If Bernie Madoff never ripped off investors to the tune of eighteen billion dollars, the world would be a different place. The US wouldn’t be exporting trillions of golfers’ plaid pants from Boca Raton, Florida to Scotland to be used as kilts. Mazerati dealers in Long Island, Beverly Hills and Palm Beach wouldn’t be sweating their child’s $50,000 nursery school tuition. Nannies in Connecticut would have time to watch daytime talk shows rather than putting bottles of rare wines on eBay. But one of the biggest hits taken by Madoff was the Mets owner, Fred Wilpon. Ever wonder why Bobby Bonilla is still getting a million dollars a year from the Mets in a Swiss bank account made out to the name “Bobby Barramundi?” Madoff ran the Mets’ finances. I bring this up because if Madoff were still at the wheel, the Mets would probably send Mr. Met to the proper specialist for his gigantism and they would’ve called up Zack Wheeler already. Money’s the issue for both. Super 2 cutoff is a funky thing to figure, but to the best of my abilities, I’ve ascertained Wheeler can be called up May 15th or June 4th. A month ago, Terry Collins was already asking for Wheeler to be called up to replace Hefner. If the Mets keep him down past the first week of June, it’s because Wheeler is injured or because the Mets are saying to their fans, “We don’t care, and Terry Collins can suck a big fat one.” Why do you care for fantasy baseball purposes — or porpoises if dolphins are reading? Because Wheeler could be nearly as good as Harvey. His control in the minor leagues is slightly worse than Harvey’s was, but his Ks are just as purdy. Here’s what Scott, our prospect writer, said, “Wheeler had a phenomenal 2012, posting impressive numbers between Double- and Triple-A: 3.26 ERA, 1.17 WHIP, 8.9 K/9. The 22-year-old features a plus fastball that sits in the mid-90s, and he counters with plus-plus curve, a slider, and a change — the latter two are both nice offerings. It’s a deep repertoire for a pitcher of his age, but Wheeler commands it well and baffles hitters with his sequencing, unlike Grey who baffles people with his sequins shirts.” Huh? I don’t wear sequins shirts (anymore). In most mixed leagues, now is the time to start stashing Wheeler, he’s gonna be a great one. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
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Grey Albright just may be the greatest visionary of our time. A modern day Nostradamus even. I’ll admit that I didn’t want to buy into the hype surrounding Paul Goldschmidt but now I feel like I deserve a good d!cks slapping. This behemoth homered off the legends known as Kershaw and Kenley Jansen Wednesday night and he’s now batting 313 with 9 dongs, 30 ribbys and 4 base thefts. I haven’t seen this kind of savagery displayed since I witnessed a crew of catholic priests running a train on a teenage boy I once modeled with. Needless to say, I wish I owned him as the man is a true points league monster. How do you do it Grey? I consider myself one of the top 5 most all around talented fantasy players on planet earth and that includes football, basketball and obviously baseball, but Mr. Albright just may have me licked when it comes to roto and I don’t mean sexually. He’s got a mustache fit for an 80’s porn star as well as a heart of gold and you gotta respect it. Enough slurping of the boss. Let’s get to what I saw this week.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Kazmir’s career sunk like a lead zeppelin, but get ten Ks against anyone and I sit up and take notice and I’m not just talking above my waist. Hey now! Yesterday, Scott Kazmir‘s line was 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners with 10 Ks. Okay, I have to be a cyclops with a monocle for this guy. To refresh everyone, a cyclops only has one eye so it’s particularly sharp. Like how a blind person’s hearing is enhanced. So you put a monocle on a cyclops and you have creature that sees everything. That’ll be me. Let’s see, his fastball speed has returned to his 2008 levels. The last time he was good. His walk rate went to atrocious after that year, but that too has returned and he has a 25:6 K:BB ratio. The only start where he was hit was his first. Maybe that was nerves — or noive if you’re in Brooklyn. Everything else from Kazmir has been like butter, so he’s no longer toast? That’s what I’m seeing. Okay, now for whether or not you should pick him. He gets the Yankees, Mariners and Red Sox next. Two out of three isn’t good. Sorry, Meatloaf. I wanted to pick him up so badly, I counted each start of his for the next two months. It doesn’t get better. He gets the Reds, Yanks again, Tigers then Nats. I like him more than I have in five years, but I’m still not picking him up. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?When the subject involves evaluating the greatest baseball players of all time, there are certain standard arguments that make me want to cringe. Perhaps the worst of these goes something like this: no Major League ballplayer that played before 1947 can be considered to be the greatest at his position because he never had to face any ballplayer from the Negro Leagues. Because no African Americans were allowed to play in the Major Leagues, the quality of ball was diluted, and therefore the competition was inferior to that faced after the sport was integrated. At some point in a future article I hope to go into a lengthy discussion of this fallacy; however, the only thing that I will point out for now is that if you use this as a frame of logic, then you must also say the same about the converse – no player from the Negro Leagues could be considered to be an all-time great; for if the Major League talent base was diluted by 10% (the percentage of African American’s in the U.S.), then the dilution would be 90% in the Negro Leagues, making the standard of play likely equivalent to Single A Ball, which is frankly ridiculous. However, many historians, while they don’t state the converse logic openly, perhaps because it is safer to use the politically correct rationale, site the statistical chaos that was part and parcel of the Negro Leagues as the “apparent” reason used in refusing to consider any of these legendary players on their all time lists.