I walked down a dark hallway of Razzball Headquarters, some corner I had never been before. The walls were the color of aquarium gravel. I squinted in the dim light to verify that I had the correct office. I knocked on the door and peeked my head inside, seeing the Fantasy Master Lothario himself, Grey Albright, sitting in an office chair behind of a well-built desk. The image of Don Draper in a sweater-vest.
"Everywhere!" he said, wringing his hands excitedly. He put his hand out for a shake. I reached for it, but he pulled his arm back as if almost touching a hot stove. "Nah-ah!" he smiled and wagged his finger. "Not in the time of Covid!"
Daily Archives: March 29, 2021
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Points Leagues: Nostradumba** Version 2.0
March 29, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Points Leagues | 15 Commentsby: malamoney
Nearly five years ago I went live with a post entitled Nostradumba** which was a piece of software I developed to help make fantasy baseball predictions. At first it was a disaster, recommending I draft Reggie Jackson and other inactive players. Realizing that wasn't going to cut the mustard, I made a few tweaks that seemed to get the system running more smoothly, enabling me to make some less ridiculous dart throws. Earlier this year I cleared out one of my MacBook Pros so that my daughter could use it for remote 2nd grade. The school gave them all sh!tty Chromebooks that might have been less powerful than George Michael's Sports Machine. While getting the MacBook setup, I found Nostraduma** and decided to bring it back to life. Here's what it had to say.
Avoiding the Blurbstomp – Season’s Greetings
March 29, 2021 | Avoiding the Blurbstomp | 15 Commentsby: C.A. James
Imagine if you will a Sunday night. The day games have come and gone, and you lazily watch two teams battle under the drone of announcers and commercials. You go to your favorite non-Razzball fantasy site to read the instant analysis of your player’s 3-5, 1 HR, 4 RBI’s, 1 STL performance. You find the blurb, and read the following:
Hank Trucksworth III
Trucksworth had three hits in five chances, drove in four runs, and stole a base in the Twinkies win over the Clubs.
Analysis: Another great game from Trucksworth, although the steal is only his third all season. He remains a solid if uninspiring 4th or 5th OF in deep mixed leagues.
You read the blurb and feel good, though you drafted Trucksworth to be your 3rd OF, and the Caught Stealing stings. You also feel good knowing your leaguemates might read that same blurb, but not feel the White Light/White Heat dopamine blast you just experienced.
Then you read the next blurb.
Razzball Patreon members receive our weekly podcast where Grey cackles about the funniest news stories we’ve found over the past week, plus you get that warm fuzzy feeling of supporting your favorite fantasy sports site in all the land.
It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First we report on a man selling digital farts for $85 a pop. Then Billy heads to Europe to cover the story of a lecturer fired for the aggressive use of punctuation, plus socially distanced silent ravers in Barcelona. Later we get the scoop on parents blasted by a school for wearing skimpy clothes while picking up their children.
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Early on Saturday, I heard the news that Jay Bruce made the Yankees' Opening Day roster, and I was like, "Cool, if this is 2012." Then I thought, "Is this 2012? Am I time traveler?" Turned out it was not 2012, and I was not a time traveler. Double bummer there. Somehow, Jay Bruce is still only 33 years old, so he might be a time traveler. After my brief flight of fancy through a time portal that didn't exist, I thought, "That sucks, keeping Bruce over Tauchman. He can't catch a break. That's not the bee's knees, that's BS." Then I thought, "I can just curse in my own head, I don't need to spell out BS." Then, out of nowhere, I saw the Yankees were keeping Mike Tauchman on the Opening Day roster too, and things began to peel away from my very logical brain. How were the Yanks keeping three 1st basemen? Was everything fine with Luke Voit? Welp, turned out it wasn't. The Yankees were watching a triple feature of Luke Skylimper; Luke Cool Hand, But Torn Meniscus and Luke Voit in Meniscus Cowboy. After disowning Angelina Jolie, Voit will be undergoing surgery on his torn meniscus in his knee, and will miss at least April and May. This puts the spotlight on Bruce to reclaim his Glory Days, when every speedball wasn't thrown right by him. Whereas, Tauchman is interesting in AL-Only leagues, if he can get in the lineup. I've added neither to my 2021 fantasy baseball rankings, because they might only be platooning for six to eight weeks. In the top 20 1st basemen, I lowered Luke Voit, taking roughly 200 ABs off his projections. Anyway, here's what else I saw in spring training for 2021 fantasy baseball:
