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Amish text states vociferously that a Quackenbush should not render thou’s biblical nature moot.  Stating, “Eroticism is the devil’s electricity, and our brains should not be hardwired to flip any switches when our nature’s bell rings.  You may want to churn butter into the Quackenbush–”  I just realize I had a smudge on my Amish Schoolchildren Early Education textbook and it’s not Quacken, it’s Quaker.  That is my bad.  So, Joaquin Benoit could be headed to the DL, and even if he’s not, he’s dealing with a shoulder issue and may not be effective.  In every league I needed saves, I’d grab Kevin Quackenbush.  And, if truly desperate, I’d even grab Dale Thayer.  As for a Quaker bush, well, caution is advised.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Justin Verlander – Tigers announced, “(Verlander) threw a 35-pitch bullpen, and then walked into Ausmus’ office to deliver a high five.”  I can only imagine how he reacts after sleeping with Kate Upton.  “(Verlander) gave Kate Upton a five-minute session, and then did The Chicken Dance down the street in his boxers, stopping random men on the street and hugging them.”

David Price – 8 IP, 0 ER, 1 Hit, 9 Ks.  As much offense as there was on Wednesday, there was absolutely none on Thursday.  You could hear a pin drop when hitters came up.  Price and Alex Cobb (7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners (2 Hits), 6 Ks) combined for three hits allowed.  Price threw a complete game, one-hitter and lost.  You have to go back to the Dead Ball Era to find a similar game.  In 1845, the Baltimore Fiddlers faced off against the Albany Bumposophers.  The game wasn’t called baseball at the time.  It was called, “You soiled my sister’s ears with flosculation and now I’m going to kill you.”  It was a great disrespect in those days to blather on to one’s sister, so each contest was heated.  The Bumposophers, between counting bumps on their opponent’s heads, jumped out to a 1-0 lead in the first inning, and then polio struck in the fifth and no one scored another run for another 40 years with most players returning to a hammy-jammery to pickle beets and pig ears.

Zach Walters – 1-for-3 and his 4th homer.  That’s two homers in the last two games and four homers in the last 8 days.  He won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy column, because I’m mentioning him now and you people need to read everything, but not everything twice.  And that’s me quoting me!  There is no C.  The Regression Fairies walk into a bar and say to Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Department…. Wait, where was I?  Oh, yeah, grab Walters for power.

Yan Gomes – Left yesterday’s game after taking a ball off his mask.  That sounds like a porn starring Rocky Dennis.  Gomes will undergo concussion tests, and, knowing my luck, he’ll be out for a week.  Here’s hoping I’m reverse jinxing myself.

Corey Kluber – 7 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.46.  The C the O the R the E the Y, I need a body bag.  You can Klube me, baby.  Oh, how embarrassing, I didn’t hear you come in.  Um, yeah, I love Kluber like Bell Biv DeVoe, yo, Slick, blow.

Phil Hughes – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA down to 3.65.  He has a 8+ K/9 and a 0.8 BB/9.  That’s absurdly good.  He’s only at 60% owned and I get it, I don’t fully trust him either, but at this point you have to.  Remember, prior to him going through New York via Shizzville, he was highly touted.  Stream-o-Nator doesn’t like his next start, but I’d stream-slash-own him.

Kennys Vargas – 3-for-4, 2 runs and his 4th homer, hitting .316.  Kenny Kenny for President President!  So far the David Ortiz comparisons look apt.  Vargas’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy column, as he was in last week’s and the week prior.

Danny Santana – 2-for-4, hitting .315.  He cooled off a bit in the last week, but that might be for the best if we want to have some sleepers for next year.  Give me Schoop and Santana or give me death!  Or so said Jon Jay.

Garrett Richards – Out for 6 to 9 months with a torn patellar tendon.  In related news, Arte Moreno purchased the Mona Lisa and left it on Max Scherzer’s doorstep as a sign of appreciation.

Gordon Beckham – Angels acquired him for a player to be named later.  That player’s name is John C. McGinley.  Even trade, one Scrub for another.  The Angels paid $450 billion for a few free agent acquisitions and watch the guy they get for Dr. Cox be the MVP of the playoffs.  Ain’t that always how it works out?  Okay, don’t count your chickens before they come home to roost or whatever that cliche is.  This doesn’t guarantee Beckham fantasy value, or even a starting job.  The Angels will prolly work him into a rotation of David Freese (0-for-3) and Howie Kendrick (3-for-4).

Matt Shoemaker – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners (1 Hit), 9 Ks.  With Ortiz out of the lineup, Shoemaker got to face “or nothing.”  Even without that benefit, he’s been terrific all year — 8.9 K/9, 1.7 BB/9, 3.13 xFIP.  Those are basically ace numbers.  Not saying he is an ace.  Yet.  I’d absolutely own him right now though, and the Stream-o-Nator loves his next start.

Jason Grilli – 1 IP, 0 ER and his first save on the Angels as Huston Street and Joe Smith rested.  No word if they were resting together.  Rawr!

Mike Napoli – Missed another game with back spasms.  You know what would fix that?  A photo taken with his mom while she showed her nipple.

Yoenis Cespedes – Left the game after one at-bat for a personal matter.   Translation:  He’s pregnant.

Rubby De La Rosa – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 11 baserunners, 8 Ks.  I’m still not a fan.  As for his brother, Friction?  He’s a relative that keeps in constant contact.

Ryan Zimmerman – Made light throws.  Watch out, Nats fans, you got a new Livan Hernandez!

Gio Gonzalez – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Wanna know how little offense there was yesterday?  The Nats won a 1-0 game without an RBI.

