Stephen Drew to postpone all ballroom dancing classes for six to nine months with a fractured ankle.  His wife Nancy isn’t gonna be happy.  More time for mystery solving!  If you haven’t seen the video of Stephen Drew, I’d wait for it on the big screen in Faces of Death:  The Drew Edition, which will also feature J.D. throwing out his back, knee, shoulder, back again and ‘pulling up short.’  We probably won’t see Stephen again this year, so it’s fine to drop him.  In his place, Cody Ransom, Quad-A/futility infielder.  He has 25 homers in Triple-A this year, and 9 homers in about ten years of on again/off again major league service.  You can probably do better.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Wilson Betemit – Castaway Wilson got volleyed to the Tigers yesterday.  Betemit has never received any modicum of respect in his major league career, if I’m using the word modicum correctly.  For the longest time, the Royals would drop the boom with prospect after prospect and Betemit would be MOS — ‘Mit Out Starting job — but now Betemit will take over 3rd base.  Brandon Inge must feel Blind Sided by this.  Maybe he should call Sandra Bullock or Big Mike to campaign for him.  Every bone in your body tells you you shouldn’t own Betemit, but why are you listening to bones?  Is that some voodoo shizz?  If you’re struggling with your corner infidel in deep mixed leagues, Betemit could provide some pop and average.  Of course, don’t drop anyone too worthwhile for him.  Still no respect!

Casper Wells – This was what Leyland said when he sent Wells down, “It’s a crying shame.  He doesn’t deserve to go down.  This one hurts because the kid has done a hell of a job.”  Apparently, the only thing harder than giving up Casper is giving up tobacco.  If only there was a Casper Wells patch!

Duane Below – 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 2 Ks.  He’s a pretty mediocre AL-Only option with a bleh K-rate in the minors.  Plus, Duane Below sounds like a What’s Happening episode where Raj and Rerun lost their friend’s hair pick.  Hey HEY….sob….hey.

Carlos Gomez – Broke his collar bone and will be out for a while.  Maybe Lastings Milledge can work “poppin’ collars like Carlos Gomez” into a song.

Dan Haren – 4 1/3 IP, 7 ER.  I thought we had a deal that someone was going to sneak into Haren’s room and turn the calender back to June?

Clayton Kershaw – 8 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 12 Ks.  He looked better than Lincecum, in both a straight and gay way.

Javy Guerra – Has six straight saves, an ERA of 2.18 and a perma-smile like the Joker.

Andre Ethier – Has 9 homers, zero steals and a .299 average.  Johnny Damon would be embarrassed by that line.

Dustin Ackley – 2-for-4 with his 4th homer in 26 games since he’s been called up.  He’s almost surely going to be overrated next year.  Damn you, half empty glass.

Chris Narveson – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Next, he gets the Cubs, then the Astros twice.  That’s a yes, please and thank you.

Jason Vargas – 3 IP, 5 ER.  How very JV of him.  Two straight bad starts, two reasons he should no longer be on your team.

Adam Dunn – Out with knee problems.  Ironically, this year his fantasy owners were forced to take a knee.

John Danks – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Solid start in his return from the Disabled List.  Or as Ozzie calls it, the Puta List.

Brad Lidge – Due back from rehab on Friday.  I’d make sure he comes with return postage for when he gets hurt again.  He won’t be the closer immediately, but the Phils merry-go-round closerousel could pick up in August.

Antonio Bastardo – Charlie Manuel hinted that Bastardo could remain the closer.  I hope Madson enjoyed screwing Charlie Manuel’s daughter (I imagine she looks like Cletus from The Simpsons with boobs) because for some reason he’s in the dog house again.  Or maybe Manuel was saying Madson would be the closer, but calling him a bastardo.

Vance Worley – 8 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks.  He’d be cooler if his name was Van Swirley.  Last time Worley pitched well, I said he shouldn’t be pitching this well, but you should pick him up until he stops pitching this well.  Well, well, well…

Jimmy Rollins – 3-for-5, 4 runs, 3 RBIs and 2 homers.  The Cubs were mowed down by Philly — back again! — with a little east coast swing by the J, the I, the M, the M, the Y, y’all!

Michael Martinez – 2-for-5 with 2 steals.  Probably won’t hit over .240 but he has some speed and is playing while Polanco receives an epidural.  Betcha Polanco wishes he chose natural childbirth.

Ryan Dempster – 3 IP, 6 ER as Dempster goes back to the dumpster.