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Well, last week I said the Boston situation would go swimmingly, results so far have been 2 drowning victims and an all-Asian rescue team. First, Andrew Bailey went down with triceps injury, then Joel Hanrahan said, “anything you can do I can do better,” and has a forearm strain. Now, I’m no doctor, I pretend to play one at 2 AM and it’s last call, different story, but you get my point, but isn’t it only one arm, not fore? So to the rescue in their tight red water panties are the best combo since Chico found the man, Koji and Junichi. The eighth and ninth innings for all games on NESN now will be in full anime, and Rem-Dog will be eaten. I fully expect Tazawa to be the focal point of save situations until either Bailey or Hanrahan return. He was closing for a tick last year at Pawtucket, which is like me fishing and saying I’m Gordon’s fisherman. The numbers this year are pretty outstanding (18 K’s in 14 In) so he has momentum, his only flaw is he is a fly ball pitcher and that tends to bite ya in the oshiri…sometimes. Stay tuned to see what else I see/saw or foresee coming up in the world of conclusionary pitchers and the gents that set them up.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Welcome folks, to another round of Bear or Bull. The series is so awesome, I am able talk about animals AND baseball(s). And this week, I guess Walmart. Word. And while the best play on words I could think of involves Starling Marte and one of the cornerstones to an eventual Corporatocracy, well, you know something special is brewing around this parts. And it ain’t just the fermenting kim chee. Am I lost? Maybe you’re lost. More rum for everyone! Yes it’s supposed to rhyme, or else, what’s the point? So yeah, see that perfect line of association I just drew? Point A, animals, straight to Point B, rum. Whoooo! Can we talk about baseball now? Never!
Please, blog, may I have some more?Diamondbacks said J.J. Putz needs elbow surgery. Imagine the doctor misreads Putz’s chart and J.J. walks out with a new putz that is an arm, elbow to hand. Would that have him get to third base and home all with one swing of the bat? It would help him avoid that awkwardness when you try to hug and undo a girl’s pants. He could also towel himself down while opening a door. Actually, this sounds like a plus-plus, or rather, a putz-putz! I’m reinventing the knuckle shuffle! The Diamondbacks also officially announced yesterday what I announced the day before, Heath Bell would be the closer. Ya know this means he’s going to crap your face and call it Google Glass, right? You know this, right? I do, and I still grabbed him. I’d also grab David Hernandez in case the only thing Bell rings in are blown saves. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?Jon Wertheim, arguably the smartest person we’ve ever had on the show, joins us to discuss a wide variety of sports topics including, ‘Why a .299 hitter is more valuable than a .300 hitter?’ Must be some sort of Algebraic Number Theory… or maybe he’s a communist. We also discuss his book Scorecasting, which is kinda like Freakonomics meets Moneyball. Nick’s community college education led to great questions like, “Are we still talking about baseball?” and “When’s lunch?” There’s so much non-fantasy baseball talk in this fantasy baseball podcast that you would think we’re a non-fantasy baseball podcast posing as a fantasy baseball podcast. We are not poseurs, which is a funny word to hear someone pronounce the moment they realize it’s not spelled poser. Some of the topics Rudy and I discuss are Marcell Ozuna, the Marlins wunderkind, which means child prodigy so I’m not sure why it’s not wunderkid — I got spelling questions, y’all! The Hitter-tron is tackled and when is that thing gonna finally be ready and we discuss Strasburg. He hurt, yo? Our favorite segment that we’ve only done once before also returns with, “Who are you picking up in this league or that league?” Finally, I read a question from the comments. It could be yours! (It’s probably not.) Anyway, here’s the Razzball podcast (now with Jon Wertheim talking about smart stuff and Nick nodding, which makes great radio):
Please, blog, may I have some more?Brace yourselves for another revision of the prospect power rankings, this time with more turnover! There’s been plenty of movement in the past few weeks, both upward and downward, making room for five fresh faces in the top ten/next five. Nolan Arenado and Dan Straily, both top ten guys last time through, have surfaced in the bigs, while three guys fall from the ranks. Danny Hultzen drops out thanks to a shoulder injury, which has been deemed mild, but it’s concerning nonetheless. Nick Castellanos and Mike Zunino also slip out of the rankings, as both prospects are slumping severely at the dish. We also have a new #1, which is quite exciting — do try to contain your enthusiasm. Let’s get started.
