The Cardinals never not produce prospects out of nowhere. Double negatives don’t not be damned. Or is that be damned? There’s likely hundreds if not thousands (maybe five or six) prospects that have come out of nowhere for the Cardinals. The big one I can think of is Albert Pujols. Pujols was originally signed as the 402nd pick overall and turned down an offer of $10,000 to play instead in the National Baseball Congress, against Dick Gephardt and Nancy Pelosi. Finally, he signed with the Cardinals when no one else wanted him. We know how that turned out. Jason Motte was a 19th round selection in 2003, and he was still closing games this year (though for the Cubs). In 2001, the Cards drafted a little known shortstop, Michael J. Fox, in the last round and he had a fine career in sitcoms and starring film roles. So, Thomas Pham was drafted in the 16th round of 2006 and came up with little fanfare. “Little fanfare?” No way, this is St. Louis baseball, we have the best fans yadda whatever! Pham was considered a fringe prospect at best and a Thai beef salad at worst. Could’ve Pham just got lost in the shuffle? In 2014, he had 10 HRs, 20 SBs, hitting .324 in Triple-A. Then, with no room to play in the majors, he went back to Triple-A this year and hit 6 HRs with 9 SBs and a .327 average in 48 games. He’s likely more interesting in fantasy than real baseball, but, guess what, you numbnuts, we’re talking about fantasy. For 2016 fantasy baseball, I could see him being a 14 HR, 25 SB, .280 hitter, who gets a huge boost if he stays at the top of the order as he’s been doing thus far. For right now, Pham’s hitting near-.400 in the last week, and taking this back to the beginning with Pujols, he’s in the two-hole with his Phamy jewels. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Starling Goes Hannibal On Rockies
September 25, 2015 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 163 Commentsby: Grey
We have one reader in Nigeria who emails me privately about how I’ve won large amounts of muney (sic), so I don’t need to be working, which means this is more of a PSA, and should be taken even more seriously: Starling Marte is a God. There’s Jesus, there’s his Dad, there’s Jehovah, there’s Mormons’ magic underpants, there’s whoever the Jews pray to — Mel Brooks? — there’s Chief Jay Strongbow, there’s the Pope, there’s Allah, there’s Halla, the Arab God for dyslexics, and there’s others, I’m sure. My God is Starling Marte. You know how the religious say, “Peace be with you?” For baseball players, they should say, “May you always hit in Coors.” Yesterday in Coors, Marte went 4-for-5, 1 run, 1 RBI, which is the rainbow jimmies on the ice cream that has been his season. He has 18 HRs, 29 SBs and is hitting .288. Right now, he’s around top 25 on our Player Rater. For 2016, it’s gonna be hard for me to wait past the top 20 overall. Yes, he’s that good, and I may just rank him above McCutchen. Oh, snap! Don’t need the police to try to save them, your voice will seize, so please, stay off my back or I will attack and you don’t want that. Hit the bass, hit the anyway and let’s do this! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Britton Needs Peers To Perform
September 24, 2015 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 303 Commentsby: Grey
Zach Britton has a mild lat strain. He hopes to return soon as he’s complained that the loneliness of not pitching is killing him. Britton went on to say, “Bollocks!” Maybe that’s a Briton. Any hoo! Or as a Briton would say, “Tally hoo!” The Orioles haven’t said Britton is shut down, but I highly doubt he closes another game in the next week. Or as a Briton would say, “My Full Monty is knackered. Let’s scallywag over a fag, you donkey arse.” The Irish have fought for independence for the better part of a century, and yesterday they exacted some revenge as Britton went down to an O’Day. Darren O’Day said, “Blarney stone something something potato something something Guinness.” It was hard to understand. I would grab O’Day in every league if you need saves as he’s now converted two in two like Chuck Woolery, and, holy crap, Woolery got old! Have you seen The Voice? His son was on there and Woolery looked like he was gonna turn to dust. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Holland Run Down, Rondon Lollin’
September 23, 2015 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 273 Commentsby: Grey
Yom Kippur, the Jewish day of atonement, began yesterday, and Brad Ausmus, the Tigers manager who doesn’t believe in a manger, started atoning for his mistakes, by sending the Tigers closer, Bruce Rondon, home due to a lack of effort. This sends an interesting message. I’d guess, with a motorized scooter and knee-bypass surgery, Victor Martinez still wouldn’t be at 100% effort. Kyle Lobstein and Randy Wolf wouldn’t be at 100% effort with a pitching machine standing next to them as they mimed throwing. Shoot, I don’t know if Miggy was at 100% effort even in his Triple Crown season. Also, what does this say about Ausmus? That he’s managing a team in last place, but he’s coaching at 100% effort? Wouldn’t he be better off pretending he was at, say, 60% effort? How about this, “I sent Rondon home because he was at 40% effort. I lead by example around here, and I demand everyone give 50 to 55% effort, as I do. What? You thought I was at 100% effort and we’re in last place? Please!” Alex Wilson is the likely replacement closer, maybe Neftali Feliz also sees some saves, but he blew one last night. Then, in Kansas City, Greg Holland let the entire organization off easy by saying he had a tight elbow and is done for the year. This saves everyone from calling for Wade Davis to close while berating and belittling Holland worse than a tourist who doesn’t smoke pot and hates windmills. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Tigers Must Be Toast Because They Got Slathered In Samardzija In