Edwin Encarnacion – 3-for-5, 4 runs, a home run and two steals.  Encarnacion goes through stretches where he gets crazy hot.  Right now, hitting near .450 in the last week with three steals and a homer and 17 for his last 40.  He’s a hot schmotato, ya’ll.

Travis Snider – 2-for-4, 5 RBIs and a home run.  Really shouldn’t be on waivers in any leagues at this point.

Jayson Werth – 3-for-5, and his 11th home run.  According to RCL updater, VinWins, Duffy’s Irish Pub in Washington, D.C. is matching beer prices to Jayson Werth’s average.  3 hits yesterday raised the price to $2.18.  For where I live (Los Angeles), a bar could match Ruth’s lifetime slugging percentage and be a good deal.

Lonnie Chisenhall – 2-for-4 and a home run.  Or as someone on Sportscenter probably said, Lonnie went gonnie.

Freddy Garcia – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks.  When I see Garcia’s season ERA at 3.21, I get as incredulous as De Niro when Spider talks back to Pesci.

Eduardo Nunez – 1-for-3 with 2 steals.  Now has 13 steals on the year (and 13 errors and 13 strikeouts and 13 times he’s name dropped Jeter to try and get laid).

Joe Nathan – 1 IP, 1 ER.  Still recorded the save, but it’s worth noting he gave up a run.  And noted.

Johnny Cueto – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Now has a season ERA of 1.98 as he went against Jeff Karstens (7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 1 K) and his 2.28 ERA.  To think we paid 20-something dollars for Gallardo in March… Cust frustrated.

Chase D’Arnaud – Now has 7 errors in 21 games played.  More like Chase D’Ball.

Jacoby Ellsbury – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs with his 14th and 15th home runs.  Member when I said in April Ellsbury and Gardner were the same player?  I kill myself sometimes.  Literally, I’m sticking my head in the oven.

Ricky Nolasco – 1 1/3 IP, 9 ER vs. the Padres.  San Diego bats haven’t been used this much since Cinco de Mayo.  Not sure if candy came out of Nolasco.

Will Venable – 2-for-4 with his 3rd homer as every hitter on the Padres got into the action.  San Diego’s offense yesterday was like Ralphie beating up Farkus.  Months of futility boiling up into an uncontrollable rage.  I just picture Jason Bartlett kicking and screaming, “Fickin’, shmikin…”

  1. Carlos Z has slurpees says:

    Picked up Nolasco for the spot start. Sorry everyone.

    Has anyone had a worse start all year?

  2. DrEasy says:

    Nolasco – More like Nolasto, amirite?

  3. I watched a couple of Worley’s recent starts, and I noticed that the dude throws about 95% straight fastballs, and 5% curveballs (which rarely hit the strike zone). So I agree, the bottom is gonna fall out hard with this guy. Guess you could say he will swirley his owners.

  4. K76154 says:

    Start Tommy Hanson @Col tomorrow?

  5. Wilsonian says:

    Starting the day off early with a few questions:

    1) Drop K-Rod for Lidge or Guerra? Dude is useless. No saves and gives up runs.

    2) Drop Pena for Snider for a utility position?

    3) regarding the Konerko deal, does your response of “cool” mean I should take it? Again, here’s the info: I give Lind/Krispie and get Quentin/Konerko.

    It weakens my OF a little (less movable parts unless I pick up Snider) but if Konerko is for real, my power department gets a boost.

    This would be the bottom of my lineup after the deal:

    OF – Kemp
    OF – J.Up
    OF – Quentin
    UTIL – Konerko
    UTIL – Pena
    BN – Andrus
    BN – Bourn

    Obviously could swap some in and out at UTIL.

  6. BlinkULDHC says:


    Don’t beat yourself up too much re: Ellsbury vs. Gardner….. I fought mildly hard trying to argue that Ellsbury and Brantley were nearly the same player production-wise back in May.

  7. BlinkULDHC says:

    (Ok, since this got no play in the other post)

    12-team, mixed, 5×5 H2H, all 8 hitting positions + 2 UTIL…..

    I traded Jay Bruce and Brennan Boesch for Josh Hamilton — who wins this trade?

    Line-up is now:

    C- Avila
    1B – Pujols
    2B – Espinosa
    3B – Beltre
    SS – H. Ramirez
    OF – Kemp
    OF – McCutchen
    OF – J. Hamilton
    UTIL – M. Stanton
    UTIL – Morse

    Before the trade, I had to bench Stanton, Morse, or Boesch every day.

