I ain’t too proud to beg, sweet darlin’. Please, don’t leave me, girl. (Don’t you go!)

Truth is I could recite just about any Temptations song to you. Growing up with a dad who only listened to Motown and oldies, the moment I started to take interest in ladies I had a song for every occasion. Now, granted, I was about 10 or so when I asked out my first girlfriend, so the stakes weren’t crazy high. But whether a fifth grade swing or a fifteen year old fling, my adolescence knew how to swoon a girl. And I know how to spot a keeper.

Now if I gotta cry to keep you, I don’t mind weepin’ if it’ll keep you by my side.

Will tears flow from my now 30-year old eyes as I’m writing this? Um. No. That’s one thing I’ve matured in since the teenage years (and for the sake of my friends, my family, my wife, my children and my masculinity, thank Heavens). But I’d do just about everything I could short of that to make sure I got this week’s Creeper of the Week onto my roster and, in keeper leagues, locked in for next year. And if you miss out on him, you’ll be bregging to get him from someone else. See what I did there?

  • Alex Bregman, SS (17.1%) – So what if the ‘Stros decided not to bring Bregman up to start the second half. They’re just being silly. Just about the only universal commentary from the All-Star Weekend was that Alex Bregman was overwhelmingly ready for the Majors. He raked two extra-base hits in the Futures game, and has his signature already written and waiting on him at 3B in Houston. The beauty of playing the hot corner with the SS eligibility, a la Manny Machado, is that he must have enough pop to play there while being eligible at a weak position. Bergman has the potential to come up and challenge the numbers of any of those top SS listed in the rankings below. And since this is all about finding a player owned in less than 20% of ESPN leagues, welp, now’s your chance. His 17.1% mark will balloon to north of 65% within a week of his call-up. And why all the fuss? The #2 overall pick in 2015 has dominated at the plate by producing 23 HR and 18 SB in his first 600 MiLB ABs across the top four levels. He doesn’t K much, walks about 10% of the time, and currently sports a .388 ISO in 11 AAA games, surpassing his .263 mark in 62 AA games. Sweet mercy, come and come quick, young man. You’re being patiently awaited for on 5 of my teams. Thank you! And for you that pick him up…you’re welcome.

Now enough creepin’…let’s get to the Rankings. BUT WAIT!!!

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See all of today’s starting lineups

# MLB Starting Lineups For Mon 8/4
ARI | ATL | BAL | BOS | CHC | CIN | CLE | COL | HOU | KC | LAA | LAD | MIA | MIL | MIN | NYM | NYY | PHI | PIT | SD | SF | STL | TB | TEX | TOR | ATH | CHW | DET | OAK | SEA | WSH

I have waxed poetic about him for three straight weeks and still have never given him the lede.  Well, Travis is the pure definition of what SAGNOF is.  It’s Grey’s term, but next to it in the glossary of Razz-terms, there should be a picture of Mr. Jankowski drinking a mai-tai while laying around on one of those full size ab-machines that he uses as a lounge chair.  All the dude has done is have basically half the plate appearances of a regular over the past 30 days, post a near .400 OBP, and have one less steal in that time than MLB leader Starling Marte (with 12).  Now, I am no numbers genius, I am a realist, and I really like the low-cost ability that he has for a team that has no other real choice but to play him, if he continues to do what he do. In all seriousness, where are the Padres going?  No wheres is the answer.  Guy is a newly minted 25, has shown decent enough OBP skills and prowess for thievery, that he may be wax-penciled into their lineup next year as someone they should try and build around and play smaller ball with.  I mean, they could do worse… they could sign Melvin Upton.  Oh, wait, that turned out good.  They can see if Wil Myers can play first base on the regular, yet again something else that went right.  For the small things, maybe the Fathers are starting to get things in the right direction, and instead of spending crazy stupid money for free agents and trading assets, they should start modeling themselves after what A.J Preller knows best.  They are a small market club with big club aspirations, start acting like it.  Just my two cents.  Let’s see what else is going down on the 90 feet thieves and sneaky saves department…

