I was going to just delay this post due to inclement weather, but Grey’s super Doppler 5001, which is also a giant B.S. detector, wouldn’t let me.  So here we sit, some 48 hours before the list that you are about to see means about as much as single-ply toilet paper…  Really, what cheap s.o.b. concocted this idea of pinching pennies?  I mean everyone has had a run-in with it at some point.  Awful.  It’s part of the reason I have a salt-water bidet in all three outhouses at the Smokey compound.  So back to the deadline… closer gossip teams are lining up other contenders closers in such a bullish market, namely the rumors surrounding Mark Melancon.  The market and teams that need reliable relievers, let alone closers, is the Nationals, Indians, Rangers and Giants.  It is just the land of confusion and there is not enough LOOGY’S to go around.  I will touch on who I can see where after the bump to prolong the suspense, but the teams I just mentioned are teams to monitor on the opposite end of closers, because if the big names start rolling, all but Cody Allen looks to be out of a job.  Here’s what I can see going down by the deadline in the bullpen game, plus some rankings and next in line stuff.  Plus, Razzball Soccer has started pumping out quality, so go over and check it and join the official game…

  • The Indians are an easy one, as I can see them augmenting their bullpen rather than replace the incumbent Cody Allen.  They need to get someone to assist Bryan Shaw with some quality.
  • The Rangers are going after a lot of bigger names, and I think they whiff on a lot and bring in a lefty specialist in the mold of Boone Logan.
  • The Giants are a tough one to place, because they could bring in anyone from Mark Melancon to Huston Street.  I could see Street being the guy and he will challenge Casilla for the closer. Role-making, it’s an awful conundrum and a race to the waiver wire to add the Angels new guy (which should be Cam Bedrosian).
  • The Nats are desperate for anything of quality from Melancon, Miller, and who I think they get, David Robertson, are all in play.  Nate Jones is on the back-up, drug free, so put the smack up.  His delivery is as funky as a crackhead running hurdles backwards. Saves are saves though.
  • Craig Kimbrel comes back this week, which should nuke the Zig Zag love from straight 2 and 1/2 to 1 and 1/2.  So hence him being ranked so generously.
  • Ryan Madson is too good to hang onto for the A’s, but isn’t going to Pipp someone from the closer role or he would have got more of a mention.  Ryan Dull is the name, because Axford may get dealt as well.
  • Anyone who is a keeper or some sort of dynasty league, Carter Capps is setup to be the closer in SD when he gets back and healthy after the trade on Friday.

Closer d’Etat  (Top set-up guys next up for saves)

A new feature that I have been looking to add is the top set-up guys who are either pitching well or are right behind the closer.  Getting the off day save for a shaky closer or someone who can jump in for a downed king of saves.  Never hurts to bag an extra reliever for your bench at best they either don’t play, you bench them or the do well.  No one ever does bad for someone we all roster…

$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.

1. Zach Britton – (Darren O’DayMychal Givens, Brad Brach)

2. Kenley Jansen – (Adam LiberatoreJoe Blanton)

3. Andrew Miller – (Dellin Betances, Luis Severino)

4. Aroldis Chapman – (Hector RondonPedro Strop)

5. Wade Davis – (Kelvin Herrera, Joakim Soria)

6. Jeurys Familia – (Addison Reed, Hansel Robles)

7. David Robertson – (Nate Jones, Zach Duke)



Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkeycorns.

8. Mark Melancon – (Neftali Feliz, Tony Watson)

9. A.J. Ramos – (Fernando RodneyDavid Phelps, Kyle Barraclough)

10. Craig Kimbrel – (Brad Ziegler, Junichi Tazawa)

11. Cody Allen – (Bryan Shaw, Dan Otero)

12. Francisco Rodriguez – (Justin Wilson, Shane Greene)

13. Ryan Madson – (John Axford, Ryan Dull)

14. Roberto Osuna – (Jason Grilli, Joaquin Benoit)

15. Santiago Casilla – (Sergio Romo, Hunter Strickland)

16. Will Harris – (Ken Giles, Pat Neshek, Luke Gregerson)

17. Sam Dyson– (Jake Diekman, Matt Bush)

18. Jeremy Jeffress – (Tyler Thornburg, Will Smith)

19.  Seung-hwan Oh – (Kevin Siegrist, Jonathan Broxton)

20. Huston Street – (Cam BedrosianFernando Salas)

21.  Jonathan Papelbon– (Shawn Kelley, Blake Treinen)

22. Steve Cishek – (Edwin Diaz, Nick Vincent)

23. Jeanmar Gomez – (Hector NerisCesar Ramos)



These guys are the men that make the save market go round. They punch in, punch out. Have the job, no real threat to speak of, and are basically just there to collect great benny’s so they can take care of their crippled brother. Who is only really crippled because he is scared of the sun.

