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Less Bunts, More Schwarbers

February 21, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 71 Comments

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[brid autoplay=”true” video=”951684″ player=”13959″ title=”Rzbl2022%20Busts” duration=”200″ description=”undefined” uploaddate=”2022-02-06″ thumbnailurl=”//cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/thumb/951684_t_1644171255.png” contentUrl=”//cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/sd/951684.mp4″]

Ron Blomberg, the first DH known to man, stood in a parking lot, outside Parsippany, New Jersey’s Ramada Inn, sipping a coffee and eating a donut. Mr. Blomberg was there to meet new recruits for the National League DH. A starry-eyed, Paul DeJong stepped up for a badge to Ron’s seminar, and to chat with Ron.

“I’m a big fan, Mr. Blomberg.”
Ron looks Paul DeJong up and down, not thinking much of him, “Of course, you are.”
Paul tries a new tact, “When you’re DH’ing, the electricity coursing through your veins, the fans at a fever pitch, it can’t be that hard to come off the bench, right?”
“It’s easier to get come off a towel,” answered Ron, as he handed DeJong his crumbled up napkin, holding his donut crumbs, and walked into the Ramada.

As expected when I started my 2022 fantasy baseball rankings, the DH is coming to the NL. Personally, I’m pumped, like I was Ron Blomberg myself, who gets a nickel for every DH at-bat, because Ron Blomberg invented the DH. His income just doubled. Have you seen the latest Fortune magazine with Ron Blomberg on the cover with the title, “Nickelaire?” Sorry for all the old schoolers who think pitchers hitting is sacred. I think it’s a sacrilege to hitting. Tomato-tomato-pronounced-with-a-different-emphasis.

You, a thoughtful person, “But NL pitchers have been working on their bunt for 47 years!”
Me, a person who doesn’t give a flying eff, “Pull the plug!”

If Paul DeJong’s first taste of being a DH isn’t a success, there could be upwards to 550 more chances this year. Dot dot dot. If the Cardinals want to have the worst DH in the National League. All of my 2022 fantasy baseball rankings are currently accurate as far as DHs in the NL, but once guys start signing, things could change dramatically. I’d guess at least half the NL teams go out and sign someone, and the Brewers cut half of their DHs. Hey, the Brewers used to be in the AL, right? So, is that why they already have five DHs? Maybe they can give one — say, Rowdy Tellez — to the Cards. If I were the Cards, I’d be on the lookout for anyone. Yes, I’m suggesting they pass on the DeJong, while he gets the Grey poop-on. Tomorrow, I will start a multi-day forage into the newly minted NL DHs, going through each NL team and their perspective DH, as I try to find a truffle in the pig shizz. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this preseason for 2022 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

The Hunt For No October with Joe Ryan

September 2, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 138 Comments

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[brid autoplay=”true” video=”852237″ player=”10951″ title=”RZBL%20FB%202021%20FFF%20WRs” duration=”146″ description=”undefined” uploaddate=”2021-08-27″ thumbnailurl=”//cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/thumb/852237_t_1630044636.png” contentUrl=”//cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/sd/852237.mp4″]

In a deep Scottish accent, the Twins’ Triple-A manager said, “You’re comin’ up tae join th’ club, Joe Ryan. Ur ye excited?”
Joe Ryan paused, then asked, “What are you saying?”
“Aam Sean Connery an’ aam daein’ a Scottish accent. Ur ye excited, certainly, Jack Ryan?”
He scratched his head, then, “Huh? Oh. My name’s Joe Ryan.”

