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Daniel Is Bringing Vogelbach!

April 9, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 579 Comments

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Daniel Vogelbach (1-for-2, 2 runs and his 5th homer, and fifth in his last five games, hitting .471) is man-hot.  Daniel Vogelbach is the Jelly Donut of Swat.  Daniel Vogelbach looks like a beer keg with legs.  John Kruk and Matt Stairs had a baby, and that baby’s name is Daniel Vogelbach.  Daniel Vogelbach is one part mayonnaise, one part ketchup, and his secret sauce is Sexy, and he puts it on everything.  “Why, Fantasy Master Lothario (don’t abbreviate it), did Daniel Vogelbach spend 12 years in the minors if he’s spurting Sexy sauce on everything?”  You ask, while batting your eyelashes.  You have to subtract one of those years, young buck, because Daniel Vogelbach was once confused for a refrigerator and spent a summer in a Hyannis Port Sears showroom.  Mansplainingly, subtract, like, ten of those years because he couldn’t play defense and he was in the NL.  He’s done nothing but hit rockets like he’s groupies of Rocket from Guardians of the Galaxy.  Last year, he hit 20 HRs and .290 in Triple-A with a 15.6% strikeout rate.  He could be an actual breakout and I would grab him, even if his playing time might become cramped with the return of Kyle Seager or he might just be platooned.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

F**k Gary Kill(ed) Or Simply FGK

April 8, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 681 Comments

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Yesterday, Gary Sanchez went 3-for-6, 6 RBIs with his 4th, 5th and 6th homer, hitting .258.  “Thanks,” said Gary Sanchez’s owner from 2018, and I believe he was being sarcastic. You know how when you’re walking on the sidewalk and try to avoid stepping on the cracks because of the harm it will cause to your mother’s back?  Then as you’re OCD-stepping around the cracks, you get off-step and start only stepping on cracks, and your mom texts you, “My back!”  That’s what it must feel like for Sanchez’s 2018 owners.  I know how you feel because that’s how it feels right now for me with Rougned Odor.  I’m out in 2018 when Odor is decent, then in for this year’s abomination.  When I’m supposed to avoid, I don’t and, when I’m supposed to be in on them, I’m not.  FMFBBL!  If you have Sanchez, well done, it looks like you’re back in for the good Gary.  “Did someone say ‘back?'”  Sorry, mom!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Buy Bull Thumping In The Desert

April 5, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 436 Comments

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Today we have a very special Game of Thrones edition with your host, Ball-less Greyjoy.  Or, I guess since it’s a Buy, as in pick up off waivers, it’s a Game of Thrones addition. To prep for the Game of Thrones finale, I pushed a kid out a window.  As I get into bed with Cougs, I yell, “The one-eyed raven is here and winter is coming!”  This show better not end as a Bob Newhart dream or in a snow globe of an autistic boy.  As Daenerys would say, “I just flew to King’s Landing and boy are my armies tired.”  I wonder if Daenerys used to be Daenery but added the S on the end like Kendrys.  Speaking of which, Kendrys Targaryen has no position flexibility, and is just rigid, due to the 75 years he’s been guarding a freakin’ wall.  Why does he guard the wall?  Because of the dreaded White Walkers.  The Night King, head White Walker, is Christian Walker.  Since Kendrys Targaryen unleashed his dragon and it ate a Lamb (then burped fire), Christian Walker could see more time on the other side of the dugout wall.  He’s shown good pop (who doesn’t sleep with mom who is his sister) and I’m adding him in all leagues.  He hit 30+ homers in Triple-A, during his last full season there.  Hopefully, George RR Martin doesn’t stop doing his bend the knee burpees at a Westeros Fitness and kill him off.  Spoiler Alert!  Game of Thrones ends with Fonzie jumping over a dragon.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

