SAT Question: Albert Pujols is to a fractured forearm as Justin Morneau is to playing every day in 2011 and you can’t take him out of your lineup. Only thing worse for Cardinal fans is if Don Denkinger announced Pujols’s fractured forearm while wearing a Wilson Betemit jersey. We never get Pujols in any leagues. I mean, never. This year, we thought we’d go against common practice and pay for him in one league. It’ll take away some money we have for the rest of our team, but at least we’ll have Pujols. *standing in the pouring rain, shaking fist at the sky* Come get some, Fantasy Overlord! So, unfortunately, the slap on Albert’s forearm was harder than the law gave to Tony La Russa when he DUI’d and Pujols will be out for at least 6 weeks. (They’re saying 4-6 weeks, but that’s optimistic.) Looks like Jon Jay, the Federalist, will get more time. Well, why didn’t you say that?! That makes everything better! *sticks head in oven* Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
David Freese – Returns next week. If he’s on waivers, now would be as good a time as any to pick him up. Or now. Or now. Or…Well, you get the picture.
Adrian Gonzalez – Francona said A-Gone might play some outfield during interleague play. A-Gon’s got the outfield range of a Johnny Damon throw. The Red Sox are going to mitigate his poor range by giving him a really big glove.
Andrew Miller – 5 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners (3 walks), 6 Ks. I should do lines in Vegas– Whoa, Charlie Sheen! This is a family show! Random Italicized Voice, I mean I should make betting lines for oddsmakers. I totally would’ve called this Miller line. He’s such a 5 to 6 inning pitcher with 3 to 4 earned runs and a lousy WHIP. (BTW, Sawx vs. Padres in Fenway? This is like S.D. Jones vs. Andre the Giant.)
Tim Hudson – 8 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 8 Ks. I was gonna write a post about interleague in regards to this, but I didn’t get a chance so here’s the short version. When a team doesn’t see a pitcher often, the pitcher has the advantage. An AL team loses a DH, advantage for the NL pitcher (and not just because Hudson pitchslapped Romero). They still have the play the games, and, as Morton showed last night, a terrible performance is terrible no matter the circumstances. Continued in the next blurb…
J.A. Happ – 2 2/3 IP, 5 ER in Arlington. Then you have an interleague matchup of a mediocre pitcher vs. a tough lineup in a hitters’ park and Happ happens.
Jose Bautista – 0-for-4, I know Bautista’s going to hit three bombs tonight because I’m about to write this, but in June — 1 homer and a .259 average. Last year, only 4 homers in June and a .179 average. Bautista did go back to the Smackdown in July.
Travis Wood – 7 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks. After the first inning where he gave up 4 runs, he settled down and stopped letting Volquez call his pitches.
Ivan Nova – 8 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks. He seems to have a great start then a terrible one. Maybe Nova is a star that suddenly becomes much brighter than normal and then gradually returns to its original brightness.
Mariano Rivera – 1 IP, 0 ER. Nothing to say here, but I was at my chiropractor yesterday — I’m so LA! (and I sit in front of my computer too much) — but I read a great article about cutters in Sports Illustrated from one or two weeks ago. I’d seek it out. Was about how so many pitchers are adopting the cutter. Hey, look, it’s like we’re in a book club!
Charlie Morton – 2 IP, 6 ER. He was walking between the raindrops for too long without getting wet. It was a nice ride, but now I’d bench or lose him in most leagues.
Jake Arrieta – 5 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks and a 4.50 ERA on the year. Yet, he has 9 wins. In other news, wins are stupid.
Juan Nicasio – 4 2/3 IP, 6 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks. The roofie as defined by the Razzball Glossary: A rookie pitcher who fails to deliver on their tremendous K potential and, instead, abuses your trust and violates your ERA and WHIP. Used in a sentence, “Doctor, last night Nicasio roofied me and now I’m peeing blood out of my rear.”
Carlos Santana – 3-for-4 with his 10th home run and third steal. It’s a slam and legs, and it’s easy to digest. The average is blehtastic at .237, but his OBP is fine and his BABIP shows he’s been a bit unlucky. He’s still just a catcher, but his end of the year numbers are gonna look decent.
Jason Giambi – 1-for-4 with his 7th home run. Giambi’s a decent interleague flyer if you’re in dire need for power in a deep league. Short term play though. BTW, I just totally spazzed myself out thinking about how Giambi’s having a better year than Morneau. I will now walk into traffic wearing a burlap sack.
Orlando Hudson – 3-for-4 with his first homer. I didn’t see it, but I’m guessing Pesky-fueled. O, you, dog.
Chase Headley – 4-for-5, and hitting near .500 in the last week. Wanna know why? Because he wants to hug you. No. That’s not why. Cause he’s away from Petco. This year — .336 in away games. .235 at home. In 2010, same shizz, different year.
Starlin Castro – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 2nd home run and 9th steal. I’m a bit embarrassed to say this because I have Castro on a bunch of teams, but I thought he had more homers. 2 homers? Really? Really, Seth Myers?
Clayton Kershaw – 9 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 11 Ks. I have a bit of a schoolgirl crush on him. That is all. (Unless he wants more. I’m totally open for that.)
James Loney – 3-for-4 and 6 for his last 11. Hitting over .290 for two straight months and– I’m sorry, I can’t get excited about him.
Ryan Braun – Missed yesterday’s game with a viral infection. Oy, someone make the Hebrew Hammer some matzoh ball soup.
Jeff Niemann – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks. I’m going to sound like an obstinate broken record here. But I don’t buy into Neimann at all. At all. At–
Evan Longoria – 2-for-5, 4 RBIs with his 6th home run and is hitting .237. So Pujols, Hanley, Wright, Longoria and Crawford are lured into The Octagon, who wants in first?
Leo Nunez – So spooked by strange noises in his hotel in Florida that he spent the weekend at his friend’s home. Some meddling kids figured out it was Robb Nen draped in a bed sheet.
Hanley Ramirez – New (<–ironic! (if I am using the word ironic correctly) manager, Jack McKeon, benched Hanley in his first game. The 80-year-old manager said, “In my day, bats were made out of particle board. They weighed 5 times a player’s body weight and you had to put them together with wood screws.” He continued, “Look, there’s no miracle elixir that can get us back into first…but McKendrick’s Revitalization Potion #7 never hurts!”