24. Alex Colome – (Brad Boxberger, Xavier Cedeno)

25. Carlos Estevez – (Adam OttavinoBoone Logan)

26. Brandon Kintzler, (Fernando Abad, Ryan Pressley, Trevor May)

27. Tony Cingrani – (Raisel Igelsias, Ross Ohlendorf)


Brain Freezes

I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Carlos Marmol– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Castro in the head with a pick-off throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.

28.  Brandon Maurer (Ryan Buchter, Brad Hand)

29.  Jim Johnson –  (Mauricio Cabrera, Chris Withrow)

30. Tyler Clippard/Jake Barrett(Daniel Hudson)

  1. Tony C says:

    Hey Smokey great stuff today in your article. Closers are such a fickled bunch and this year seems to be worse than ever!
    I’ve lost my best closer already in Chicago, Rondon, and another that could lose his job soon, Jeffress. if I’m trying to make a speculate add for a closer is the Closer d’Etat list above the order which I should add a pitcher before the trade deadline this weekend? Do you think Jeffress losses his closers role soon? Thanks!

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:

      @Tony C: well Dull or Cam would be the guys I could see getting quality save chances, guys like Abad are on an awful team

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:

      @Tony C: well Dull or Cam would be the guys I could see getting quality save chances, guys like Abad are on an awful team

      • Hans says:

        I would rank the speculative adds as follows:
        Nate Jones (Robertson will be traded)
        Ryan Dull (50/50 chance Madson gets dealt).
        Cam (only team that will possibly trade for street is San Fran, unfortunately Joe Smith appears more likely to be moved).
        Thornburg (Brewers asking a ton for Jeffress)

  2. Pouss-Pouss says:

    Thanks! Any chance that Andrew Miller gets moved?

  3. toneDEAF! says:

    Now that Watson is the closer in Pitt where does he rank?

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:

      @toneDEAF!: mid top donkey corn

  4. Joeg414 says:

    Just lost Miller as a closer ( don’t think he’ll replace Allen). Was looking at Herrera ,as I’m in a three way battle for Saves. I would deal McCarthy -sp .
    Whata think ? Wait out the week or make it ?

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:

      @Joeg414: Getting Herrera isn’t a bad idea, Davis is going to DL

  5. JJ says:

    Hey Smokey. Do you like Barrett or Herrera better for this season?

    • JJ says:

      and would you drop Madson for either of them?

      • Smokey

        Smokey says:

        @JJ: not unless madson is moved

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:

      @JJ: Herrera

  6. I got $100 for groceries, $1400 for liquor and $6000 for you to bail a couple of shit puppets out of jail says:

    chasing saves led me to trading for papelnuts literally while the damn trade was pending to lose his job. now i have
    kintzler/jeffress/madson for saves and needing to drop one of papelbon/siegrist/diekman/romo/rondon for SP, at least. 16 team league so if jeffress gets through i can maybe go 2 closers/5 holds guys to use that extra spot for SP (h2h league).

    1. who’s my holds guy drop first if in fact jeffress does get traded (he’d be one of them)
    2. i’m guessing madson is safer than jim johnson (only other closer around) right now?
    3. is 2 decent closers with 5 holds guys in 16 team h2h better than 3 closers (if one of them is madson or j.johnson)/4 holds guys?

  7. goodfold2 says:

    holy crap, this’s gotta be some kind of record, 3 days later NINE of those teams above have had closer changes, with all of of them coming from the top 2 groups as well, and i’m not including ARI either. good god.

  8. Smokey

    Smokey says:

    @goodfold2: crazy amount too many to have all your chips in line that’s for sure

    • Dan Caperton says:

      @Smokey: I know it’s usually two weeks between each of your super-awesome closer re-rankings, but with all of the top-level changes, is there any chance you’d bless us with an early update?

      • Smokey

        Smokey says:

        @Dan Caperton: That’s the plan

  9. Rays Bullpen Fan says:

    Is Boxberger droppable in a HLDs league?

Comments are closed.