This never should have happened, but do you remember a time when Gangnam Style was cool? It’s hard to remember, I know, but I’m talking about the dark ages of 2012; the same year Jeremy Hellickson was last an effective pitcher. Following a disastrous 2013 campaign, Hellickson underwent offseason surgery, and tonight will be his third start off the DL. Against very mediocre competition (BOS and KC), he’s looked rusty (as expected), and I don’t think he’ll get his groove back against the Angels, who are probably my favorite stack of the night. Los Angeles of Anaheim of California of Earth has struggled to put up runs recently, but I expect an outburst at the Trop. So, feel free to take a hit off my stack pipe, but if you’re chicken, see below for some other players who gon’ do the damn thing.
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Chris Sale, SP: $12,600 – If you choose to fade Sale, I fart in your general direction. But thanks, I’d like his ownership percentage to remain as low as possible. It’s pretty simple. Sale just dropped 41.8 DK points in Minnesota on 7/26, but this game is on the stab-happy Southside, where he holds a 12.43 K/9 and 2.32 xFIP. The Twins average the second-most strikeouts per game on the road (8.96), and they’ve hit the 5-run mark merely once in the last 13 games.
Justin Verlander, SP: $6,500 – It’s tempting to pair Sale with one of the other big SP names tonight, but I’m going to pray Verlander won’t turn out as fool’s gold against Colorado in the Motor City. The Rockies are total schwag on the road, averaging the fifth-most strikeouts (8.49) and the third-fewest runs per game (3.57). Verlander is shady for sheezy, but he’s spun a QS in 5 of his last 7 outings, therefore … ugh … I’m going to roll the dice in GPP formats.
Caleb Joseph, C: $2,000 – I’ve punted at catcher more than a lingerie football team punts when playing the Seahawks, and it’s been Joseph who I’ve turned to most. He’s scored at least 5 DK points in 5 of his last 6 games and is on the right side of the platoon versus Roenis Elias (LHP).
Adrian Gonzalez, 1B: $4,300 – His ISO is a robust .205 at home against RHP, and 14 of his 15 HR were launched off the delivery of northpaws (can we call them that?). Here’s a fun fact: the Cubs’ Kyle Hendricks is a righty, and he is incredibly unproven on the road (4 ER in only 6 career IP). I also deem the Dodgers to be stack-worthy. Blessed.
Jose Altuve, 2B: $4,900 – Out of respect, I’m going to keep this short. Oh sh*t! I didn’t mean it that way, Jose! Anyways, Altuve’s triple slash at home versus LHP is redonk. Are you ready? OK, it’s .464/.483/.536 … schwing! Now, go change your underwear.
Chris Taylor, SS: $2,400 – He’s averaged 9 DK points over the last three games and is hitting second for Seattle. That’s good enough for me. But Taylor gets extra warm ‘n fuzzy for being on the righteous side of the platoon versus Wei-Yin Chen (LHP), which translates to, Why I Pitch?
Justin Upton, OF: $4,900 – People are afraid of PETCO Park, but Upton is very familiar with its surroundings from his days with the Diamondbacks. In 43 career games, he owns a .919 OPS, and the Padres are rolling out Eric Stults (LHP), who sucks-a-bunch (1.63 HR/9).
Adam Jones, OF: $4,800 – If you don’t recall, back in 2008, Seattle sent Jones to Baltimore in exchange for Erik Bedard … oops! Jones’ three-year splits against the Mariners show a 1.013 OPS (feel the burn!), and he’s slugging .702 at home versus southpaws, who he flat-out owns regardless of what stadium he’s in.
Ender Inciarte, OF: $2,700 – You don’t know who this is?! It’s all good, because neither do I. Well, he appears to be the new leadoff hitter for the D-Backs, and he stole 43 bases in the minors last year. Nabbing someone at the top of the order for this price is smooth criminal.
I’m Only Happy When It Rains
There are decent chances of rain for SEA/BAL, PHI/WAS, COL/DET, and I guess MIN/CHW. None of these games are in danger of complete washout, and at worst, we might be looking at a delayed start or two. As always, keep tabs on Mama Nature leading up to the deadline. Hopefully, this wasn’t your favorite part of the article.
Doing Lines in Vegas (8-12-2 overall)
I’m taking the overs in SEA/BAL (8) and ATL/SD (7) – easy money.