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1st Basemen to Target, 2019 Fantasy Baseball

March 6, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Sleepers | 278 Comments

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My prior, uber, hard-line stance has been that you with that one hair wrapped around your head acting as a hairstyle don’t want to draft a sleeper 1st baseman.  By the by, I tried to replace Uber with Lyft in the previous sentence, but it didn’t make sense.  Previously, I’d tell you to go to my top 20 1st basemen for 2019 fantasy baseball (not clickbait at all) and draft some top guys and stop fooling around with sleepers at this position.  Of course, I’m malleable like Gumby and this year and there are no top 1st basemen *ducks head*  Whoa, someone threw a wrench into this!  As with other positions like the catchers to target (again, not clickbait), these are 1st basemen that are being drafted late.  For the 1st basemen, I’m going with an ADP of 150 or later, so you should have a 1st baseman already, and these are more corner infidels or utility guys, i.e., I love Rhys Hoskins, but he’s not going to appear here.  Dear, steer clear–*short circuiting internal rhyming dictionary*  Anyway, here’s some 1st basemen to target for 2019 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Catchers To Target, 2019 Fantasy Baseball

March 5, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Sleepers | 200 Comments

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[brid autoplay=”true” video=”371557″ player=”10951″ title=”2019 Razzball Draft Kit Catchers”]

Here, friend, are some catchers that I will be targeting at my 2019 fantasy drafts after the top options are gone.  I’m not going to get into the strategy of punting catchers.  Been there, half-drunkenly wrote that years ago.  Click on the player’s name where applicable to read more and see their 2019 projections.  This is a (legal-in-most-countries) supplement to the top 20 catchers of 2019 fantasy baseball.  Now, guys and five girl readers, I am not saying avoid catchers like Yasmani Grandal if they fall, but to get on this list, you need to be drafted later than 200 overall, and, to preemptively answer at least seven comments, yes, I will go around the entire infield, outfield and pitchers to target very late.  Anyway, here’s some catchers to target for 2019 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

NL-Only, 12 Team Draft Recap or: How I Let A Wong Screw Me

March 4, 2019 | Our Leagues | 272 Comments

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As many of you know, I’m in the NL-Only Tout Wars league, so every year I take part in an industry NL-Only league with the CBS peeps to try to find my footing before I go off to New York to take on the heavyweights, and Andy Behrens, who appears to have a healthy BMI.  Some might mock, some might mock draft, but this is my draft prep, and am happy to take part in this league.  Until about 25 minutes into the draft, and players go for way too much, and I start getting hungry and I just want the whole thing to be over and ermahgerd!  But, for those first twenty-five minutes of the five-hour draft, I’m laser focused.  For this league, I once again use Rudy’s NL-Only rankings, and his War Room (it’s free with a subscription).  I won’t try to get you to buy it anymore.  You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make the horse put a cape down so I can walk over the water without getting wet.  (If you want a shallower league, play against me and hundreds others for prizes –> Razzball Commenter Leagues.)  Anyway, here’s my 12-team NL-Only team and some thoughts:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Philly Trades 3.3 Million Ben Franklins For Bryce Harper

March 1, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 294 Comments

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Moment of silence for the White Sox. Their gambit failed and now they’re stuck with every top free agent’s in-laws.  Their clubhouse chemistry is gonna be like Meet the Fockers but more Dominican.  Meet the Focktinez!  “That’s my cat, Señor Mal Suerte.  He uses el bano all by lonesome.”  That’s Yonder Alonso.  Bryce Harper’s dad eyes Señor Mal Suerte, then replies to Yonder, “You can milk anything with nipples.  Even Yolmer Sanchez.”  Any hoo!  Bryce Harper finally signed with the Phillies.  Halleberrylujah!  It’s not even Easter and baseball season has already risen!  Bryce Harper returns to the City of Brotherly Love, where he first visited with the Phillies’ front office six months ago.  “We want you to be a Philadelphia Phillie.”  “I want $330 million.”  “Okay.”  Then six months later, “You’ve got a deal!”  Harper and Boras drive one hard bargain.  They accept the first deal they’re given, but nearly a half year after they’re given it.  Bryce Harper’s gonna love playing in Philly.  They have the best fans in the world.  They’ve already announced May 1st is Rain Batteries On Bryce’s Head Day.  A crowd favorite, for sure.  I don’t think this changes anything about my preseason projections for him, tee bee aitch.  I always assumed he’d end up in Philly, New York or with the White Sox, because, brucely, those were the only three teams ever serious about him.  Maybe the Giants, but let’s just be glad that didn’t happen.  In my top 20 for 2019 fantasy baseball, I kept his projections.  Only difference now will be if Gabe Kapler and Bryce’s dad get into an arm wrestling fight, and Daddy Harper wins and Bryce is randomly benched for Scott Kingery.  Also, I updated the top 80 outfielders and top 100 outfielders for Roman Quinn and Nick Williams, respectively, and my War Room has been updated.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Noah Syndergaard, 2019 Fantasy Schmohawk