Please, blog, may I have some more?So I decided to see how many Alex Cobb articles I can write this week. Considering my other writing job is writing about rare exotic red birds, it’s going to be a challenge. Ok, so I made that up, and maybe only 2-3 people in my life would get that joke. It’s funny to me OK!
Speaking of rare and exotic, daily fantasy leagues are quite the opposite, quickly growing in popularity with disgruntled fantasy owners who drafted R.A. Dickey or Giancarlo Stanton. Maybe if he changes his name back ti Mike he’ll get healthy… If you’ve gotten fed up with your team, why not try and win back your league entry with the industry leader in daily leagues, our friends at DraftKings? And if you haven’t heard yet, they’re still throwing us RAZZBALL EXCLUSIVE contests where you attempt to take down our own Rudy Gamble and Nick Capozzi with your daily line-up. As always, the contest is on Friday with the doors now open. There’s only 30 spots this time (still 2 entries per player) at only $5 per. First place will get a ticket into their huge $100K Spring Fling contest (a $100 value) and spots 2-10 get payouts as well. With the limited spots open, you’ve gotta sign up fast!
Please, blog, may I have some more?Yes, Matt Harvey was terrific, but I’d like to talk on a real baseball note for a second. If you’re a White Sox fan, you should be mad. No one on your team looks like they care. It’s like you have nine Alex Rioses (Rioii? Riii?). I don’t care how pumped Hawk Harrelson gets. You can put it on the board…This team is bored! Your ambition…It gone! The White Sox have more lackadaisical swingers than a Hedonism resort that only has decaf. “Okay, everyone grab the guy next to you, we’re gonna have a tug of war. C’mon, you guys have to stand for this.” That’s the emcee at decaf Hedonism. As for Harvey, he threw a gem even if he was facing the White Sux — 9 IP, 0 ER, 1 Hit, Zero Walks, 12 Ks. I still think you should sell him. It’s not a frantic sell like the roof is on fire and you’re having Sotheby’s over at your place tomorrow to walk through and see your Gregg Jefferies rookie card collection. I wouldn’t take anything less than a number one of something for Harvey, but I’d field offers. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?Why hello there. It seems like only yesterday when we were drafting our fantasy baseball teams and were guaranteed to breeze to first place. But then baseball happened. An injury (or two or three…) here and an underperforming guy there can really dampen your early season enthusiasm. Fortunately, there are always opportunities to grab guys off waivers or to buy low. Enter Brian McCann. A few months ago, I said, “I strongly dislike recommending people draft an injured player, but I’m going to do it this time. The last I saw, he’s expected to miss the first couple weeks of the season. Even if the injury reduces his production, I could still see him producing a high .700s OPS, with solid counting stats. Considering that you would only have to use a late round pick, it may be worth the gamble.” Well, considering that he’s still largely available, I suggest you close your eyes and fall back into McCann’s arms (gently, of course). Like Scott Weiland, he’s half the man he used to be, but there’s no reason why he can’t be a top 10 catcher for the rest of 2013. Anyway, here are some other players that have me crossing my fingers in OPS leagues:
Please, blog, may I have some more?