It’s not easy being Hensley Meulens. Not only is his name Hensley Meulens, he’s also responsible for a Giants offense so inept of late that the Padres have a wOBA 20 points higher.  Don’t get me wrong being, the Giants Batting Coach isn’t easy; his team plays in a canyon of a ballpark, his lineup is on the yuck side of meh, and he works for a GM that thought taking a flier on Dan Uggla was a good idea. It’s gotten so bad that Giants fans don’t even know what a great hitter looks like anymore. My brother-in-law is a Giants fan and recently told me how much he loves watching Hunter Pence hit. Really? Would he have to wear depends if he watched say Jose Abreu everyday? What I’m getting at is the Giants can’t hit and you can start pretty much anyone against them. Well with the exception of Mike Minor he sucks and I hate him. Seriously homeboy got pooped on by the Padres last night.

Enter Jacob DeGrom. The Mets pitcher has far exceeded expectations this season coming out of nowhere like a shart on a “going commando” day. Only his results have been good, unlike an underwear-less shart which is just a mess. A big mess. DeGrom has been good to the tune of a 2.79 ERA, 8.59 K/9 and a BB/9 of 3.21. Sure you’d like the walks a bit lower but according to his FIP/xFIP (3.06/3.44) he’s only been slightly lucky. In all honesty, I’ve only started him once on DraftKings in his 14 starts this season. Razzball readers that all changes today. After back to back 20+ point games, I’m all in on DeGrom and his cushy date with the Giants. Sure he’s the second most costly arm on the board but it’s still only $9,800. At that price you could grab another solid arm (there’s a few today….read on) and still have enough coin left to buy premium bats.

Do you think all the DraftKings writers at Razzball are idiots? Are you against handsome men like myself? Does the picture of J-Foh that surfaced scare you? Are you feeling alienated and alone? Do you only trust Rudy and his sweet afro/glasses combo? No fear we have a set of tools to help! Check out the Hitter-Tron, Stream-o-Nator, DFSbot, and the Ombatsman.

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James Paxton: SP, $8,600 – Why does he cost this much? When I was looking through today’s starters yesterday morning, I circled this matchup. Not for any other reason than I thought coming off the 60 Day DL, Paxton might be cheap. Nope! The O’s have been slumping hard the last week and Paxton was getting them at the right time. Unfortunately, the great GPP play I hoped for is in fact an overpriced head scratcher.

Ervin Santana: SP, $9,100 – Over his last couple of starts Santana has been magnificent, hurling a 40 point gem on Monday against San Diego. Well Santana gets lucky this week as he once again draws the Padres, but this time in the chasm known as Petco. I’m not sure he’ll duplicate his 8 inning 11 strikeout performance but I’ll be satisfied by 7 innings and 7 K’s.

Ian Kennedy: SP, $8,300 – This could be fools gold depending upon how he looks coming back from an Oblique injury. If he’s all systems go, and is able to bring it the way he has all season, then Kennedy will be a very good play against the Wind Power Conglomerate known as the Braves. These guys strikeout in bunches and playing in Petco never makes hits easy to come by. Kennedy also has an impressive 9.51 K/9 which should play nicely in this matchup.

Freddie Freeman: 1B, $4,700 – I know, I know, I just suggested Kennedy but that doesn’t mean you have to start him in every lineup. For those of you who won’t be starting Ian, Freeman presents a good buy. Priced at $4,700 but producing his usual solid results. Freeman is a below market steal when you consider his career BvP against Ian Kennedy. He’s 5/8 with 3 walks, a homer, and 7 RBI’s.

Scott Van Slyke: OF, $3,600 – Van Slyke absolutely rakes against lefties, hitting for a wOBA of .462 and a wRC+ of 205. His 7 homers against lefties is also tops on the Dodgers vs. southpaws. There are no guarantees he’s in the lineup, but if he is, listen to your Uncle Ralph and start him.

Michael Brantley: OF, $4,800 – Brantley and the Indians face Miles Mikolas today which in my humble opinion makes them very stackable. I also like th price for one of the 15 best hitters in baseball per wOBA. With 15 steals and 17 homers, Brantley is a good candidate for some slam and legs action. I always seek out power/speed guys in DraftKings because a slam and legs is gold in this format.

Chris Taylor: SS, $2,800 – If you’re always looking for the next good punt play the way I am, then look no further than Taylor. Getting regular playing time at SS and producing points in every game he’s started, Taylor has presented tremendous value over the last week. He’ll give you a decent ceiling today with a low low price. Flexibility is key when it comes to building winning lineups.

Gerardo Parra: OF, $3,700 – I’m thinking of running out a Brewers stack tonight in celebration of Justin Masterson’s first start with the Cards. I sort of expect him to get slammed and actually have Aramis Ramirez, $4,200, and a few other Brewers in a handful of lineups. I like Parra for tonight simply because I have this strange belief that a hitters first 3 games with a new team are typically pretty good. Justin Masterson might help him a little though.

Ben Zobrist: 2B/OF, $4,200 – So the trade deadline came and went and Zobrist is still with the Rays. This doesn’t mean he’ll make it through wavier trade season but he’s with the Rays today. This means he’ll face lefty C.J Wilson tonight at the Trop. Zobrist is 7/26 with two dongs off Wilson lifetime, and he’s been hitting lefties to the tune of .365 this year. He’s even better when facing southpaws at home putting up a .404 BA and a .425 wOBA. I’m trying to get Zobrist into most of my lineups today.

Razzball 20 Team Winners from Friday Night

I got my teeth kicked in last night with Chris Sale going all Titanic against the Twinkies. So I ended up finishing 15th. As Screech Powers would say “ZOINKS”! The top 5 were as follows: 1st – Fremka, 2nd – King Trout, 3rd – Heatster, 4th – ddmcd1974, 5th – RedHeadedWarrior.

Congrats to all!

I’m Only Happy When It Rains

50% chance of showers here in Boston, but it’s a 4:05 start time and I think they’ll get the game in. The rain is supposed to clear up by the end of the afternoon.

Doing Lines In Vegas

Red Sox vs. Yankees – 9 – Over – With the pitching matchup in this one I’m thinking this could be an old fashioned slugfest

Mets vs. Giants – 7 – under – This will be a low scoring affair between two weak offenses.

As always be sure to check the lineups, give a look at the weather and I toast your team with slightly chilled Manischewitz.