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A.J. Pollock, 2016 Fantasy Schmohawk

February 24, 2016 | Fantasy Baseball Overrated | 288 Comments

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How many Pollocks does it take to hit 20 homers, steal 39 bases and bat .315?  200 billion Pollocks.  One, A.J. Pollock, to hit, and 199,999,999,999 Pollocks to run real fast to make the earth spin.  Pollock’s year in fifteen-after-twenty couldn’t have went any better.  On our Player Rater, he was the 2nd best outfielder behind Bryce Harper and in front of Mike Trout.  Yes, that Mike Trout.  The fish oiliest of them all.  If you owned Pollock last year, you are a Serbian who purchased a Polish person at a flea market or you are a fantasy baseballer that enjoyed one of the best seasons of recent memory.  Either way, you’d be more than happy with the Pollock’s output.  Value-wise, things couldn’t have been much better.  When I called him a sleeper last year, I foresaw great things, but even I couldn’t have imagined greatness that hadn’t been achieved by a Pollock since Ivan Putski.  That’s why it’s real sucky that we’re not all drafting for 2015 again.  Think of the advantage we’d have knowing what players would do!  (Sadly, if we got together today and drafted a 12-team league for last year, eleven of us would still lose.  Talk about depressing.  Even more depressing, all twelve people drafting would think they’d win easily.)  This is one of the biggest mistakes people make each year.  Forget Aaron Hicks or Adam Eaton, let’s all draft guys that were good last year.  I mean, how wrong can we go with that?  Honestly, you won’t go that wrong, but you won’t go that right either.  It’s a good way to find yourself right to the middle of your league with Malcolm and Monie Love.  Anyway, what can we expect from A.J. Pollock for 2016 fantasy baseball and what makes him overrated?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Yahoo’s 2016 Fantasy Baseball Rankings Ranklings

February 23, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Baseball Draft | 285 Comments

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I have no idea if anyone at ESPN actually ranks people.  There’s talk of it.  Like, “Yo, Clara Bell, you do your rankings yet?”  Then Cockcroft makes farting noises with his armpit.  However, all I ever see is consensus rankings.  I have to figure out how to do this “consensus” thing.  Talk about a nice way to avoid taking any blame for anything.  “Hey, man, sorry about Andrew McCutchen being ranked so high this year, but these are ‘consensus’ rankings.”  Let’s turn to a conversation between two random fantasy baseballers.  “Cockcroft has said he doesn’t like Cano this year.”  “But ESPN has him 36th overall.”  “Yeah, doesn’t apply when talking about Cockcroft.”  “So, when does it apply?”  “No idea.” Then heads explode.  Consensus rankings are done by committee.  Only thing ever done better by committee is jerk seasoning.  Now, while you might think ESPN’s rankings have a ton of jerk seasoning, they are just an indecipherable mess.  But why bring up all of this when I’m about to take a blowtorch to Yahoo’s 2016 fantasy baseball rankings?  Thanks for asking, clunky expositional question!  Yahoo has consensus rankings, but they also show their work.  Each ‘pert is accounted for in their rankings.  This is already much better than ESPN.  You can at least see what Pianowski, Funston, Behrens and Triple D are thinking individually.  This, of course, doesn’t mean I agree with all of their rankings, but at least I can point to how they came to their consensus.  Anyway, here’s where my 2016 fantasy baseball rankings differ from the 2016 Yahoo fantasy baseball rankings:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

ESPN’s 2016 Fantasy Baseball Rankings, Don’t Kill My Vibe

February 22, 2016 | Uncategorized | 247 Comments

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Our 2016 Razzball Commenters Leagues are in full signup mode.  I even heard there were a few people from Anonymous that signed up!  They said, “To the world, I’m anonymous, just another white man who sits in parking lots with binoculars watching women.”  Man, that Anonymous guy is depressing!  As we always do about this time, I eviscerate the haters and complicators!  I eviscerate the not-knowers and the over-knowers!  I eviscerate the ESPN goers and the garden hoers!  I overuse a word like eviscerate that I just learned!  I am the Fantasy Master Lothario (don’t abbreviate it) and I’ve come for your children.  See, because blog writing doesn’t pay so well, I’m taking a second job as a bus driver, so I’m here for your kids.  Like a baller!  A shot caller!  A “I’m outside of Hot Topic at the maller!”  My eviscerating (I’m conjugating my new word!) today comes at the expense of ESPN and their 2016 fantasy baseball rankings.  To the tune of Kendrick Lamar’s Bitch, Don’t Kill My Vibe.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Best 2016 Fantasy Baseball Team

February 19, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Baseball Draft | 256 Comments

