With the time when prospects are called up and Memorial Day upon us, it’s appropriate for us to take this time to walk past the fallen rookies of the past. Sorta like the Rites of Passage walk on Survivor when they burn all of the Survivors’ belongings that didn’t make it to the end. When I write it out, it sounds like something Germany did in the 1940s. Any the hoo! Here we have the number one pick in the 2008 MLB draft, Tim Beckham. Actual Keith Law quote, “(Beckham has) the best chance of anybody in this draft pool to be a superstar.” Not Buster Posey (drafted a few picks after him), but Beckham. Next up, Jesus Montero and Zach McAllister. Actual Keith Law quote from a chatscript: Question, “Could Montero be an All-Star level 1B?” Answer from Law, “Yes.” Question, “How do you project McAllister?” Law answer, “At least a #3.” At least! These are fun, let’s do more! Another question posed to him, “I’ve heard contrasting things about Dustin Ackley’s power. Based on what you’ve seen what is Ackley’s ceiling in terms of HR/year?” Keith, or Klaw as he calls himself, said, “I could see 20-25. I’d say Ackley’s chance for 30 HR power is 20%.” Okay, one more (though I could do this all day) actual Keith Law quote, and this one is classic because he name drops his alma mater. In 2009, someone asked him, “Shouldn’t Teheran be higher on (Law’s prospect) list than Jeff Locke?” Keith said, “Are you asking me or telling me? When I first got to Harvard, there was this variety show that some upperclassmen put on during freshman week, and one guy had a funny routine about “flexers” — students who would ask bogus questions that were really designed to state opinions or try to show off knowledge. (Grey comment, “Sounds like a riot!”) Obviously, the answer is “no,” since I ranked Locke over Teheran. It’s incredibly naive to ignore probability when ranking prospects.” I do enjoy a pompous ass. I wonder if he has a post.harvard.edu email address. Of course, he does! Shoot, his email is likely [email protected]. So, what in the Hans Christian Anderson does this have to do with Carlos Correa? He’s a sure thing right now. That doesn’t mean he’s a sure thing. A lot of shizz happens between Matt Bush signing a contract and having his tiki torch snuffed out with his 4th DUI while singing Free Bird. Just like it’s also true that Albert Pujols was drafted in the 13th round. I’m reminded of the William Goldman quote about Hollywood, no one knows anything. What we do know is the Astros are winning and have no reason to keep down the hitting Correa. He looks like a young Hanley. Just remember, so did Xander Bogaerts. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
BUY
Brad Miller – Speaking of not knowing anything, it’s my favorite sleeper from 2014. Luckily, it’s not 2014 anymore. Shoot, I should’ve said spoiler alert for those of you who haven’t left their mother’s basement in a few years.
Jace Peterson – Drafter of Rendon: If you close your eyes, does it almost feel like nothing changed at all? How am I gonna be an optimist about this? How am I gonna be an optimist about this? We were caught up and lost and all we have is Jace!
Chris Owings – He should change his last name to Pwnings. Whoever came up with pwn should be able to retire on that shizz. Just like I should be able to retire on shizz. Alas…
Wilmer Difo – Here’s what I said the other day, “Difo has played just 14 games in Double-A in his professional career, so I doubt he plays significantly for the Nats, but why on earth would they promote him? Yeah, good question, Grey. Here’s what Prospector Mike said, “Difo finished second to his teammate Rafael Bautista in stolen bases in the South Atlantic League in 2014, swiping 49 bags at an 85% success rate. The 22-year-old can play both shortstop and second base well, and has more power than you’d expect. He won the South Atlantic League MVP award and frankly seemed to come out of nowhere this season. He’s a switch hitter, making good contact from both sides of the plate without striking out much. In fact, he had the fourth lowest strikeout percentage among qualified hitters in the Sally. He’ll get a chance to face tougher competition in the Carolina League this year and could really put himself on the prospect map with another strong season. He presents a good buying opportunity in dynasty leagues. ‘Die, Nasty’ is also a book I wrote about Grey.” Hey, c’mon!” And that’s me quoting me quoting Mike!
Wilmer Flores – So, I have one question, where was Wilmer Valderrama about 23 years ago? Impregnating Latin American women, that’s where! True Story Alert! At one point, I shared a manager with Wilmer Valderrama and he wanted me to write jokes for him for something or other and I went to Wilmer’s house to pitch him. His house is (was?) Chuck Norris’s old home. Beach volleyball court in the backyard that hot girls in bikinis were playing on, a tennis court, a grotto with a water slide, a 20-car parking lot on his estate and he was wearing a scarf in 82-degree weather. Yes, I vomited on the way home.
Francisco Lindor – Or you can wait until he’s next week’s lede. Kidding. Or am I?! No, I am. OR AM I?!!?
Wilin Rosario – More of a ‘this weekend’ pickup, but I hope he sticks at 1st and Morneau has a setback. You could say I’m *pinkie to mouth* Wilin it!
Logan Forsythe – I’m doing a post-doctorate thesis at the Fantasy Baseball College of Charleston. It’s titled, “If you write to buy Logan Forsythe every week, will anyone listen?”
Ryan Howard – At this point in his career, Howard is like a poor man’s Teixeira. I will call him Ryan Texaco.
Chris Colabello – And now I’m thinking about Maria Bello again. Damn you, Chris Colabello!