February 28, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Overrated | 187 Comments

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[brid autoplay=”true” video=”377153″ player=”10951″ title=”2019 Razzball Draft Kit Starting Pitchers”]

Whole lot of reasons I never expected to be writing this schmohawk post.  I don’t usually write a top 20 starter schmohawk post, because I would never draft some of those guys, so you know how I feel about them, but this got me ruminating.  I ruminate, y’all!  And I was thinking how I would never draft Jose Ramirez, Matt Carpenter or other schmohawks this year, so why wouldn’t I write a Noah Syndergaard schmohawk post?  Just because I’m not drafting someone does not exclude them from being stamped schmohawk, it is the one requirement.  I only wish I wrote the Clayton Kershaw schmohawk post before he broke.  Man, was that shizz obvious eh-eff.  I mean, as eh-eff as eh-eff gets.  Another thing that nailed it home for me that I had to write this post was Noah Syndergaard’s current ADP:  44.  In a slow draft I’m doing right now, he went 37th!  Have you people lost your mind?  Seriously, put your medulla oblongata on the back of a milk carton, cause shizz is lost.  He’s being drafted in front of Patrick Corbin, Stephen Strasburg, Jack–Okay, he’s being drafted in front of all but 13 starters.  Clayton Kershaw is another guy who’s <biggest font the world has>still</> being drafted in an area of drafts where it makes me want to use a word that don’t mean anything like loopid.  Just because you live in your mother’s basement does not mean you need to be a cellar dweller in your fantasy league too.  C’mon, guys and five girl readers, boost up your self-esteem!  Turn to your mirror and tell yourself you’re good enough.  You don’t have a mirror because you threw it out after your last bout of self-esteem fail?  Then look at the reflection of yourself in the toilet and give yourself a pep talk!  You’re better than drafting Noah Syndergaard (and Clayton Kershaw)!  Anyway, what can we expect from Noah Syndergaard for 2019 fantasy baseball and what makes him overrated?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Matt Carpenter, 2019 Fantasy Schmohawk

February 27, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Overrated | 240 Comments

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[brid autoplay=”true” video=”378040″ player=”10951″ title=”2019 Razzball Draft Kit Top 5 Busts”]

When I think about people saying they’re going to draft Matt Carpenter, I think of the old hypnotist’s trick.  If you’re going to draft Matt Carpenter, I want you to do this:  close your eyes and pretend to be shaking a salt shaker into your mouth.  Now, incredibly, you will taste salt.  There’s no easier schmohawk post for me than a guy who has a career year at 32 years of age or older.  On the other hand, 31 years old?  Give me some!  (Kidding, please don’t ask why 31 is okay.)  Does anyone drafting Carpenter expect to get the same again what he did last year?  I can count the guys who peak in their thirties, who are not on ‘roids, on one hand and that’s a hand of a high school wood shop teacher.  “Today, I’m going to show you how to make your mother a chair–Okay, don’t be alarmed, it only looks worse than it is.  Place my thumb in your ice-cold Fanta, and call me a Lyft.”  *blood from wound sprays teacher in his face* “Don’t give the substitute a hard time, I could be out for a few.”  So, last year Matt Carpenter went 111/36/81/.257/4, which is so goofy you can put that stat line from Carpenter on LinkedIn and get hired to don a Goofy costume at Disney World, sight unseen.  “Yo, moms, I just got hired by Disney.”  “Bravo, Salvatore!  I-a didn’t even know-a you applied.”  “I didn’t, I just wrote down Matt Carpenter’s stat line on LinkedIn.”  By the by, I wanna get a giant mastiff and name it, Salvatore Glands.  Anyway, what can we expect from Matt Carpenter for 2019 fantasy baseball and what makes him overrated?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

AL-Only, 12 Team Draft Recap or: How I Drafted Bryce Harper In The Wrong League

February 26, 2019 | Our Leagues | 174 Comments

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Cougs’ brother bought a place in Jackson Hole, Wyoming; I mentioned to Cougs at one point in the last five years of marriage I skied once twenty years ago, and that’s the story of how I drafted a fantasy team falling graciously down the side of a mountain.  That’s right, ya boy went skiing this past weekend, and was drafting from a ski lift!  Thankfully, Geronimo Berroa is no longer in the league, because I might’ve ended up with him on my team because I kept screaming out his name during each round.  So, I took on the monsters of the industry in an AL Only league that was hosted by Scott White of CBS and I came away with a team that is more imbalanced than your aunt after two cocktails.  This league is deep so hold onto ye old hat. (If you want a shallower league, play against me and hundreds of your closest buddies in the Razzball Commenter Leagues.  Or closet buddies, if you’re reading fast and/or experimenting.)  Anyway, here’s my 12-team AL-Only team and some thoughts:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Gleyber Torres, 2019 Fantasy Schmohawk

