I looked at the pitching for today’s slate of games on DraftKings and puked a little bit. There are a few good pitchers on the docket, but none who instill confidence in me matched up against their opposition. So, today I would recommend you pick every bat you want, and only then pick your pitching. Go after the biggest names; sure, some will be highly owned, but there won’t be too many lineups with all the studs (only the people who read this column). Pitching, just follow your gut and avoid hitters’ ballparks, and you’ll probably do just fine.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond?  Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday August 29th to wet your DK whistle.  Just remember to sign up through us before you do.  Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to ourDFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

Seth Lugo, SP: $4,500 – Does anyone else remember Julio Lugo? He always had that tiny little mustache. I don’t even know what Seth Lugo looks like, but I know he has put up decent numbers all year and pitched well in a spot start last time out. Give him a shot in memory of a baseball great…well maybe a baseball ok.

Edinson Volquez, SP: $5,400 – Volquez is still a good pitcher; he’s due to perform well eventually.

Mike Zunino, C: $3,500 – You remember when I said stud hitters? You’re probably confused because you see the name Mike Zunino up there. Well, lemme just remind you that big Mike has a big OPS over 1.000. Need I say more?

Edwin Encarnacion, 1B: $5,000 –

Edwin: “Jered Weaver, meet my parrot, Edwing. He’ll be seeing you a few times tonight.”

Jered: *Proceeds to throw an 80 MPH fastball to no avail*

Enter Edwing, stage right.

Daniel Murphy, 2B: $5,300 – Sorry Ubaldo lovers, but he isn’t good anymore, and Murphy certainly is.

Jake Lamb, 3B: $4,700 – I’m still a bit too obsessed with Jake Lamb.

Corey Seager, SS $4,800 – This guy is one of the few best players in baseball and I will continue to say that to anyone who listens.

Bryce Harper, OF: $5,500 – He’s heating up, sorry Ubaldo!

Trea Turner, OF: $4,900 – Wouldn’t it be way cooler if Trea Turner’s name was pronounced like your favorite neighborhood plant, the tree?

Mike Trout, OF: $4,700 – TroutBurger. The unofficially licensed burger of the officially best player in baseball. So, I wasn’t gonna change this line from last week, except I just had to lower Mike Trout’s price $800… How does that happen?

I’m Only Happy When it Rains

There will be a lot of games played underneath domes today, along with a lot of games played beneath sun.

Doing Lines in Vegas

Over/Under of 9.5 in the LAA-TOR game and the SEA-CHW games. Edwin and Edwing will be alive and well.

That’s all for today… Here’s hoping Trea Turner changes his name so he can pass Tree Rollins as the fastest man ever whose name was Tree.