Seth Brown‘s minor league stats last year: *fracks fifteen hundred miles into the earth’s core, hikes down into the deepest, darkest cavern that my needless fracking created, realizes I forgot my megaphone, hikes fifteen hundred miles back up while wondering if you could frack all the way to China, when at the surface of earth, grabs a megaphone, then returns back down fifteen hundred miles, finding it an easier go this time because I’ve done the trip once before, when I reach the deepest, darkest cavern in the earth, I blow into the megaphone the world’s loudest chef’s kiss* That’s how good Seth Brown’s minor league stats are! In Triple-A, Seth Brown went 101/37/104/.297/8 in 451 ABs. El oh-*coughs dramatically and dies* Sorry to inform everyone that Grey died from black lung. He contracted it from fracking down fifteen hundred miles WHILE VAPING! He didn’t tell you about the vaping, did he? By the way, that’s totally going on my tombstone: “He didn’t tell you about the vaping?” Anyway, what can we expect from Seth Brown for 2020 fantasy baseball?
Please, blog, may I have some more?
In Double-A in eighteen after twenty, Nick Solak put up a 19/21/.282 season in 126 games like en bee dee, and would’ve likely been called up to start the year in Tampa last year, or at worst a May/June call-up, but the Rays eat prospects for breakfast and poop out (around lunchtime) guys like Joey Wendle and Daniel Robertson and Yandy Diaz and Willy Adames and Brandon Lowe and their entire lineup, so Solak (almost stutterer!) was shipped off to the Rangers, who have literally no one, for a middle reliever. This is Solak’s third team in three years, so the shine — thine? — might’ve worn off if he wasn’t a bat-first prospect to begin with — an at-first, bat-first prospect? Sure, defense is nice if, ya know, you’re trying to put together a real baseball team, but, luckily for us, we’re not billionaires (yeah, baby!) and we don’t have to put together a team that can field as well as hit, unless you’re in a Benjamin Netanyahu league, in which case be wary of Solak. So, what can we expect from Nick Solak in 2020 fantasy baseball?
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Dylan Carlson, 2020 Fantasy Outlook
October 24, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Rookies | 49 Commentsby: Grey
I must admit my brain is slightly damaged because I see that Dylan Carlson plays for the Cardinals and I think of Harrison Bader and thank u, next. So, let’s get the elephant out of the room first and talk to our contractors about why they made the doorway big enough for the elephant to begin with, but no nightlight by our bed so we can read. Dylan Carlson isn’t Harrison Bader. No one is Bader, according to his 23 and Me profile; he’s a special snowflake. In 2017, Bader went 20/15/.283 in Triple-A and last year Carlson went 21/18/.281 in Double-A. I told you, huge difference! *long gulp, pulls on collar, sweat trickles* Okay, so maybe there’s so similarities? Bader actually has quote-unquote more speed than Carlson, less power and struggled more with plate discipline than Carlson (at different levels, but you’re the one who wanted this comparison. Okay, okay, OKAY, maybe I wanted the comparison, but here we are now). Results vary obviously, but if you told me Carlson and Bader would result in 100% of the same stats, I wouldn’t be wholly surprised. Carlson does look better, however, so…Anyway, what can we expect from Dylan Carlson for 2020 fantasy baseball?
Please, blog, may I have some more?Something I didn’t mention the other day in my Luis Robert fantasy when I was going on about how Luis Robert was my number one fantasy baseball prospect for 2020 is how close Jo Adell was to him. I don’t remember two prospects being as close any other year. Sure, last year Vlad Jr. and Eloy were 1A and 1B, but I felt like 1A was way over 1B even though 1B ended up above 1A at the end of the year. I’m talking perspective more than reality, and hindsight is 20/20, but that doesn’t apply simply because we’re talking about 2020. I’ve just confused myself, tee bee aitch. Maybe Adell can squeeze out Lou Bob this year like Eloy squeezed out Vlad Jr. last year, but my money’s on Robert, though my money is currently tied up in Beanie Babies. Anyway, what can we expect from Jo Adell for 2020 fantasy baseball?
