Fantasy Baseball Advice

Unlike our last team, Rudy and I co-drafted this team.  So for every bad pick, Rudy and I have someone to blame.  Neither will take it personal.  We managed to work Elijah Dukes onto this team, who’s a total dwyck.  This is a 20 team, 5×5, roto league and still is, so we have more arms than Bruce Willis.  Get well soon, Guru!  The team breaks down like this:  Catcher, 1st Baseman, 2nd Baseman, 3rd Baseman, Shortstop, 3 Outfielders, Utility, 2 SPs, 2 RPs, 3 Ps and a 4 man bench.  Anyway, here’s a 2010 fantasy baseball team and some thoughts from the draft:

Round 1 – Ryan Braun – We skipped A-Rod and Utley.  Our thought process went like this.  With only one position player for each position, 3 outfielders and one utility man, we figured outfielders would make up the majority of the teams’ Utility spots and might even end up in the bench spots.  So you’re looking at drafting about 100 outfielders vs. 20 3rd basemen, 20 2nd basemen, etc.  Since there was no MI or CI, we figured there wouldn’t be many teams that had more than one 3rd baseman or 2nd baseman, etc. before we drafted one.

Round 2 – Lance Berkman – It was between him and Kendry Morales.  We decided to go with a guy who we felt was slightly more boring, but safer.  Safer helps when there’s absolutely no one on waivers.

Round 3/4 – Felix Hernandez/Cliff Lee – We also figured there would be a lot of pitchers drafted, since each team needed at least 5 starters.  In a 20 team league, two top starters, as we have, should easily get us a near-top finish in 3 of 5 pitching categories.  (WHIP, ERA and Ks.  There’s no accounting for Wins, but we should do okay there too.)  Now we just needed to take a few flier starters later on.

Round 5 – Gordon Beckham – This is Rudy and I on IM while drafting.  Me, “C’mon, let’s take some upside!”  Him, “You and your upside.  We need safe guys who will produce.”  Me, “Our team looks like a contender… In 2006.  We need upside!”  Him, “You want Beckham?”  Me, “Please.”

Round 6 – Johnny Damon – Hold the above dialogue about Gordon Beckham in the mirror.

Round 12 – Alcides Escobar – Rudy and I both tend to punt shortstop (if we don’t get Hanley) and try to get steals from our shorstop later on.  If I remember correctly, we had Everth Cabrera and Alcides to choose from and we needed steals.  Alcides seems more likely to hit at the top of the order for more ABs than EverCab.  Honestly, these guys are such tomato-tomahto at this point, in another draft tomorrow I might go with EverCab.  To read further, Alcides Escobar sleeper post.

Round 13 – Chase Headley – I tried for Snider, but Rudy wasn’t having it.  Rudy tried for Conor Jackson; I wasn’t having it.  We settled for Headley.  If Headley were on any team other than the Padres, he would’ve received his own sleeper post.  Then again, maybe he has a sleeper post and I’ve forgotten.  Damn, Headley, you inspire excitement!

Round 14 – Kelly Johnson – He’ll be solid on Runs, fair on average, hit 15 homers and 10 steals.  Explain to me how Yunel’s better than him one hundred picks earlier.  Go ahead, I’ll wait.  *rests head in hand, taps finger, yawns*  Okay, then.

Round 15 – Casey McGehee – Least favorite pick of the draft.  I really think McGehee ends up back on the bench or in a utility role for the Brewers.  I don’t see him approaching last year’s numbers.  I think Gamel, who might not even start the year with the Brewers, will outproduce McGehee on the year.  Anyway, it was the 283rd pick of the draft and we needed some flexibility.

Round 16 – Clayton Richard – A Padres pitcher with a near 7 K/9 and projected to have a 4 ERA at pick 318?  No problem there for me.

Round 17 – Elijah Dukes – Some other guys taken this round were:  Jeff Weaver, Mike Adams, Chris Getz, Pineiro, Cahill, Maicer Izturis and Luke Scott.  To answer your question, no Chumlee wasn’t drafting for the guy who took Weaver.  That was autodrafted.  The rest of those guys I believe were present.  I always preach not to take bench hitters, but that’s for 10 team, 12 team… 14 team… Maybe in 16 team leagues… In a 20 team league, it’s tumbleweeds on waivers.