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So the title is a bit of a superlative.  What was I gonna say, “The Mostly Kinda Good Fantasy Baseball Team?”  You’ll get over your scoffing, I have faith in you.  This is the best 2016 fantasy baseball team that I can put together when drafting from my top 100 for 2016 fantasy baseball and top 500 for 2016 fantasy baseball.  Honestly, I could draft another 25 teams from those lists, and they’d all be different, but equally terrific… Well, one of the twenty-five would only be sorta terrific, but it would be really hard to tell which one that is.  If I took Carlos Correa in the 1st round, everything after would change.  If I took Arenado in the 1st round, everything after would change.  I’ve previously gone over my 2016 fantasy baseball draft prep for the first few rounds and pitchers pairings.  For this exercise, I’m taking Mike Trout first, because, well, I have him first overall.  Until pick 100, I’m taking one guy somewhere in every fifteen picks.  It would be nice if I was in a league where someone drafted Arrieta and Kershaw in the first two rounds and I was able to take Anthony Rizzo in the 2nd round (which is possible), but since Trout and him are in my first 10 picks, according to the rules I’ve set up for myself, I can’t take them both.  Then, as we all know, once you get into the 100s, there’s wide gaps between ADP and where players are actually taken.  People tend to look at team need over value.  So for this exercise, once I get to pick #101, I’m going to pick two players every twenty picks.  Finally, because there is so much latitude in the last 300, I gave myself free reign to fill up my team.  Throughout the draft, I also gave myself the ability to reach to a lower draft pick, but not reach forward.  Or reach around, if you’re feeling frisky.  It should still be my ideal team… Or not.  Let’s see, shall we?  Bee tee dubya, this team is 5×5, one catcher, 5 OFs, MI, CI, 1 UT, 9 P, 3 bench, just like the Razzball Commenter Leagues (Go sign up or start a league).  Anyway, here’s the best 2016 fantasy baseball team:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

2016 Fantasy Baseball Draft Prep, Pairings

February 18, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Baseball Draft | 196 Comments

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Here’s a post that’s gonna make you wanna slap ya mama and tell her Don Magic Juan sends his best.  The other day I told you how to draft your pitchers for 2016 fantasy baseball.  I laid it out to you nice and simple (if you have a degree in “What The Hell Is Grey Talking About?” Not a PhD, mind you.  Just a BS.)  Today, we forget all that jabberwocky on the who-ha and get down to business old school-style (which means if you don’t comprehend, I will hit you over the head with a baseball bat signed by Joe Clark.)  What I’m hoping to lay out to you is who do you draft 2nd if you’ve drafted so and so first.  I think it might be helpful to go through pairings for your 5 outfielders, all your middle and corner infielders too.  I’m not sure I’ll have the time or patience to do them.  We’ll see!  Or not.  Your choice.  (Actually, my choice.)  For easy reference, the royal we will be using the top 10 for 2016 fantasy baseball and the top 20 for 2016 fantasy baseball and the beginning of the top 100 for 2016 fantasy baseball. I’m going to assume you’re in a 12 team, 5×5, MI, CI, 5 OF, 1 Utility, 1 Catcher league, similar to our Razzball Commenter Leagues. (Go join one now. Or join two.  Or three.)  Anyway, here’s some pairings for the first two rounds of 2016 fantasy baseball drafts:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

2016 Fantasy Baseball Draft Prep, Pitchers Pairings

February 17, 2016 | Fantasy Baseball Draft Strategy, Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 205 Comments

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For these pitcher pairings, I’m going to be using our (my) 2016 fantasy baseball rankings.  Notably, the top 20 starters for 2016 fantasy baseball, top 40 starters for 2016, top 60 starters for 2016 and the top 80 starters for 2016.  You can also just go to our Fantasy Baseball War Room.  Okay, formalities out of the way.  *rolls up sleeves, makes farting noise with hand under armpit, rolls down sleeve*   Let’s get busy!  Now, what is a pitcher pairing?  It’s your plan for putting together a fantasy staff.  A course of action.  If you have A pitcher, which B, C, D, E and F pitcher goes with him?  Which is different than ‘F this pitcher,’ that’s what you say in May.  You should have six starters.  The sixth starter is Aaron Sanchez or take whoever you want.  I suggest an upside pick.  Sanchez comes to mind.  Or Vincent Velasquez.  Daniel Norris also comes to mind.  I’m going to assume you’re in a 12 team, 5×5 and some variation of 9 pitcher leagues like the Razzball Commenter Leagues.  Speaking of which, the RCL league signups began on Monday, go sign up for a league. (NOTE: What you are about to read is massively confusing.  If it were found scribbled in a notebook, the FBI would be watching me.  If Charles Manson stood up and read this at the next prison Meet N’ Greet, no one would blink an eye.)  Anyway, here’s pitcher pairings for pitching staffs for 2016 fantasy baseball drafts:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Fantasy Baseball War Room Is Back