Denard Span – 2-for-3, 1 run and his 27th steal.  After the game, Span said, “I wish Ben Revere would stop calling me asking me for him.”

Rafael Soriano – 1 IP, 0 ER and his 2nd straight game with a vulture win.  I.e., stop storing Storen, stutterer!

Wade Miley – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 14 baserunners (6 BBs), 4 Ks.  When your friend looks at your team’s WHIP and asks what happened, you can say it was Wade’d down, then you guys can have a rich, hearty laugh.  Then show him your souvenir spoon collection.

Edwin Jackson – Hit the DL with a right lat strain.  Lat’s all, folks!

Javier Baez – 0-for-4, 4 Ks as he played shortstop while Castro is on bereavement, which is also the worst-tasting after dinner mint.  Castro could be gone for a week, which is sad, terrible, sad-sounding emotion, but if Baez can get shortstop eligibility for next year it might be worth it.

Anthony Rizzo – 1-for-3 and a slam (29) and legs (4).  Well, sorta.  He got a homer on Tuesday in a game that was finished yesterday then a steal in yesterday’s game.  That’s like an alcoholic’s slam & legs.  Slam!  Hey, what day is it?  I blacked out.  Legs!

Justin Ruggiano – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer.  This is his 2nd homer in the last five games, but he hasn’t done a whole lot otherwise.  This Justin:  bleh.

Welington Castillo – 2-for-4 and his 10th homer.  This is interesting, he’s been about as valuable as d’Arnaud, but no one ever asks about him, while people occasionally ask about d’Arnaud.  Okay, interesting to meHey, stop impersonating me.  Sorry, Random Italicized Voice.

Buster Posey – 4-for-4, 2 runs and his 14th homer.  Hey, you Buster’d your Posey!

Pablo Sandoval – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs.  Giants 2nd through 5th hitters are hitting, .283, .282, .283, .281.  Can you spot the pattern?  Looks like a batting average ombré to me.

Madison Bumgarner – 7 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 12 Ks vs. the Cubs.  Bum’s outstanding.  And Bumgarner too.  But the Cubs are a hacking mess right now.  A terrible K-rate guy like Bronson Arroyo could strikeout ten Cubs hitters.  Eleven if they let him play his guitar between innings.

Andrelton Simmons – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer.  Well, technically, if Andrelton were to hit a homer it would need to travel another 150 billion feet.

Justin Upton – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs.  Wow, actual offense yesterday, I mean besides the LLWS.  Too bad Mo’Ne’s team lost.  Her big brother, Cueto, knows how she feels.

Phil Gosselin – 2-for-5, 1 run, hitting over .300 in the last week, but he’s platooning with La Stella, which makes the Braves 2nd base situation a menage Artois.

Jason Heyward – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 1 RBI.  Anyone want to guess where Heyward is ranked for outfielders on our Player Rater?  I’m gonna guess you were too conservative.  He’s ranked 32nd.  Better than you thought, right?  Oh, excuse me, you’re just too smart.

Julio Teheran – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 3 Ks, lowering his ERA to 2.96 vs. the Reds.  Bit of a cushy matchup, which sounds like a record exec trying to convince Midnight Oil to change the title of Beds are Burning.  “Have you considered ‘Cushy Match Up?'”

David Holmberg – 2 2/3 IP, 6 ER.  If you streamed him yesterday, you probably sound like Scrooge today saying his name.

Hanley Ramirez – Expected back on Sunday.  Ironic he returns on a day of rest.  If that’s irony, what do I know? Am I British?

Hyun-Jin Ryu – Should be activated when he’s first ready at the end of August.  Ryu ready?!  Apparently.

Clayton Kershaw – 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks vs. Tyson Ross (8 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks).  The local news showed the offensive highlights to this game in super slo-mo so they could fill their 15-second time slot.

Justin Turner – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting near .350 in the last week.  He’s got Ginger power by the power of Red Skull, and will be playing third base until Uribe returns or Mangled Ear comes up next week.  “I’d like to sprinkle some hot sauce on your ear, would that be okay?”  That’s Miguel Olivo with a napkin tucked into his shirt’s collar.

Masahiro Tanaka – Will face live hitters on Saturday.  That rules out any Zombinos.

Brandon McCarthy – 9 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks, lowered his ERA on the Yankees to 1.90.  It’s no surprise that McCarthy is doing well on the Yankees.  It would be like Father Guido Sarducci playing for the Padres.  Or Abe Vigoda playing for the Fish.  Or Thomas Keller playing for the Bouchon Bakery softball league.  Some things are predestined.  You have to deal with these things in life.  Come here, sit on my lap.  Not you!  Jesus, you’re heavy!  My knee!  Brandon McCarthy isn’t this good, nor was he as bad as he was in Arizona, and I wouldn’t even trust him for his next start vs. the Tigers.

Chad Qualls – Wouldn’t have been able to throw on Thursday had a save chance arisen.  In the Astros bullpen, the cream of the crap always rises at some point, so I held onto Jose Veras for another day until Qualls is able to convert a save.  I’m also crazy like a fox that has no saves and really needs saves so said fox does really stupid things.

Dallas Keuchel – 8 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA up from 3.11 to 3.12.  His ERA is like when Billy Butler eats a light snack.

From Around The Web

  1. Hondo says:
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    Amish kids go out and do the “wilding” thing when they’re in their teens.
    Then they have the choice to return to the linen and homespun type family fold(in which they must fold sheets(NO,No Ben Sheets memories,nanananananana I can’t read you)between butter churning and not fixing the house wiring).
    Are you aware of how many letters the words “Prince Fielder” and “wilding” share?
    2 letters?Yeah that’s what I came up with.
    The chances on a 1-10 scale for Prince going wild next year are also 2.
    Coincidence or not?
    Umm,OK then.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Hondo: Ha! Prolly coincidence…

  2. jo jo!!! says:
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    gattis over d’arnaud and reddick over pagan?