Round 19 – Jeff Clement – A’la Buddy from Cake Boss, “Now that’s how you punt catcher!”

Round 20 – Gaby Sanchez – We were looking at Kris Medlen and Carlos Santana but both were scooped right before our pick.  As for Gaby, he (she?) is an upside pick that is at the do or die stage of his (her?) career.  If he (she?) does, this could be our best value pick.

Overall – When we ran the numbers, we’re in a three-way first place tie in the preseason standings with 131 Points.  We didn’t necessarily go into the draft wanting to dominate pitching vs. hitting, but Rudy ran the Point Shares for the league and there were much better values for pitching.  To come out of a 20-team league with two of the top 10 pitchers in baseball (F-Her and Cliff Lee) is a huge advantage — one that would be impossible to attain with just 2 hitters.  Plus, we got Filthy Sanchez, a Johnson and Headley. What’s not to love?

Finished up the hitters for the 2010 fantasy baseball rankings and now we’re turning our eye patch to the top 20 starters for 2010 fantasy baseball.  Ain’t life grand?  I supposed, but pimpin’ still ain’t easy, despite strides made by Three 6 Mafia and Big Daddy Kane.  Before we get into the top 20 starters, I want to point out one thing about my projections.  Wins and losses are total shots in the dark.  Did I take into consideration how well their respective teams would do?  Really doe.  Still doesn’t matter.  As with other rankings, where I see tiers starting and ending is mentioned and my projections.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 starters for 2010 fantasy baseball:

1. Tim Lincecum – Went over Lincecum’s projections in the top 20 for 2010 fantasy baseball.

2. Felix Hernandez – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Greinke.  I call this tier, “F-Her vs. Greinke.”  I feel like F-Her doesn’t get his due.  I know he must be thrilled to finally get that acknowledgment from a fantasy baseball blog.  Fire your PR firm!  Imagine a 23-year-old pitcher in New York throwing 238 2/3 innings with a 2.49 ERA and 217 Ks.  Joba’s Mom opens a crystal meth lab in the bathroom of a Denny’s and it makes more news than F-Her.  Even in my blurb for F-Her I’m talking about Joba.  Guy gets no respect.  At least I didn’t talk about Greinke.  Oh, wait… 2010 Projections:  18-6/3.00/1.10/220

3. Zach Greinke – The only reason why Greinke is going before F-Her in drafts is because of hype.  Just something about someone reaching their potential that drives people crazy.  Greinke had an exceptional year in 2009.  No argument from me.  I before E except in Greinke, I know.  I just think F-Her’s a tad safer.  Maybe it’s the four straight years of 190+ innings from F-Her… Maybe it’s the jump in K-rate for Greinke and the more gradual increase for F-Her… Maybe it’s Greinke’s literal feel good story…. Maybe I’m just a cynic to hype… In the end, it’s not like I ranked Greinke 20th.  2010 Projections:  14-5/3.05/1.10/225

4. Roy Halladay – This is a new tier.  This tier goes until Johan.  I call this tier, “Don’t hate them because they’ve done it many times before.”  Went over my Halladay fantasy already.  2010 Projections:  17-8/3.02/1.14/185

5. CC Sabathia – Since I pitted Greinke vs. F-Her, let’s look at Sabathia vs. Johan.  Johan’s K-rate has been falling.  It was still 7.88 and slightly above CC at 7.71.  Johan’s walks went up last year:  2.48 BB/9.  Sabathia’s was still higher at 2.62.  Johan pitches in Metco, whereas CC’s in a Little League stadium.  Johan was dealing with some arm issues, so maybe that’s why he was wilder than usual and his strikeouts have been declining.  Yeah, maybe, but Johan was dealing with some arm issues so he’s below CC.  2010 Projections:  20-10/3.45/1.17/200

6. Johan Santana – I think reports of Johan’s doneness have been prematurely reported.  Will he give you 250 Ks and a 2.50?  Nah, those days are in the rear view, but 200 Ks and a 3.00 ERA seems completely doable.  2010 Projections:  18-7/3.15/1.18/200

