Two Start Pitchers, Week 23: Fresh To Death

Hello! How many of Y’all remember the early 90’s? I don’t mean you were 5 and sort of remember it. I mean you know all the words to Color Me Bad, “I Wanna Sex You Up”, or K7’s “Come Baby Come”. How many of you had a fly honey in high waisted shorts and a fresh perm? Can you bust out a Running Man or the Wop? If you caught even 60% of what I just said this one’s for you. You know for all my overall shorts with the one strap rocking CooleyHighHarmony heads. We’re bringing it back New Jack Style with some of the flyest threads of the early 90’s. Ya heard?

One big change before we go forward, the format of the charts got a little remix treatment here in the two-trey. Yours truly, decided to roll out a different set of wOBA ranks, scrapping the righty/lefty splits and instead looking at the entirety of the second half. This should give you some idea of what offenses are A. Hot and B. Putting it together following any acquisitions they made before the trade deadline. Because who really cares what a team looked like in April or June, right?  Should we let our judgement be skewed by first half data if a team has been awful for all of July and August? Hell no! So we made that change for your benefit I’m a giver. The other change is we dropped the k% and added the ERA/FIP/xFIP of each potential two start pitcher over their last 5 or so turns. We did have a couple with under 5 starts total for the season, but it was just two (Zach Davies, and Cody Martin). Once again this is taking a look at the current form of each starter, not how they were pitching two months ago. Ya Dig? Good, well let’s get to it.

British Knights (Aces) – Freshest kicks that weren’t Jordans son. They had the cool commercials, Derrick Coleman only the greatest basketball player not named Jordan, was their top athlete. And a little rapper by the name of MC Hammer was promoting for ’em, you may know him by Hammer, or just as The Man. Plus Crips used to rock them because BK stood for Blood Killah! Gangsta! As for the pitchers Greinke, Sale, and Wacha are 100% no brainers. While Scherzer is a bit of a conundrum. He’s been awful 5 of his last 6 and the most recent start, though an improvement, wasn’t vintage Max. Maybe he gets it together, he’s high enough in the trust tree I won’t cane him to death with a reed after kidnapping him so he can’t hurt my fantasy teams anymore.

Zubaz (Good Starts) – Lately I’ve been spending most of my time tossing insults in the general direction of one Tehol Beddict. And by most of my time I mean short spurts of time, including but not limited to, prior, during, and proceeding (for two days after) The Razzball Football Writer’s league draft. Don’t worry, your boy danced on his and the other writers grave’s like Baryshnikov. Nobody wants it with the East Coast Tupac of fantasy. But enough about Twitter beef and my plans for world domination. Minions!!!…..My son told me to write that…..Both Cole Hamels and Masahiro-San have been on the good side of okay their last 5 starts. But they by no means have been phenomenal. They face similar schedules this week, opposing a very good lineup (Toronto and Seattle) and an awful one (Oakland and Baltimore). It seems wrong to list Seattle as a good lineup and the O’s as a bad one, but the numbers speak for themselves. I think Chris Davis is the only guy hitting for the O’s, and the Mariners bats have awoken here in the second half… Raisel Iglesias is maybe my favorite second half pitcher here in 2015. He sparkled once again in his start against the Cubs. Do not confuse his sparkle with Tehol’s Vajazzeled Choco-starfish. That’s a different kind of sparkle, and entirely wrong. In the second half Raisey-I is rocking a 10.80 K/9, a 2.80 xFIP, and a .171 batting average against. He faces a solid Pittsburgh lineup and a scrappy yet subpar Cardinals offense…. Yordano Ventura, Mike Fiers, and Justin Nicolino have all been pitching great of late and totally deserve your attention this week. If any of them are available and you’re in a head to head league with playoffs, pick them up now. Great matchups and excellent recent results…. Tommy Boy Milone and Rubby De La Soul are both worth stream’s in 12 team leagues. Rubby is due to the matchups and Tommy’s had streamable results all season…. Ian Kennedy is finally returning some value for his owners that have long since dropped him. His first turn is against Colorado which on the surface looks rough, but it’s outside of Coors and at home in the friendly confines of Petco. ROLLLLLLLL these brothers.

Girbuad Jeans (Why Can’t I Sit You?) –  You got a lot of Girbuad jeans huh? You have the purple ones or what? Used to rock these suckas with the fly white Jordan VI’s. Straight killing the game, not much has changed….. I don’t entirely trust Estrada but how long can I deny the guys is getting results? His FIP/xFIP says that it’s all smoke and mirrors and he faces two tough lineups on the road in hitter’s parks. I’d pass on he and Dickey this week. (Funny because Tehol never passes on Dickey. Cust Kayin)…. I’m sorry Two Start Pitchers God’s but I just can’t trust me some Jungmann. He gets a very startable matchup early in the week but I’d avoid the Pirates start…. I have no idea with Liriano. None… What… So… Ever…. I’d tell you to roll him, and pray for the best. He’s bi-polar at the moment…. Jason Hammel has been a pile of garbage for awhile now. Does he have any good will left at this point in the season? I’d think twice about starting him…. Matt Shoemaker looked good in his last turn, but he’s fooled us all a few times this season. I don’t trust him in either start.

Cross Colors (One Good/One Bad) – You know the deal with these two starters, they got a good turn and a bad turn. Total Jeckyl and Hyde shizz. The green starts are go’s and the red starts are avoids.

Bum Equipment (Avoid) – Whole bunch of bums! All of yah! Trevor Bauer is way outside the trust tree. He’s been banished from the trust tree’s orchard in fact. Rick Porcello is a man trying to find his way back and though he’s been much improved (look at the recent results) Toronto and Tampa are only two of the best lineups in the 2nd half of the season. If he makes it through this unscathed the trust tree will be once again in sight for Chester, NJ’s own.

As always these suckers are subject to change due to rainouts, shuffled rotations, prospects being called up and down, and bad cases of dysentery. If any of this goes down and we need to switch these fools up just holla in the comments.