I know it’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve posted.  Well I’m going to make it up to you.  Anyone who finds my Facebook profile will get a personalized note mailed to them; I’ll even seal the envelope with a kiss!  Hint: my first name is Jeremy.

On this week’s edition of bears and bulls: Doug Fister.  Fister is probably better known for his PG-13 name than for his pitching.  We’ve all seen team names like “Fister?  I barely know her!” and “Fister in her Pujols”, but I’m not here to talk about unoriginal puns.  But I am here to talk about the Nationals newest addition to their already dominant rotation.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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See all of today’s starting lineups

# MLB Starting Lineups For Sun 8/3
ARI | ATH | BAL | BOS | CHC | CHW | CLE | COL | DET | HOU | KC | LAA | LAD | MIA | MIL | MIN | NYM | NYY | PHI | PIT | SD | SEA | SF | STL | TB | TEX | TOR | WSH | ATL | CIN | OAK

I’m sure you’re sitting there thinking that you do not have these types of fantasies.  Not me, you say.  I have no desires such as Socrates, Plato and the scholars of the church.  Well, my fellow points-leaguers, you partake every day from April until October.  In points leagues, you need not follow roto rules to fill out all your categories.  Every category becomes as important as the next.  All you need is points… points.  Points is all you need.

There seems to be a lot of variance in scoring systems for points leagues, so the most important thing you can do in a points league is to find the categories that carry a higher or lower point total potential and use that to your advantage.  Because you’re scoring system is customized, there is very little material out there on it.  As such, a great majority of points league players still look to 5×5 analysis for help.  Take advantage of your foolish compadres using the name recognition of guys who are touted in category leagues to trade or drop, for a player more useful to your scoring format.

Here are some guys that I see gaining value for the rest of the season compared to their perceived value now in points leagues…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

When it comes to DFS play nothing can kick you off your throne quicker than a cold streak. And I hit one last week. Playing daily fantasy sports can be a fun, lucrative and an absolutely maddening endeavor. No other sport has as much variance on a nightly basis. I often wonder why I put myself through this athletic sadism. Ok, I know why. I like pain the competition, I like the cash and I love baseball. Over the past week, your humble-but-nonetheless-royal Guru has had plenty of competition, not so much cash and nowhere near the love I deserve as I went just 23 for 40. I may be no draft king, but the bankroll increased a bit and I’m inching closer to a winter of fun in the sun. The problem is I may have to pass on Cancun and head to Coney Island. Hopefully, I have a little left over for the bail bondsman. If you want to join me poolside just hit the DraftKings link and you’ll get a free ticket for a contest with your first-time deposit. The winner of that contest gets entry into our $500k Showcase with a $100k top prize – that’s a lot of banana daiquiris. Also, if you haven’t fired up the DFSBot yet, check it out. It’s a great tool for your bag of tricks that’ll give you an advantage over the competition. I used it Monday for some Tim Lincecum love that banked big for me. Believe me, I needed it.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve shared some of my strategies when playing DFS baseball. If you missed them you can give a look here, here, and here. This week, let’s talk a bit about managing the budget. On DraftKings you get 50K to spend on two pitchers and eight positions. I usually spend 18- 22K of that on pitching which doesn’t leave a lot of room for mistakes with hitters. One of the questions I get asked a lot is if it’s okay to leave money on the table when constructing a team. I say, unless you’re a seasoned DFS shark, it’s best to spend to the cap or real close to it. I never leave more than $500 on the board and there are three reasons for that: 1) No projections are 100% accurate. Sorry, DFSBot, you’re good but no one’s that good. 2) More often than not your “optimal lineup” will be wrong. Ha! I know this sounds negative, but play DFS awhile and you’ll realize that not spending that leftover $800 will hurt. I found this out on Monday when I didn’t spend up for pitching and went with Tyler Lyons – he gave me -11 points. Yes, negative 11! 3) Finding cheap players that produce is necessary to win, but players are in the bargain bin for reason. If you see a player that usually has a high price tag is suddenly cheap there’s probably a reason for it – he has a bad matchup, he’s unlikely to play or he’s hurt. I saw a lot of people grab Mark Teixeira on Monday because the price was right in a great matchup. Unfortunately, he ended up not playing which left some people with a big fat zero.

With all that said, we have just eight games on the evening slate, a number of aces on the mound and some weather to pay attention to in St. Louis and Cincinnati. Here’s your dirty turbaned Guru’s lineup for Wednesday’s 5/14 contests on DraftKings for 2014 Fantasy Baseball. Good luck, cheers.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