February 16, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Baseball Draft | 236 Comments

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By the title, I’m referring to the return of the Fantasy Baseball War Room.  I’m not saying the Fantasy Baseball War Room is back, as in, is a butt.  So, if Sir Mix-A-Lot is reading, I’m truly sorry for the confusion.  Our Fantasy Baseball War Room is one part draft tool, one part fantasy team evaluator, one part fantasy junkie’s s’s and g’s tool, one part holy, two parts smokes, three parts… How many parts is that so far?  Cause it’s only really seven parts total.  I think there’s one part kill-your-day-with-this-war-room-thing-a-maboob in there too.  After you’re done signing up for a Razzball Commenter League (oh, just sign up already!), this is the next step.  Practice with building a team.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

2016 Razzball Commenter Leagues

February 15, 2016 | Our Leagues | 278 Comments

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Happy Presidents Day, or as it will be known next year, King Trump Day.  Since you’ve got the day off from that job you tell your wife you’re going to every day only to sit in the car beneath an underpass where they filmed 97% of last year’s True Detective, why not get your fantasy on?  Not your fantasy where it’s you and that girl from high school in a tub of Alphabet Soup!  That fantasy baseball fantasy!  Because you know what would be really cool?  If you could join a fantasy baseball league that was against, like, 1000 other fantasy baseball teams. But not a 1000-person league, where people are trying to figure out who the back-up third baseman is on the Single-A Astros affiliate, the Corpus Christi Amscrayers.  No, this is a 12-person league designed so you compete against eleven other people in your league, then 90 other leagues of twelve.  That would be cool.  Oh, wait, we’ve done that.  It’s called the Razzball Commenter Leagues, and they’re back, and you don’t even have to be a commenter to join it!  For a limited time only, get your loved one a fantasy baseball league!  That’s right, your hearts go pitter-patter or you’re dead on the inside (my condolences).  Since back in June when you abandoned your fantasy baseball team because it was totally sucking and you returned to your cubbyhole of leftover Chinese food and Teddy Grahams, you’ve longed for this day.  As Bob Marley sang, this is your redemption song, mon.  Or womon, for our five girl readers.  It’s time again to join some fantasy baseball leagues. Before you close all of your extraneous porn windows and rush to sign up, let’s explain how these fantasy baseball leagues are going to work.  We’re going to have a bunch of leagues and crown a winner from each, then we’re going to crown ONE winner from all of the winners.  We will be crowning the winner by taking each team’s points and multiplying it against a ‘league competitiveness factor.’  If you want to see how it worked last year, go here.  (You’ll see a name up there that you might recognize as the eighth best — ME!)  So we’re going to fill up as many fantasy leagues as we can for the next seven weeks.  Each fantasy baseball league will be a mixed league, 12 team, snake draft, roto, 5×5, 5 OFs, one Middle Infielder, one Corner Infielder, one Utility, 9 pitchers, 20 game eligibility, 180 Games Started max, 1000 IP minimum. Like last year, we will again be going with TWO DL SLOTS. The only things you need to change from the default settings is the 180 Games Started and the TWO DL SLOTS.  Please be vigilant about having the exact same league rules and setup as everyone else. The lineup is also known as:  C/1B/2B/SS/3B/CI/MI/5 OF/UTIL/9 P/3 BENCH/2 DL with 180 Games Started and 1000 IP minimum.  The fantasy leagues will be played in ESPN and they will be free to join.

We’re going to start with twenty leagues of 12 and see how we do from there. To join a league… Sorry, again for the people in the back of the room:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Top 500 for 2016 Fantasy Baseball

February 12, 2016 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 311 Comments

