First, a story. There was a young boy named Donkey Dong Jr. who worked at the barrel station of Niagara Falls. He would rent barrels to tourists who wanted to go over the waterfalls in a barrel that was deemed to flimsy to hold wine in Napa Valley. Then, one day, Robert Juiced Manfred showed up at his barrel station with a truck filled with baseballs that he was bringing back over the border from Guatemala. See, he drove north from Guatemala, and Waze had him detour through Canada and back into the U.S.–Nevertheless! R.J. Manfred stopped for some pop, and Donkey Dong Jr. said, “You’ve come to the right place,” and grabbed a barrel with his hands, swung it as hard as he could and hit every baseball in that truck 5,000 feet right back to Guatemala. For pop, Donkey Dong Jr. said, “I love to barrel up.” Fin. So, Joey Gallo was the lead buy in an April Buy column. Don’t like to double up on guys in a year, but here we are because you people are slow as molasses dripping down Robert De Niro’s face in Awakenings. Gallo has 50-homer power, and is currently in some kind of zone not seen since McGwire stopped sticking needles into pre-peach-tinted Sammy Sosa. How is he not owned in 50% of leagues? Don’t answer, grab him! Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Mets continue to move towards the future, promoting their top first base prospect, Dominic Smith. They are cautiously optimistic. Adverbly restrained because the last time they were unbridled in their enthusiasm, it was about this great deal Bernie Madoff was telling them about. Okay, let’s think back to a less cynical time. When the birds chirped, and they made you smile. When your dad carried you on his shoulders, and you were on top of the world. When you peed the bed, no one tried to commit you to rehab. People pinched your cheeks without you having to pay some stranger on Craigslist $75. A time of joy. Wonder. No Splenda. So, what can we expect from Dominic Smith? Did someone say ‘no Splenda?’ Well, it wasn’t my words (it was)! Smith looks like a 17-20 homer guy with a solid average and even better OBP. Might be a better real life player than a fantasy one. I’d take a flyer everywhere to see what he does if you need average first, which was the original America First slogan. Average First! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Hoskins, You Shall Receive A Chance
August 10, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 330 Commentsby: Grey
Yesterday, Phils’ manager, Pete Macktheknife, said, “Everybody wants to see (Rhy Hoskins‘) bat but Tommy Joseph has done well enough where there’s enough games left for him to show even more improvement. It’s hard. You don’t want to put Tommy Joseph on the bench so maybe (having Hoskins play outfield) is a way to do it.” Hey, quick question, anyone got a participation trophy for Joseph? Sounds like he could really use one! “I accept this participation trophy on behalf of all the players who are at positions where the club has a better prospect in the minors, but is too cheap to promote them. Especially to my runner-up, Shin-Soo, way to keep down Willie Calhoun!” A bunch of prospblockers, the lot of you! Don’t even get me started on the absolute craziness that you risk putting your top prospect in left field just to keep playing Tommy Joseph. Hoskins should be okay out there, but there’s a ton more risk with injuries in left field than standing on 1st. I grabbed Hoskins in all leagues. He was top 30 for Prospector Ralph’s top 100 fantasy baseball prospects, and might be the last big name to come up that can make a difference. For this year, I’d say Hoskins = Mark Reynolds with way fewer Ks. Long term, well, I won’t say Votto, but his OBP is insane for a kid. Scouts call players kids, did I sound like a scout? Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Donaldson Recharged After Getting Calfinated
August 9, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 304 Commentsby: Grey
I’m going to break this down to you nice and simple like Minnie Pearl would’ve liked it. Guys that bust and you don’t want next year, you should be rooting for in the 2nd half. That’s guys that bust, not guys with a bust. Please, Billy Butler, stop pretending to lactate by dripping milk on your shirt. The reason you want them to succeed in August and September, because A) They’re prolly on teams that have checked out and are checking on our fantasy football content (Football RCLs sign up today; smooth transition), so no harm, no foul. B) You want people to get excited about them next March because of their 2nd half, while you ignore them, because you know they’re not good. Then the cycle starts again. They draft players that were good in the 2nd half, those players are not good in the 1st half next year, and they check out again. Rinse, repeat. C) There’s no C. Yesterday, Josh Donaldson (2-for-4, 4 RBIs) hit his 14th and 15th homers, and has four homers this month. Here’s to him helping all of those tenth place teams move up to ninth and exciting everyone again next year! