Will Grey poop on? ¬†Not this DeJong! ¬†But, c’mon, we just have to look at Paul DeJong for one brief moment:
Dude looks like he owns a pair of Opti-Grab glasses. ¬†Some things that sound like they’d be said to the guy in that picture: ¬†“Um, Paul, why are you walking a lizard on a leash?” ¬†“Paul, you shouldn’t sit three inches from the TV.” ¬†“So, you say you’ve been frozen in that gaze for six months? ¬†Hmm, have you tried a cup of coffee?” ¬†“Paul, are you wearing those glasses with open eyes and are really sleeping?” ¬†“Paul, I’m happy you got laid, but that was two months ago, can you lose the shit-eating grin?” ¬†Seriously, I can go on all day. ¬†“Paul, buddy, you’ve been out of the water for twenty minutes and the shark is still biting your arm.” ¬†Okay, done now. ¬†This week Paul DeJong had four homers and has 14 homers in 50 games. ¬†That’s almost as goofy as his grin. ¬†Buy him right now! ¬†Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Wilmer Flores – 1st base waivers was stacked early in the season. ¬†Then we pulled out Matt Adams, Mark Reynolds, Travis Shaw, Smoak, Bellinger, Bour, Morrison, Thames and now we’re left with a pile of Jenga blocks on the table, while holding a block that reads, “Wilmer.”
Cory Spangenberg – Is it just me or when you see his last name do you think of the girl from Bosom Buddies and Back to the Future? ¬†She’s dead, twelve years now. ¬†Wow, this is a Wendie Jo bummerberg.
Maikel Franco – Something I don’t mention enough that I have mentioned before, in deep leagues, there’s an actual benefit to having guys on terrible teams. ¬†Sure, Maikel’s been struggling on and off for four months, but the Phils have all but no choice to play him.
Matt Chapman – This guy is one middle name away from killing a national icon and pleading not guilty by reason of insanity.
Yoan Moncada – He’s fun to watch. ¬†No foolsies, watch him sometime. ¬†His first home run off Arrieta was a shot to deep center that looked effortless. ¬†I’d GIF you right here, but I’m being lazy.
Marcus Semien – Instead of licking the postage stamps, they could’ve just used Semien. ¬†Oh, like you haven’t!
Lewis Brinson – Of course, I’ve given you a Lewis Brinson fantasy, but rather than link to it, I’ll give you this other thing I just said, “‘Hey, Grey, all-knowing, sayer of soothes, Brinson, Bader, Devers, Moncada, rookie diarrhea, blabba, blabba bloo.’ ¬†Devers has upside, but has Nunez; Bader may be gone when Fowler or Piscotty return; Brinson‚Äôs likely here unless he bombs out, though could split time with Phillips. ¬†Though, Part II: ¬†Really Though, Phillips looks completely lost; finally, Moncada has the most upside, downside and least playing time concerns.” ¬†And that’s me quoting me!
Randal Grichuk – He’s burned us before with his strikeouts, and he will burn us again, because he’s about as all or nothing as they come. ¬†It’s a shame he can’t correct that part of his game even in the slightest, because he could be a 35-homer, 10-steal guy if he struck out less than 30% of the time.
Manuel Margot – I realize it’s a sickness that has me already dreaming about drafting Margot super late next year. ¬†They say admitting the problem is the first step, though, I’d argue having a problem is the first step.
Derek Fisher – Just now realizing that Fisher wasn’t included in my rookie vomit above in the Brinson blurb. ¬†There’s a simply reason for that, I don’t see the Astros playing Fisher a lot unless there’s some serious injuries. ¬†Too much on the line right now for the Astros. ¬†Their time is now. ¬†Hey, if I included some F-bombs in that, I’d sound like the coach in Last Chance U. ¬†I don’t watch football, but I will say football has better TV shows than baseball. ¬†Friday Night Lights vs. Pitch? ¬†Oy.
Brad Hand – Too bad she’s spoken for by a different major league pitcher, because a match of Brad Hand and Kate Upton would be a match made in swimsuit cover heaven. ¬†Of course, with Brad Hand, the first D would be silent, while you can’t ever silent Kate Upton’s Ds.
Blake Treinen – The guy who drafted Treinen and Dyson in March and then fell into a coma, just woke, “Hey, I’m getting saves from both of these guys still? ¬†Awesome! ¬†How’s the Syndergaard, Bumgarner, Tanaka, Gausman, Cueto pitching staff treating me? ¬†Guys? ¬†Why won’t anyone answer me?”
Tyler Clippard – Seems the likeliest candidate for saves on the south side of Chicago. ¬†At least that’s the way Rick Renteria seems to be leaning. ¬†By the way, if I owned a cheap hotel that allowed long-term renters, I’d call it a Renteria.
Sean Doolittle – He’s been a mess so far for the Nats, and I’m not even sure why Ryan Madson isn’t getting saves. ¬†Why don’t we have a concrete answer on who their closer is? ¬†I’ll give you one reason, rhymes with Crusty Maker.
Jharel Cotton – Stream-o-Nator calls are sad this weekend, kinda like the calls it made last week to the Chamber of Commerce, trying to get its home designated a landmark so tourists will come by to say hi.
Clayton Kershaw – Okay, hear me out. ¬†We know he’s going to be out for a few weeks. ¬†How many weeks? ¬†Well, there’s the pickle, Vlasic. ¬†The Dodgers are cruising with the top down, Puig catcalling honeys, A-Gon saying, “Hey, guys, can we put up the roof? ¬†I’m getting tan and looking more Hispanic than I like,” Seager’s bedding the honeys Puig’s calling and just an overall swell time. ¬†Why are they pitching Kershaw? ¬†To get him ready for the playoffs, that’s the only reason. ¬†At no point am I saying Kershaw won’t be good when he returns, but he might throw all of 30 innings here and there just to prepare for the ‘offs. ¬†Would I trade Kershaw for a tour of Bud Selig’s toupee closet? ¬†No, but I would explore options.