7. Justin Verlander – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Wainwright.  I call this tier, “These guys have a legitimate chance of being on my team.”  I don’t draft starters high, but I am a whore for Ks.  They’re sorta like homers for me with hitters.  A homer gets you a Run, a RBI and boosts your average.  While a K doesn’t directly get you a Win, it does help ERA and WHIP.  It’s also one of the few things the pitcher controls.  Thanks to a fastball that averaged 96 MPH, Verlander had 269 Ks last year.  For starters last year, he ranked 7th for getting batters to chase pitches outside the strike zone.  If he can somehow avoid the terrible April he’s had two years in a row, he could be in for a sub-3 ERA. 2010 Projections:  17-11/3.25/1.20/230

8. Dan Haren – Haren is one of the most reliable pitchers.  Around a 3.20 ERA — check!  Around 200 Ks — check!  Terrible in the 2nd half — alas!  2010 Projections:  16-10/3.30/1.15/200

9. Jon Lester – Pitchers usually breakout in their third year starting.  Worked last year for Lester and I don’t see it as a fluke.  Will his K-rate continue to climb?  Probably not.  Is it a tough division?  Sorta.  Whole lot easier not facing the Sawx.  Last year, his FIP was 3.15.   He ranked behind only Lincecum and Verlander for K/9.  Could be Lincecum, Verlander and Lester at the top of the rankings next year.  2010 Projections:  17-7/3.35/1.20/215

10. Adam Wainwright – As with other rankings posts, there’s always a few that legitimately stump me.  I move them up and down and eventually settle on a place.  I don’t tell you this just so you can peer behind the curtain and see I’m not wearing pants.  I tell you this so you know I’m more iffy on certain players.  If they were to bomb, I wouldn’t be completely surprised.  So Wainwright was great last year, most signs point to him being able to repeat, but there’s a few red flags.  A Flag)  His innings jump.  He is older than the age when pitchers are usually flagged for that, but still.  B Flag) He relies heavily on breaking pitches.  Either he doesn’t trust his fastball or Yadier’s got carpal tunnel and can’t hold down one finger.  C Flag)  Whoever heard of a C Flag.  There’s no such thing.  2010 Projections:   16-8/3.30/1.18/190

11. Cole Hamels – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Kershaw.  I call this tier, “If I don’t get a pitcher from the previous tier, I’ll need someone from this tier.”  Sure, Hamels was full on crizzap last year.  Well, Happy New Year!  Hamels led all starters with least amount of contact made on pitches inside the strike zone.  That’s stuff.  He’s on a team that can give him a shot for 18-20 Wins, he can reach 190 Ks and a mid to low-3 ERA.  2010 Projections:  16-10/3.45/1.15/185

12. Josh Johnson – Tons of Ks, great ERA, insane FIP.  Yes!  Previous elbow problems combined with a huge innings bump, his 2.74 ERA pre-All-Star Break vs. his 4.00 ERA post-All-Star Break, somewhat lucky HR/FB.  This fish looks so damn tasty, but he might be tainted with mercury.  I don’t think he’s a slam dunk, but I’m willing to take the risk for the reward.  2010 Projections:  14-6/3.35/1.22/175

13. Cliff Lee – After Lee’s Cy Young win, I remained a non-believer.  After his 2009 year, I’ve seen the light.  I’m done fighting the man.  Lee’s a top starter.  And I just know that now that I’m in bed with him, I’m going to wake up with a horse’s head.  2010 Projections:  15-8/3.40/1.22/160

14. Ubaldo Jimenez – From May to October, Ubaldo’s ERA was 3.08.  And he has the most baldass name.  2010 Projections:  15-9/3.50/1.27/200

15. Ricky Nolasco – In 185 innings, Nolasco rang up 195 Ks and only gave up 44 walks.  His K/BB rate ranked fifth in the majors just behind Greinke, Vazquez, Haren and Halladay.  He ranked eighth for the times he was able to get a batter to swing outside of the strike zone, just below Verlander.  He also had a 5.06 ERA last year.   This was due to bad luck.  The ERA will come down.  This is a fantasy baseball trust exercise.  Fall into Nolasco’s arms, he’ll catch you.  2010 Projections:  15-7/3.55/1.20/200

16. Josh Beckett – Red State Jeter always seems to have stretches where he’ll throw a couple of 6 inning games and give up 8 runs in each, which is a dagger to the testicles.  But he’s consistently near 200 Ks, has a team that gives him wins and a 3.63 FIP or under for three years straight.  2010 Projections:  16-10/3.70/1.22/195