September 22, 2015 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 265 Commentsby: Grey
“All year. All. Year. I’ve been starting Jeff Samardzija in one 15 team league. It’s an NFBC league so I couldn’t drop him (there’s no waivers). It’s not a great league to bench starters. I had options like Colby Lewis and Adam Warren. Not great options. But, finally, yesterday, I decided enough was enough. If I was going to lose, at least I would lose with Samardzija out of my lineup. So, Samardnuts goes out and throws a one-hitter (9 IP, o ER, 1 Hit, Zero Walks, 6 Ks).” That was how I concluded the story to the doctor when I first ended up in the mental asylum. Samardzija is actually easier to type while wearing a straitjacket. Coincidence? Immediately following the story, I cackled myself to sleep in a puddle of my own bodily fluids. I’m not even sure what fluid it was. I’m guessing urine, but you got me on specifics. As we know, earlier this year Oxford Dictionary replaced &@*^&*@%! that connotes a curse word with Samardzija, and I can think of nothing more fitting than screaming SAMARDZIJA! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Morales So Nice He Homered Thrys
September 21, 2015 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 373 Commentsby: Grey
All right all of you, hardcore, prematurely balding fantasy baseballers, who are battling in the trenches these final weeks. You people. And by “you people,” I mean middle-aged, middle class white men with their mothers on speed dial. (What? Google Analytics can tell a lot.) Let’s do this like Brutus and Tommy Artootis. (I went to middle school with Tommy Artootis; you probably didn’t know that.) Yesterday, Kendrys Morales went 4-for-4, 5 runs and three solo home runs (19, 20, 21). The Morales of the story? He’s stepping up to help you win because we prayed for this. Right after praying that Lay’s Gyro-flavored potato chips wins the new flavor contest. Show of hands: how many of you care who becomes the next president? Okay, now how many of you care what flavor wins Lay’s potato chip contest? Ya’ll bunch of liars if you didn’t vote for Lay’s. Can we just make a Trump flavored potato chip to combine all my voting into one place? Morales has done well for my Tout Wars team, but I’m gonna come up a little short like Altuve. Here’s the current standings, as you can see power was my real bugaboo. If Miggy had reached 30 homers like he did seemingly every other year, it could’ve made a huge difference. For now, let’s bask in Rudy’s dominance and hope Lay’s Gyro flavor kicks ass. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Bird Bird Bird, Bird Is The Buy
September 18, 2015 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 344 Commentsby: Grey
Don’t you know about Greg Bird? Bird Bird Bird, Bird is the buy! Bird Bird Bird, Bird is the buy! Bird Bird Bird, Bird is the buy! I, honestly, figured you would’ve heard. Heard what, you ask. Bird Bird Bird, Bird is the buy! Bird Bird Bird, Bird is the buy! Bird Bird Bird, Bird is the buy! Well, everybody said about Greg Bird that Bird Bird Bird, Bird is the buy! Bird Bird Bird, Bird is the buy! Bird Bird Bird, Bird is the buy! You know, I thought you’d heard. Heard what? About the Bird! I was watching a TV show on cybercrime recently, and I have an idea on how to attack North Korea. Just pump in the “Bird is the Word” song into their national Bose speakers. (If North Korea has taken over the US by the time you read this, this cyber attack could be used in the reverse direction. I’m yours, Kimchi Jong-il, however you want to use me. I am very loyal.) So, now that we know the word and that word is indeed Bird, what do we do with this info? We pick him up in our leagues. He has seven homers in only 29 games. Sample size, she says. Well, he had six homers in only 34 games in Triple-A, six homers in only 49 Double-A games, seven homers in only 27 games in Double-A last year…Do you see a pattern? Bird’s got power. Not really anything else, but there’s only two weeks left, grab him if you need homers. Or had you not heard? Bird Bird Bird, Bird– Okay, I’ll stop. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Coghlan’s Law: Bury The Kangs, They Stink Up The Joint
September 18, 2015 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 172 Commentsby: Grey
