looking at Byron Buxton. Royce Lewis is the Merely A Flesh Wound Guy. Royce Lewis has been injured so much he actually knows the difference between physical and occupational therapy. In fact, when Lewis is watching a basketball game that is going to OT, he hops out of his wheelchair, grabs crutches and yells, “It’s time to see Sheila!” So, do you have *looks at watch* six years for Royce Lewis to break out? For those who don’t know the bare minimum about Lewis, he was the meow’s cat, missed two years with injury, then came back and was hitting everything in the minors, then, due to that ferocious bat, he was called up. This was last year. Then he hurt himself and missed another year. Lieutenant Dan has had less issues with his legs. Royce Lewis has torn his ACL so many times that he thinks an “ACL” is Roman for 150 knee injuries. He can’t be roamin’ because his legs are made of taffy and rubber bands. “I wish they used cherry.” That’s Royce chewing on the creamsicle taffy holding together his knee. Is he back to hitting again in the minors? Yup, and here we are again. He has 30/30/.270 type tools, also see: the young Buxton comp. He has the 2nd best projections for all hitter rookies on our Prospectonator (check out #1). Lewis is a can’t miss fantasy superstar if he can miss just one injury. Word on the street that Lewis can’t walk down without hurting himself is he could be called up as soon as he’s eligible on May 29th. Grab him now, before he chews through the rest of the creamsicle taffy. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?