I just went over the top 10 for 2014 fantasy baseball and the top 20 for 2014 fantasy baseball. Most of you know how I feel about catchers. If you draft a catcher any time before the first 100 picks, you don’t know how I feel about catchers. Let me freshen up your cocktail with a splash of insight. I don’t draft top catchers in one catcher leagues. I Reggie Roby them. Last year, Napoli was the top ranked catcher at the end of year. He was the 11th best 1st baseman. The best catcher can’t spray aerosol deodorant on the top guy for another position. Everyone was crazy about Buster Posey last year (everyone except me). Buster Posey did about as much as Kendrys Morales. Lowercase yay. In the top five catchers last year were Lucroy, V-Mart, Rosario and Molina. One guy was drafted in the top 100, and that was barely. No one should draft a top catcher because there are no top catchers. They’re all hot garbage with a side order of stank. Catchers are unreliable to stay healthy; the job is grueling and takes its toll on offensive stats. There’s not much difference between, say, the tenth best catcher and nothingness. Jarrod Saltymochachino, Jason Castro and Salvador Perez were the 8th, 9th and 10th best catchers last year. All of them were on waivers in shallower leagues as late as July. Only the depth of 2nd basemen is worst, and I say punt them too. Yes, I am saying punt the positions that are most scarce. Finally, a reason that is new to this current crop of catchers — they’re actually deep in mediocrity. You can draft the fifth best catcher or the 12th best and they’re tomato-tomato said with a different emphasis. Because I ignore the top catchers doesn’t mean I’m starting the top 20 catcher list at number twenty-one; some of you might want to know the top catchers. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them draft Wilson Ramos. In two catcher leagues, catchers are a little more valuable, but I’d still prefer to avoid them. You can see other top 20 lists for 2014 fantasy baseball under 2014 fantasy baseball rankings. Listed along with these catchers are my 2014 projections for each player and where the tiers begin and end. Anyway, here’s the top 20 catchers for 2014 fantasy baseball:
1. Wilin Rosario – This is the first tier. This tier goes from here until Molina. I call this tier, “Ain’t draftin’. Ain’t even got time for the g, G.” This tier is filled with guys I won’t be drafting unless they fall about fifty spots past their ADP. Wilin also doesn’t have time for the g, G, but he’s in this tier because I think his drafting slot will finally have caught up to his stats. If people are still sleeping on him like an underappreciated futon, then I could see giving him a looksie if he falls to around 150 overall. That is lip service because there’s no way he’s lasting that long on a draft board. I decided to put him above Posey and others because he’s the only catcher I see as a lock for 20+ homers without killing you in runs, RBIs and average and possessing upside. Rosario, you are the new cream of the crap. Hope you’re up to the task. 2014 Projections: 69/24/82/.272/4
2. Buster Posey – Posey is the bomb dot com backslash terrific. He could win the MVP award again, and, if he does, it will again be with stats that look about as good as the seventh best first baseman. If he doesn’t have a career year (which I imagine he won’t), then he’s barely as good as, say, Michael Cuddyer. Sweet! *snooze* Oh, no, I slept through my morning cartoons…Damn you, Posey! 2014 Projections: 70/20/88/.308/2
3. Carlos Santana – This is weird. (Not weird.) I keep thinking Santana or even Wieters aren’t living up to their potential, but now that I think on it long and hard like a living statue this is their potential. There’s no 40-homer, .330 catchers anymore. There may never have been. Piazza was Keyser Soze. A puff of air blowing off a steroids-enhanced dandelion. Wow, beautiful writing by myself, you make me inwardly weep. 2014 Projections: 79/23/85/.260/3
4. Brian McCann – When he signed with the Yankees, I said, “When I saw McCann got nearly $100 million, I felt like McCann. You know, thinking I had problems with my eyes. Batting in The House They Built Across The Street From The House Ruth Built won’t hurt his numbers and he should once again be a solid top five option with the outside possibility of being the top catcher as long as I don’t say he could be the top catcher — doh!” And that’s me quoting me! 2014 Projections: 61/23/77/.251/2