  8. Frank D. says:


    Who is the better pick-up: Marmol or Guerra?

  9. Wilsonian says:

    Just wanted to point this out on Napoli. According to Yahoo, Napoli called his third shutout in his last four starts on Monday. The Rangers have allowed one run in Napoli’s last 37 innings behind the plate.

  10. KCC26 says:

    will uehara close this year?

  11. knighttown says:

    Damn Nolasco…made every effort to pick you up for a spot start and couldn’t arrange it because I had Danks I’d have to activate from the DL.

    Laziness 1-Effort 0

    After my morning coffee I’m feeling motivated again. Do I:

    1. Activate Danks and drop Dunn.
    2. Activate Danks, drop him, drop Dunn and add either Worley or Narveson for those upcoming sweet starts.
    3. Activate Danks, drop Vazquez.
    4. Drop Danks.

  12. knighttown says:

    A few dicey starts today. Who ya chuckin’:

    1. Vazquez vs. SD
    2. Greinke @ Ari
    3. Kennedy vs. Mil
    4. Chacin vs. Atl

  13. Salty Balty says:

    Two questions:

    (1) Do I start Chacin today? Nothing but love for Jhoulys, but he’s been pretty mediocre lately.

    (2) Drop E. Jackson or Harang for Narveson?


  14. Jack the Ripper says:

    Lost Drew. Who is my best option of the following (h2h pts league):
    M Scutaro
    B Wood
    I Desmond
    Y Betancourt
    C Barmes
    Mike Martinez
    M Fontenont
    B Ryan
    W Bloomquist
    C Ransom


  15. Scott says:

    Grey, 2 piece and a biscuit was intended to be Southern for 2 legs and a slam.

  16. Frank Rizzo says:

    Betemit….savior of Detroit hot corner hopes, breaker of Pooholes limbs, let me be one of the many Tiger fans to welcome you with open arms! With Inge’s .170 average it’s no surprise he got blind sided by this move. He shouldn’t even be allowed to drive with his poor vision.

    Hey, I feel bad for Casper Wells too, but where is he supposed to go? Singlio is starting to hit and get on base in front of Swiggy and V-Mart so unless Boesch tanks again, the Friendly Ghost needs to play down.

  17. Ari says:

    I was offered this trade:

    I get:
    Brett Gardner
    David Ortiz
    Phillip Humber
    Alex Ogando

    I give:
    Nelson Cruz
    Coco Crisp
    Johan Santana

    What do you think?

  18. Van Hagaar says:

    @Grey and anyone else: who’s the better option at UTIL in a H2H points league, Dom Brown or Snider?

  19. Randy BoBandy says:

    A Goodfellas AND A Christmas Story reference? Awesome!

  20. ThePoonTycoon says:

    “For where I live (Los Angeles), a bar could match Ruth’s lifetime slugging percentage and be a good deal.”

    ha, here in dc ruth’s lifetime slugging percentage is a good deal too. werth’s batting avg might entice me to leave the a/c this weekend.

  21. Doc Pounder says:

    Should I drop any of these for Narveson? Latos, Luebke, or Beachy?

  22. Robert says:

    Ralphie beating up Farkus. Nice one!

  23. Rob says:

    NL league plus Bos, Tor and Yanks

    Brandon Allen or Josh Reddick

  24. Oilcan Giuseppe says:

    Grey:as a Phillies fan,a Rollins owner,and most importantly a huge Micheal Bivens fan,I have to congradulate you on the Rollins post….priceless.

  25. Eddy says:

    Great title, Grey!

    Just read that Dunn would consider retiring if he continues his season-long slump. Kinda blows.

    But I guess for him it’s literally go big or go home.

  26. Dr Hocker says:

    Nolasco you dirty, rotten bastardo. Whiskey tango foxtrot-the guy is bi-polar. He can go into Wrigley with the wind blowing out and dominate–then go to a fly ball graveyard against a team with zero offense and……Ozzie would have called him puta and maricon by now.

    It says here that yesterday was Werth’s coming out party-beer prices will have sky rocketed to $2.40 by the end of August.

  27. Grey, you’ve always been like a father for me, except for my real father, and those times when I didn’t read this site, and also that you may not be much, if at all, older than me, but, nevertheless, I will take your advice to heart. I am thinking about dropping Valencia for Betemit. Is that wise?

  28. dingbat says:

    Is it worth offering Pence & Hardy to the guy who lost Stephen Drew in exchange for Ellsbury? I’ve got Jeter as a backup SS, and I need help in SB.