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Welcome back Y’all, I hope everyone enjoyed the All-Star break. I don’t know about you, but I dread the break, then it comes and I’m actually thankful for it. I feel revived and ready for the second half push, but part of me is still on break until today. So now it’s time to shake off that DK rust, take a deep whiff of some Nitro and get this biatch started. If you’re a little confused about the lead, let me help clear it up. The two L’s I’m referring to are Jon Lester, $9,400 vs the Mets and Mike Leake, $8,200 vs the Padres. Lester had a rough end to the first half pitching 6 of his last 7 games on the road and he got absolutely hammered for 8 ER at NYM two weeks ago, so why would I roll with him today? He’s a veteran who got some much needed rest over the break. Granted, he threw one inning at Petco last Tuesday but I think he’ll be extremely under owned across the board with J-Fer, Sale and Kluber all going tonight. Lester has been great at home this year with a 2.32 ERA while striking out 62 batters over 54 innings and the Mets are second to last in runs scored vs LHP. Wrigley Field is just what the doctor ordered for Lester’s recent road ails as he’s due to get back on track vs a depleted Mets lineup. Mike Leake turns into Mike Stopper when July 1st rolls around. There’s just something that happens to him when the calendar turns on June 30th as he goes lights out on the mound. It’s time to own him in daily and RCL, at least for the next 3 weeks. He went into the break on a high note striking out 10 in Milwaukee over 7 innings. He’s got a solid matchup at home tonight against the Padres who probably didn’t got into St. Louis at a cushy 4 AM Central this morning. I’m counting on Sneaky Leaky to put up a solid line of at least 8 K’s while he puts it to a weary San Diego team that’s still in vacation mode.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run today to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

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The other day the Astros signed the coveted Cuban refugee, Yulieski Gourriel.  One time!  Yulieski is as apple pie as a Canadian tenor group making a political statement during the All-Star Game.  He’s 32 years old.  If he went by YuGo, that would make him the newest car in Cuba.  “Bueno Model T, amigo!  Now, tell me about this Ford Taurus I hear so much about.”  You know who a 32-year-old Cuban immediately reminds me of?  Hector Olivera and Alex Guerrero.  Sloppy comparison maybe.  Hey, that gives me an idea.  Whenever doing a sloppy comparison between players who just happen to be Cuban, we should call them Sloppy Jose’s.  We need a similar term for when making a sloppy comparison between Japanese players; please suggest in the comments.  As for Gourriel, yeah, I don’t see much here.  I watched video of him, and he looks like a 15 HR, 6 SB, .260 hitter, which is Hector Olivera.  I’m sorry, but those Sloppy Joses make sense sometimes.  This Gourriel signing obviously delays Bregman’s arrival, so boo, you mothereffer, boo.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

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Michael Scott

And they’re off! Again! For the Second Time! Part Two! Two Dragons! (I’ll secretly do almost anything to word sneak in an unsneaky way Starchy & Hutch‘s ‘Two Dragons‘ reference into juuuust about anything. You’re welcome.) But for real…it’s the second half! (Insert explosions, fireworks, train horns, sirens, babies screaming, and horses charging) I got all the feels!

Here at the balls of Razz we’ve already posted many-a rankings for the second half to prime you for the stretch run (@Grey, @malamoney, @Big Magoo). And well, here comes another. If you showed up looking for the Week 16 Tw0-Start Pitcher Rankings, tough luck…the MLB teams are characteristically late in announcing much of anything valuable coming out of the All-Star Break, so we don’t know the rotations for Week 16. The three game soiree that is the first weekend of the second half is the recalibration many teams needs after taking the week off. By the time this article is posted there may be a list of Two-Start options available, but as for when I’m penning this piece it’s unfortunately not. So, I’ll join the bandwagon of the other writers and personally lay down the challenge to ol’ @JB Gilpin, my pitcher counterpart, and say that these rankings are the ones you need for the second-half in evaluating Starting Pitchers. He may be 6’7″, but I’ll take him out faster than Jose Canseco’s interview on the Razzball podcast two weeks ago (Seriously…if you haven’t heard it yet, sweet mercy, go download that sheen right meow).

