I was going to just delay this post due to inclement weather, but Grey’s super Doppler 5001, which is also a giant B.S. detector, wouldn’t let me. So here we sit, some 48 hours before the list that you are about to see means about as much as single-ply toilet paper… Really, what cheap s.o.b. concocted this idea of pinching pennies? I mean everyone has had a run-in with it at some point. Awful. It’s part of the reason I have a salt-water bidet in all three outhouses at the Smokey compound. So back to the deadline… closer gossip teams are lining up other contenders closers in such a bullish market, namely the rumors surrounding Mark Melancon. The market and teams that need reliable relievers, let alone closers, is the Nationals, Indians, Rangers and Giants. It is just the land of confusion and there is not enough LOOGY’S to go around. I will touch on who I can see where after the bump to prolong the suspense, but the teams I just mentioned are teams to monitor on the opposite end of closers, because if the big names start rolling, all but Cody Allen looks to be out of a job. Here’s what I can see going down by the deadline in the bullpen game, plus some rankings and next in line stuff. Plus, Razzball Soccer has started pumping out quality, so go over and check it and join the official game…
- The Indians are an easy one, as I can see them augmenting their bullpen rather than replace the incumbent Cody Allen. They need to get someone to assist Bryan Shaw with some quality.
- The Rangers are going after a lot of bigger names, and I think they whiff on a lot and bring in a lefty specialist in the mold of Boone Logan.
- The Giants are a tough one to place, because they could bring in anyone from Mark Melancon to Huston Street. I could see Street being the guy and he will challenge Casilla for the closer. Role-making, it’s an awful conundrum and a race to the waiver wire to add the Angels new guy (which should be Cam Bedrosian).
- The Nats are desperate for anything of quality from Melancon, Miller, and who I think they get, David Robertson, are all in play. Nate Jones is on the back-up, drug free, so put the smack up. His delivery is as funky as a crackhead running hurdles backwards. Saves are saves though.
- Craig Kimbrel comes back this week, which should nuke the Zig Zag love from straight 2 and 1/2 to 1 and 1/2. So hence him being ranked so generously.
- Ryan Madson is too good to hang onto for the A’s, but isn’t going to Pipp someone from the closer role or he would have got more of a mention. Ryan Dull is the name, because Axford may get dealt as well.
- Anyone who is a keeper or some sort of dynasty league, Carter Capps is setup to be the closer in SD when he gets back and healthy after the trade on Friday.
Closer d’Etat (Top set-up guys next up for saves)
A new feature that I have been looking to add is the top set-up guys who are either pitching well or are right behind the closer. Getting the off day save for a shaky closer or someone who can jump in for a downed king of saves. Never hurts to bag an extra reliever for your bench at best they either don’t play, you bench them or the do well. No one ever does bad for someone we all roster…
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.
Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkeycorns.
These guys are the men that make the save market go round. They punch in, punch out. Have the job, no real threat to speak of, and are basically just there to collect great benny’s so they can take care of their crippled brother. Who is only really crippled because he is scared of the sun.
I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Carlos Marmol– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Castro in the head with a pick-off throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.