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?Yesterday, Joey Votto went 2-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs with his 30th homer as he hits .314 with a .438 OBP. Not only is Votto hitting for a high average, but he’s also hitting for power, and, you kinda get the impression, if he wanted, he could hit for a higher average with no power, or a lower average with more power, or no average, no power and pitch. Personal Anecdote Alert! Fast forward a blurb if you’re not interested. When I was in my teens, I went to baseball summer camp. The guy who ran it was a Yankees’ scout, so he’d have players come in to teach us fundamentals. One guest was Mike Pagliarulo. I know, I know, this is like the opening monologue before someone sings Springsteen’s Glory Days at karaoke. Any hoo! Pags was the best hitter I ever saw within three feet of me. One kid there was a minor league pitcher, and Pags was so dramatically better than him, it was obvious the kid would never go anywhere. If Pags wanted to hit a home run to right against this kid, he did. Up the middle? No problem. Home run to left? Sure, why not? So, my point (!), against this minor league pitcher, Pags did what I imagine Votto does against major leaguers. Votto is my Pags of the majors. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Alonso Shipped Off To The Way Northwest Yonder
August 7, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 388 Commentsby: Grey
Let’s just go on what logic tells us. Not Logic, the rapper, but logic the thing you’ve been chipping away at with your weed smoking. In 2015, Billy Beane traded Drew Pomeranz to the Padres for Yonder Alonso. At the time, we have to assume Beane wanted a slugging first baseman. A guy that could hit 25+ homers. Okay, so they dealt with terrible Alonso for two years, and, then, when they get what you think they had to be hoping for, they trade him for a prospect (Boog Powell) that many believe is a bench player. Now, even if Powell pans out, you had in Alonso what you wanted already. I’m beginning to think Beane just does trades to do trades. If you were to hear in fifteen years that Beane was trying to make the A’s worse to get out of Oakland, would anyone be surprised? Moneyball 2 is going to be starring Jamie Kennedy and straight-to-DVD. Any hoo! Alonso loses some value going to the M’s because he’ll likely platoon with Danny Valencia (hit his 13th homer on Sunday), though, I guess it could be argued this is a positive move for Alonso, because he’s hit .188 vs. lefties this year. As for Powell, the A’s might promote and platoon him because what do they have to lose? Or rather, what do they have to win? If they’re lucky, Boog will bring some of his trademark ribs. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Go To Buy With One Eye Open With Winker
August 4, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 288 Commentsby: Grey
Here’s a picture of Reds’ outfielder, Jesse Winker:
The first thing people notice about him is he looks drunk and half-Asian. He was throwing back soju and partying in an 8×10 room with three other people singing karaoke? No, siree! Or, no Siri, if a female computer is reading. Next, you might wonder why the big grin. He doesn’t have a body, ears, hair, arms, anything but a head really, so how can he keep such an upbeat attitude? Well, let me put it to you this way, maybe it’s a body, ears, hair, etc. that bums people out. You never thought of that, did you? Okay, I’m being silly, but it’s Friday. By the way, the other day, I realized that the days of the week MTWTFSS have WTF in the middle of them. Mind –>blown. So, with Schebler DL’d for an indefinite period of time, Winker has taken over right and started batting 2nd. His power was goofy low in the minors this year (2 HRs in 85 games), but he doesn’t strike out, does walk and could hit .290. I know, a lot of good that does with diddly poo on power, but he has homered twice this week, and did have more power before this year in the minors. I’d grab him in all leagues to see if he found his stroke, even if we’re not sure what exactly he’d be stroking with. Is that why he’s smiling? Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Goldy Showers Bring Paul’s Power
August 4, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 301 Commentsby: Grey
True story, I was minding my own business in my backyard recently — mowing the lawn, wiping my brow with the bottom of my shredded Hulk-a-Mania t-shirt, sipping a real super cheap beer. Just being at one with the sun that Al Gore hasn’t yet taken from us, and bronzing my calfs because they look better bronze, when I got to thinking. Not super deep thinking like if I were a sushi chef, I’d make a maki roll with hamburger and Doritos and call it an “Eye roll.” Just surface level thinking, and it hit me. How rare is it that a guy is top five for fantasy value on our Player Rater and he doesn’t have one insanely huge game all year to warrant a lede. That was the case with Paul Goldschmidt, before yesterday. Then, as they say, Au Shizz went shizzy all up in Rizzy’s hizzy — 3-for-4, 4 runs, 6 RBIs and his 23rd, 24th and 25th homers, and now hitting .320 on the year. This should finally put him on top of the Player Rater for the first time all year, after sniffing the Judge’s robe for the first three months of the season, in the number two slot. And there were people who didn’t want to draft him in the top three spots in the preseason. Haha, oops. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Godley Outadverbs Wrigley & The Cubs