    • jef with 1 f says:
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      @jo jo!!!: yes and yes

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @jo jo!!!: Agree with F, unless you really need steals, then Pagan over Reddick

  3. Ante GALIC says:
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    Hey Grey!

    Don’t look now but J-HAM is starting to catch fire, taking pitches on the outside half to left field in like the last 5-6 games. Might be time to take out the Cyclops monocle for a look-see.

    Otherwise, not much happening. You can imagine my angst when my ISP failed me at home (that’s par for the course in Lebanon) and I had to rush to the field BEFORE I could check any of the baseball news on Wednesday morning. When I got back before the end of the work day, all was well with ‘Kuma and Fiers on my side. Was even not angry with Paxton or Liriano for under performing.

    Cheers,
    Ante

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Ante GALIC: About time he did something this year…. Be safe in Lebanon… Fight the good fight! And eat some delicious felafel…

  4. Paul says:
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    Still laughing at the Rizzo line!

    Need help bad in runs and obp/ops.

    My 2b and SS are dee and dozier (both of whom are slumping), with Baez on the bench. Is dozier or Baez droppable for Murphy or an of like yelich span or revere?

    Thanks!

    • Paul says:
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      @Paul: adding in wet tail too, who just hit waivers.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Paul: Thanks! Baez for Yelich

      • Duda Want to Build a Snowman? says:
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        @Grey: Thanks!

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          No problem

  5. JeF With 1 F says:
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    FACT OF THE DAY:
    The average bar of soap lasts twice as long as a bottle of body wash.
    (Don’t drop the soap)

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @JeF With 1 F: What if you formed the bar of soap into a bottle shape?

      • JeF With 1 F says:
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        @Grey: Ummmm

  6. de nachos says:
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    The Hammy-Jammery! Not even going to google that because I refuse to learn if it’s not a real thing. I’m reading the David Price blurb as Grandpa Simpson, voice-over helped by *hat tip* goodfold’s FXX Simpson’s marathon reminder.

    • Public Service Announcement says:
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      @de nachos: you just can’t beet a good pickled pig’s ear!

  7. de nachos says:
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    Besides the one HR, Ben Revere and Denard Span (Benard Spanere?) each have 6 triples and 5 CS. Spooooky. I expect Revere’s high average and stolen bases to continue. The Phils won’t hit behind him so he has the green light to run, and his complete absence of power and the fact that he’s rarely up with men in scoring position means he’ll keep seeing a ton of fastballs (only 10 walks). However, Revere hits a gross .250 with an OPS of .262 when actually leading off an inning. His arm is laughable. Span is infinitely better at playing real baseball.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @de nachos: Yeah, they’re the same person (aside from those things you mention and their DNA)

  8. Mike says:
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    Whats going on with Wong? Has he cooled off or what…ok to grab Walters and dump wong….

    • jef with 1 f says:
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      @Mike: I’d keep Wong

    • costaricanchata says:
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      @Mike:

      he’s still an almost .250 hitter .
      just going through a 2-week slump right now .
      don’t think that he’s hiding an injury .

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Mike: I’d hold Wong (hehe)

      • Mordacious Levator says:
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        @Grey: that .250 is made up no small part of which was his stat line before being sent down back in may, when he was awful. he’s been much better since then.

  9. papasmurf says:
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    I have Vargas, Arcia, and Garcia for one spot in a daily league… setting up for lotsa sonnuvabenches, especially since it’s me.

    I have Arcia as the third option as I don’t intend to start him vs southpaws anyway. But how bout Vargas vs. Garcia? How would you rate them?

    • Cram It says:
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      @papasmurf: They’re both good and it doesn’t matter what anyone says or who you start, you’re going to get sonovabenched. Because.

    • jef with 1 f says:
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      @papasmurf: I’d start Kenny x2 over Garcia right now..but cram is right they are both good

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @papasmurf: Avisail, Vargas, tomato tomahto

  10. Frank White says:
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    Sup Grey.. Who u like for Sunday?? I know they don’t look great but slim pickings again. Lol
    Chase Anderson vs Ian Kennedy @(ARI)
    Masterson vs Jerome Williams @(PHI)
    Hutch vs Archer @(TOR)
    Miguel Gonzalez vs Wada @(CHC)

    • Cram It says:
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      @Frank White: I’ll piggyback this. I need a W out of one of Gonzalez, Hutch, Anderson. Leaning Gonzalez.

      • costaricanchata says:
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        @Cram It:

        big series for the blue jays .
        time to put up or shut up .
        am thinking they might sweep ,
        so am starting both stroman and hutch .
        kinda expecting some low scoring games .
        hopefully , they’ll tee off on smyly in the 1st game
        and gain some momentum .

      • Frank White says:
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        Thanks Cram… The thing is I don’t have to get the win to get good points. Mostly the distance cause I get 3 points per inning, .5 per K and + 3 QS.. Then minus 1 per HA, ER, BB. Oh its -5 loss and +7 Win

        • Cram It says:
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          @Frank White: Yeah I meant for it to be a question for someone to answer. It wasn’t really advice. LOLZ

  11. Greys #1 Fan says:
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    Stubbs or polanco ROS ?

    Thank you very much Grey you’ve been excellent help all season.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Greys #1 Fan: Stubbs, but he doesn’t play every day though so you need to sub him out… No problem

  12. Chuckles Tiddlesworth says:
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    Grey! You need to compile all your research on baseball’s early years into a book. It’s fascinating! Get Charlie Manual to do the preface. Not only would I buy copies for everyone I know, surely Ken Burns would option it. Riches will follow!

