The Beach Boys “Endless Summer” is an almost perfect distillation of both a band’s formative years, while also chronicling the absurd, empty sunniness of the early-mid sixties. This Endless Summer time of year lends itself to fantasy baseball sloppiness. Schools are starting to kick into gear. Families are getting in last-minute vacations, we’re all trying to spend more time getting outside before life sweeps us along like so many fallen leaves in the river of time. Meanwhile, you’re driving your family across the country and you don’t check your lineup because of priorities. You had picked up Tyler Gilbert for a spot start in a head-to-head league that counts shutouts and no-hitters. You get to your destination, unpack, smile, and then check your team and a fragment of you withers away.
I won’t wither away, friends. I’m running on full spite, and won’t run out until I can forget that I dropped Eloy Jimenez. Luckily, my spite tastes like fritters. It’s not all bad!
A Blurbstomp Reminder
We will analyze player blurbs from a given evening, knowing that 1-2 writers are usually responsible for all the player write-ups posted within an hour of the game results. We will look at:
- Flowery Diction – how sites juice up descriptions of player performance
- Q and Q – when a site contradicts a player valuation on back-to-back blurbs
- Can’t Understate this Overstatement – I mean, c’mon
- Empathy Award – TFW you remember the thanklessness of the universe
The hope is that by season’s end, we’ll all feel more confident about our player evaluations when it comes to the waiver wire. We will read blurbs and not be swayed by excessive superlatives, faulty injury reporting, and micro-hype. I will know that I have done my job when Grey posts, and there isn’t a single question about catchers that he did not address in his post. Onward to Roto Wokeness!
Flowery Diction
Joe Musgrove allowed a season high six earned runs over five innings on Saturday in a 7-0 loss to the Diamondbacks.
The Diamondbacks got to the right-hander early tonight, as Josh VanMeter ripped the first pitch of the game to right field and ended up coming around to score on a 96.3 mph double by Ketel Marte during the very next at bat. He settled won after a rough first inning, but unfortunately the damage was already done. This outing ended a stretch of four consecutive quality starts dating back to July 23rd. He’ll be looking to right the ship in a matchup against the Phillies on Friday.
Source: Rotosportsedgeworldbettors.com
Halfway through writing this blurb, the blurbist remembered that they weren’t writing a game recap and gave up. Let us follow the narrative structure of this blurb, and relate it to the game they were attempting to recap:
- Josh VanMeter hits the first pitch into right field
- Scored on a double by Ketel Marte
- Unfortunately(?), he settled down after that but the one run was enough
So. That’s not what happened. Here is the actual breakdown of the inning before Musgrove settled down:
- VanMeter double
- Ketel Marte double
- Pavin Smith single
- Asdrubal Cabrera K
- David Peralta single
- Drew Ellis HR
- Daulton Varsho walk
- Nick Ahmed pop-out
- Tyler Gilbert ground out
Please stop trying to recap game beats in blurbs. It’s confusing as heck, and slipping into lazy baseball idiom doesn’t solve anything. I would have preferred a weak “this is one Musgrove’s owners would like to forget.” He gave up a home run to Drew Ellison! I can’t believe they’re trying to make people pay for a premium version of this site.
Q&Q
Yelich went 2-4 with an RBI double on Sunday in the Brewers’ win over the Pirates.
Yelich plated a key insurance run with an RBI double to right-center field off lefty Dillon Peters in the third inning. The 29-year-old outfielder has struggled with injuries and been able to re-discover the form that made him an elite fantasy contributor over a two-year stretch from 2018 to 2019. He’s hitting .236/.375/.360 with 49 runs scored, six homers, 31 RBI and seven steals across 307 plate appearances.
Source: Rotoedgesportsworld.com
This is a weird case of Yelich having his struggles documented regularly by Rotoworld. I’m not sure why they haven’t done the same with Bellinger, Soto, etc. He’s gotten three updates over the past week, during which he has produced a 5/0/2/0 line and gone 5-for-24. I suppose a player as good as Yelich struggling like this deserves attention, but it seems extra strange to get hitched to it thrice in such a short period of time.