  29. ChiliDavisConCarne says:

    Grey et al:
    -I currently have Melky at an outfield spot, but Snider is available…make the swap?
    -Also, Adam Dunn blows. I’ve had the luxury of waiting for his turnaround due to a good playoff position. Worth waiting for it, or pickup a guy like Trumbo or D.Lee for Util?

  30. Eddy says:

    Looking ahead a few days to some Sunday starters. Whom do you prefer when you’re looking for Ks and W? ERA/WHIP aren’t really an issue.

    Porcello @MIN
    A.Cobb @KC
    F.Paulino v. TB
    Chatwood @BAL
    Wakefield v. SEA
    Guthrie v. LAA

  31. Eddy says:

    Btw, if Big Z is in the pool in any leagues, it’s worth giving him a shot @HOU, despite the 8 ER shellacking the Marlins gave him in his last start.

    He has a sub-3.00 ERA against them in over 30 GS.

  32. Rodger Dodger says:

    Grey, I have some real concerns about picking-up Narveson. Looking back over the season, I think I would have been roofied and sonavabenched more often that you’ve been this year with Liriano/Gallardo. And that Yoyo and Narveson (Yoyo-lite) pitch for the same flippin’ team is incredible! I want to believe in you here… but I think you’re playing with fire, my man. The one thing going for you is that both of his next two games are at home… where I think his past is slightly more optimistic… but that “home” is in Milwaukee… makes it more of a wash. Ugh… I think I better pull a Mr.B and just add Mujica to my bench or something. Ha! PS: Thanks for the constant mentioning of LADdy, Javvy. After several mentions, I finally looked him up and he was just sitting there on the wire. Just what the K-Rod owner needed.

  33. ichirosan says:

    I have been enduring Liriano’s shenanigans all year, and I thought picking up Nolasco a couple of weeks ago would be a good way to start fixing the damage to my ratios – and my psyche.

    It’ like you find your girlfriend is the town’s slut, so you go ahead and start dating someone else, only to find her burning your PS3 and your collection of baseball cards two weeks later.

    Is it good enough for a movie plot? Can’t we get Ryan Reynolds? Is he available?

  34. @ChiliDavisConCarne – I would drop Melk Man for Snider, but it’s probably only a slight upgrade.

  35. supra says:

    Chase D’Ball. Classic.

    Rank ROS: Perez, Hanrahan, Nathan Putz.

  36. busta says:

    Looking for 2 start pitcher next week:

    I have Buehrle: Det,Bos
    (on ww) Narveson: Cubs,Hou

    After typing this I think it’s no brainer for Narveson on matchups alone…right?

  37. busta says:

    Looking for DL stash that has a chance of doing something down the road…I own Sizemore but these guys are on ww:


  38. shibboleth says:

    Shields vs NY? I want to play it safe after yesterday’s Haren schtupping.

  39. Hi Grey — Would you start either or both of the pitchers in tonight’s ATL @COL game? Wouldn’t normally sit Hanson anywhere, and Chacin is good at home. But I’m in a tough ERA and WHIP battle and am right at the innings limit ….

    This is a 20-team roto league.

  40. Chris says:

    Better saves vulture hold – Uehara or Beato?

  41. Joel says:

    OK. Grey: this is a tough one in my 6×6 h2h league, and I really need your opinion. My closers are weak lately: I have paps, Farnsworth and feliz, and I’m definitely worried that Feliz is gonna be toast in a couple weeks when texas trades for his replacement. I can do the following trade: I give Berkman, Haren and scott baker, and get beltran, Shields and mariano.

    My other SPs are Hamels, Ubaldo, carpenter, Niese, Jonathan sanchez, Vazquez and Jeff Niemann. Would this trade leave me too weak in starting pitching? I’m really worried about both haren and Baker, so I’m considering the deal. THANKS!!

  42. Sam says:

    Posted too late in Grey’s previous post –

    You guys think Leo Nunez gets traded before the deadline? And if so, to somewhere where he’ll still be a closer? I need saves, but I don’t want to acquire a guy that’s gonna be a setup man within 2 weeks.

  43. Howard says:

    @Grey Got four matchups today:
    Greinke @ AZ
    CC @ TB
    Chacin vs ATL
    Niese vs StL

    I like em all. I sonavabenched Niese vs NYY last week so I’m willing to roll the dice. Your thoughts?