  13. Phil of the Future says:
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    Oh, Grey.
    I’m a sad panda right now.
    If I don’t get things turned around this weekend, benching Ross and starting Richards instead this week may knock me out of first in my weekly H2H. I should’ve listened, but I’m a stubborn little monkey.
    But it’s okay, who wants all that money, anyway. Mo’ money, mo’ problems, nah mean?

      • Phil of the Future says:
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        @Grey:
        He sure do.
        So for the rest of the week, I have 2 starts to his 4. I’m up 7Ks, tied in Ws, and up 2 QS. small defecit in ERA and WHIP

        I start Santana @ CIN and Dashi @ BOS

        He starts Collmenter vs. SD, Vogelsong @ WAS, Colon @ LAD, Gibson vs. DET.

        Looks good for me on paper but who knows. Can I do it?

          • Phil of the Future says:
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            @Grey: Sweet! I’ll take that as a guarantee and then be completely crushed if/when I lose. Readyyyyyy, break!

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Ha, perfect

      • JeF With 1 F says:
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        @Grey: Not any more…his church does though

  14. The Strolg says:
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    “…not only is he from outer space, but his name would be Snommis Notlerdna” – Sometimes I really miss Harry!

  15. doghat666 says:
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    11 team, 10×10 roto, keeper, daily auction league
    Pitch categories Std 5 + Innings, W-L, Holds, K/9, BAA

    SP Kershaw
    SP Shields
    SP Cobb
    SP A Wood
    SP Odorizzi
    SP Fiers
    SP Shoemaker
    SP Cole
    SP Porcello
    SP Miley
    SP Stroman
    DL- DeGrom

    My team is in first, thank you Grey, I’m not concerned with keepers. DeGrom comes off the DL tomorrow, one of these starters has to go. Who should I cut, Miley?

  16. Hakuna Machado says:
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    Good stuff, Grey. Learned something new today. I figured out that Andrelton is from Venus. I did the math.

  17. CheddarBob says:
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    Drop Juan Francisco for Kennys Vargas?

  18. Slowmez says:
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    Drop Liriano or Paxton for Shoemaker?

    • Phil of the Future says:
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      @Slowmez: drop Liriano

  19. smegma says:
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    Drop Worley for Hendricks or Carrasco? redraft h2h points league with qs counting for 5 pts. I also have Wil Myers sitting on my bench.

    • smegma says:
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      @smegma: so I could drop Myers and Worley to pickup Carrasco and Hendricks. K.Davis is the spot that Myers could take, but at this point I can’t trust Myers.

  20. Corey says:
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    Re: Baez taking over SS while Castro is out, how many starts are required to gain eligibility next year in Yahoo? Five?

    Hmm, it was his cousin who died. Maybe if it was immediate family I could get 5, but a cousin? This one could be close…

    • PK says:
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      @Corey: For Yahoo!, it’s 5 games started at a position this year for a player to retain eligibility for 2015.

      As for Castro, I read that he had three friends in addition to the cousin perish in the same car crash. His stay might be a little longer than usual. I bet Baez gets SS for Y! 2015.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Corey: It was a carload of people, I think he’s going to miss a week…

  21. Fireball Feliz says:
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    Only have room for two outta these three speculative closers. Go with Familia and Quacky over Neshek right?

    Stream-o-nator doesn’t like Gray today against the Angels, would you sit him? Angels are swinging a hot bat, my gut tells me to sit but I wanna know what the Stache/Mike/others think

    • Cram It says:
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      @Fireball Feliz: I don’t like Gray either today, but I’m starting him just hoping he gets a W out of it.

  22. SmellTheGlove says:
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    I own Corey Kluber and Alex Cobb in multiple leagues because of you, Grey. Michael Brantley and Giancarlo too. I’m in first place or within spitting distance in each of these leagues. I just want to say thank you. Lurve.

  23. Natty Boh says:
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    Oswaldo Arcia, Zach Walters, or Adam Dunn ROS?

  24. The JoGarza says:
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    Adam Eaton an immediate add once he returns? 12-team H2H OBP.

  25. Eddie Paradise says:
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    Looking on the stream-o-nator, you guys really feel that good about Salazar’s start tomorrow?

    I will stream him but he really screwed me earlier this season. (He didn’t even buy me a drink first)

      • JeF With 1 F says:
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        @Grey: In what way wouldn’t you touch him…sexually? or Fantasy? i guess that could be the same.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Ha, both

  26. Pope says:
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    Rizzo… Miley… Keuchel/Butler… Hilarious Grey

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Pope: Thanks!

  27. I moved Chris Carter to 1B so I can drop Matt Adams for Werth, Heyward, Bruce, Rios or Blackmon? Which guy would you go with in the Util spot? Don’t want to be that guy who says I was this close to picking him up yesterday. Too many good options at OF in our 10 teamer. Everyone is SP heavy. Thanks.

  28. Prince George says:
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    Hey guys, pick one SP for ROS and next year….looking for QS’s…..Wily Peralta or Matt Shoemaker. Thanks for all you guys do day in and day out.

  29. Hoog says:
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    Need help ranking pitchers for the rest of the week. League counts Ks, BBs, QS, era and whip.

    Wainwright @Phi
    gray vs angels
    Verlander @twins
    Hendricks vs. Orioles
    Miguel Gonzalez @ orioles
    Oberholtzer @ Indians

    Thanks!