Yesterday, Chris Coghlan went full Ivan Drago on Jung-ho Kang‘s knee, taking him out in a hard slide. Kang is now done for the year, and could miss a month of next season, with a torn MCL. That’s not the year 1150, if any Romans are reading this. He also has a fractured fibia. Coghlan should not be allowed to wear that Iron Mike Sharpe knee pad. Things couldn’t be much worse for the Pirates, who will now rely on Jordache Mercer (full name). Kang’s agent said, “It is unfortunate that what would be considered heads up baseball would cause such a serious injury. That said, Coghlan was playing the game the way it should be played.” Doesn’t that sound backhanded? Like, “It’s a shame we allow 85-year-old people to drive, but that’s the law and thanks for crashing into my car.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?The original title Rudy suggested was, Love Is To Own Lindor, but Rudy tells me that title only makes sense to people forced to watch Frozen 5+ times. Let it go…Let it go…Let it go… I just sang that in perfect key and it still caused a cat to screech and paint to peel. Luckily, I don’t have a kid, a cat or paint. Let’s count the ways I love Francisco Lindor. *five minutes later, makes farting sound with hand in armpit* And that’s it! Oh, yeah, I should count the ways I love him aloud so you can hear. Fair enough, you nitpicker, you. Yesterday, he hit his 9th homer (3-for-4, 4 RBIs), topping off a week when he was hitting over .400, a month when he’s hitting over .340, a 2nd half when he’s hitting over .350 with 7 homers and 7 steals. He’s only 21 years old. At 21 years old, you fell asleep on a couch outside of your local bar waiting to talk a girl that you think might have been interested, only waking after a passing bus splashed a puddle of your own vomit onto you. Guys and five girl readers, he has 9 homers in 82 games (essentially a half a season) and he has 30-steal speed. I just got goose pimplies. To emphasize them, I’m drawing little goose faces on my pimples like those psychopaths draw on grains of rice. Yes, you should own Lindor on your teams for this year, and I can’t wait to draft him in sixteen after twenty. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? My Fellow Americans, Our Long Nationals Nightmare Is Over
September 16, 2015 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 321 Commentsby: Grey
Maybe because The Bastard Executioner premiered last night, but I’m feeling reminiscent for Sons of Anarchy — Jax, Clay, Peg Bundy and that Irish guy I couldn’t understand — and, specifically, to the Season 4 premiere set to Joshua James’s Coal War. In that spirit, I ain’t cuttin’ my Strasburg till the good Strasburg shows! Ain’t cuttin’ my Strasburg till the good Strasburg shows! Ain’t cuttin’ my Strasburg till the good Strasburg shows! Good Lord, when’s he gonna come! I hate to give someone a lede soon after I just gave them a lede, but Stephen Strasburg had a line of 8 IP, 0 ER, 1 Hit, 1 Walk, 14 Ks, and I need to make exceptions. As previously stated, Strasburg’s control and ERA (still at 3.98 on the year) have been all over the map like a drunk Magellan, but, as he showed yesterday, he could easily be a Cy Young candidate for 2016. I just wish he’d wait until April of next year to show it so we can draft him for cheap. Likely, most have moved on to fantasy football, so people will see a 3.90-ish ERA from him and under draft him next year. That’s when we pounce like SAMCRO near an Elvis impersonator that’s not Bobby. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Tyler Duffey’s Madea Goes To The Mound
September 15, 2015 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 248 Commentsby: Grey
Yesterday, I was watching the Twins game and I fell asleep and had a dream that Razzball’s Twitter account got one of those blue check marks. I’m not sure what this says about my fantasies, but it says something about Tyler Duffey and the Twins. They lack a certain je ne sais Michelle Kwan. The Twins seem to do this on purpose. Very workmanlike. Like a Minnesota woman who would handily beat me in an arm wrestling match. Pun noted. I’ve never been to Minnesota, but I picture the women looking like Jesse Ventura when he used to wear feathers in his hair and leotards. As with just about every Twins pitcher since Radke, minus Liriano and Johan, Duffey is yet another Twins hurler that has solid control and okay, not great strikeouts. Yesterday, he went 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks vs. the Tigers, and had a 2.53 ERA in Triple-A with a 7 K/9. I don’t see any huge upside here and is better in real life, which apparently the Twins play in. The Stream-o-Nator hates his next start, but I would start him if I needed to gamble. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? It Hurts Like Helen Anytime Troy Falls
September 14, 2015 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 315 Commentsby: Grey
Troy Tulowitzki left Saturday’s game after colliding with Pillar. That was the same way Julius Caesar hurt himself, forcing him out of baseball and into ruling. Crazy what the stadiums were made of that the Romans used to play in. Alas, as Caesar said, “Rome wasn’t built in a day. Those roads over there took seven months! Freakin’ teamsters.” The MRI on Tulo’s ribs and back came back negative, though it was as in: Doctor, “Can you move?” Tulo, “Negative, Doc.” Because what the MRI originally failed to mention was his cracked shoulder blade. He won’t be shaving with that shoulder blade anytime soon! Or possibly playing baseball for two to three weeks, according to the Blue Jays. Ryan Goins is Goins to fill-in, and that’s the Blue Jays’ shortstop comings and Goins! Stay tuned for more fantasy news and reborts coming up after the break. Offscreen voice, “It’s reports, not reborts, you jackass.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?