5. Matt Wieters – You email Wieters and he gets back to you four days later with, “Sorry, I didn’t get back to you earlier, do you still need someone to drive you to the emergency room?” See, he makes terrible contact. The pitches he doesn’t get under, he dribbles over to 2nd base. I call BS on his minor league stats that portended him to be a .280 hitter, or maybe I should say pretended. Take that, portended! 2014 Projections: 62/22/74/.247/3
6. Yadier Molina – I’m done anticipating Yadier Molina falling off. I’m not done not drafting him. Double negatives be damned! 2014 Projections: 66/10/77/.310/6
7. Salvador Perez – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Gattis. I call this tier, “I’m your huckleberry.” I don’t call this tier that because that line is from Tombstone and Perez mourned at his abuelita’s tombstone for 27 days last June until I went to visit him in the Venezuelan National Gravatorium of Abuelitas and played on a boom box, “B*tch Don’t Kill My Vibe.” I call this tier that because these are the first guys I could see drafting, depending on how late they go. I’m totally fine with not getting any of them if they go before 150 overall, but if they fall past that, then it’s on like Donkey Kong and his son, Donkey Kong Jr. As for Perez, his projections for 2014 will be contingent on the health of his grandfather, Armando. If Army is fine, then so should Perez. The great thing about Perez is he plays more than most catchers when his family is alive. He could get 70+ runs and 80+ RBIs with ease, and that’s far from a common occurrence amongst catchers. 2014 Projections: 72/15/84/.298/1
8. Jonathan Lucroy – This guy is a lot like Rosario going into last year. Lucroy is young (enough) and coming off a top catcher year, but he’s dropped a bit in the rankings because of the lack of a track record. If you believe last year, and, really, interjection, there’s no reason to not believe it, then he has a chance for a top three catcher year. He has a lot fewer flaws then, say, Wieters or McCann. He hit .320 in 2012 and .280 last year. He doesn’t strikeout a ton and makes solid contact. Hard to see him hitting below .275. Also, the Brewers send him out to the dish as much as any team. If he gets 140+ games again, he’ll once again challenge the top three at the position. Yes, that’s not saying much with this group of schmohawks, but it’s something. 2014 Projections: 52/15/72/.286/6
9. Jason Castro – I could’ve, and almost did, split this tier into two tiers. I like Castro, Ramos and Gattis a lot and they seem more likely to be drafted at a spot where I could grab them. What other people do is less a concern of mine and more a concern of the Man. I stick it to the Man. I make origami of the Man in the most manly of ways with what others do. Especially with catchers. Just draft one. If I had my druthers and had any idea what druthers were (maybe I have them already), I’d grab Castro crazy late…or Ramos…or Gattis if they’re there (stutterer!). If they’re not there, don’t sweat the small stuff as the pop psychology gambit goes. Castro’s power came a bit out of nowhere last year and there’s a chance for regression, but his batted balls went much further so his power should hold. He does make solid contact, when he’s not striking out. He’s a bit of an enigma wrapped in a hollowed-out zucchini, but worth the gamble. 2014 Projections: 61/16/79/.274/3
10. Wilson Ramos – I already went over my Wilson Ramos fantasy. I wrote it while slow dancing in an elevator. 2014 Projections: 52/19/67/.269
11. Evan Gattis – Be interesting to see how he adjusts to being the everyday catcher. After being homeless for a few years, he slid right into a role that made sense for him — picking up McCann’s scraps. 2014 Projections: 58/22/69/.239/1
12. Joe Mauer – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Salty. I call this tier, “You know what you’re getting, but why are you getting it?” This is more of a philosophical question. If no catchers are going to give you anything that spectacular, why bother getting a tried a true one? If you don’t draft upside at catcher for yourself, you owe it to me. It’s the least you could do for me after I wrote 3000 words about catchers for you. *buzzer goes off, flashing lights* Top 400 check! It’s that time in our regular scheduled program when I break in and tell you where a guy is in the top 400 to give you an idea of where we are in the big picture. I have Joe Mauer ranked after 200 overall. I’m currently in a mock draft with some Yahoo ‘perts and Mauer was drafted around 40 overall. So, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say I’m a bit lower on him. 2014 Projections: 68/9/66/.304/1