  44. Chinaski says:

    Hey Grey,

    Danks is activated so i have to drop a pitcher.
    Danks, Niemann, Beachy, Colon, Luebke, Santana, Scherzer…

    Its really a tough one. I dont want to drop Luebke nor Niemann. Luebke has been nothing but solid so far and someone (Niemann) who carves through the entire Yankee and Redsox lineup easily, doesnt deserve to be cut.

    What do you think? Who would you cut?


  45. stumanji says:

    Headline for when he gets sent back down: “Send the Duane Below”

  46. trying to make room on roster for another closer or Oswalt’s return from DL…..

    which two of these should I package for the adverb or Hamels and I assume you prefer the later:


  47. CK says:

    If I’m extrapolating Narv’s schedule correctly, his opponents are:
    7/26: Cubs
    7/31: Astros
    8/6: ‘Stros
    8/12: Pirates
    8/17: Dodgers
    8/22: Pirates
    8/28: Cubs
    9/3: ‘Stros
    9/8: Phils
    9/14: Rocks
    9/20: Cubs
    9/26: Pirates
    Is this the easiest 2nd half of a season ever? Even the Phillies aren’t a good offensive team (currently), only warning sign on there is the Rocks and at least that isn’t in ‘Rado. Seriously considering taking a flyer on Narv, but I need frickin Bastardo or Madson to (semi-) permanently take the closer role first.

  48. Sugar Tits says:

    Rasmus or Snider rest of way? Thanks

  49. Feeding the Abscess

    Feeding the Abscess says:

    Good news: Vazquez is throwing 92 MPH.

    Bad news: He’s facing the… Padres?

  50. Howard says:

    @Grey haha Niese already 2 runs in the top of the first!

  51. Rob says:

    Trying to figure out my 3rd outfielder situation, please ranking these guys based on who you would trust for the rest of the season.


  52. MrHappyTime says:

    Rank these pitchers in order of who you trust the most for the rest of the season. Jeff Niemann, Phil Hughes, Ricky Nolasco, Vance Worley, Tim Stauffer, Matt Garza, Jeff Karstens, Scott Baker.. Thank you sir!

  53. Napoli or Soto the rest of year?

  54. AdamH says:

    All else equal, which side:

    BJ Upton & Ervin Santana
    Travis Snider and Brandon Beachy?

  55. CK says:

    Just sayin’ dog

  56. LA Sound Guy says:

    I can appreciate your references to both MOS and the cost of drinks in LA. To keep you honest though (and to be a wet blanket) MOS means “Motor Only Sound”, a term that was coined from the early days of sound stages in Hollywood. The widely believed story that Erich von Stroheim or Fritz Lang’s english was so third reich that when a scene was shot without sound, they would say “Mit Out Sound”, while amusing, is unfortunately a sham.

    And I try to carry a flask if I’m going to some bougie LA swank bar.

  57. zeke says:

    @Grey. Nice pinata reference. In Nolasco’s case, I’m pretty sure they broke him open and meat came out. Has anyone besides Bumgarner had a worse start than Nolasco this year? I have had the privilege of owning both. Nolasco is my #4 starter in a 12 team points league. Am I in trouble, or was this just a speedbump?

  58. Donnie Baseball says:

    Agon and Garza or Cahill for Lincecum and Greinke?

  59. airweino says:

    1. More of a fantasy impact over the rest of the season: Lorenzo Cain, Jason Kipnis, or Dayan Viciedo?

    2. Who is the better prospect to own for the future: Julio Teheran or Desmond Jennings?

  60. Kevin says:

    14 team roto league: We have relatively small benches 6 reserves. I chose to keep only one back up hitter. My hitters are strong. My (DH) spot mainly occupied by Rasmus.

    It appears he will be a PT player. I plugged in Domonic Brown who has yet to really perform. Rasmus now is my only reserve hitter.

    Drop Rasmus for: Snyder, Encarnacion, Napoli

  61. Eddy says:

    Kyle Blanks called up.

  62. LA Sound Guy says:

    Got it. And thanks for all the great advice over the past few years. I’m coming up on my third championship in a league full of camera and sound guys.

    Incidentally, what shows did you say you used to write for?

  63. airweino says:


    What is the deal here? Will he get his act together or what? Does he have fantasy trade value?

  64. Joel says:

    OK. Two questions: 1) If you had to bet: will Feliz still be the Rangers closer after the trade deadline?? I keep seeing them associated with heath Bell and Andrew bailey, so they obviously aren’t too thrilled with Neftali.

  65. stynyr says:

    Should I bench Luebke vs the Phillies tomorrow?

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