So, Joe Ryan was called up to start on Wednesday, and I settled in to watch. He was one of the pieces the Rays sent to the Twins for Nelson Cruz. Since the Rays sent him away, I expect he’ll spontaneously combust during his next start or suddenly lose command of his pitches and return in 2022 as a middle infielder in Rookie Ball. If that doesn’t happen, we should all be super interested. I’m intrigued, y’all! Yesterday, Joe Ryan went 5 IP, 3 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, and looked much better those numbers. Outside of one inning in the 3rd when he ran up against the red-hot Schwingdel, he looked like every great command pitcher, who can also induce strikeouts. Prospect Itch said of Ryan, “I have high hopes for Joe Ryan, another dynasty trade target if you can get a decent price. His 30+ K-BB percentage across three levels in 2019 was pretty loud, but some of the clamor might’ve died down since Ryan was kept under training site wraps for all of 2020. His best trait is a true-spin four-seamer he can command across the zone, and that’s a great base from which to build an arsenal in today’s game. Tampa’s coaches have praised Ryan for his aptitude for new pitches and approaches, particularly his feel for spin. I get giddy just thinking about him and punching Grey.” Okay, not cool! Ryan continued to carve up hitters in Triple-A this year while maintaining elite command. This is potentially as good a prospect arm call-up as we’re getting the rest of the year. I added him in a few deeper leagues. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
JKJ

Randy Arozarena & the Ex-Cardinals’ All-Star Team

October 29, 2020 | 2021 Fantasy Baseball | 18 Comments

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Hello again, my friends. Hope all is well in your neck of the woods.

I had another fun-but-also-terribly-painful experiment for you guys. For some of you this will be euphoric. But as a Cardinals fan myself, well, this just sucks.

My experiment is rather simple, and it’s similar to my last piece on Waiver Wire All-Stars. I’m certainly not alone in this, but I’ve noticed a whole lotta ex-STL players having really, really, really good things happen after leaving town. I got to thinking, and I wondered if it were possible to field a full fantasy squad of 100% ex-STL players and still have a good team. The answer is YUP. Oh, joy.

I had to take some liberties, and I had to do a lot of digging through past draft classes and minor league affiliate rosters, but I’ve built a Yahoo standard lineup of players who at one point in time were in the Cardinals system (with some liberties sprinkled in). It’s not a perfect team, but it’s a damn fine one if you ask me. It just hurts all the more knowing this didn’t have to be fantasy for the Cardinals. IT COULD HAVE BEEN REALITY! MAYBE! *crying baby GIF*

Another thing about this experiment is we gotta assume these players reach or maintain their fantasy ceilings. Some guys weren’t so great in 2020 but have been good recently, or vice versa. Some of them I don’t exactly miss, if I’m being honest, but that doesn’t mean they couldn’t help this fantasy fantasy squad win.

Cardinals fans, get your tissues ready. Have Freese’s heroics from Game 6 of the 2011 World Series playing on a loop in the background as you read. Go to your happy place and try to stay there as you see name after name break your heart over and over again. This is supposed to be therapeutic, right?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Buy Went To Jared

September 18, 2020 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 157 Comments

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(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY YESTERDAY ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $5/MONTH.)

You walk into the banquet hall where your cousin, Jared Walsh, is having his bar mitzvah, and the first thing that hits you is the macho-aggressive tones of Kenny Loggins. Kenny shouts at you a question, “Are you gonna wait for a sign, your miracle?” Down by your side, you snap your fingers, and quietly answer, “Stand up and fight.” As if he’s talking directly to you, Kenny’s pulsating voice hits you with another command, “Make no mistake where you are,” and under your breath you quietly respond, “This is it.” Kenny, “Your back’s to the corner.” You slide your back against a wall and louder now, “This is it.” Kenny’s fighting you to be better, “Don’t be a fool anymore.” You, fighting back tears, “This is it.” Then your aunt comes over and asks you if you’re still dating that goy, sees tears streaming down your face and uncomfortably waits for you to compose yourself. Kenny’s back, “The waiting is over,” you run to the stage, but Kenny sings, “No, don’t you run.” Finally, you get to the stage where the deejay has his back to you. All you see is his Orioles’ jersey and his last name Stewart. When he turns to you, you see DJ Stewart, the epitome of cool, and not just because he’s in front of a wind machine. He leans down and says with the wisdom of a great sage, “I’m just a hot schmotato, you’re the real star.” He’s right, of course. That’s all you need for the final ten days. Jared Walsh looks like a Quad-A player, but he’s hitting in front of Mike Trout, and it doesn’t get any better. I’m grabbing Walsh, DJ Stewart and everyone from this bar mitzvah — even you, Aunt Marilyn! Also, everyone is expendable (except Aunt Marilyn, bless her heart). Play only hot hands. You need to play footloose and fancy free with your teams in this final stretch. “Did someone say Footloose?” That’s DJ Stewart readying up the next Kenny Loggins. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Mills Nils MIL