Also, Yelich didn’t plate an insurance run. An insurance run comes after the winning run has been scored. If the score was 2-1, and Yelich’s double made it 3-1, that’s an insurance run. This is the deciding RBI that happened to come in the third inning of a tie game. Deciding run. Not insurance run.
Can’t Understate this Overstatement
Avisail Garcia went 1-for-3 with a home run, walk, and two runs scored during the Brewers win over Pittsburgh on Saturday.
The solo shot came in the seventh inning off Pirates reliever Shea Spitzbarth and traveled an estimated 402 feet with an exit velocity of 100.6 miles per hour. The veteran outfielder is having a quiet but terrific season batting .269/.334/.486 with 21 home runs, 70 RBI, and six stolen bases over 360 at bats. Garcia remains one of the most underrated fantasy producers every season.
Source: Rotoedgeworldsports.com
Avisail is many things, but he’s not underrated every season. That’s a preposterous statement if I ever saw one, and believe me, I edit my own writing. You probably don’t believe me, but I do three drafts, and the first one is usually 3,000 words and has more clunkers than a joke about clunkers. Should’ve edited that last one out. Now you definitely don’t believe me.
Avisail is perfectly rated. He played 148 games back in 2015 for the White Sox, and has yet to eclipse that mark since. It’s never been a question of people under-valuing him, he simply hasn’t strung together a season of counting stats besides 2019, where he went 61/20/72/10/.282 for the Rays in 125 games. On Rudy’s Last 5 Years Player Rater, that season ranked 481. His highest ranking season (306 in 2017) came when he BABIP’ed at almost .400.
All you had to do was write, “Garcia remains somewhat underrated in fantasy circles due to injury-related inconsistencies.” My god, this blurb made me type out fantasy circles. I would hope that non-fantasy sports citizens believe that all fantasy sports leagues happen in the shape of a circle like Fight Club. Yes, and Meatloaf is there, too. Even if we’re not standing in a circle, it’s still fantasy sports, and Meatloaf will be there. Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad, as they say.
Empathy Award
Anthony Desclafani allowed two runs on five hits and two walks with four strikeouts over five innings
Desclafani pitched well in his return from the injured list on Friday, holding the Rockies to two runs over five innings. He walked Sam Hilliard in the second inning before a single by Garrett Hampson put runners on the corners. Austin Gomber plated a run on a sacrifice bunt. A second run would score in the third inning…
Source: Rotoedgeworld.com
This was posted as 12:08pm. On the same evening, on the same site, eleven minutes later:
Desclafani allows two over five frames vs Rockies
It was not the 31-year-old’s best effort this season, but he easily out-pitched Colorado’s Austin Gomber to earn the win. Desclafani posted a mere 21 percent CSW and struck out just four, but a victory is a victory and fantasy managers will certainly take it…
Source: Rotoedgeworld.com
I had long thought that more than one person was writing blurbs at Rotoworld/NBCSportsedge, but it can’t get any clearer than this. The style of the blurbs differs as well as the advice. The first one says he pitched well and contains a game recap, including an independent clause about a pitcher bunting. The second blurb represents a more classic blurb, with a simple examination of Deslafani’s stat line while stating he did not pitch well.
How can you take a fantasy advice website seriously when they openly contradict themselves within 15 minutes about a mediocre pitching performance? The blurb they decided to keep was the sunnier take. I own Desclafani, and while the win was fine, he was pitching at home versus the away Rockies. He did not pitch well considering the context.
We all know that human beings write these blurbs, because the microchip inserted via the COVID vaccine tells me it’s true. I do have empathy for them. They are anonymous and yet extremely important in the scheme of monetizing and popularizing fantasy sports. They are probably not paid very well, and the hours can be excruciating. Most people think that Yahoo still writes the blurbs, and when corrected, people refer to Sportsedge as Rotoworld. I think this has more to do with the crappy rebrand than anything, but it’s notable nonetheless.
In an online world full of garbage copy written by underpaid and unhappy people, I am grateful for fantasy sports content. I would have never stumbled upon some of my favorite writers and websites I peruse daily. Where there is chaff, there is plenty of wheat, and friends, I’m all about that oatmeal! I want more of those big oats!
Till next time, blurbos!
