Paul Konerko went 5-for-5 yesterday with his 31st homer.  Paul Konerko is also winning your league for you.  You had your back up against the wall.  You took Hanley in the first round, Halladay in the 2nd and then you hit the 20th round and you were like, “Hmm… I totally screwed myself by not taking a 1st baseman.  Do I take that guy on the Marlins with a girl’s name or should I take Konerko?”  When you took Konerko, you figured you would need to trade for someone.  Whoa, what’s this?  Konerko’s hitting?  “Hey, baby, you’re eating dinner by yourself tonight.  Paul Konerko due up sixth this inning, according to Fantasycast.  Now please don’t come into my man cave.”  When you go to the White Sox Fantasy Camp in seven years, you can tell him how he won your league for you while ruining your marriage.  These late round fliers in drafts are always so maddening.  If I would’ve just took Konerko instead of Stupid-Face Headley.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Mark Buehrle – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks.  His season ERA is down to 3.87 and 12 wins is pretty good, but that’s now 8 Ks in 28 IP for August.  Is there a less aptly-surnamed player in the game?  Seems like Mark Crafty or Mark Wiley would be better names.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Carlos Zambrano moves to the bullpen.  Whaaaa???  Oh.  Wait, what?  Somewhere, Dusty Baker just tipped his “Crazy Manager Move” hat to Sweet Lou.  Dusty, “After Harang complained of arm soreness, I needed him for another 140 pitches the next day, so I fashioned a pitching arm out of rubber bands and a dead giraffe.  Some saw that as crazy, but this Big Z move takes the cake.”  Are the Cubs building a new and improved frankencloser, Carlos Zambarmol?  Close game, two men on, starter’s tiring… You want Carlos Zambrano entering the game or leaving it?  That’s not even rhetorical.  That’s common sense, isn’t it?  As Lou ever seen Zambrano pitch?  This is the guy you want coming into pressure situations?  Wow, what a move.  I want to say there’s no way this move lasts, but Zambrano’s also not that valuable to wait it out.  Lose him in fantasy like Sweet Lou lost his mind.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Alfonso Soriano – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and he hit his 2nd homer as he bats .327 on the year.  He also has one more steal than Alcides Escobar.  Not as glamorous as he used to be, but should get to a 25/10 year, assuming the knees he borrowed from The Mummy hold up.

Please, blog, may I have some more?