September 14, 2020 | 2020 Fantasy Baseball | 206 Comments

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Alec Mills (9 IP, 0 ER, 3 walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.93) threw a no hitter for everyone who is like, “I hit 66 on the speed gun, ya think I can be a major league pitcher?” Alec Mills threw a no hitter for everyone who ever said to themselves, “I look kinda like a landscaper for a Target parking lot, but am unemployed. Maybe I can pitch in the bigs.” Alec Mills threw a no hitter for everyone who once said, “I’d make a pretty mediocre minor leaguer, but am already on the 40, and the Cubs haven’t promoted a prospect in five years, so maybe I can pitch for the Cubs all year.” Alec Mills threw a no hitter for the one guy who woke yesterday and said, “I’m going to have the best day of my life today,” but not the person who said that, and thought eating a whole bowl of nacho cheese was their best day ever. Alec Mills, while not a great major league pitcher, like that man who ate the whole bowl of nacho cheese, had himself a great day. Going forward for him, I’d use the Streamonator, so that’s a pass. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
everywhereblair

Friday Night Fights

September 5, 2020 | 2020 Fantasy Baseball | 25 Comments

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The esteemed Commander Daniel Pants has been called to the Spice Wars where he will defend the season of fall against the armies of Pumpkin Spice. If you’re interested, we’ve set up a GoFundMe to buy Commander Pants and his Zipper Platoon a collection of ascots and sweaters. If you’re feeling generous, you can get him one of those Eddie Bauer sweater vests that just screams, “I’d totally be out in the woods if I wasn’t so busy drinking hot coffee on my veranda waiting for my bitcoin investments to start paying off.”

Like any good lef-tenant would do for his Commander Pants, I gathered intelligence on the fine baseball players playing the balls on Friday night. And when I was done looking through the shirtless paparazzi photos on Sports Illustrated, I even looked at some of the boxscores. Here’s some of the best performances from Friday night and what they mean for your baseball team.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Position Eligibility for 2020 Fantasy Baseball

December 24, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Draft Strategy, Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 78 Comments

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On Dancer! On Prancer! On–Oh, I didn’t hear you come in. Welcome, reader! Grab some egg nog and brandy it up to the fire. You look festive. I love that Rudolph tongue ring. That’s the great thing about Christmas, no matter what your interpretation is, it’s all about commercialism. That’s unless you light the Munenori Kawasaki. The 2020 fantasy baseball rankings are not far away. Right now, January Grey is throwing darts at a board to figure out where to rank Shohei Ohtani, the hitter vs. Shohei Ohtani, the pitcher. Maybe I should use two dart boards. Hmm…In the meantime, let’s look at the players who have multiple position eligibility for this upcoming 2020 fantasy baseball season. I did this list of multi-position eligible players because I figured it would help for your 2020 fantasy baseball drafts. I’m a giver, snitches! Happy Holidays! I only listed players that have multiple position eligibility of five games or more started outside of their primary position. Not four games at a position, not three, definitely not two. Five games started. If they played eight games somewhere but only started one, they are not listed. 5, the Road Runner of numbers. So this should cover Yahoo, ESPN, CBS, et al (not the Israeli airline). Players with multiple position eligibility are listed once alphabetically under their primary position. Games played are in parenthesis. One big take away is Jonathan Villar started in, like, 200 games. That can’t be right. Oh, I know, they’re listed if they had 5 or more games started, but I noted games played in parenthesis, so Villar must’ve switched positions three times per game or played two positions at once because the Orioles only had seven fielders plus a pitcher. Don’t know, don’t care. Players are listed by Games Started, and Games Played are noted. It’s not confusing at all! This is the only time a year I do anything alphabetically, so I might’ve confused some letters. Is G or H first? Who knows, and, better yet, who cares! Wow, someone’s got the Grinchies, must be the spiked egg nog talking. Anyway, here’s all the players with multiple position eligibility for the 2020 fantasy baseball season and the positions they are eligible at:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