Please, blog, may I have some more?In the hot, steamy sweat of August, while the summer was bumping its uglies against us without our permission, Gavin Lux looked like the best player since Sliced Bread. You might remember, Sliced Bread was a Triple-A standout, hitting .350 with 34 homers in 78 games, but never caught on in the majors, and is now a third base coach for the Winnipeg Sweater Puppies. Sliced Bread is a cautionary stale, er, tale, and Lux doesn’t need to go that route. Looking at Lux in the cold dankness of the offseason, he doesn’t look as hump-worthy and more like a pump and dump scheme. What were we thinking then and can we start thinking it again? I.e., make me delusional again about Gavin Lux I want to put my heels under my head and go whee. Anyway, what can we expect from Gavin Lux in 2020 fantasy baseball?
Please, blog, may I have some more? Luis Robert, 2020 Fantasy Outlook
October 18, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Rookies | 37 Commentsby: Grey
Ayo whaddup it’s ya boy Grey Albright aka the Fantasy Master Lothario aka The Guy Who Eats Takis Every Day aka The Guy Who Cool Sculpted The Fat Off His Stomach After Eating Takis Every Day aka The Guy Who Started A ZZ Top Cover Band Named The Gay Beards And Had To Explain To Everyone I Meant Gay As In Happy And Beards As In Beards aka The Guy In Starbucks Asking For The Bathroom Code While Carrying His Entire Wardrobe aka The Guy Who Goes Oop All The Time aka The Guy Still Vaping aka The Guy Standing Behind You aka The Guy Wondering Why Lumberjacks And Lesbians Both Wear Flannel aka The Guy In Charge Of Moseying At Your Local Frontiertown aka The Guy Typing This With His Pinkie Toe. I’m here with 2020 content, snitches! Okay, I need to sit down, I’ve exhausted myself in the excitement of it all. Well, the joke’s on my butt, I have nowhere to sit! A quick preamble about the 2020 fantasy baseball rookie series that is coming from me over the next few weeks. Rookies could get a post if they meet MLB eligibility requirements, less than 130 ABs or 50 IP. That means no Bo Bichette, no Aristides Aquino, no Kyle Tucker (just missed at 131 ABs), and no Trent Grisham. In 2012, the first player I highlighted was Mike Trout. That wasn’t an accident. I said in the Mike Trout post, “He’s ranked number one for me. Numero uno. The Big Mahoff. He’s the big Statue of Liberty in New York, not that girly one in Paris!” Since then, I’ve attempted to make the first rookie post about a prospect that will be the top rookie for fantasy the following year. Last year that honor went to Vlad Jr. Yes, it’s an honor, don’t be so condescending. The year before it was Ronald Acuña Jr. This year the top fantasy prospect isn’t no ordinary man, this is the prospect I be seeing in my sleep. Luis Robert will be your number one 2020 fantasy baseball rookie. Will Lou Bob be named to the All-Century Team in 80 years or edged out by a robot with grabby hands named the Hitter-Tron that my great-great-nephew will sue, due to trademark infringement, only to find out it’s the same Hitter-Tron that once graced this little fantasy baseball blog called Razzball? Can Lou Bob be a top 50 overall player in 2020? Will Luis Robert even get enough at-bats? Let’s stop the questions and start the answers! Okay, one more question… Anyway, what we can expect of Luis Robert for 2020 fantasy baseball?
