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A Duvall hasn’t looked this good since Popeye starring Robin Williams. You thought I was going Robert Duvall and I steered it into Crazytown with Shelley Duvall. By the way, don’t look at current pictures of Shelley Duvall. She’s a Shelley of her former self. I have a theory. She had to do everything just so for Kubrick in The Shining, to the point where she couldn’t even think for herself, then she started working with Robert Altman, who was like, "Do whatever you like, improv," and going from one extreme to the other drove her crazy. I’d put money on it that this is the biggest update on Shelley Duvall you will ever get on a fantasy baseball website. Any hoo! The pros and consigliere for Adam Duvall. All he does is hit home runs, so a great supporting player that just melts into any role you need him in. Wait, that's not Adam. Well, not entirely. The homers part was. And the Mac Sledge part. No, that's the other Duvall again. You'd be hard-pressed to find a hotter hitter right now than Duvall and he can help The Family go legit. Again, wrong Duvall! Anyway, here's some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
The trade deadline has passed, the deals are done, and those of us who spent the better part of Wednesday glued to social media can now move on with our lives. Hopefully the deadline brought some deals that pleased you from a fantasy standpoint, because we've still got eight weeks of baseball left -- time to press on and put your nose to the fantasy baseball grindstone. Which brings us to why we're here: to look at a handful of names that might be of interest to those of us in NL-only, AL-only, and other deep leagues.
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Yesterday, Zack Wheeler went 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.45. Can you please be "2nd Half Wheeler?" Can you be anything but "1st Half Wheeler?" Who do I have to pay for that to happen? Because I made $1.67 from yesterday's ads and I am willing to give a percentage of that to ensure Wheeler is right for another two months. It's all I ask and I one day have to say, "Damn, I can't believe I crashed my 1st yacht into my 2nd yacht. Stupid yacht problems!" Okay, now to go on a rant you never asked for, but I have some legitimate first world problems that need addressing: the Starbucks menu is too complicated. What is all this crap and no Unicorn Frappuchino?! Dubya tee eff! Oh and Netflix has a 15-second rewind but no 15-second fast forward? Are you people stupid?! Also, Amazon Prime two-day shipping begins when the seller ships your item but not when you order? Is this a joke? Seriously? Do I look like a chump to you! Any hoo! Wheeler was phenomenal last 2nd half, and I keep saying I was buying him for his 2nd half. All his peripherals point to him being much better: 9.9 K/9, 2.3 BB/9, 3.64 FIP, velocity up to 97 MPH on average. Drop the R from boring, because that's BOING! Anyway, here's what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
It took me a few times to get into Breaking Bad, but once I did, it was game over. Loved that show. Anyways, there was a character named Saul Goodman, who was a lawyer who represented the shady segment of the population. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Roto-Wan is back monkey chuckers, and on less sleep than ever! I actually threw up last night out of sheer exhaustion after feeding the little-wan. I did not know that was possible. Thank to B_Don for being an adequate at best fill in for me. Yesterday was the trade deadline and bullpens were heavily reworked for many contenders. Tiers are of course baby themed. Time for some notes!
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MLB teams were whistling 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover yesterday:
Just slip out the back, Zac, make a new plan, Tanner,
Don't need to be coy, Greek God of Hard Contact, just listen to me,
Hop on the bus, Jesus, don't need to discuss much,
Just drop off the key, Greinke, and get yourself free.
The deadline seemed to be lulling people to sleep, then the Diamondbacks stepped up and decided they were contenders, be-bopping Jazz Chisholm to the Marlins for Zac Gallen. But it turned out they were Indiana Jones, when he would replace an ancient artifact with a sand bag by switching one Zack with another Zac, so the booby trap wouldn't expose them to trouble. See, and I always thought the idea of the outfield hot tub was to expose booby traps. Incredibly, the Cardinals announced the Zack Greinke to Astros deal hours before the Diamondbacks. The Astros rotation is now, as they would've said in the 20's, bona fide. In good spirits, Justin Verlander tweeted out, "As long as we don't get Bauer, we good." I hear that, JV. I don't trust home/away splits much at all, unless it's Coors vs. non-Coors, but, if you must know 2.96 home ERA vs. 2.80 away. Usually it's the inverse, but Greinke is a 15-year vet; you really think he's going to pitch that differently in Houston? The answer you're looking for is no. He's a control artist whiz like you'd want from your child when they're doing the pee-pee dance. Speaking of which, did every team relieve themselves of their relievers? Let's find out! Anyway, here's what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Only hours after the MLB trade deadline, Donkey Teeth and B_Don are joined by Razzball's new head prospect writer The Itch (starting Sept 1st). The gang breaks down the fantasy implications of the most impactful deadline deals including the Bauer, Greinke, Stroman, Castellanos, and Gallen trades. Guest Itch also gives his thoughts on the most relevant of the prospects involved in each deal.