And without further adieu, which no one actually uses in any common vernacular anymore outside of that phrase, here are the Top 100 Second Half Starting Pitcher Rankings! Hopefully some of the top options throw twice next week!

Note: I have not looked at JB’s or anyone else’s rankings at Razzball yet. I know, I’m a great teammate. But I wasn’t influenced by theirs in any capacity.

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Hello everyone, and welcome to Sunday!

We have a very healthy 10-game main slate on our hands today, with four pitchers being priced above $10k, and those being Max Scherzer, Jacob deGrom, Michael Fulmer, and Jon Gray, but for tournaments, I like none of them. You’ll have to keep reading!

Instead, I wanted to talk about the Washington Nationals bats today against the extreme gas can that is Chad Kuhl, who owns a 5.67 SIERA, a 12.9% K-rate, a 7.9% SwK-rate, and a 31% GB-rate. But usually, I dive a little deeper in my articles, and see who has the better matchups, lefties or righties, and how they do against RHP’s. But here’s the catch, everyone is in play, and by everyone, I mean, everyone. I can’t list out the entire Nationals starting lineup, but look at the lefty-righty splits Kuhl has-

vs. L vs. R
xFIP: 6.45 xFIP: 5.64
K%: 10.8% K%: 16.0%
BB%: 8.1% BB%: 8.0%
wOBA: .407 wOBA: .376
Hard%: 40.0% Hard%: 42.1%

Yes, it seems like lefties have the advantage, but if this pitcher was good against lefty bats, then we would be firing up the righties with confidence. So if there are any Nationals bats you would want to roster, you won’t hear me complaining.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday July 18th to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

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Scatter brained, unfocused, all over the place, just a few terms you might use to describe this hodge-podge of prospect analysis I bring to you here on this the lord’s day. We’re going to break this into three parts, first part will be a little analysis of the recent transactions involving Yulieski Gourriel and Anderson Espinoza, then we’ll jump into some updates on 2016 draft picks, now that they’re roughly a month into their professional careers, and we’ll close with some updates on international signings. If you’re looking for more than this I suggest you seek wisdom from those smarter than I. Yes, those people exist, roughly 79% of you reading this fall into that category in fact.

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I was watching the PCLInternational League All-Star game (Psyche! You thought it was going to be about the MLB All Stars; well it is, we’ll get there and Psych was an underrated great show) and took note of a few older All Stars.

1). Casey McGehee still plays!  And still spells his last name weird.  He was fantasy relevant for a short time in Milwaukee and this season in the PCL he’s got five homers and an OPS of .837  at AAA(and little chance of getting a call-up, but shout out to him anyway).

2). Jesus Montero was also around (hitting 11 homers with an .810 OPS in AAA).  Fun fact.  He’s got a brother named Jesus Montero.  Another fun fact, too many 1B in Toronto in front of him for now, but it is Edwin splitting time at DH and Justin Smoak.  So keep an ear to the ground (don’t do that, the ground is dirty) and maybe Jesus rises again (yep, should’ve seen that one coming).

3). The immortal Tuffy Gosewisch, familiar to Diamondback fans only (or at least he should be), who has a .952 OPS in the PCL and a career MLB OPS at .531.  It’s certainly true, the PCL is where you want to hit.

4). I’m not a fan of Billy Ripken.  Love the F Face baseball card.  Not a fan of his announcing nor his appearances on MLB Network.  More a fan of Al Leiter who’s pretty decent on MLB Network and the Marlins and Yankees games I’ve watched.  While we’re at it can we send Harold Reynolds back to ESPN?  Keep Byrnes, who I’m glad they toned down and Smoltz and Pedro (sometimes) with Amsinger and MLB network is good to go.  There were a lot of good prospects at the PCL-International All-Star game, but that isn’t my bag, so I’ll refer you here.