The Orioles No Habla In Gleybar

April 5, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 403 Comments

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How about that Gleyber Torres schmohawk post now?  Grey’s a genius!  Who happens to need an online dictionary to spell ‘genius.’  Why is that bad?  Are you some kinda of elitist who memorizes werd spelings?  Look at me, I’m a werd nord!  Dur!  I hate you!  And Gleyber Torres.  Why is everything going opposite world on me so far?  I do fantasy baseball to relieve stress so why did I throw my computer out the window and am typing from a nearby bush?  Yo, I’m so bush league!  Get it?  No?  Me either, tee bee aitch.  So, Gleyber Torres (4-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 1st two homers of the year) did the mollywhop dance on the O’s’ (not confusing apostrophes) pitching.  Of course, Gleyber did!  I’d stream any hitter against the Orioles, except maybe Chris Davis in a split squad game.  Yo, Chris Davis, you wearing Opti-Grab glasses?  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Reds Get Freddy To Rumble And Let’s Hear It For The Boyd

April 4, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 569 Comments

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There was a time when I thought Freddy Peralta (8 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, zero walks, 11 Ks) was merely a starter.  A guy who took the ball every fifth day, stared in at the catcher, shook off a sign or two and scratched his balls.  Not like a Gaylord.  Perry, not, um, yeah, Perry.  Yesterday, we (me) gained a newfound appreciation for FP Saintdamnvelo.  His command was gorge, and I’m engorged.  In fact, I’m not typing this with my fingers.  It’s whether he can replicate that command going forward like he’s a replicate in one of those sci-fi movies with replicates.  I don’t know sci-fi, so you have to figure out your own analogy.  Sci-fi is for nerds!  That’s why I play fantasy baseball.  Either way, you have to pick up Freddy Peralta after yesterday’s start to see if he can build off it.  If Peralta continues that no-walk command, he’s a potential breakout.  Speaking of breakouts (can you believe the ease of that segue), Matthew Boyd dropped the ew, dunked 13 Ks on the Yankees and that’s straight Matth.  Like his most famous fantasy baseball owner would say, “Yeah, Boyd!”  Damn right, Flavor Flav!  Matthew Boyd (6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 13 Ks, ERA at 3.18) leads the majors in Ks.  El oh cmon.  He’s the first Tigers starter to start the season with back-to-back 10+ K games.  This wasn’t the A lineup for the Yankees, but more “a Yankees lineup.”  Still, I’m buying partly because of FOMO, and since he had 26 swinging strikes, i.e., he was fooling them real good.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Turner Hand Hooched

April 3, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 588 Comments

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Trea Turner broke his finger when he squared around to bunt.  He hit two homers in his last game, including a walk-off homer, so of course he’s bunting.  I mean, OF COURSE.  Why wouldn’t he be bunting?  You gonna let (fill-in name) just be the best bunter in Major League history?  (Fill-in name of a bunter that no one’s ever heard of because no one cares about bunting) is not gonna go down in history as the greatest bunter without a freakin’ fight from Trea Turner?  Is he?  I mean, IS HE?!  What in the holy eff bombs!?  Don’t bunt!  Turner will likely be out for a month and everything that is wonderful can’t be mine.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Clevinger 12 Ks Beats Another Clevinjury To The Indians’ Sad Offense

April 2, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 474 Comments

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Mike Clevinger is old school.  Not old school like really old school, but instead what we’d consider old school.  Ya know, good.  That’s one adjective for old school nowadays.  Like things were once better.  Of course, shizz was sideways with grabby hands and unhappy people during old school times too, but there’s a Gaussian blur of nostalgia that washes over people to make them think old school is good.  So, Mike Clevinger is old school like that.  He’s also old school in that he can throw a lot of pitches.  Not really old school like when Vida Blue used to throw 175 pitches by the 3rd inning, get an arm transplant then come out and throw another 100 pitches with a groundskeeper’s arm sloppily attached to his shoulder.  Nah, not real old school, but old school as we think about it in the new school.  That’s Mike Clevinger.  A youngish starter (he’s 28) who can throw 200 IP, when so many other starters are lucky to get through 150.  Yesterday, Mike Clevinger went 7 IP, 0 ER 1 hit, 3 walks, 12 Ks as he did exactly what I expected from him when I said he was a number one starter coming into this year and you said, “Grey, you’re handsome as fudge, but Clevinger is a #2.”  Nah, you’re doing a number two out yo’ mouth, Clevinger is a number one.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Murphy’s Law Even Applies To Coors