In the past, I’ve gone out of my way to focus more on rookie hitters than pitchers, but after last year and living through season-after-season of diminishing offense, this is the world we live in. Before you blame anyone, look in the mirror. What do you see? Besides, the blackheads. You see someone that supported baseball ridding itself of PEDs. So, this is what we have. Pitching up the wazoo. I still contend it should be ‘out the wazoo’ and not ‘up the wazoo,’ but I’m playing by your rules now. I’m no longer sticking it to the man and going up the wazoo. Hmm, that sounded wrong, but never the hoo! Kevin Gausman just barely maintained rookie eligibility by only pitching 47 2/3 IP last year. Really showing a thing or two about not knowing what was coming or going either by having a 5.66 ERA and 1.34 WHIP. It really means nothing. First of all, his xFIP was 3.04, so his ERA shouldn’t have even been that bad. Second of all, he had a 9+ K-rate, which is right in line what you can expect. Third of all, there is no third of all. Why would you think there was a third of all? Gausman isn’t a 5+ ERA pitcher. He could be the best rookie pitcher this year. He has that kind of stuff. With the O’s, you gotta mind your P’s and Q’s. Excuse me, I had Alphabet Soup for lunch and just burped. What I mean is the O’s aren’t in the best division for nurturing along a young starter. You have to be on the top of your game in the AL East. Gausman has the stuff to tame the big offenses. As I’ve tried to beat into your head, a pitcher with great control and strikeout stuff is worth your attention. Gausman is that type of pitcher. The only real question is do the O’s stay with him in the rotation. If today’s game vs. the Tigers is a spot start and back to the minors, it’s not great. Opportunity + Stuff = Fudgie the Whale. Wow, my math is off there. It should’ve equaled “worth a flyer in all fantasy leagues to see if he stays in the rotation.” To give you an idea of this guy’s upside, in Prospect Scott’s top 25 fantasy baseball prospects, the top five are Tanaka, Abreu, Bogaerts, Taijuan and then Gausman. That’s elite company. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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This is a different kind of disaster my friends. And trust me, here in the metro area, we’ve suffered many disasters. Did you know about Snowmageddon in 2010? Sure, what we experienced during that time was what New England calls ‘any Friday night in February’, but we don’t live up in the northeast, do we? No, we’re more civilized and cultured and decided to live in a humid mid-atlantic swamp, with a cesspool of slime, filth, and trash. And that’s just K street. Don’t even get me started about the state of the Potomac river. As an added bonus, in 2011, there was the Earth quakepocolypse, where a 5.8 shaker did irreparable harm to my lawn chair. And I’ll tell you this, no one called in off-shore drillers, trained as astronauts, like they should have to save us. Well, that time is now. With Francisco Rodriguez leading the universe in saves AND father in-law abuse, the world truly is on the precipice of disaster. Global warming? Pfft, that ain’t nothin’ compared to the state of our fantasy teams. With 87% of the MLB DL-eligible, as stated here by your’s truly, we are now covering another harsh reality in this lede… the era of closers as we know it has ended. Thanks Obama! Rod Beck… hug me. Actually, don’t get near me. You smell like a week-old hot dog and the great depression…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

There are so many Tommy Boy quotes that I can manipulate to start this post, so you choose which one…

a) I can get a good look at Luck by sticking my head up BABIP’s a**, but I’d rather take xBABIP’s word for it.

b) I write fantasy baseball posts for the American working man, because that’s who I am and that’s who I care about.

c)  You: Prince Fielder, Hmmmm, he should get better.”

      Me: “This guy is batting .231, which is actually backed up because of the gross groundball rate (11+% jump) and hitting into the shift with a sense of urgency, and all you can say is, Hmmmm, he should get better?”

d) The season is drivin’ along, la-de-da, woo. And you have Justin Morneau batting .338. And then you look at your team. Tires go EEEEEEEEE! Whoa, that was close.

Now let’s see what happens if you have Prince Fielder on your team… You’re drivin’ along, Tires go EEEEEEEE! I CAN’T STOP! “Oh my God, I’m burning alive! And this isn’t a fire sale! No! I can’t feel my legs!” Here comes the meat wagon. And the medic gets out and says, “Oh my God”. New guy’s around the corner puking his guts out…

…Whichever quote you go with, if you own Fielder then consider yourself the new guy puking his guts out. This post is the meat wagon.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

This past weekend was full of knockout entertainment. There was some great baseball, NBA and Stanley Cup playoff action, a crying competition between NFL draftees and Mother’s everywhere and a UFC main event that actually exceeded expectations. I don’t condone fighting. In fact, I encourage it when it’s done legally and televised. If you feel the same make sure you see the Matt Brown v. Erick Silva battle that rightfully went viral this weekend. It’s on Fox Sports 1 or 2 or 47 on replay, whichever you have. It’s probably available on a website or two as well.