    • Andrew says:
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      @Hoog:

      Gonzalez pitchers for Orioles.. pitching against his own team? ;)

      • Hoog says:
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        @Andrew: bahhhhhh I fail. Gonzalez at cubs…..

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Hoog: You should look at SON… Wainwright, Gray, Gonzalez

      • Hoog says:
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        @Grey: SON has verlander 2nd among those guys at $14.8. I think it’s broken…

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          I hear ya

  30. Steve D. says:
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    Drop Gregory Polanco for Leonys Martin or hold?

    • my sisters friend boyfriend says:
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      @Steve D.: even though I’ve been looking for any excuse to replace Polanco I would have to hold here

  31. Charles says:
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    Good morning Razzball. 12 Team points league and trying to catch the third place position. Should I start Stroman (SON $9.1) vs TB Rays Smyly today?

  32. tomthebod says:
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    @Grey: Absolutely NO offense yesterday; glad you pointed that out. In one H2H league, my team and the other team combined for a total of 3 for 54 and in the other H2H league I’m in, my team and the other team combined for a total of 0 for 32. Great day for pitchers though.

    • my sisters friend boyfriend says:
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      @tomthebod: I had -3 while my opponent had Price and 2 home runs from his team smh

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @tomthebod: I went 1/19 in one league… 3/37 in another

  33. ryanoger says:
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    Fiers was dropped in my league who do I drop to make the add or hold?

    My SPs
    Zimmermann, Weaver, Wily, Liriano, Stroman, Keuchel, Y Ventura

    RPs
    Kimbrel, Holland, Reed, Davis and Clippard

  34. ferris says:
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    Streamonator likes minor at cin today. Seems scary. What do you think?

    • my sisters friend boyfriend says:
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      @ferris: Cinci has been horrible since the break..believe me I know I had frazier hamilton mesoraco and bruce in my starting lineup smh mesoraco and frazier are the only reds I have left.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @ferris: Wouldn’t touch him

  35. letsgobravos says:
    (link)

    Hey grey….Where is the Benoit news coming from? Here’s the latest I read from last night after he threw a BP session…

    Padres manager Bud Black said that Joaquin Benoit (shoulder) could be available as soon as Friday.
    Advice: If not Friday, Benoit is expected to be ready to go on Saturday. There was some worry that the reliever’s wonky shoulder could send him to the disabled list, but he threw a bullpen session Thursday with no issues.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @letsgobravos: News was coming from yesterday night… If it’s changed today, can’t help it… I still think a wonky shoulder is trouble

  36. my sisters friend boyfriend says:
    (link)

    This is for everybody…what was the best trade that you pulled off this year? Mine was getting T.Ross for Cargo..pulled the trade off when he was on the DL. Ross has been great for me in the RP spot being the number one ‘relief pitcher’ in points league now that Richards got hurt.

    • Cutch's Dreads says:
      (link)

      @my sisters friend boyfriend:

      Mine was trading Marte for Cespedes early in the season, then turning around and flipping Cespedes for Price a few weeks later.

    • smoketheblountbell says:
      (link)

      @my sisters friend boyfriend:
      I flipped Hosmer in late april when articles were saying to ‘buy low’ and polanco when articles were saying how great he was for Hunter pence and Rizzo. looking back at it it’s laughable how lopsided this is.

    • PK says:
      (link)

      @my sisters friend boyfriend: Picked Gardner up off waivers during the first week. Flipped him for Donaldson when Gardner got hot and Donaldson was in a slump.

      • my sisters friend boyfriend says:
        (link)

        @PK: damn robbery lol

      • my sisters friend boyfriend says:
        (link)

        @Just Busted: man I got Frazier for MadBum which has been a good trade so far but damn frazier is slumping bad and I need him to finish strong

      • Chicken Dinner says:
        (link)

        @Just Busted: All my trades in one league combined this year I started with
        CJWilson/YoGo/Lynn/Melancon/Alcantara
        ended up with
        EE/Wainwright/Heyward/Pomeranz.

        Have Pomeranz in my minor spot. He’s going to take Hammels spot and dominate through the playoffs.

      • Toe Knee says:
        (link)

        @my sisters friend boyfriend: I traded Mesoraco c,Tommy Hunter cl, J. Smith mr cl,and Vargas for Corey Dickerson of,Springer of, W Davis mr,and dl’d at the time Fister I picked up Yan . at the time it looked like i gave up too much.

      • Aubrey Plaza's Pillow says:
        (link)

        @Mudville: preseason my a-jax and asscab for puig and d.gordon. was called a “gambler” when i made this one by comish. i actually talked the other owner into “throwing in” d.gordon (i said something along the lines of puig is almost good enough to do this alone).
        2. Dynasty , my harvey for frazier
        3. dynasty, my machado (about 3 weeks ago)/feliz/hahn for c.davis/kemp/bruce

        • Aubrey Plaza's Pillow says:
          (link)

          @Aubrey Plaza’s Pillow: keeper league where i didn’t want to keep a-gon. a-gon for cobb, right when cobb came back from injury and was short term sucking.

  37. quaklovesbush says:
    (link)

    i’m early on a lot of these but nearing my innings cap and dont want to shat the bed with my pitching stats this late.

    i need 150 more innings, should i ramp up or slow down the pitching, or keep pace.