17. Clayton Kershaw – Kershaw is not the prototypical Grey crush.  He walks a lot of hitters and has a hard time getting out of the 6 inning.  A 21 year old who just had a 3.08 FIP and a 9.74 K/9 makes up for a whole lot of walks and short outings.  End of last year, I furthered my Kershaw fantasy.  2010 Projections:  12-4/3.20/1.22/200

18. Chris Carpenter – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Peavy.  I call this tier, “Avoid.”  I know all that jazz about Duncan teaching his starters to pitch to contact.  Well, here’s a jazz riff for you.  I don’t want my fantasy starters pitching to contact when I have to pay for them with a top draft pick.  If Carp comes cheap, then sure, otherwise I think he’s too hyped, even outside The Bootheel.  2010 Projections:  14-7/3.10/1.05/135

19. Yovani Gallardo – We had a good run last year, but it went on too long and wasn’t that pretty towards the end.  I could see my avoidance of Gallardo biting me in the ass because he is an extreme strikeout pitcher, which I like, but the innings jump from 2008 to 2009 raises too many questions for me.  2010 Projections:  14-9/3.85/1.32/175

20. Jake Peavy – It’s with great regret Peavy ends up in the avoid tier.  He’s just been too injured the last couple of seasons.  Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice and, well, you know the cliché.  And now he’s out of Petco.  Lates, Peave.  2010 Projections:  10-5/3.35/1.15/145

All the final 2009 fantasy baseball rankings for hitters has been done. For those that skipped the title, today starts the top 20 starters for 2009 fantasy baseball. This is NOT for 2010 (caps for those still wearing their Final Destination 3-D glasses). This is a recap. Will these effect next year’s rankings, sure. But not entirely. (Note: These rankings are from ESPN’s Player Rater. It’s just an objective third party to fairly gauge my preseason rankings. Does this mean I think ESPN’s Player Rater is perfect? No. For one, it weighs Wins very heavily.) Anyway, here’s the top 20 starters for 2009 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:

1. Zack Greinke – I’m sure Rudy will cover this at some point in the offseason, but let’s get it out of the way right off the bat.   Greinke showed up on the Risky pitcher post in the preseason.  I count 13 of the 20 pitchers Rudy flagged that did run into troubles in 2009, so I think we can agree it wasn’t an abomination.  The concern with the high pitch count in 2008 for Greinke turned out to be nothing.  Everything was roses.  Red luscious roses like Rip Taylor’s intern tosses at his feet.  Two months under a .55 ERA, more than a K/IP on the year, next to no walks and he didn’t need to talk to the ball between hitters.  Preseason Rank #42, 2009 Projections:  9-7/4.10/1.30/130, Final Numbers:  16-8/2.16/1.07/242

2. Tim Lincecum – A few weeks ago, someone in the comments said Tim Lincecum’s mullet makes him look like someone Ellen DeGeneres should be dating.  It’s funny because it’s true.  Preseason Rank #2, 2009 Projections:  17-8/3.00/1.18/210, Final Numbers:  15-7/2.48/1.05/261

3. Felix Hernandez – To stick with the Ellen theme, F-Her headed the preseason tier I named, “Guys I’m Kinda Gay For.”  Wainwright was also in that tier.  Luckily, I grabbed Hernandez in one league and Wainwright in just about every other league.  F-Her had one bad month (May; 4.34 ERA), topped 200 Ks, a 1.99 ERA in Away starts, a .603 OPS against and 19 wins.  This is about this year, but, I’ll say it, I love him for next year, too.  And, for some reason, I think he’s underrated.  Preseason Rank #21, 2009 Projections:  13-9/3.85/1.33/190, Final Numbers:  19-5/2.49/1.14/217

4. Javier Vazquez – In the preseason, CHONE drooled over Vazquez.  Lots of people disagreed.  CHONE 1, Lots of People Who Disagreed 0.  My abridged comments in the preseason were, “Besides having a last name that would be great for Scrabble, I like him.”  At 33, it was hard to imagine Vazquez having a career year, but that was exactly what he did.  Preseason Rank #34, 2009 Projections:  15-8/4.15/1.25/200, Final Numbers:  15-10/2.87/1.03/238