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A mere year ago this was a top 400 for fantasy baseball.  A mere few years ago before those years ago, this was a top 300 for fantasy baseball.  Before that, it was 16 AD and I was rolling with Jesus to this deli that had great matzoh ball soup.  In a few years from now, this is going to be a top 10,000 and I’m going to be ranking Mike Trout Jr. Jr. Jr. the 15th. Today, in this year, sixteen after twenty, comes the top 500 for 2016 fantasy baseball.  Flippin’, right?  Or as I like to call it, from Mike Trout A to chimpanzee.  Actually, I don’t like to call it that.  So, this post isn’t meant to send shockwaves through your system.  The pipe cleaner that the doctor uses to get the clogged Cheeto out of your artery is meant for that.  This is simply to give you an idea of where guys are ranked in relation to other positions.  I.e., you know I like Jean Segura better than Ketel Marte, according to the top 20 shortstops, but do I like Segura better than Lucas Duda?  Okay, it’s not that simply.  You’ll notice towards the last top hundred there’s a ton of pitchers clumped together and a ton of outfielders.  I might be the only fantasy baseball ‘pert to tell you this, but it doesn’t matter where, say, Yangervis Solarte is ranked vs. Rick Porcello.  If you need a pitcher, Solarte isn’t going to help you.  He can be ranked 75 spots in front of Porcello and it doesn’t matter.  That’s why I have the 2016 fantasy baseball rankings broken down by positions.  If you need a 2nd baseman, where Scooter Gennett is vs. Kolten Wong matters, but where Scooter vs. Jay Bruce really doesn’t matter.  Also, there’s no comments about players, which you really should know prior to drafting.  In other words, Mark Trumbo might be in the early 100s overall, but am I drafting him?  Well, you’d know if you read the top 20 1st basemen.  There’s also a top 100 for 2016 fantasy baseball to help you.  Along shortly will be a Fantasy Baseball War Room and a pitchers pairing tool.  Anyway, here’s the top 500 for 2016 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Top 100 for 2016 Fantasy Baseball

February 11, 2016 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 328 Comments

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One word about this top 100 for 2016 fantasy baseball, before I give you another 5,000 words.  I’m going to avoid repeating myself from the position rankings in the 2016 fantasy baseball rankings.  If you want to know my in-depth feelings about a player, then you need to go to his positional page, i.e., the top 20 1st basemen for 2016 fantasy baseball, the top 20 2nd basemen for 2016 fantasy baseball, the top 20 Gucci handbags for 2016– Ah, I almost got you.  This post is meant to give you an idea where guys from different positions are in relation to each other.  Since this post is only the top 100, there’s more players where this came from.  400 or so, to be inexact.  Next up, there will be a top 500.  Then after that there will be a top 7,500, then a top 25,000, then a top 600,000, until we end up with a top kajillion in April.  Or maybe I’ll stop at the top 500.  Yeah, that makes sense.  Not to get all biblical on you, but this is the gospel.  Print it out and take it to Mt. Sinai and it will say, “Win your 2016 fantasy baseball league, young prematurely balding man.”  Projections were done by me and a crack team of 100 monkeys fighting amongst themselves because there were only 99 typewriters.  Somebody please buy Ling-Ling his own typewriter!  Anyway, here’s the top 100 for 2016 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Top 100 Starters for 2016 Fantasy Baseball

February 10, 2016 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 137 Comments

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If I told you this post ends our position 2016 fantasy baseball rankings, would you believe me?  What if I told you it while holding your mom’s hand while calling you son, would you believe it more or less?  Man, you got issues!  So, yes, this is the end of our positional rankings, but I’ll be along tomorrow with a top 100 and then a top 500.  That’s right, 500!  Like a baller!  There’s also our Steamer projections for all hitters and pitchers.  All of the fantasy baseball auction values are also up for over 1500 players.  There’s a ton of different formats located there too, like the 5×5 OBP rankings, 6×6 OBP rankings, 6×6 Holds and a ton more.  All of my 2016 fantasy baseball rankings are there.  My tiers and projections are noted in this post.  Anyway, here’s the top 100 starters for 2016 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Top 80 Starters for 2016 Fantasy Baseball

February 9, 2016 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 209 Comments

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With the top 80 starters for 2016 fantasy baseball, we are so close to the end of the rankings I can almost taste it!  Wait, that’s not rankings I taste, I bit my lip and it’s blood.  I wonder if when Dracula bites his lip it’s like when Cougs goes out with her friends and I’m left at home while Emmanuelle is on Cinemax.  You might say to yourself, “Self, everyone is totally fooled by my toupee and do I really need to draft starters this deep in my friendly 12-team mixed league?”  You don’t, except you will own guys from this post this year either from the draft or from waivers or your leaguemates will own them and beat you.  Last year, in the tier of pitchers I liked in the top 80 starters was Wacha, Carlos Martinez and Heaney.  They had an ERA of 3.26 in 467 IP.  You put three guys like that together with, say, Kluber and Rodon and you have all the pitching you need.  Or team three starters like that with Hamels and Corbin or Ventura and Lester.  I’ll go over exactly how to draft starters in a few days, but there are so many ways to skin a cat we should have PETA breathing down our necks.  All the 2016 fantasy baseball rankings are there.  My tiers and projections are noted.  Anyway, here’s the top 80 starters for 2016 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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