    Lester vs LAA
    Ervin vs CIN
    Grienke vs SD
    alex wood vs NYM
    Shields vs NYY.

    i’m worried about grienke, any others i should consider siting?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @quaklovesbush: Keep pace… I like all of those, can bench Greinke if worried about his elbow, seems like a safe move

      • letsgo says:
        (link)

        @Grey: would you bench him? i’m leaning yes. when healthy grienke + padres is very apatizing… but i never take an arm injury lightly.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
          (link)

          Better safe than sorry, bench him

  38. Cutch's Dreads says:
    (link)

    Good Morning… almost Afternoon!!

    Are we starting the following:

    Stroman – Home against TB – SoN = $9.10
    Gray – Home against LAA – SoN = $7.50

    Thanks!!

  39. Just Busted says:
    (link)

    Is Brandon Moss done for the season? He has been collecting dust on my bench since the Allstar break…

    I Love the smell of moustache wax in the morning.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @Just Busted: Ha….I could see looking elsewhere, but depends what else there is

  40. Janssen with the Stars says:
    (link)

    Need to start 2/3. In very close race for 1st, everything important R, Hr, RBI, SB, Avg.

    Bruce v ATL Minor (L) ($11.4)
    Marte @MIL Gallardo (R) ($15.2)
    Melky v TB Smyly (L) ($19)

  41. Andrew says:
    (link)

    Rank?

    Arrieta home vs Orioles ($13)
    Stroman home vs Rays ($9)
    Gallardo home vs Pirates ($6)
    Gausman at Cubs ($5)
    Smyly at Blue Jays ($1)

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @Andrew: Arrieta, Gallardo, Stroman

  42. Dave says:
    (link)

    Grey, your site is the only site when it comes to fantasy baseball advise!
    Who would you drop for Ryu who is available?
    Drop Pineda, Cashner, Paxton or A. Wood?
    Thanks

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @Dave: Thanks! Could lose Paxton

  43. Teddy Heater says:
    (link)

    Grey,
    SON has Gausman at a 5 today, You likey him vs the K’n Cubs?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @Teddy Heater: It’s fine, don’t think it’s a slam dunk due to his risk…

      • Teddy Heater says:
        (link)

        @Grey: It’s that stupid early Playoff league, I’ve got the following left

        Latos v ATL
        Fister V SF
        Carrasco V Hou
        Scherzer V Min
        Iwakuma @ Bos

        I was targeting Gausman today & Salazer V Hou tomo gamble or Hold? Hey Shoemaker worked out vs Det and has been great ever since…., he’s got;

        Greene V CHA
        Lester V LAA
        Peralta v Pit
        Mchugh @ Cle
        Hendricks V Bal
        Cashner @AZ
        Vargas @ Tex

        • Grey

          Grey says:
          (link)

          I wouldn’t mess with Salazar

          • Teddy Heater says:
            (link)

            @Grey: Preesh!!!!!!!!!!!!

            • Grey

              Grey says:
              (link)

              No problem

  44. dem ribbies says:
    (link)

    Looks like Rusney Castillo will sign w/ the Red Sox. In a $200 budget keeper, what kind of FAAB bid would you throw out there?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @dem ribbies: So you could possibly keep him? $26… Just to get him for this year? $51

      • Chicken Dinner says:
        (link)

        @Grey: Think he plays this year?

        • dem ribbies says:
          (link)

          @Chicken Dinner: The RedSox seem to think so. Not sure if he’ll be able to contribute to fantasy much as he hasn’t been in a game situation in like a year. he’ll be “Rusty” Castillo to start with.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
          (link)

          Not substantially…

  45. Tulogit says:
    (link)

    killed by injuries. Arcia or Vargas ROS? Thanks, guys!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      Vargas

  46. letsgo says:
    (link)

    i’m clueless in this baseball world as of late, who is Rusney Castillo?

    keeper league where $10 is the minimum you can keep someone, what should i bid to get this guy?

    does he have value this year?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      Cuban player… Not much value this year, if any…. $21

  47. Charles says:
    (link)

    12 Team points league. Thank you for the response whether or not to start Stroman today. I’ll put him in.

    I read in another reply you made regarding Salazar. Do not start Salazar (SON $20.8) vs the Astros C. McHugh? Just want to double check since the SON score is like really high on that one.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      I wouldn’t mess with Salazar

  48. atgreat says:
    (link)

    $260 budget league. Is Tulo worth keeping at $40, if I have to keep him for 4 years at that price?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      No

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      Haha

      • J-FOH says:
        (link)

        @Grey: the stalking is strong with this one…..and hilarious

        • Grey

          Grey says:
          (link)

          @J-FOH: What started this?

          • Kid A says:
            (link)

            @Grey:

            It seems Tranny Porn has started giving out Football advice and everyone he burned with his nightmare Baseball predictions is giving him hell. So his reptilian brain seems to think calling you out somehow makes things OK.

            Is there a limited IQ emoji?

            • Grey

              Grey says:
              (link)

              Hahahaha… Poor Tehol…

          • J-FOH says:
            (link)

            @Grey: I feel like a narc right now.

            It stems from pre-season baseball post and questioning the validity of Tehol’s expertise because of a lack of statistical work.

            • Grey

              Grey says:
              (link)

              Tehol gets a bad rap over Bryce and Domonic…. Not like everyone didn’t like Bryce, and Brown was a missed call, but we’ve all had them…

              • J-FOH says:
                (link)

                @Grey: these are not my opinions, I keep them in my dream journal.

                The religious right in here want evidence to support the claims and will not accept feeling and emotions as a reason to love someone.

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
                  (link)

                  At least Tehol’s out on a limb… Appreciate that… Even if it’s like Martin Riggs on a limb…

                  • J-FOH says:
                    (link)

                    @Grey: every voice has an audience and that keeps it colorful in here. If you don’t like it don’t read it and if you want to read it an criticize it then bring it on mother f**kers!