5. Dan Haren – In the preseason, I said, “Here’s the first pitcher (in the top ten) that I have a legitimate shot at owning in leagues in 2009.   Wins aside, guess who had more value in 2008, Haren or Webb?  Obviously I’m asking the question because it’s Haren.  He beat Webb in WHIP and Ks and practically tied him in ERA.”  And that’s me quoting me!  I did end owning him and he pitched predictably terrific in the 1st half and just-above mediocre in the 2nd half.  Preseason Rank #7, 2009 Projections:  16-7/3.40/1.15/195, Final Numbers:  14-10/3.14/1.00/223

6. Chris Carpenter – Not going to claim I saw this season coming at all.  I always thought Carpenter was a great pitcher, but, frankly, I was worried about him coming off the injury season.  I preached caution; I should’ve preached to ignore me.  Preseason Rank #59, 2009 Projections:  9-5/3.70/1.27/110, Final Numbers:  17-4/2.24/1.01/144

7. Roy Halladay – In 2008, Halladay had a 2.78 ERA and 206 Ks.  This year, 2.79 and 208.  If I had to boil down fantasy baseball success, I’d say you want predictability + upside.  Considering most starters are like shooting fish in a barrel that has no fish in it, Halladay brings a sense of predictability that isn’t easily found.  Preseason Rank #8, 2009 Projections:  16-6/3.50/1.10/165, Final Numbers:  17-10/2.79/1.13/208

8. Adam Wainwright – Had some control problems early in the season, but he straightened those out in a big way in the 2nd half (97/18 K/BB).  Yes, he made Rufus and me very happy this year.  Preseason Rank #23, 2009 Projections:  13-7/3.60/1.20/150, Final Numbers:  19-8/2.63/1.21/212

9. Justin Verlander – With his 2nd season in a row of poor April numbers, it’s fair to say Verlander takes some time to start cooking.  I guess when you rely on a 98 MPH fastball, the warm weather helps the, uh, heat.  Preseason Rank #41, 2009 Projections:  15-9/4.00/1.30/160, Final Numbers:  19-9/3.45/1.18/269

10. CC Sabathia – When you see his ERA went up in 2009 compared to 2008, it’s easy to say he couldn’t handle The Jetstream.  Alas, you’re wrong, doode.  He had a 3.17 ERA at home compared to 3.53 on the road.  It’s all about the home cooking (and eating).  Preseason Rank #4, 2009 Projections:  18-7/3.20/1.10/200, Final Numbers:  19-8/3.37/1.15/197

11. Josh Johnson – Throw out his final start of the season when he may or may not have been suffering from an illness and his ERA would’ve been 3.03.  BTW, don’t you love how ESPN and Yahoo put a guy’s condition in parenthesis in their player card news?  I wish everyone had player cards.  “Last night, Grey grabbed a burger (hungry) then tried to have sex with his girlfriend (headache).”  Preseason Rank #39, 2009 Projections:  13-6/3.75/1.32/140, Final Numbers:  15-5/3.23/1.16/191

12. Matt Cain – Cain was a strange case for me.  (Prepare yourselves for the longest run-on sentence in history.  You may need an oxygen mask.)  I loved Cain coming into the season, ended up drafting him in a few leagues, he got off to an incredible start, I wrote repeatedly on the blog about how his numbers were supposed to regress, so no one would trade for him in any of my leagues because of what I wrote or because they read something similar elsewhere, the more I tried to trade him the better he pitched, then I stopped trying to trade him and he finally regressed in September (5.22 ERA).  Preseason Rank #32, 2009 Projections:  14-10/3.35/1.26/200, Final Numbers:  14-8/2.89/1.18/171

13. Jair Jurrjens – Not that I’m against Jar-Jar, but his K-rate does bore me a bit.  Preseason Rank #48, 2009 Projections:  12-8/3.75/1.35/150, Final Numbers:  14-10/2.60/1.21/152

14. Jon Lester – He had the tale of two seasons.  It (June on) was the best of times, it (April/May) was the worst of times…  If you jumped on his coattails in June when I advised you to, you did pretty good.  Preseason Rank #27, 2009 Projections:  15-7/4.00/1.30/150, Final Numbers:  15-8/3.41/1.23/225

15. Wandy Rodriguez – Hmm… What’s this, snitches? Yup.  Preseason Rank #42, 2009 Projections:  10-7/3.75/1.30/160, Final Numbers:  14-12/3.02/1.24/193