Please, blog, may I have some more? Top 40 Starters for 2019 Fantasy Baseball, A Recap
October 17, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 53 Commentsby: Grey
So, how’s everyone holding up without baseball every day? I don’t know what to do with myself! Yesterday I wandered into a Starbucks and told the coffeerista about Mike Clevinger for 2020. Then I sobbed into a cheddar scone until someone asked me to leave. We’ve gone over the final 2019 fantasy baseball rankings for hitters and the top 20 starters. This is different than Final Fantasy rankings where you rank Final Fantasy 1 thru Final Fantasy 15. That’s hardcore nerd shizz! This is simply fantasy baseball — we’re softcore nerds like Emmanuelle is to porn. So, there’s no more of these godforsaken recap posts left. You’re welcome. I, my over-the-internet friend, will be talking next about 2020 rookies — PUT ON YOUR FREAKIN’ SHOES! Not sure why I just yelled that. Anyway, here’s the top 40 starters for 2019 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Top 20 Starters for 2019 Fantasy Baseball, A Recap
October 15, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 109 Commentsby: Grey
All the final 2019 fantasy baseball rankings for hitters are done. For those that skipped today’s title, this starts the top 20 starters for 2019 fantasy baseball. This is NOT for 2020 (caps for those who can’t read titles; supposedly it’s easier to read caps, I have my doubts). This is a recap. Will these affect next year’s rankings? Sure. But not entirely. Like when you had a knee replacement, this is a recap! To recapitulate the recap, these rankings are from our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater. We’re (me’re) using it to fairly gauge our (my) preseason rankings. Anyway, here’s the top 20 starters for 2019 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Top 40 Outfielders, 2019 Fantasy Baseball, A Recap
October 14, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 29 Commentsby: Grey
With the top 40 outfielders for 2019 fantasy baseball, we’ve finished all the hitter recaps. We meaning me, but I’ll include you. No, that’s not a cue to try to hold my hand. Why are you now patting my butt? Don’t muss my hair! The pitching recap will begin next. You can hardly wait. No, you! To recap, the end of the season rankings are based on our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater. I felt the easiest way to keep it objective would to go this route. This way when I say someone finished 30th and I ranked them 23rd in the preseason, it carries more weight like Willians Astudillo. Anyway, here’s the top 40 outfielders for 2019 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Top 20 Outfielders for 2019 Fantasy Baseball, A Recap
October 11, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 95 Commentsby: Grey
Went over the catchers, 1st basemen, 2nd basemen and shortstops and top 20 3rd basemen for 2019 fantasy baseball. Guess what’s next! No, not pitchers. Read the title, man. In 2010, there were only 5 outfielders that hit 30 homers. In 2011, there were 9. 14 in 2012. In 2013, there were 3. A small bounce back with 6 in 2014. Eight in 2015. 11 outfielders in 2016. In 2017, there were 15. Nine in 2018. Last year, there were only 10. This year…DRUM ROLL!….everyone hit 30 homers. Okay, specifically there was 22 outfielders who hit 30 homers. As for steals, there were 14 outfielders who stole 30 bases in 2012, 10 in 2013, 11 in 2014, five in 2015, seven in 2016, only two in 2017 and five in 2018. This year we’re down to four outfielders stealing 30 and eight players overall, down from eleven. As before, these rankings are from our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater with my comments. Anyway, here’s the top 20 outfielders for 2019 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Top 20 3rd Basemen, 2019 Fantasy Baseball, A Recap
October 10, 2019 | 2019 Fantasy Baseball | 82 Commentsby: Grey
It did not hurt the depth of the top 20 3rd basemen for 2019 that nearly all of them had other position eligibility. There’s only nine new names from the other recap posts, so it’s no surprise someone like Hunter Dozier barely made this top 20 for 3rd basemen, but was 15th on the 1st basemen. Nearly all of those 1st basemen also ended up here. Makes it less exciting for you to read this post, but makes it an absolute joy for me to write it! This recap ranking is from our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater with my comments. The Player Rater allows me to be impartial while looking at how I ranked players in the preseason. Now, let’s get this, young money. Anyway, here’s the top 20 3rd basemen for 2019 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Top 20 Shortstops, 2019 Fantasy Baseball, A Recap
October 8, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 88 Commentsby: Grey
The top 20 shortstops for 2019 (what this is, read the title once in a while) are deeper than the top 20 2nd basemen for 2019 (not clickbait at all), and even deeper than the top 20 1st basemen for 2019 (click or not, but don’t judge me). Rhys Hoskins, the 20th ranked 1st baseman, was about as valuable as the 23rd ranked shortstop (Asdrubal). To make sure we’re not losing perspective, the 20th ranked shortstop was better than the 6th ranked catcher. The catchers were still terrible, don’t get it twisted — sorry, it’s too late for your Mitch Haniger, you need to get it untwisted. Without further Machado, this final ranking is from our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater with my comments. The Player Rater allows me to be impartial while looking at how I ranked them in the preseason. Anyway, here’s the top 20 shortstops for 2019 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:
Please, blog, may I have some more?