Jon Singleton – If he’s called up, we’ll likely see a Jon Singleton/Chris Carter platoon. It would be a sci-fi thriller set in Compton.
Max Muncy – You ever want to pick someone up and then go to grab them, look at their stats and totally forget why you want to own them? In that vein, I went to look at Muncy’s minor league stats, and, well… He’s been hot recently and playing while Ike’s out!
Delino DeShields – He has 11 steals in 59 games, so he’s pretty much on pace for, like, 100 steals. Math might be off there, but he’s fast and I’d grab him for steals. No, I have no idea where he’s playing once Josh Hamilton returns, hopefully, at 2nd base.
Aaron Hill – If your middle infielder is down and you need a substitute, grab A-A-Ron!
Maikel Franco – Every day that Franco sits on your waivers unclaimed is another day our prospect writer, Mike, goes home sad. I hope you’re happy.
Yasmany Tomas – Y’all realize you were ready to draft him in the 150 overall, but he’s actually in the majors, hitting near-.350 and you won’t pick him up? As they said in Menace II Society, you know this, right? You know you done f***ed up, right?
Nick Castellanos – I just went over him this morning. Use your scrolly finger and find it.
Mike Bolsinger – Yes, he’s been great, but this is more about what the Stream-o-Nator is saying for his next start. It’s Bolsinging his praises.
Nate Karns – As his K-rate inches up to a K per inning, he’s someone that needs to be owned in more and more places, but if I’m being honest, I don’t trust him fully. How’s that for a hard sell? Or is that a hard buy?
Rubby de la Rosa – I just went over my Rubby de la Rosa fantasy. It was complete with side-door entry.
Tsuyoshi Wada – I just went over my Tsuyoshi Wada fantasy. Complete with rear air bags!
Mike Fiers – I wish I shared the enthusiasm for Fiers that the Stream-o-Nator has, but since his peripherals are so good, I would do a trust fall into Fiers’s arms and pray he catches me.
A.J. Ramos – What’s it like to play in a league where a named closer like Ramos is still on waivers? Asking for a friend who still owns Rafael Soriano on the outside chance he signs somewhere because my friend can’t buy a save in that league. My friend is me. Was that obvious?
Shawn Tolleson – I’m 1,000% sure that people are picking up Steve Tolleson thinking it’s Shawn Tolleson. The only thing, one’s a hitter and one’s a pitcher, so are people expecting to get saves from their 2nd base slot? I feel like P.T. Barnum had a good quote about this.
Brad Ziegler – He’ll likely be the first guy the Diamondbacks turn to for saves, but it could be Enrique Burgos. Or they could go with both and name their committee, Brique Burgler.
Josh Hamilton – Money making idea! This isn’t likely going to make it on Shark Tank, but how about when Hamilton goes to an opposing city, you stand in the parking lot selling inflatable crack pipes to fans so they can taunt him? I’ll split earnings with you 50/50.
Michael Taylor – With Werth hitting the DL, there’s one man the Nats could call on and his name is…Shoot, you read it in the beginning of the blurb, didn’t you? In related news, on a carton of milk that is past its expiration in my fridge, I don’t throw it away. I write on it, “Spoiler Alert.” Cougs really enjoys that.
Marlon Byrd – Surprised to see Byrd still owned in less than 50% of ESPN leagues, but Karabell owns 25,000 leagues to stockpile his virtual trophy case and, since Byrd’s an ex-Phillie, we know Karabell don’t take no jive from no Western Union messenger nor from an ex-Phillie. By the by, I’d love to be a fly on the wall when Karabell’s email in-box gets the Google Alert that he’s been mentioned on Razzball.
Anthony Gose – With V-Mart on the DL, Gose should get everyday playing time. Yeah, I know. But Rajai’s the King of SAGNOF! Tell it to someone who doesn’t know, guys and five girl readers.
Gerardo Parra – I was looking at the Hitter-Tron and it was touching itself to a copy of Popular Mechanics and now I forget what I was going to say.
Rusney Castillo – Red Sox said they were going to bring up Rusney post-haste, then they said, “Psych!” Then I said, “Grey bets they still call him up soon,” talking in the third person to prove to a cop that I was fine driving by myself in the carpool lane.
SELL
Nelson Cruz – I looked at the Buysellatops for a sell candidate and Cruz stuck out like Ryan Braun’s always-sore thumb. I was like, “No way, not Nelson Cruz! Why?” Then I stared at the computer screen for a few minutes until I realized it wasn’t going to answer. Bummer, doode! Here’s some fun with numbers. His HR/FB% is 31.4%, career is 17.9%. Even in his huge year last year, he only had a 20.4%. So, 31.4% is very high. That means he’s going to start hitting fly balls that don’t go for homers. His line drive rate from last year? It’s down. His infield hit percentage is as high as it’s been in five years, i.e., he’s not fast and getting crazy lucky. I.e., Part II: I Still Before E, he’s not a .350 hitter as he is right now. His hard hit percentage is the lowest it’s been in three years. Let’s sum up: he’s hitting a ton of fly balls, but not as hard as in the past and he’s getting lucky on all balls hit in play. I wouldn’t sell Cruz for a concert ticket to the Audioslave mash-up group, 12 Years of Audioslave, but I would explore options.