What A Supergroup For Them Crooked Save Vultures

July 26, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 420 Comments

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[brid autoplay=”true” video=”440990″ player=”10951″ title=”FantasyBaseball2019BuySellHold17″]

Snap, snap, claw, claw, save.  That’s The Save Vulture Dance.  Sing it like it’s The Electric Slide.  The save vulture is a scavenger bird.  They see weakness in others’ misfortune.  A closer goes down or struggles or gets traded and the save vulture swoops in and gnaws on the closer’s handcuff. Snap, snap, Reyes Moronta, Mark Melancon, Sam Dyson, Tony Watson, claw, claw, save.  Save vultures have trouble reproducing because they’re usually overweight guys who would prefer to listen to sports news than what the girl they’re dating is talking about. Snap, snap, Freddy Peralta, claw, claw, save. The save vulture’s claws are orange from Cheetos dust. Snap, snap, Joe Jimenez, claw, claw, save. Teams are trying to flip their closers for prospects at the trading deadline. Snap, snap, Yoan Lopez, Yoshihisa Hirano, Archie Bradley, claw, claw, save. If you can stash setup men right now, it’s advisable because over the next week closers are going to change rapidly. Snap, snap, Daniel Hudson, claw, claw, save. You may not be able to get to waivers to grab the closer replacement, so I’d forget bench bats until the trading deadline and hold some setup men in case your closers are traded. Snap, snap, Aaron Bummer, claw, claw, save. It’s especially important to make sure you have new closers coming in if you’re about to lose closers who will become setup men on contenders. Snap, snap, Seth Lugo, Robert Gsellman, Kyle Crick, Nick Anderson, Nick Wittgren, Craig Stammen, Chris Martin, Jose Leclerc, claw, claw, save. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

There Is Only One H In Shane Bieber

July 25, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 390 Comments

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[brid autoplay=”true” video=”439723″ player=”10951″ title=”Fantasy Baseball 2019 Mailbag Week 17″]

Yesterday, Shane Bieber went 9 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.44. Donkey Teeth and I made a trade the other day. My first trade of the year. I sent him Kenley Jansen for Shane Bieber. I discuss it on this week’s podcast. I receive Shane Bieber in this trade…TOMORROW! I don’t even want him now! He’s tainted with Donkey Teeth juice. That one-hitter is supposed to be mine! Mine, I say! Only thing worse would’ve been he threw a one-hitter and broke his hand high-fiving Bauer. Ugh, why couldn’t Donkey Teeth offer the trade the day before so I had Bieber on my team? I want him. Me! Me! Me! *Idris Elba opens an envelope* “…and Best Dramatic Retelling of a Fantasy Baseball Trade goes to…Some guy in his mom’s basement you never heard of.” Damn, I lost that too!  Donkey Teeth offered me Rhys Hoskins, Madison Bumgarner or Bieber and I jumped at the lattest (totally a word), because Bieber’s peripherals are gorge — 11.2 K/9, 2 BB/9, 3.19 xFIP. Bieber was a preseason sleeper of mine, and he is essentially a top ten pitcher. So, put that in your natch and natch it!  Too bad I own him in one less league as of yesterday.  Me!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Urquidy & Armenteros Are The Newest Constellations Discovered By Astro-nomers

July 22, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 421 Comments

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[brid autoplay=”true” video=”438940″ player=”10951″ title=”FantasyBaseball2019BuySellHold16″] The Astros got two great starts this weekend from two guys who weren’t in the conversation until recently.  On Saturday, Jose Urquidy went 7 IP, 1 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 5.54.  He made my pants up-jump-the-boogie a little from his pitching.  I expect multiple roofies from […]

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Laura Holt

Rolling In The Deep: This Week’s Robel Of The Dice

July 19, 2019 | 2019 Fantasy Baseball, Deep Leagues |

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Hello again friends, and welcome back to the place within Razzball where we discuss baseball players that are completely off the radar of “normal” fantasy baseball owners, interesting only to those of us in the deepest of leagues.  Let’s get right to it and take a look at a handful of players that may be on the radar for those in NL-only, AL-only, and other deep leagues.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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