16. Ted Lilly – I avoided Lilly in all of my drafts to my detriment.  But, honestly, when you have F-Her, Haren, Cain, Wainwright, Wandy and Wolf in 90% of your starting spots on your teams, you’re doing okay.  I’ll repeat it ad nauseam in the preseason, but you don’t have to draft pitching early to compete.  The only league I drafted a top pitcher, I took Peavy.  And we know how that worked out.  Preseason Rank #44, 2009 Projections:  12-10/4.30/1.25/160, Final Numbers:  12-9/3.10/1.06/151

17. Randy Wolf – In a 15 team league (that’s deep, ya’ll), I grabbed Wolf off of waivers.  In my 16 team league, I took Wolf in one of my last picks.  Chances are Wolf was not drafted in your leagues, which makes me think Wolf was one of the best value pitching picks off of waivers.  I like Wolf and Wolf Like Me, TV on the Radio.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  11-7/3.23/1.10/160

18. Josh Beckett – My preseason AL Cy Young pick didn’t fair that terrible, but he’s definitely not winning the award.  The odd thing is my preseason predictions for his numbers weren’t very far off.  Just turned out there were a lot of great pitchers in 2009.  As Jessica Shaw would say, steroids out, pitching and speed in.  Preseason Rank #10, 2009 Projections:  16-10/3.75/1.20/175, Final Numbers:  17-6/3.86/1.19/199

19. Ubaldo Jimenez – Chances are if you owned Ubaldo, you picked him up sometime in May or June after his 7.58 ERA April.  So his numbers are even sweeter in your Active stats.  Preseason Rank #49, 2009 Projections:  10-8/4.20/1.40/165, Final Numbers:  15-12/3.47/1.23/198

20. Cliff Lee – The Adverb moved to the NL and his ERA went up.  Weird!  Guess it’s because the Phillies play in a stadium smaller than a jai lai fronton.  Somewhere in Aruba, J.P. Ricciardi dials his phone.  “Hey, Halladay… You’re welcome!”  Preseason Rank #17, 2009 Projections:  15-10/3.75/1.22/150, Final Numbers:  14-13/3.22/1.24/181

The Flying Molina Brother, who likes his seconds, is dealing with a sore quad (only one, not four – weird!).  So the Giants called up Buster Posey yesterday.  Well, ain’t that a kick in the shin pads?  He wasn’t supposed to get the call and I don’t think he sees much time this year to make a difference in one year leagues.  It’s keepers where you wanna grab him immediately.  Sabean’s already said Fat Molina is on his way out of The Bay after this season.  Buster Posey should get every opportunity to win the job in spring training of 2010.  I wouldn’t expect anything, but he’s capable of 14 homers and a .300 average if he gets the job from jump street.  In the non-perverse way, I’ll touch on him many more times during the offseason.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Wade Davis – Being called up to start Sunday vs. the Yanks. Davis is a decent flier for AL-Only leagues and deep mixed ones.  I wouldn’t expect more than a 4.50 ERA and 7 K/9 the rest of the way, and vs. the Yanks isn’t a great one to begin with.  Literally.  He was broken down in detail here. –> Wade Davis Fantasy <– There

Jake Peavy – Chances of him pitching this year have gone from slim to anorexic.

Michael Young – Out at least two weeks.  I’d drop him in leagues where space is limited and you can’t fit any more overhead, useless baggage.

Joe Nathan – 2/3 IP, 4 ER as Kevin Gregg chloroformed Nathan pre-game and did the ol’ switcheroo.

Brian Duensing – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks.  Scroll down to yesterday’s roundup and read what I wrote about Manship.  Same applies.  Go ahead, scroll.  Just moving your eyes down isn’t going to work.  You need to scroll.  Oh, forget it.

Gordon Beckham – HR yesterday.  Now has back-to-back games with homers.  Also, he hasn’t recorded more than two hits in a game in two weeks.  Adam Dunn throws him his jersey, “I like your style, kid.”

Drew Stubbs – HR yesterday.  This is actually kinda comical.  Not a funny comical, but more like “This is worse than watching Eyes Wide Shut on basic cable” painfully comical.  I grabbed Stubbs in leagues where I don’t need power but need steals.  He’s hit three homers in the last four games.  It’s like ten thousand spoons and all you need is a knife.

Carlos Marmol – No Cuddle Boy here as he continues to convert the saves he’s getting.

