Wanna know how dedicated I am to you? I have your name tattooed on my tramp stamp area. Yeah, your name. Wanna know how else I’m dedicated to you? I flipped guys in and out of this post, moved a few to the top 80 outfielders for 2015 fantasy baseball, moved some more to the top 60 outfielders for 2015 fantasy baseball, didn’t move any into the top 40 outfielders for 2015 fantasy baseball, but considered it and made sure everyone was ranked to the best of my ability in this post. You’re thinking, “I’d hope you’re making sure your rankings in this post are correct, these are you rankings after all.” True, You. But, honestly, most of the guys in the second half of this post are irrelevant outside of deeper leagues. It’s simple math. If you’re in a 12-team league with five outfielders, 60 outfielders are drafted, then twenty more guys are drafted that have multi-position eligibility, another ten for utility slots or for some schmohawks that draft a bench outfielder and, add up all of that, and it equals Frank Ocean. Okay, the math is off there. It should’ve equaled, “About 90 outfielders drafted.” And everyone knows the fifth outfielder drafted doesn’t last long on your team. Sure, maybe Josh Hamilton bounces back (doubtful), or maybe Carl Crawford becomes the latest Zombino (more doubtful), but in most mixed leagues these guys aren’t even being drafted. In one mock draft I did for a magazine (they still make these? Where do you buy them?), Josh Reddick wasn’t even drafted and he’s ranked higher than all the guys here. Never the hoo! All the 2015 fantasy baseball rankings are under that linkie-ma-whosie. Anyway, here’s the top 100 outfielders for 2015 fantasy baseball:
81. Dalton Pompey – This tier started in the top 80 outfielders for 2015 fantasy baseball. This tier goes from here until Taylor. I called this tier, “I’m grabbing onto these guys like I’m a video vixen and they’re a sports car.” I already went over my Dalton Pompey fantasy. I wrote it while explaining to a soprano why it’s all about that bass. In that post, I say that I’m only going to give him 350 ABs, but would bump him up if he gets a starting job, and now it looks like he will have that starting job. He is the kind of player that could have a starting job on April 1st and then get platooned by April 15th, so I’d be careful about expecting too many ABs. I’m only going to bump up his ABs a tad in the projections, but there’s a lot more upside here (and downside); that’s why I didn’t put him in the “SAGNOF, snitches!” tier. Pompey is only 22 years old and has stolen 38 bases in a minor league season to go with six homers. 2015 Projections: 54/5/51/.247/31
82. Michael Taylor – He will be one of the most added players in the first weeks after fantasy drafts, reaching 41% owned, then get dropped en masse once Werth returns and this chamomile-lemonberry is really tasty– Shoot, I just drank the tea before I could finish reading the leafs. Taylor had 22 HRs and 34 steals last year in Double-A and is filling in for Werth until he returns from shoulder surgery. Just grab Taylor in every league and worry about who your fifth outfielder will be when Werth returns. (Yes, I know that Werth says he can return for the start of the season, and George Michael used to sing “I Want Your Sex” to female models.) 2015 Projections: 48/12/46/.217/14
83. Angel Pagan – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Swisher. I call this tier, “Solid draft picks if you’re drafting then hopping in a DeLorean.” This tier is one decent bounce back season away from bumping up to Marlon Byrd’s tier in the top 60 outfielders for 2015 fantasy baseball, and they’re all one more lousy season away from being being co-featured with Lenny Dykstra at an autograph show in Parsippany, New Jersey. As for Pagan, the proverbial Angel on my shoulder says, “He can get 100 runs, 7 HRs, 25 SBs and a .280 average.” The Pagan on my shoulder says, “Here’s a corrosive chemical. Please splash it on your other shoulder.” 2015 Projections: 67/5/37/.272/20
84. Austin Jackson – He looks like he should be stealing upwards to 45 bases, but he has seasons of only 12 steals under his belt. Austin: Keeping It Weird! Jackson prolly just needs some devil’s dandruff from Ron LeFlore and that would get him stealing some bases (and constantly rubbing his nose). Jackson is not as old and broken down as other guys in this tier, but he sure feels like it if you own him. 2015 Projections: 79/6/39/.250/18
85. Shane Victorino – This offseason Victorino named himself the starting right fielder, saying, “Obviously health will dictate that. But if I’m healthy if there’s a better outfielder in right field then show me and go out there and do it. I’m not saying that in a cocky or arrogant way. It’s just how confident I am to know I should be the starting right fielder.” Then John Farrell named Betts the leadoff man. Then Victorino named an old white dude who would start Victorino as the new manager. My projections are likely way off for Victorino since I have no idea of his playing time, but we’re so late in the outfielders that he’s not being drafted in most leagues anyway. 2015 Projections: 61/7/31/.262/17
86. Michael Bourn – Member when Bourn was a 60-steal guy? Yeah, was before he forgot his identity. 2015 Projections: 72/2/34/.249/17
87. Nick Swisher – Right now, he has a starting job, but the emphasis is on “right now.” Assuming his sideburns don’t make a pilgrimage to the Smithsonian to confer with Luke Perry’s glass-enclosed sideburns to find some hidden strength, Swisher looks like a bench player. 2015 Projections: 52/15/54/.212
