So, there’s this thing called conference call, and… We used it! You = mind blown. That’s right all of you out in Razzball nation, Rudy and I are now on the podcast together. At one time. From different locations. Thank you, technology, now if I could only record one program while watching another one. You can. Hardy har, Random Italicized Voice, like I’m gonna fall for that one. Whatevs. We’re also joined by Razzball’s resident heartthrob, Tehol. He’s one part man, one part warlock, one part sass, two parts frass, three parts John Cena’s “You can’t see me” hand gesture thing, one part… How many parts is that? Eight? That’s it for Tehol. Today’s podcast is all about predictions for 2013 fantasy baseball. We go over who we think is gonna be the fantasy Cy Young, MVP, Rookie of the Year and Bust. Of course, I mention Giancarlo and Josh Rutledge five times in the first 12 seconds. That’s including six weird um’s, so it’s quite a feat. I just had a great idea! We should get Lazaro, the stuttering American Idol contestant, on the podcast to make all of us sound better. It’s addition by subtraction. By the by, this is the worst season of American Idol, and I’ve only watched it twice before. When Mariah is the most well-spoken judge, y’all need a makeover! Finally, Jonah Keri, Grantland baseball writer, took time from writing his book on the Expos and was on the podcast. Go buy his previous book, which was a NY Times bestseller. It’s about the Tampa Bay Rays. If you’ve bought the book previously, buy it again and give it as a gift. Mother’s Day is right around the corner! Anyway, here’s the Razzball Podcast (now with conference call):

My grandfather, who is 86 years old, Skypes with me all the time. He’ll Skype with me when he’s eating some braciola that he got from the deli down the street. Sometimes he’ll Skype with me when he’s not wearing a shirt, and simply calling me to ask how ‘his pecs’ look because he’s about to Skype with one of his five girlfriends. Sometimes he Skypes me by accident when he’s trying to call Google (that’s what he does rather than search). I tell you this so when I say we still weren’t able to get the podcast going with Rudy and I together on the same call, you know we’re not coming to you from the 1950’s before such things as ‘conference call.’ We are all living in the present day. To be honest, I have to say this whole Daylight Savings Time thing is still affecting us. “So, I call in at 10:30 AM? Is that Eastern? Pacific? Central? Eastern pre-Daylight Savings? Post-Daylight Savings?” Do you see how many different possibilities there are? No wonder Bobby Fischer went mad. Who can keep track of all of these things? Rudy tried to call in after me, but Nick closed up shop, so it’s just me today. Well, me, Smokey and Jaywrong. They called in before me — separately, so I have no idea what they said because WE CAN’T FIGURE OUT CONFERENCE CALL?! I talked about some of my ancestry and Madeleine Albright, then we talked fantasy baseball. I’m assuming the other people on the podcast also talked fantasy baseball too. I’m merely assuming. Nick and I specifically go over my Justin Upton, Edwin Encarnacion and Ian Kinsler rankings. We talk briefly about the Fantasy Baseball War Room. I also handicap the Razzball Writers’ League and the Razzball Champions RCL. Maybe next week we can figure out a call-in number and an exact time. We shall see. Or not. Your choice. Anyway, here’s the Razzball podcast (still in 3 separate parts):

The first fantasy baseball podcast of the year was last week. If you missed it, I’ll give you an idea. Imagine the music for an action movie is playing, the beat is building, the tension is high, the sweat is drip, drip, dripping from your forehead. Only instead of looking for the bad guy or trying to stop a bomb from detonating, you’re sitting at your desk looking for a pencil. It was like Skyfall in your very own cubicle. Or if you listened to it in your car, then you probably had to pull off the road from heart palpitations. “Hey, roadside assistance, I was wondering if you could bring a heart defibrillator out to the Barham Pass? No, he was listening to the Razzball Podcast. Yes, in Dolby Digital.” We took last year’s laconic podcast and turned it into a shook-up bottle of tonic. This week, we tried to turn down the spin-your-glow-sticks-at-a-rave type energy in the background on just Rudy and me. So you get the Trainspotting energy on one hand and the Brad Pitt in True Romance on the other. Oh, and we talked baseball. On this week’s podcast, we brought in our prospect writer, Scott, and our OPS writer, Tom Jacks, to talk about position battles. (The name Tom seems like it needs a last name, right? Is it “Hey, it’s Tom!” or “Hey, it’s Tom Brady!” See?) Rudy talked about a new tool that we’re bringing out this year that we’re all very excited about. It’s like our Stream-o-Nator only turned up a notch and turned on its head. (Here’s a hint: it’s for hitters instead of pitchers. Eff me in the coolie, that’s awesome!) Then, I talked about picking up Cougars. So, you know, business as usual! Anyway, here’s the Razzball podcast (now with less heart-attack-inducing music):