Adam Jones – Close the curtains on the hot box, Jones looks like he’s done for the season.  Grab Felix Pie! (<–last reminder until tomorrow)

Kevin Correia – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 Ks.  In Petco vs. the Nats B lineup.  What does a Nats B lineup consist of, you ask.  Ryan Zimmerman defected in his pants and Riggleman hung it up as his lineup card.  Pete Orr hit 5th (.245 in Triple-A) and Justin Maxwell (.242 in Triple-A), Willie Harris (.222 in majors) and Jorge Padilla (Latin 30) in the outfield.   Razztastic!

Jim Johnson – Zero innings, 5 ER.  Kazaam!

Nolan Reimold – 5 for his last 7 with a homer yesterday.  I’m watching to see if he gets hot, so you don’t have to.  You’re welcome.

Rick Porcello – 7 IP, 2 ER in just 80 pitches.  Tigers are watching his innings and he can/should be shutdown any day now.

Mariano Rivera – Day-to-day with a strained groin.  That was my story from ages 13-19.

Josh Hamilton – Has dealt with back pain before and yesterday he had a relapse.  What, bad choice of words?  He says he’ll return on Friday.

Brad Penny – 8 IP, 0 ER.  After the game, he was seen talking to Cliff Lee.  They high-fived, saying, “NL!”

Josh Beckett – 6 IP, 4 ER, 9 Ks.  Actually, not a terrible start.  Sure, you expect more from Beckett, but I’d take 9 Ks in 6 innings every day of the week and twice of Muesday.

Carl Crawford – HR yesterday.  Hitting .311, 13 homers and 55 steals.  Great, terrific, wonderful!  I’ll go into it more in the offseason, but I think he’s going to be overvalued in 2010.

Ubaldo Jimenez – 8 IP, 2 ER.  Oh, and he’s a Cy Young contender.  Zoinks!

Franklin Morales/Huston Street/Rafael Betancourt – Morales notched the save for the Rockies.  Was just a case of Street being used too much…. For the last five months.  Huston Street has bicep(s) tendinitis.  UPDATE:  Rockies are saying Morales will be the closer.

Felix Hernandez – 8 IP, 0 ER, 6 Ks vs. the Angels.  F-Her strong, but not in the Big A.

Scott Kazmir – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 Ks.  If you can’t get traded to the NL, the AL West isn’t a terrible consolation.

Garrett Jones – Another homer yesterday for Robot Jones.  Compliments of frequent commenter, Mgeoffriau, “In honor of Isaac Asimov, Will Smith, and Tom Brady’s ex, I present the 3 Laws of Robot Jones:

(1) Robot Jones must always hit home runs.
(2) Robot Jones must always steal more bases than expected.
(3) Robot Jones must always talk in a creepifying, flat tone that reminds everyone that you can’t trust a robot.

The Sox are a bunch of homewreckers.  First they split of the LaRoche brothers then they break up the Duncan father/son combo in St. Louis.  Not good news for the softball team managed by Bob Boone with Bret and Aaron Boone on it.  Yesterday, the Red Sox acquired Adam LaRoche from the Pirates.  This hurts LaRoche’s value a bit, but he was kinda hurting his value on his own.  He’ll see time against righties, pushing Lowell to the bench in favor of Youkilis.  It’s doubtful Youuuuuuk will see a reduction in time other than the occasional day off.  This hurts Lowell’s value as well, but his old man hip was doing that already.  Since LaRoche will see time against the stronger half of the platoon and he’s a 2nd half hitter, he’s still worth owning in deep leagues, but you’ll need a backup for when he sits.  Meanwhile, the Pirates are that team in your keeper league that can barely field a team but they keep saying, “Wait til next year.”  So who plays 1st for the Pirates?  Jones?  Call up Pearce?  Sid “The Dream” Bream?  My guess is they’d stick with Garrett “I Need A Nickname” Jones and maybe call up Pearce in a month or so and give him some ABs.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Garrett Jones – 3-for-4, HR yesterday.  He’s now batting third for the Pirates and has 9 homers in about three games (and 11 RBIs).  I hate to be the buzzkill to your Jonesing, but he will cool off.  If you need a piece, no time like the present to trade him.

Ryan Doumit – 2 HRs yesterday.  Days like these make you glad you stashed him on your DL for three months.