February 25, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Overrated | 210 Comments

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[brid autoplay=”true” video=”379070″ player=”10951″ title=”2019 Razzball Draft Kit Draft This Not That”]

Imagine I wore glasses.  Don’t, but imagine I did.  Okay, sometimes I do, but usually I wear contacts.  So, I’m wearing glasses and I’m Burgess Meredith and there’s no one else in the world besides me.  I finally have time to read about sports, specifically news about the New York Yankees.  Why Yankees news?  I don’t know, but imagine it!  I’m humming New York, New York, and reading about the Yanks, when DJ LeMahieu signs with the Yankees.  Just as I’m reading where the Yankees plan on playing him, my glasses fall and shatter.  Since no one else is in this world, I’m doomed to never know where LeMahieu will play when Didi returns.  Unable to read anything again, I scream, “Giancarl-NOOOOOOOO!!!”  That’s what it feels like.  I’m in some weird Twilight Zone episode where I’m the only one who heard DJ LeMahieu signed with the Yankees.  Y’all hear about this or no?  I’d even accept, “Giancarl-no.”  Okay, assuming you people — yeah, you people! — heard about this signing, where is Gleyber Torres playing when Gregorius returns in June/July?  2nd base?  Okay, is LeMahieu never playing again?  Because, at last glance, LeMahieu stays fairly healthy.  Are you thinking Miguel Andujar is benched?  Hmm, okay, what if he’s not?  Luke Voit’s benched?  Okay, maybe, maybe not.  A giant five-man platoon for four infield spots?  I know Tulowitzki has a tattoo that reads, “Fra-jeel-lay,” but what if he’s healthy?  A six-man platoon for four spots?  Gleyber Torres is really going to get 155+ games played?  Not to answer, but to ruminate.  So, what can we expect from Gleyber Torres for 2019 fantasy baseball and what makes him overrated?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Vladimir Guerrero Jr., 2019 Fantasy Schmohawk

February 22, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Overrated | 234 Comments

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[brid autoplay=”true” video=”374500″ player=”10951″ title=”2019 Razzball Draft Kit 3rd basemen”]

*places an order on Amazon for a megaphone, goes with the free shipping option, waits three to five days, sits outside the door for shipment, begins to rain, yells for Cougs to hand me an umbrella, shakes head annoyed when she hands me a drink umbrella, on the fifth day, the megaphone arrives, opens box, groans, heads out to CVS for some batteries for my new megaphone, buys batteries, unable to wait any longer, places batteries in megaphone while inside the CVS, grimaces at feedback, then cackles into megaphone for ten minutes straight until escorted out of the store*  I am ordering megaphones to laugh into because it’s so hilarious I am writing an overrated post for Vladimir Guerrero Jr.  Can we all agree that at least 30% of the people drafting Vlad “The Mini Impaler” are doing it because they have so much FOMO after Ronald Acuña Jr. last year?  Maybe even 50% or more are drafting Impaler Jr. due to FOMO.  Even ESPN and Yahoo are ranking Vlad for that FOMO factor.  Yo, Yahoo and ESPN, you can’t make up for Mr. Bungling Acuña last year with your ranking for VGJ this year.  You just can’t.  By the way, I wanna see a show on MTV called The FOMO Factor hosted by Ludacris, and it’s the worst show ever but everyone on the show feared it was going to be the best show.  Anyway, what can we expect from Vladimir Guerrero Jr. for 2019 fantasy baseball and what makes him overrated?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

NFBC Signups! Plus, A Totally Unrelated K/9 vs. K% — Which One Should You Use For Fantasy Baseball?

February 21, 2019 | 2019 Fantasy Baseball Draft, Our Leagues, Y to Z | 188 Comments

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Couple of sells before the words to ring the till’s bells.  If you want an ad-free experience, click here.  Join a Razzball League, they’re filling up, but they need youse, so stop being afraid of success!  Finally, Rudy released his War Room, you need to subscribe to our tools to get it.  Not to toot Rudy’s horn — ew! — but it is what we both use in all our drafts.  I’m basically crediting it with our Tout Wars wins.  It is leaps and bounds better than our online War Room.  It is indispensable in NFBC leagues.  You can get access to the War Room via the Easter Egg hidden in the middle of the Stream-o-Nator page.  You have to subscribe, though.  Speaking of NFBC, sign up to take on Rudy or I or Ralph or MattTruss.  League’s start drafting March 4th.  Wait, there’s a more detailed intro:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Manny Machado Taking His Talents To Coronado

