RazzSlam 2: The Slammening
January 31, 2021 | 2021 Fantasy Baseball, RazzSlam | 2 Commentsby: everywhereblair
Let me set the scene: it's March 2020. Grey's mustache is neat and trimmed, and he's been wearing his sun hat 24/7. "At least take the hat off when you shower," Cougs says, and Grey looks longingly out at the ocean. "The sea is the only shower I need!" he says, with dreams of visits to sushi restaurants dancing through his head. Justin Verlander is a top 10 pitcher. Steven Strasburg is healthy. Marcus Stroman is ready to pitch for the Mets. Nolan Arenado is playing for the Rockies. Nobody has heard of Randy Arozarena or him kidnapping anybody...just Miguel Sano kidnapping people.
10 months later, and Grey still hasn't taken that sun hat off. "It's like a mask for my brain," he says, holding a can of Lysol at his side. Grey loads up his 2021 rankings and hoses his laptop screen down with Lysol. "GET RID OF THE BAD TAKES!" he shouts, pointing at German Marquez. But as he loads the site, he sees something so wonderful, he puts the Lysol down on his desk next to the Bartolo Colon bobblehead. He takes his sun hat off for the first time in a year, clutching it to his chest, tears streaming down his eyes. "It's beautiful!" he says. "It's RazzSlam SZN. There's hope for 2021!" he shouts, only to be interrupted by his Twitter alarm alerting of another EverywhereBlair hype piece about a Seattle Mariners pitcher.