13. A.J. Pierzynski – Here’s what I said when he signed with the Red Sox, “‘Yay…Dah!’ That’s the Red Sox equipment manager after learning he didn’t need to sew Saltalamacchia on the back of a jersey only to learn seconds later Pierzynski was signing in Boston. You get the sense that major league teams are taking my fantasy advice and punting catcher? A.J. Pollock, as he’s called in Arizona, will be fine for around league average on the Red Sox.” And that’s me quoting me! 2014 Projections: 66/15/75/.269
14. Miguel Montero – How’s this sound for a plan? If you don’t draft Montero, I promise to allow you to drop d’Arnaud when he disappoints and Montero is hitting well on waivers. Cool? Cool. Now fist bump me and turn it into a jellyfish! 2014 Projections: 63/14/68/.261
15. Jarrod Saltalamacchia – Here’s what I said when he signed with the Marlins, “Signed by the Marlins. But what about… Who was the Marlins catcher before this? Oh, that’s right. Rob Kardashian. Wait, that’s not right. Jerry Mathis? Jeff Brantly? He announces games from behind home? Any the hoo! Saltymochachino will now be catching games in South Florida. If that doesn’t signal to you that Loria is getting serious about making this team competitive, I don’t know what will. Maybe getting the Real Doll to play 2nd base. Perhaps Loria saw the ‘No Pepper Games Allowed’ behind home plate and thought he had the perfect complement for that and got Salty. I imagine Salty will do pretty much the same thing in Florida as he’s done most of his career. Hit some homers and a lousy average.” And that’s me quoting me! 2014 Projections: 56/16/63/.241/3
16. Travis d’Arnaud – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Mesoraco. I call this tier, “Your last chance for anything in one catcher leagues.” You could make the argument that it’s safer drafting Russell Martin or Carlos Ruiz, but why are you being safe? You wear oven mitts to bed in case you scratch yourself too hard in the middle of the night? Do you put on a blinker seventeen times while you parallel park? Was The Secret Life of Walter Mitty based on you? Stop being so safe. Oh, and I went over my Travis d’Arnaud fantasy already. I only counted four typos in that post. 2014 Projections: 52/16/67/.260/2
17. Mike Zunino – I went over Zunino previously and here’s what I said, “A catcher bat like Zunino only comes once in a lifetime (the lifetime is that of a guinea pig that is being cared for by a 12-year-old, so the lifespan is about 18 months. Remember, because age is rounded down to the last birthday, on average guinea pigs live a half year beyond their final birthday. They live as zombies. Zombie guinea pigs are all around us. Now, I’m scared.) Sure, the last once in a lifetime catcher bat also played for the Mariners. You remember, it was the Jesus who couldn’t catch or hit but could walk on water with the best of them. So, after turning to Jesus twice (Montero, Sucre), the Mariners are now turning to Rookie Zuninookie. BTW, Sucre is sugar, and Zunino sounds like Mexican artificial sweetener. You might remember Mike Zunino from such Scott, our prospect writer, sentences as, “.360/.447/.689 between Low-A and Double-A,” “The third overall pick this past June has been simply incredible since signing,” and my favorite, “His tools profile suggests he’ll eventually develop into a very nice big league catcher, and one you’ll want in fantasy leagues, but most people around baseball don’t see the Travis D’Arnaud/Jesus Montero/Devin Mesoraco-type ceiling with Zunino,” which came when he ranked him 44th in the top 50 fantasy baseball prospects.” And that’s me copying and pasting me! I’m concerned Midnight Cowboy and all-around prospblock, John Buck, could steal 60-70 games of playing time from Zunino. Zunino’s still worth a shot at the end of drafts for upside, but, in reality (which some of us live in, I hear), he’s probably another year away from making an impact in 12-team mixed leagues. 2014 Projections: 53/17/68/.245/3
18. Devin Mesoraco – He hails from the Groundhog’s Day city of Punxsutawney, which is appropriate because every year around this time I get excited about him only to keep stepping in a puddle and running into Ned Ryerson. Bing!!! Luckily, the Reds ran The Toothpick out of town along with Ryan Hanigan and now Devin, Andie McDowell and I can finally consummate our one true love and stop running in circles. His BABIP has been a tad terrible, even for a catcher, so he should be able to beat his .238 average last year with his line drive, walk and K-rates. What usually happens with young catchers will happen to Mesoraco. He’ll hit 15-ish homers in his first full year and be ready to make the leap the following year. 2014 Projections: 49/16/62/.250/2