April 1, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 597 Comments

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If a tree falls in a forest, but no one drafts the tree does it make a sound?  That’s what it felt like this weekend at Razzball.  I’m sure a ton of people were angry that Daniel Murphy fractured his finger, but I heard nary a peep from the Razzball faithful.  I’m guessing because of where I ranked him.  According to FantasyPros, the top person ranked him 26th overall.  The worst ranking of him, and, oh, it’s just silly.  Some total numbskull ranked him 150th overall.  Wait a second, I’m that numbskull, and the awful ranking was actually him 26th overall.  I should’ve wrote an overrated schmohawk post for him, but I didn’t because I didn’t want to write this in February, “He’s old, and will get hurt.  End of post.  So, did everyone already take down their Groundhog’s Day decorations?”  I honestly couldn’t figure out why people were drafting him.  His projections were 22 HRs, .310.  I mean, okay, but kinda big whoop, no?  Meh, I guess it’s irrelevant now since I know none of you drafted him.  Right?  Riiiiiiight?  The good news is Garrett Hampson and Ryan McMahon should see more at-bats, and, just as I say that, the Rockies played Mark Reynolds at 1st base on Sunday.   Oh, Rockies, you dumb, dumb team, which is different than the creative team behind Dum-Dum lollipops.  They’re terrific.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

PeTe Buy’em

March 29, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 527 Comments

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I remember distinctly the day Will Clark retired. I just got home from a Winter Solstice Pageant. I was only 12 years old at the time, but my mustache was already coming in. Earlier that night, when I was singing in the pageant, a mother yelled out from the audience, “Who’s the midget with the mustache?” Then another parent yelled out, “Or is it a dwarf? I always get confused.” Another yelled, “Is that kid 40 years old? I don’t know if I want my kid around that adult.” I didn’t think my day could get worse, then, back at home, I heard that Clark retired. I was still in my autumn leaf costume, sobbing into my Pop Rocks, essentially ruining them. A devastating day all around, but things got better eventually. Soon my friends’ parents wouldn’t call the cops when I was hanging out with their kid, thinking I was a 40-something pervert. One mother even complimented me on my mustache. Maybe this was where my love of Cougars first started. What does this have to do with Pete Alonso? Nothing at all. Just like his Spring Training means nothing. Yes, he mollywhopped the ball to parts of the field this spring with a bat that can only be discussed in terms from British literature that no one has ever read.  “Pete Alonso’s bat is so fast I will call him Mr. Dashwood.”  *blank stares*  “Um, yeah.”  He has 80 grade power — Mr. Darcy, you aloof bedswerver!  I’m buying all them shares of Alonso and I talk about him in today’s first Buy video at that top of the post.  Can Colin Firth play him in the movie?  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Dodgers Spend Opening Day Circling The Diamond(backs)