February 20, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 200 Comments

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What an absolute trip this offseason has been, huh?  Emphasis on ‘has been,’ and hyphenated.  And trip as in “catch one’s foot on something and stumble or fall or other Macy Gray lyrics.”  And ‘trip’ might actually be a misspelling of ‘drip.’  To recap, what an absolute drip this offseason has-been, huh?  Players have already reported and Manny Machado is only now signing and Bryce Harper still hasn’t, said the man who likes to point out the obvious.  Obvious Man continued, “I need oxygen to breathe.”  Shut up, Obvious Man!  Yesterday, the Padres signed Manny Machado to a 10-year, $300 million contract.  We should’ve seen this coming all along.  After all, San Diego is the world’s most languid city.  Also, remember all those people saying Machado would sign with the White Sox, due to Yonder Alonso signing there and being his brother-in-law?  I mean, a guy doesn’t want to be with his in-laws? No kidding!

Now Machado will be in the cozy position of hitting between Ian Kinsler and Eric Hosmer.  Does he just prefer to hit in garbage lineups?  Was Balty-more (how I say it) not bad enough for him?  What an absolute shizzshow this 1st round has become.  In the top 10 for 2019 fantasy baseball, I’ve moved Machado down to another tier as the 2nd tier in the top 10 becomes increasingly barren.  “Acuña or Trea Turner or die,” as my bumper sticker I’m manufacturing says.  Petco isn’t the ‘terrible’ park everyone has made it out to be in past years, i.e. Petco isn’t for the birds and is not a dog of a park or–Fill in your own damn animal pun!  It’s still makes me shudder hard at thinking of hitting in front of Hosmer, but, as previously mentioned on the aforementioned tip, hitting in the Orioles’ lineup wasn’t amazing either and Machado did fine for many years.  I did lower his projections in the top 10, and I’m now way more tentative on him.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw for fantasy baseball this offseason:

PSYCH!  Before getting into the post, we have an announcement:

Razzball Introduces An Ad-Free Option

I know, I know, I know, but you love seeing ads for “Kate Hudson Beauty Secrets” that then lead you to a free Amazon gift card which is actually an Eastern European man living in Nigeria who managed to clone your DNA from your IP address and just slept with your wife using the Amazon Gift Card Clone, who goes by the name, Tommy.  I love those ads too!  They are terrific!  However, and this is going to come as a shock to some of you, there’s people who don’t appreciate the IP clone illegal download software ads that sleep with your wife.  I know, shocker!  For those people, Razzball is introducing an ad-free option.  As Rudy tells me, direct people to the Tools Subscription page and they can figure it out from there.  I have my doubts, but what better way to prove me wrong?  The ad-free subscription runs for 250 days — a Jewish calendar year! — and is only for one sport.  There is now a Log In in the top menu for people too, so if you’re a subscriber, there’s no more need to email Rudy or I asking, “Hey, I bought the subscriptions and I can’t figure out where to log in?  Is it at the log in page?”  Wait until we introduce the “Grey comes to your house and just operates your computer for you” option.  Anyway, here’s the roundup:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Jose Ramirez, 2019 Fantasy Schmohawk

February 19, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Overrated | 215 Comments

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[brid autoplay=”true” video=”378040″ player=”10951″ title=”2019 Razzball Draft Kit Top 5 Busts”]

Before I get into our 1st schmohawk post (I’m including you, because without you there’s no me; wanna hug? I’m kidding, don’t touch me), a quick remembrance.  One loyal Razzball Reader, Simply Fred, kept a running tally of how many times I nailed my schmohawk posts.  I think at last tally I was 25 for 27 over the last five years.  Something like that.  The point is I don’t know the number, because around Christmas time of this year, we lost Simply Fred.  He passed suddenly around the holidays.  He was one of our most loyal readers, and he will be missed, especially around the time of the yearly of the schmohawk posts.  In his honor, MattTruss, who runs our Razzball Commenter Leagues, is changing the championship trophy of the ECFBL league that Simply Fred was a part of to the Fred Barker Memorial Trophy, a worthy gesture for a worthy man.  Any hoo!  Jose Ramirez is a schmohawk.  This is so freakin’ obvious to me that it almost makes me question myself, because literally no one else is saying this about Jose Ramirez.  Could I really be the only one that recognizes how obvious this is?  I feel like Queen Isabella when she used cover her giant bosoms with bras that were hand-painted with round globes and Spanish men would be like, “She ain’t flat, but the earth is, so her luscious breasts are factually incorrect.”  Thankfully, Christopher Columbus recognized the beauty of Isabella’s chest, raised his mast and sailed west.  Anyway, what can we expect from Jose Ramirez for 2019 fantasy baseball and what makes him overrated?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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