“Marcus Stroman tore his ACL and is out for the year. Remember me?” says the Fantasy Baseball Overlord. Then the opening to Seven Nation Army kicks in and FBO does a little dance. His dance partner isn’t a person, but rather a pitcher’s limb. It’s very disturbing to watch. Oh, my God, he’s taking a picture with the limb with a seven-foot-long selfie stick. Oh, this is just awful. No one over the age of 14 should ever have a selfie stick. Why do you hate such wonderful, Fantasy Baseball Overlord? Why?! “I wasn’t loved as a child.” So, Stroman is out for the year and now the Blue Jays have moved one step closer to being the 2014 Texas Rangers. All they need is Edwin to gain 200 pounds and have a boo-boo on his neck. I’m guessing that filling in for Stroman will be Marco Estrada, but I have Aaron Sanchez and Daniel Norris projected in my top 400 and think they both will see some starts and have value. It’s still too early to call on Sanchez vs. Norris, but I’d draft Sanchez first since he’ll either see starts or Brett Cecil will be nodus modus operandi. As for Stroman, well, I’ll make sure to write a 2016 sleeper post for you. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for fantasy baseball:
Cliff Lee – The Phils announced that The Adverb still has a tear in his flexor tendon, as he did last year. Apparently, soaking it in water and rubbing chia seeds on it didn’t do the trick. I’m confused too. Who would’ve thunk such a thing? He needs surgery, but The Adverb will throw through the injury to see if his condition improves. To put this in terms you can understand, you have a rip in the crotch of your pants, but instead of having Sue-Li, from your cleaners, sew it for you, you tell her, “Sue-Li no Sew-Li. I’ll be fine.” Then you walk out of the cleaners and the rip catches on the door and now you’re walking down the street in your gotchies and Sue-Li is saying, “Stupid white boy.” The Adverb’s career could be done if he has Sue-Li stitch him up, so he’s doing what he can to avoid that. It’s a heartwarming story that I want to buy a Hallmark card for, but it still doesn’t make me want to draft The Adverb in any leagues. I’ve removed him from my top 60 starters and top 400.
Denard Span – I’m not a huge fan of Denard Dawg. He’s basically runs, average and decent-not-great steals. So, the other day while drafting my NFBC team, I was looking at a spreadsheet of my team thus far. It is a slow draft (it’s still going on), so I had time to really delve in and look at my team’s needs. What I figured out was I needed runs, average and some steals. Only two guys I really wanted that I don’t usually ever want. Ben Revere and Span. Revere was already taken, presumably by a Son of the American Revolution, so I grabbed Span. And now he’s hurt. The moral of this story? You’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you Denard. Obviously, I forgot the number one rule of Denard, he sounds too much like The Noid, and you’re supposed to Avoid the Noid! The Nats are saying his core surgery will knock him out about 4 to 6 weeks, which has him returning around the end of April and missing about three weeks of ABs. I knocked him down in my top 80 outfielders ever-so-slightly and in my top 400. Michael Taylor will fill in while Denard tends to his core, and I’ve already ranked Taylor in the top 100 outfielders with iffy playing time, so I’m not adjusting him. I like Taylor in leagues where you can find a suitable replacement for him in May when he loses most of his playing time.
Peter O’Brien – Rudy texted me the other day and said, “You should rank O’Brien in your catchers, especially since you ranked Hank Conger simply because he sounds like Chinese porridge.” J.J. Hardy Har Har, that is not why I ranked Conger. I also won’t be ranking O’Brien because I can’t find one person who says he can catch a major league game. He sounds like Gattis without the glove, if you catch my drift, i.e., O’Brien’s so bad he can’t even catch my drift. O’Brien seems like he needs a DH slot or a Goldy injury and that’s blasphemous.
Yasmany Tomas – He hit a homer yesterday. Woohoo! And, on defense, he looked like Chet in Weird Science after he was made into a turd. Noohoo! I’m thisclose to ranking Jake Lamb in my third base rankings, and could do it as soon as tomorrow. Lamb is more of an NL-Only play, either way. Think a 15 homer, .230 guy.
Gavin Floyd – Re-injured his elbow stress fracture. This should give Floyd more time to do his public access variety show for his nephew. Now, enters the quirky, limping doctor, House! T.J. House could move into the Indians rotation, but they also have Zach McAllister that is out of options. I’d put my money down on House. I mean, what bad could ever come of a subprime mortgage?! I placed House in my top 100 starters, and to read more check out Sky’s T.J. House sleeper.
Mike Minor – Has rotator cuff inflammation. There’s good news and bad news. The good news is he’ll be shutdown for two weeks and will likely start the year on the DL. That this is good news is the bad news.
Stephen Drew – Named the Yankees’ starting 2nd baseman. If you Google “the best Yankee 2nd baseman,” you find results for Tony Lazzeri, Cano and Willie Randolph. If you Google, “the worst Yankee 2nd baseman,” Google asks you, “Did you mean Chuck Knoblauch or Stephen Drew?”
Brandon Cumpton – Had Tommy John surgery. This was heard in Dr. James Andrews’ receptionist area yesterday, “You are now about to witness the strength of pitcher reconstructive surgery knowledge. This ligament’s comin’ straight outta of Cumpton! A crazy surgeon named Dr. James Andrews from a gang called Surgeons Wit Attitudes. When I’m called off, arms are sawed-off, see the ACL and careers are hauled off. Pitchers start to mumble, they wanna rumble. Mix ’em up and cook their ligaments in a pot like gumbo. So when I’m in your team clubhouse, you better duck, cause Dr. James Andrews is crazy as f*ck. As I leave, believe I’m stomping, but, when I come back, boy, I’m takin’ a ligament straight outta Cumpton!”