19. Alex Avila – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Flowers. I call this tier, “Last chance for anything in two catcher leagues.” In two catcher leagues, you draft Avila hoping a return to his 2011 without seeing anything first. It’s called blind faith. If you don’t believe me that it’s called that, there’s really no hope for you. 2014 Projections: 49/13/60/.249/2
20. Josmil Pinto – For a second during the offseason, I thought the Twins might go with Kurt Suzuki as their starting catcher…and they might. But I’m going to assume the Twins make the right choice and start Pinto. Pinto has shown power in the minors. Or as a Puerto Rican mother would say, Pinto beans good in the minors. UPDATE: Twins said they’re idiots and going with Kurt Suzuki as their starter. 2014 Projections: 42/11/56/.261/2
20. Yan Gomes – I hear lots of chatter about this guy being a sleeper. He is. For deep leagues. As of right now. Staccato sentences aside. I wouldn’t be surprised if Santana still sees around 50 games behind home plate. Best case scenario is Gomes gets 120 games played. Worst case scenario, you walk in on him and your girl lying on your Davenport talking about how they want to kill you for the insurance money. Most likely scenario, he sees around 100 games played and is nothing but a platoon guy. 2014 Projections: 49/12/55/.252/2
21. J.P. Arencibia – When Arencibia signed, I wrote this, “Signed with the Rangers to split time with Geovany Soto. Since they’re both righties, I’m not sure how that will work out. Maybe they’ll flip Jurickson Profar and heads it’s Arencibia. Maybe they’ll flip Soto for a middle reliever. They really don’t need two garbage catchers. Maybe they’re waiting for the first Wednesday of the season to see which guy the garbage man picks up. Lots of questions, and not a whole lot of motivation for me to figure out answers. Outside of two catcher leagues, Arencibia isn’t a guy you’re drafting. He’ll be a guy you pick up when he’s hitting during the season.” And that’s–Well, you know. 2014 Projections: 38/18/49/.220
22. Welington Castillo – Boeuf Welington wants you to draft him for his delicious liver pate and outside chance for 15 homers and puff pastry. 2014 Projections: 47/14/59/.241/2
23. Tyler Flowers – The projections system Oliver, designed by the Brady’s cousin, gives Flowers 26 homers in 2014. Well, cook me up a bacon alternative and call me Sizzlean. If you don’t believe he’s going to hit 26 homers, you’re a bit more sane. Good for you. You, sane person, you. 2014 Projections: 41/15/50/.216/1
24. Russell Martin – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until the end of the list. I call this tier, “You kiss your mother with that catcher drafting?” Sure, Martin’s projections look better than Flowers, but you’re not gonna win anything with Martin or Ruiz or Iannetta or any of these guys at the end of the list. Once the season begins, if your upside pick doesn’t pan out, there will be plenty of time to pick your catcher scab and put in Martin or Jaso or any of these schmohawks. 2014 Projections: 48/16/60/.220/5
25. Carlos Ruiz – Without the help of Adderall, Ruiz’s 2013 suffered. His trips to the mound quadrupled because he couldn’t sit still and his test scores plummeted. 2014 Projections: 50/7/60/.259/2
26. Chris Iannetta – I’ve been a fan of Chris Iannetta in the past, but now I consider him Chris Iamnada. Or Chris Ia’intgotta. Or Chris I’mnotdraftabla. Or Piss Ugatz. I much prefer Hank Conger get the starting job, but that’ll likely happen when he’s traded away for five cents on the dollar. Oh, Sciosciapath. 2014 Projections: 43/13/50/.220/1
27. Kurt Suzuki – Suzuki Samurai + Cruising on the Jersey shore = Dank stench of Drakkar and high-haired ladies. Hey, that math worked out correctly! Has nothing to do with Kurt Suzuki’s production, but still. Then again, there is no such thing as production from Kurt Suzuki. 2014 Projections: 48/7/54/.232/3
28. John Jaso – I feel bad for dyslexics who think Jaso is the first catcher ranked. Then again that might mean they’ll try to draft Osaj, the Nigerian guy in accounting who always brings the most interesting food into the break room. What do you have today, Osaj? A meat pie? 2014 Projections: 44/6/52/.260/3