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Greetings! Ughh, ’tis been a rough couple days for your Lord… getting my butthole re-bleached is one thing, but my current day job forced me to fire someone for the first time in my life. Yes, I was forced to get my Donald Trump on and layoff this bih, who was once my boss. Aaaaaaaaaawkwaaaaaard to say the least. Of course, I made love to her first after doing our usual morning lines in the bathroom, as I wanted to give her one last perfect morning. Telling her to pack her shizz up and letting her know that I would be taking her job five minutes after blowing her back out was an absolute out-of-body experience. I felt the Elders gazing down upon me, guiding my firm hand as I demanded her keys, banned her from the premises, and broke her the worst news she has probably ever received in her life. Lord Beddict will no longer be giving you the pipe and you’re now going to have to buy your own cocaine. Nice gal, she’ll get over it… no she won’t. So yeah, about James Paxton If someone could tell me how a man who throws 100 MPH can somehow only total 3 Ks over his past 13 innings, I’ll service you while you suck you on a blowpop. How many licks does it take to get to the center of Paxton’s psyche? 5 innings, 6 earned, 1 k, 9 hits, but hey, at least he limited the Astros to one walk…

Anyways, here’s what I witnessed yesterday in fantasy baseball. Take heed!!!

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Did you enjoy your time away from DFS during the All Star Break?  It’s time to pull yourself away from wandering into traffic to catch Pokemon and back to grinding out DFS wins.  The time off is a good time to look back and see what has worked and what hasn’t worked so far this season.  Have you been withdrawing like a baller?  Then keep on doing what you do.  If you’ve been bleeding money to the sharks though, it’s time to take a step back and evaluate the process.  Try something different for a few weeks and see if results improve.  It’s really hard in this game to know what changes are making a positive impact on results and what can just be chalked up to variance.  For example, I had a great April and May, followed by one of my worst months I can remember in June.  Nothing changed, in fact, it’s the same process I’ve used for the past three successful DFS seasons.  July has been a bounce back, but the point is; sometimes, you just go cold.  Try not to panic too much and watch that bankroll.  Bankroll management is a HUGE part of long term success in this game and that might be the most important part of the process to nail down.  Don’t get too high after a win and suddenly start playing in $100 tournaments.  You should scale back after a string of losses until you get off the schnide though.  It’s not an exact science, but we’re here to help if you have any questions.  Enough jibber-jabber, let’s get into the picks for Saturday’s slate of games and help you start off the second half with a win:

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday July 18th to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

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I am always a day late and a buck short on the posts because I am relegated to be the Saturday morning cartoon of the Razzball variety.  No worries, I mean, who doesn’t love 80’s cartoons and can’t list 10 shows that would drastically alter children’s universes today?  One word… Snorks.  So with everyone else doing the second-half rankings, I felt it was my duty to give the closer rankings based solely on the second games remaining.  The elite will still be the elite, the mediocre are still mediocre, and the middling teams will still be middling. I don’t care what algorithm Jimmy Bill came up with to have expected win totals and blah blah.  Expected win totals are an indicator of save expectations. because the percent of saves converted in wins by teams has been pretty stagnant at 52%, give or take a few sheckles each way.  So looking at the games remaining, some teams have less games to play then others, and some have more so the expected totals for some teams will be different then what you would expect them to be.  So as a wise person once said to me in throws of fantasy passion, lets have at it.  Cheers!

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On Wednesday I gave you my second half projections for hitters. At the request of a commenter I have decided to see what I can come up with for starting pitchers. While projections are a slippery slope, I going to give it the old college try anyway. I’ve come to realize that you really can’t be wrong when making projections. It’s impossible to be right, so by process of elimination, how can I be wrong. Anyone follow that absolutely twisted logic? Me neither.

As I did with my hitter projections, I have merged my weighted preseason projections with weighted year-to-date stats to generate rest of season projections. Hocus-pocus. Abracadabra. I present my second half visions.

Given standard points systems do you have any guesses who might be projected to score the most points in the second half. Despite currently being on the disabled list, Clayton Kershaw still manages to come out on top. Kershaw is in line for another 334 points. Obviously this is all predicated on him making a quick return to action. The longer he’s out, the less points he will score. But then again, that’s basic math. Or is it just common sense?

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