March 29, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 319 Comments

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Hello, Genie, I have three wishes for this baseball season?  My first wish is “No one I own get hurt.”  I didn’t buy Kevin Kiermaier, Steven Souza or Troy Tulowitzki, so I made your job easy for you, great, powerful Genie.  My 2nd wish is “Everyone I own do well.”  I drafted Trea Turner, Luke Voit, Enrique Hernandez, so, really, I’m doing much of the heavy lifting for this wish too.  My 3rd and final wish is “All 3rd base coaches send runners home by doing The OA interpretative dance.”  Thanking you in advance, Genie.  Wait a second, you’re not a genie, you’re Bartolo Colon in Blue Man Group paint.  Damn you!  So, we’re off and running for another great season, just like the Dodgers’ offense.  Enrique Hernandez (2-for-3, 3 runs, 3 RBIs) hit two home runs.  Ya know what, maybe Kiké does love me.  Next up, Joc Pederson (3-for-5, 3 runs, 4 RBIs) hit two homers, as he hit leadoff.  A double dong day from Wong and Joc?  Baseball, do you stuff your pants?  Also, Max Muncy (1-for-4, 2 RBIs) hit his first homer, saying, “Hey, don’t forget Grey wrote a sleeper post about me?”  Then Cody Bellinger (2-for-4, 2 runs) hit his 1st homer; he’s not Cody Malinger!  Actually, I’m convinced Dave Roberts could field any lineup and they would score more runs than their opponent for at least 90+ games, especially when they’re going up against some of these teams.  Wilmer Flores (1-for-4, 1 run) was the three hole hitter on the Diamondbacks.  I love Wilmer and his ubiquitous tears like he’s reading The Notebook, but there’s a bunch of MLB lineups out there that just are not good.  Also, in this game, Corey Seager (1-for-3) hit his 1st homer and Austin Barnes (3-for-4, 2 runs) hit his first homer, because BASEBALL’S BACK!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

15 Team, NFBC Draft Champions Recap: Owning 17 Orioles Is Good, Right?

March 28, 2019 | Our Leagues | 445 Comments

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This draft is a crock pot vs. a microwave.  A love sesh vs. a ‘hold the moan.’  A nature hike vs. “I’m gonna sit in the car as we drive past some mountains.”  Guys and five girl readers, it’s a slow draft.  This slow draft took about eighteen days, 3 hours, four minutes and–okay, only a lunatic counts seconds.  Not almost 18 days of straight drafting, mind you.  I don’t need to ice my clicky finger.  It’s five minutes of drafting, twelve hours of waiting.  It does allow you to second-guess your picks.  Actually, more like triple-guess.  (Who are we kidding, you quadruple-guess, fiveruple-guess, sextruple-guess, ochocinco-guess your picks.) For those not in the know, it’s a weekly, 15-team, two-catcher league that lasts for 50 rounds and there’s no waivers.  Anyway, here’s my NFBC draft recap:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Padres Flashing Their Tatis on Opening Day

March 27, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 495 Comments

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Fernando Tatis Jr. made the team.  Did not see that one coming.  Don’t own him anywhere.  To which you now say, “Tough Tatis.”  Wow.  I’m stunned.  Good for the Padres!  This is not good for the Luis Urias, who I’ve lowered in my top 20 2nd basemen.  Possibly bad news for Ian Kinsler too, but owning Ian Kinsler in fantasy was bad news for you anyway.  Here’s what I said earlier in the preseason on Tatis, “Fernando Tatis Jr. was born in 1999.  Recently, it was announced Acuña was so young he didn’t know who Mickey Mantle was, well, Tatis Jr. is so young he doesn’t know who Mike Trout is.  Dude was born like a minute ago, and not a minute as it’s defined in Urban Dictionary, which is a long time, but an actual minute.  Fernando Tatis Jr.’s dad is so young he didn’t even use charcoal as his medium; he used MS Paint.  Tatis Jr. looks like an All Star ready to happen, until the 75th round draft pick, Albert Pujols Jr., comes along and replaces him.  Jokes aside, Tatis looks damn near perfect.  A lanky Machado maybe, a young Hanley possibly.  Like something Ryan Brasier would cover, Tatis looks real and spectacular.  I’d say the difference him and his pops is the difference between Ken Griffey Jr. and Sr., but Ken Sr. wasn’t that bad.  How about this, the difference between Tatises (Tatii?) is the difference between J.D. Martinez and J.D. Martinez Sr.  Was there a J.D. Martinez Sr.?  No idea, but that’s the point.  FTJ is going to be special.  Now Fun the Jewels fast!  Now Fun the Jewels fast!  Now Fun the Jewels fast!”  And that’s me quoting me!  I love him, guys and five girl readers, and you need to own him in all leagues.  Immediately.  He has some swing-and-miss tendencies, due to his age, so I conservatively projected him up to around 18/18/.250, but, honestly, he could be so much more.  He was also moved up my top 20 shortstops, if you’re into that sorta thing.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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