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
                      (link)

                      Yup

                    • Kid A says:
                      (link)

                      @J-FOH: I agree completely. It’s all fun and games until someone goes all tough-guy and starts threatening violence.

                  • J-FOH says:
                    (link)

                    @Grey: so when are we getting a chick writer up in here?

              • Sky

                Sky says:
                (link)

                Tehol in Seattle was awesome. Really good guy in person and his Radio set at his place was off the hook. We’ve all had our misses. Just about how you handle them what makes things go the right or wrong way. As long as you’re right 60 to 70% of the time, you’re doing fine. My Ozuna/Kluber/Ross/Kazmir/Gomes outweigh my Estradas. I’m sure his do too.

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
                  (link)

                  You had five to one right and wrong? Then why are you in last place in our league?

                  • Sky

                    Sky says:
                    (link)

                    Because I took your advice and drafted Chris Davis over E5. It’s all your fault!

                • J-FOH says:
                  (link)

                  @Sky: I hate you you correct bastard!

                  • Sky

                    Sky says:
                    (link)

                    Statistical analysis is great. But watching a guy and noting what he looks like is huge, too. Don’t know if enough people do that. Kennys Vargas is looking like a great player down the road. That swing is perfect.

                    • J-FOH says:
                      (link)

                      @Sky: wow, I have never watched kennys swing a bat. I have literally watched 2 complete games all year and have watched fragments that total about 25 innings of baseball.

                    • Sky

                      Sky says:
                      (link)

                      I watch to see how or why a guy is doing what he’s doing. Gyorko is hitting over .300 right now because he’s taking the ball the opposite way. Early in the year, everything was a pull so it was either a high infield pop up or a weak ground out to 3rd.

                      I typically watch the young pups to see their tendencies. I wish Nolan Arenado were more selective at the plate but I fell in love with his swing last year and it was why I targeted him this year. His average in 2013 didn’t match the swing I saw. Lo and behold…same with Avisail. Love that kid. Great line drive hitter. With his size, he could become a 30 HR hitter by accident.

              • Kid A says:
                (link)

                @Grey: Any time you get someone screeching about their divine supremacy and they try and pass ego and hubris off as empirical evidence, you run into problems.

                Or in this case Tranny Porn did.

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
                  (link)

                  Yeah, that can be an accidentally ingested tiddleywink…

        • Kid A says:
          (link)

          @J-FOH: I hadn’t thought about Emoji Queen until Magoo mentioned him on the boards. Then I saw some dude mention his articles should be referred to as Tranny Porn.

          And that is just too funny to pass up.

          • Grey

            Grey says:
            (link)

            I think it was Chata, ha

          • Sky

            Sky says:
            (link)

            @Kid A: Now we need a ‘Chicks With Dicks’ link on the menu. Don’t care where it points to, I won’t be clicking it but it still has to happen.

            • J-FOH says:
              (link)

              @Sky: what about a dudes who tuck their junk link?

              • Sky

                Sky says:
                (link)

                Buffalo Bill menu link Grey, please!

                • J-FOH says:
                  (link)

                  @Sky: hide a dong,? sneeky beef? salami spy?

                  • Sky

                    Sky says:
                    (link)

                    Incocknito

                    • J-FOH says:
                      (link)

                      @Sky: That has to be the name of a gay bar and if not who wnats to invest. The Fabulous Incocknito!

                    • Sky

                      Sky says:
                      (link)

                      As long as you don’t have to be a member and can just be an investor, I’m in!

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
                  (link)

                  Potato skins and lady skins…

                  • Sky

                    Sky says:
                    (link)

                    Sounds like a great night out at a bar!

  49. SMLV1 says:
    (link)

    Who we benching today?

    (185) Moss @Home facing Santiago (Lefty) or
    (238) Myers @TOR facing Stroman

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      Myers

      • Bunny says:
        (link)

        @Grey: Moss likely won’t start.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
          (link)

          Ah, then bench him

  50. Duda Want to Build a Snowman? says:
    (link)

    Which start next week do you like best to lower my ERA/whip in a 2-week playoff?

    Lackey v. Cubs ($22.1)
    Fiers v. SF ($13.2)
    Paxton v. TEX (in SEA) ($9.5)
    Liriano v. Cin ($20.9) (even though Liriano is the guy who caused my need for ERA lowering…)

    Thanks!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      Fiers

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      Actually I’d prolly go Lackey

      • Duda Want to Build a Snowman? says:
        (link)

        @Grey: Thanks! Good point, especially with how Baez is [not] swinging the bat lately [he said as he sealed his fate for Baez’s hitting 2 HR v. Lackey]

        • Grey

          Grey says:
          (link)

          No problem

  51. Bunny says:
    (link)

    Starting Latos vs ATL (8.2?!) and Stroman vs TB (9.10) with confidence tonight?

    I’ve managed to start Stroman for all his bad starts but I gotta think TB is as good as it gets.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      I wouldn’t say with confidence

  52. dem ribbies says:
    (link)

    who do you like more ROS? Ryu or Stroman

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      Ryu

  53. booya says:
    (link)

    Mesoraco or Rosario for next year?

    Headley, Chris Johnson, Asche, or Rutledge ROS?

    Thanks

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      Mesoraco…Johnson

  54. kisses says:
    (link)

    DeGrom is going to be activated on my team tomorrow but for whom:

    GPolanco
    Jon Jay
    Panda

    Thanks.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      If you’re platooning Jay, then Polanco… I don’t trust deGrom for his first start…

      • Kisses says:
        (link)

        @Grey: I will take your advice and hold DeGrom for another game. I was getting greedy with pitching stats (had MadBum, Shoemaker, Teheran, and Cobb all kill it yesterday for me).