Paul Maholm – 4 2/3 IP, 7 ER.  Only thing worse than a Pirates starter is one who throws a gem last time out then gets pounded.

Casey McGehee – HR yesterday as Felipe sat out with a sore hammy.  McGehee’s got spunk, but no playing time kinda hurts that.

Adam Jones – HR yesterday.  2nd homer since the All-Star break.  He’s not sure where he lost his stroke in June (maybe by the Doritos), but it looks like he’s found it.

Chris Duncan – Cards decided he didn’t look right with a ’stache so he was traded to the Sawx for Julio Lugo.  At best, Duncan won’t be anything but a bench player.  I imagine Francona will use him to pinch hit to get the opposing teams to bring in a lefty, then he’ll pull Duncan and put in a righty hitter for the ol’ switcheroo.

Julio Lugo – Julio Lugubrious is not worth owning in any league.

Clay Buchholz – 4 IP, 3 ER.  Well, that could’ve went better.  I’d start him next time out vs. the A’s, then depending on how that goes we might need to reevaluate.

Nelson Cruz – 2-for-2, 2 SBs.  Guess all his fractured finger needed was two days of rest.  I’d like to see him hit a homer before I call him “all better,” but it’s a step in the right direction.

Brad Lidge – 2/3 IP, 2 ER.  Kazaam!

Miguel Montero – Few hitters are hotter right now.  Yunel Escobar is another one.  Oddly, they both hit three-run homers yesterday.

Justin Upton – 0-for-3, not many colder hitters right now and I saw him limping in the game yesterday.  Gracie believed it was a tweaked back.  I’m not 100% sure, but it’s not going to help him kick this slump.

Tim Lincecum – 5 IP, 4 ER, 9 Ks.  I don’t usually watch games of A) Pitchers I don’t own B) Pitchers that are not available anywhere C) There’s no C.  But I watched Lincecum pitch yesterday.  Jurrjens didn’t outpitch him (7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks) as much as the Braves outhit the Giants.  (BTW, Five days ago, Matthew Berry said re: Pablo Sandoval, “The Giants have a better team than folks think these days…” If anyone can figure out how a team with the major league worst OBP and 2nd worst OPS is better than people think, I’d love to hear it.  I’m guessing they’re worst than he realizes, but that’s me.)

Russell Branyan – Continues his march towards the most homers while going 1-for-4.

Felix Hernandez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 Ks and won his 11th game.  F-Her is having one of those years where the run support is falling just right.

Mark DeRosa – Hit another homer and the Cards lost again.  Stop hitting homers!

Bobby Jenks – Ozzie said Jenks is his closer and quote, “…if people don’t want him to be my closer, don’t come to the God damn game.”  He then let Matt Thornton save the White Sox victory on Wednesday.  I think because he brought Thornton in in the 8th, Ozzie thought he technically wasn’t lying.

Bronson Arroyo – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER, 8 Ks.  Ugly end result, but he gets the Padres next time out.

Ubaldo Jimenez – 6 IP, 3 ER, 5 Ks.  I wouldn’t have started him at home, but guess where he pitches next?  Metco!

Joe Mauer – 0-for-3.  I told you to trade him on May 22nd.  Since June 1st, he has 4 homers and a .329 average.  Miguel Montero’s outhitting that.

Chris Tillman – Supposedly going to get the call next week.  Here’s Chris Tillman’s fantasy breakdown from Scouting the Unknown.  For those too lazy to click-through, his K rate alone warrants a pick up.

Brandon Inge – Has a partially torn knee cap and says it’s excruciating.  But no fear, he also said this, “”How would I come out (of the lineup with) the race this close and for the fans of Detroit and the fans of Michigan going through what they’re going through with economics?”  You fantasy owners can thank Little Timmy, who told Inge this, “Gee whiz, Mister, since Pops fell between dem gears at the fac’try, Maw and the 8 of us kids have been hopin’ the ballteam could pull one out and give us somethin’ to believe in!”

Tony Bernazard – Former White Sox middle infielder and current Mets scout challenged the entire Double-A Binghamton Mets team to a fight.  And you thought Ozzie was the only crazy 80’s White Sox MI?  The best part was when the players started snapping their fingers while Bernazard and a prospect circled one another.  When you’re a Met, you’re a Met for life…