August 3, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 322 Commentsby: Grey
The Book of Job says, “We will send out at least one email a day to all your contacts whether you like it or not.” Shoot, I immediately see what I did wrong there. I Googled for a Bible quote, and accidentally got an employee handout from LinkedIn. Big bad on me. Yesterday, Zack Godley went 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.86, with this start coming in Wrigley. *gulps* Maybe Godley isn’t an overstatement. His peripherals are gorge too — 9.2 K/9, 2.8 BB/9, 3.23 xFIP. Throwing 92+ MPH with a mix of four pitches, and mostly going to Dazzletown with the curve being the pony killer (totally a saying!). “I made you glue!” which is what I shout trying desperately to make “pony killer” a saying. Oh, and all of it is coupled with a 56% ground ball rate. That would be the third best in the majors if he qualified. When there’s nary a starter in sight with a decent ERA, Godley’s otherworldly. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Albies Sure Bringing The Rhythm And Running Away Your Blues
August 2, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 373 Commentsby: Grey
Ozzies sure seem to always be MIs. Oswaldo Arcia must not have been allowed to change his name, he should’ve switched with Orlando. I’m at the waiver wire like this, “Go shopping…Go shopping…Let’s all go shopping…Go shopping…” Ya know what? I’m just gonna leave this here…
I’m at the Albies Square Mall!
I’m at the Albies Square Mall!
I’m at the Albies Square Mall!
I’m at the Albies Square Mall!
You have to love Biz’s way with words. Can only be described as slow and methodical. Ozzie Albies can best be described as mini-Altuve. What’s he a dwarf? You little person, Ozzie Albies Square Mall? He has a ton of speed (70 score), and makes contact, while his power has made serious gains. Or GAINZ, according to Endorphin Ralph. He’s a must grab in all leagues, and could be a top 25 fantasy player for dynasty leagues. This little guy is big-time. Unlike Ozzie Guillen and Ozzy Osbourne, this Ozzie will use his bat for something useful vs slapping and biting. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Yu See LA Brewin’ Something Big?
August 1, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 453 Commentsby: Grey
Baseball’s parity is better than any other sport. You can go into the season like, say, the Rockies. No chance at all of the playoffs with no closer, no pitching, an injured offseason acquisition and be a favorite for the playoffs in July, without that offseason acquisition doing anything, not getting anything from your returning superstar shortstop and defying gravity with a pitching staff keeping a team above water even at one mile high. Then, on July 31st, parity goes out the window and all teams doing well get much better and teams struggling sell off everything. Speaking of “I’m rich bitch,” the Dodgers traded for Yu Darvish. The deadline was mostly, “Well, there goes a middle reliever,” and, “Another middle reliever? Snooze,” then, at the last moment, the Dodgers swooped in and grabbed Tony Watson and Tony Cingrani, two more middle relievers. Just like LA to want two Tonys, like Oscars aren’t enough. Oh well, nothing big this year. When, thirty-five minutes after the trading deadline, the Dodgers announced, “Psyche, fake-out, we got Darvish too.” Los Angeles is about the best landing spot a fantasy owner could hope for Darvish. He has a 9.7 K/9, 3.0 BB/9 and 3.81 xFIP, but was pitching in the 5th best offensive park. Hello, NL West, Dodger Stadium and facing the Giants and Padres. Now you see LA brewin? Yu sexy, get me some Trojans. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?Adrian Beltre was promoted to the Dodgers the same year I moved to Los Angeles. I distinctly remember listening to AM sports radio a lot that summer, and, man, did people in LA hate Beltre. With justification too, he struggled for six seasons. When he finally broke out in 2004 (48 HRs, .334), no one believed it. If you would’ve told people in LA, Beltre would be a surefire Hall of Famer, they would’ve thought you were related to him. This would be the same as now saying Nick Castellanos will be a Hall of Famer in 14 years. Yesterday, Beltre went 1-for-5, 2 runs and secured his place in history with his 3,000th hit. Good on, Beltre, may all your cheap beers and head remain untapped. As for fantasy, well, doesn’t mean anything, but it’s a hat tip, while a hat pat is forbidden. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?