If you managed to watch 74 hours of sports television this weekend you had an impossible (man’s game) winning streak. And you should keep the streak going. So, on this very mundane Tuesday, you should spice it up with some money-grabbing Draftkings action. And when you do the Draftkings (what Mom calls it) kick some ass. Today’s formula is brought to you by cheap pitchers (aka Natural Light) and Cabrera MMA (Melky, Migs, Asdrubal). There’s nothing better than a spicy sausage with cheap beer so make sure you click this hot link so you can get your first Draftkings contest for free.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’m going to live tweet this post: Tweet: #pitchingissodeep, we can lose every third starter and still have enough pitchers to go around. Tweet: Pitching isso deep? What’s an isso? Tweet: Why do I care where you ate dinner? And why am I following you? Tweet: @SolangeKnowles I’d hold the elevator door for you. Tweet: Twitter bores me. I’m done with this. So, there you have it, our first live tweet post. I’m so hip; tweeting shizz like a baller! Why do I think ballers don’t use many semi-colons? Is there a less hip punctuation mark? Jose Fernandez has an elbow sprain, which is code for you’re fudged in the effhole if you own him. If you want, I’ll form a prayer rhombus with you, but I gotta be honest, since I don’t own him, my heart won’t be in the rhombus. I’ll be faking the rhombus. You’re better off with someone else. Until Andrew Heaney is ready (June), the Marlins are likely to fill their empty rotation spot with Brad Hand or Kevin Slowey. Too bad they can’t find room for both, then they can get The Pointer Sisters to sing, “I want a rotation with a Slowey, Hand.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So I forgot to throw it in last week, but I was thinking to myself, “what are some baseball ‘catch phrase’ calls I would make if I were a broadcaster?”  If a batter chased a breaking ball, I would exclaim “and he’s gone gone chasin’ waterfalls!”  Hmmmm, what would my home run call be… I need some ideas here!  I know the Dodgers need a replacement play-by-play guy next season…

Then to the profile for today, and I wasn’t sure where I was going to go.  Chris Archer seemed a good fit since he’s underperformed, but I did break him down once last year.  Then in my “aha” moment of the weekend, I remember my gone gone chasin’ waterfalls bit and noticed Chase Anderson was set to make his MLB debut!  It’s like the baseball gods are talking to me!  Thanks for the title, Shoeless Joe. (If a pitcher you’d like to see for next week’s Profile pitches next Sunday, please remind me and throw in a comment on Sunday or tweet me @jbgilpin – I will take requests!  But I do like to keep it to guys pitching on Sunday.)

With an injury-plagued first three years as a pro, Anderson seemed like a dooming last name for a starting pitcher (see, Brett).  Chase finally got himself through a big chunk of work in 2012, pitching pretty well in 104 AA innings, then was limited to only 88 innings in 2013 and was awful in AAA.  But just like Robert Downey Jr., he’s done with Anne Heche and ready for a comeback! (way to stay topical, JB…)  Anderson started this season breezing through AA with a dazzling 39 innings to the tune of a 0.69 ERA, 0.72 WHIP, and 38 Ks.  Sure he’s already 26, but the injuries have held him back and he finally got his MLB debut yesterday against the White Sox.  I decided to check it out and break it down to see if anything’s there for spot-starting or a deeper league stache [sic]:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

As I do every week, I’ll be covering all the bumps and bruises in the would of fantasy baseball.  It’d be nice if some of these guys could get their acts together, but hey, then I’d be out of a job.

There were a few notable injuries in the baseball world over the past week, mostly on the hitting side of the spectrum, and I’ll be focusing on those, as well as some other players who just can’t stay away from the trainer’s room in my latest edition of Ambulance Chasers.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Coco Crisp‘s recent neck injury opens the door for Craig Gentry over the next few days. He’ll likely take over in center and bat at the bottom of the A’s lineup while Crisp practices turning his head in both directions. Hopefully he didn’t promise his bike to anyone who could fix him. You were supposed to sleep on a board, Coco! Gentry makes an interesting play for steals, and he appeared in this very column last week. In 2013, Gentry had 24 stolen bases in just 287 plate appearances, so he’s got some wheels. He’s already got six steals in limited playing time this year. On the schedule this week are the White Sox and the Indians. Both teams are tied for the 10th most steals allowed in the majors (25) so it’s not a bad match-up play. Crisp isn’t on the disabled list, he’s just day-to-day, so it could just be the White Sox series that Gentry gets all of the starts.

Take a peek at the new SB Rates vs. SP tool that Rudy has conjured up. Using all of last year’s data, it lets us know which pitchers to deploy our SAGNOF specialists against (based on their steals per innings pitched rates). I used it yesterday in DFS when I saw Eric Young was going to start against Cole Hamels, who’s pretty easy to run against. I swapped him into my lineup and it paid off with two steals from EY2 in the game. Here are some other SAGNOF picks for this week…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

For the most part, I fancy myself a Bo Jackson (pre-MNF injury disaster) of the fantasy game, but at times, I can have my Drew Henson moments. I know I’m not alone here, and this past weekend was tough for those of the same ilk to keep their baseball blinders in place. The NFL Draft certainly was a distraction, and the deep dives into BVP, splits, and all other mind-numbing stats turned into shallow dives at the crappy motel pool that usually result in paralysis. As a result, my bankroll hasn’t moved much in the last three days (especially in the preferred, upwards direction), but what can I say? I love watching grown men cry into their phones and am always in awe (for lack of better terms) of the real-life Count Chocula, Mel Kiper, and his obsession with hand and arm size. But alas, all picks are in, and it’s time to turn my full attention back to the pixie dust version of America’s pastime – and you should join me – especially on DraftKings.

I am just a small cog in the machine that is Razzball, so keep it here for plenty of great DFS content all season, and check out the recently unveiled DFSBot to gain an extra edge on the competition; it still has that new car bot smell. Mmmmm … bot.

Please, blog, may I have some more?