        • Grey

          Grey says:
          (link)

          If you’re desperate, try him…But it’s very risky…

  55. SMLV1 says:
    (link)

    If I were to stream one to two of these guys who would they be? Looking for Wins.

    ($20.8) Salazar (0.40) @Home vs HOU (McHugh)
    ($8.8) Norris (0.37) @CHC (Hendricks)
    ($7.2) Hendricks (0.36) @Home vs BAL (Norris)
    ($4.7) Farmer (0.40) @MIN (T. May)
    ($4.4) McHugh (0.33) @CLE (Salazar)
    ($2.5) Lyles (0.38) @Home vs MIA (Koehler)

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      McHugh, Hendricks

  56. SMLV1 says:
    (link)

    Last question. We starting these guys today?

    ($9.7) Fister @Home vs SF
    ($13.2) Arrieta @Home vs BAL

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      I’d start them

  57. letsgo says:
    (link)

    espn is being ESPN again. like the mookie betts fiasco, doesn’t appear that RUSNEY is in the system. guess i’ll be scouring the Waiver Wire till his name pops up

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      Eh, he wasn’t even on a team four hours ago, I doubt he’s in the system in the next 24 hours

      • Aubrey Plaza's Pillow says:
        (link)

        @Grey: he’s not in yahoo either.

        • Aubrey Plaza's Pillow says:
          (link)

          @Aubrey Plaza’s Pillow: plus anybody that would say that about espn hasn’t been in yahoo much. since nearly everything bad in espn is probably worse in yahoo.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
          (link)

          Gotcha

  58. Bucky says:
    (link)

    Drop Shin Soo-Choo for Avisail Garcia?

    I also have Wil Myers on my DL spot, drop him too?

    Thanks!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      Yeah, I’d go with Avisail

      • Bucky says:
        (link)

        @Grey: One more;
        Khris Davis or Choo?
        Thanks a bunch!

        • Grey

          Grey says:
          (link)

          Davis

  59. Wake Up says:
    (link)

    Cobb blurb was hilarious…Blob curbs…not functionally proficient…

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      Thanks!

        • Grey

          Grey says:
          (link)

          Cool shizz… I wish at the end they panned the audience and everyone was dressed as Star Wars characters…

          • Wake Up says:
            (link)

            @Grey: The only people in the audience were four puppeteers…silently performing Renaissance-era plays in Italian…all were completely disinterested in the song, since it was sung in American…

            • Grey

              Grey says:
              (link)

              HA! I miss you.

              • J-FOH says:
                (link)

                @Grey: i second that emotion

                • Wake Up says:
                  (link)

                  @J-FOH: Read below. For you too bud.

              • Wake Up says:
                (link)

                @Grey: Thanks man. I miss you too. Not at a computer much these days.

        • costaricanchata says:
          (link)

          @Wake Up:

          i like music where someone’s not getting
          a cap busted in their azz .

  60. Kevin says:
    (link)

    Avisail , Vargas or Stubbs ROS/playoffs.

    Need power but I love the sneaky steals Stubbs occasionally provides…

    Thanks much as always, your advice has been great.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      Avisail… No problem

  61. Malarkey says:
    (link)

    Who do you prefer ROS- Choo or J.D.? Also, same question but Alcantara or Wong?

    Thanks!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      JD…Wong

  62. booya says:
    (link)

    12 team H2H 6×6 w/ OPS & QS $75 Budget
    Who would you keep?
    Beltre $15
    Kinsler $15
    Moss $10

    Everyone below is only $5 each:
    Bruce
    Votto
    Singleton
    Wong
    Rios
    Mesoraco
    Latos
    Cobb
    Bailey
    Stroman
    Heaney
    Carlos Martinez
    Jimmy Nelson

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      How many can you keep?

      • booya says:
        (link)

        @Grey: $75 worth

        • booya says:
          (link)

          @booya: I’m thinking I want Beltre for $15, Kinsler for $15 and Moss for $10 right? That would leave me with 7 of the $5 guys.

          Or I could dump Moss and/or Kinsler and keep more of the $5 guys…

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      Beltre $15
      Kinsler $15
      Moss $10
      Bruce, Votto, Latos, Mesoraco, Cobb, Rios, Stroman

      • booya says:
        (link)

        @Grey: Would Singleton or Wong over Rios make any sense? He isn’t very exciting…

        • Grey

          Grey says:
          (link)

          Eh, I’d hold with those options

        • Grey

          Grey says:
          (link)

          Oh, you mean keepers, sorry… Nah, I’d keep Rios…

  63. Toe Knee says:
    (link)

    Great job Grey with so little to write about. Figures it was Fredi the f**k’s team that did all the scoring. Heyward will lead off all year now.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      Ha, thanks!

  64. Grey

    Grey says:
    (link)

    ********THERE’S A NEW POST FOR FOLLOWUPS FOR ME*******

  65. LurveGuru says:
    (link)

    It’s only downhill from here, Grey. Amazing work:

    “In 1845, the Baltimore Fiddlers faced off against the Albany Bumposophers. The game wasn’t called baseball at the time. It was called, “You soiled my sister’s ears with flosculation and now I’m going to kill you.” It was a great disrespect in those days to blather on to one’s sister, so each contest was heated. The Bumposophers, between counting bumps on their opponent’s heads, jumped out to a 1-0 lead in the first inning, and then polio struck in the fifth and no one scored another run for another 40 years with most players returning to a hammy-jammery to pickle beets and pig ears.”

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