88. Dustin Ackley – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Rasmus. I call this tier, “Well, we are late, who did you expect to find here? Ken Griffey Junior Jr., the Third?” This tier is above the next tier (obviously, dur), but I could see flipping the two tiers in daily, shallow leagues where platoon outfielders are more valuable. If you’re in a deeper weekly league, guys with an everyday job are more valuable. In deep weekly leagues, you want every counting stat you can get and can’t afford to have a guy that sits vs. lefties. As for Ackley, he’s like a poor man’s Kole Calhoun. Call him, Wind Energy Calhoun. Ackley gives the impression that he would be a steals first guy, but he’s more of a power-first guy. Though the power isn’t amazing. Well, nothing about him is amazing. Four ladies and gentlemen, The Non-Amazing Ackley! 2015 Projections: 61/12/63/.250/7
89. Travis Snider – He wasn’t originally ranked when this post came out, but then he was traded to the Orioles and visions of Nelson Cruz signing on with the O’s in 2014 came to mind, then coming to mind was Snider’s once-touted prospect status, then a beef stew my grandmother used to make, then I thought about caterpillars. There’s a chance here for some power, but not a whole lot more. But, this late, you don’t need a whole lot more. 2015 Projections: 56/17/64/.248/1
90. Ryan Rua – The AL West is stacked with some banging corner outfielders, huh? Rhetorical! Here’s a non-rhetorical question for those that want to play along: doesn’t Jake Smolinski sound like a power hitter? Like a Jack Cust-type? Yeah, that’s an illusion. Smolinski has a high of ten homers in pro ball and that was in Double-A. Jake Schmohawkski? P to the erhaps. Another name for this tier could’ve been, “Supposedly these guys have everyday jobs, but I wouldn’t bet on it.” That tier name is almost as pithy as the actual tier name. By the by, if Billy Beane GM’d the Rangers, they’d have three non-platoon hitters (Andrus, Beltre, Fielder). Right now, they have one — Moreland. Quite the depth, Rangers! UPDATE: Smolinski lost the job to Rua. Crazy after I had such high hopes for Smolinski. Sideways emoticon that is screaming, “I don’t want any f**king Merlot!” Also here’s Sky’s Ryan Rua sleeper post. 2015 Projections: 54/15/61/.249/6
91. Colby Rasmus – He signed with the Astros this offseason as he chases Brett Wallace for the record for the biggest disappointment from a once-highly sought-after prospect that now appears in their player page picture like they need a helmet when they use a pencil. 2015 Projections: 58/22/62/.231/3
92. Carl Crawford – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Presley. I call this tier, “Being in a platoon is a full time job.” Product placement alert! As mentioned above, this tier could be more valuable than the previous tier depending on your league depth. If you’re in a daily league that has decent guys on waivers, platoon outfielders become more valuable. As for Crawford, he actually wasn’t that bad last year: 8 HRs, 23 SBs, .300. Only thing stopping him from being more valuable was his runs and RBIs since he didn’t play every day. He really didn’t have a problem with the limited amount of lefties he saw: .321, 2 homers in 56 ABs, but even with Kemp headed to San Diego, Crawford doesn’t look like a guy that will see more than 400 ABs. 2015 Projections: 52/6/30/.288/20
93. Drew Stubbs – Last year, Stubbs had a dream platoon season — 15 HRs, 20 SBs, .289. Used to perfection like a shot of Worcestershire in a Bloody Mary. You shouldn’t taste it, but it adds much needed umami. Hey, Drew Stubbs, say hello to your umami for me! And, if you tell people Stubbs was as valuable as a shot of Worcestershire, they look at you like you’re crazy because you pronounce it Woh-stir-ter-er. Only thing Stubbs needs to repeat last season is a two hundred pound pigeon crapping on his shoulder for a shizzton of good luck. Last year, he had a .404 BABIP and a 17.2% HR/FB. Both numbers that he won’t repeat, but he could be worth a flyer in daily leagues if you can move him in and out for his trips to Coors. 2015 Projections: 47/12/45/.249/15
94. Jake Marisnick – Unlike some of the other names in this tier, Marisnick is supposedly a full-time outfielder. Besides, Marisnick’s odd family vacations where they follow the McGwirenicks everywhere, should anyone care? Well, Steamer gives Marisnick 12 homers and 19 steals in a full season. That would have him ranked about thirty spots higher and should preclude him from the part-time outfielder tier. But, and this is a Gabourey Sidibe-sized but, I don’t think Marisnick has a full-time job all year. Singleton could push Gattis to the outfield, Presley could get worked in, Carter’s fielding could push Dominguez to 1st and Gattis to the outfield, etc. etc. etc. I like Marisnick, but I think he’s a platoon outfielder masquerading as a full-time one, which is a terrible costume that needs to explained to everyone at the party. 2015 Projections: 42/7/41/.231/16
95. Alejandro De Aza – Will share time with Delmon Young, which is a shame because A) De Aza could be valuable as an everyday starter. B) If Young played every day, he’d have more of a chance of defaming the Jews or clubbing an umpire. C) There’s no C. 2015 Projections: 52/7/27/.262/19
96. Arismendy Alcantara – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2015 fantasy baseball. (Note: His projections and rankings changed since I first went over the 2nd basemen due to the trade of Fowler. *wink, wink, nudge, nudge, kazoo* Not a good change.)
97. David Peralta – He hit .197 vs. lefties last year. Things got so bad that one night in August he woke in the middle of the night in a sweat when he accidentally left on Fox News and they started talking about lefties. Platooning with him will be Ender Inciarte. Well, that’s what we’re told to call him, but I think the CIA is in the middle of naming Inciarte. 2015 Projections: 46/11/39/.281/7
98. Jordan Schafer – Steals, steals and, um, yeah, that’s it. 2015 Projections: 48/2/42/.221/28
99. Seth Smith – The Lisper’s Nightmare always theems to get 50-ith runth, 50-ith RBIth and ten homerth. Do what you want with that info. Just don’t read that info out loud or you will spit on the person sitting in front of you. 2015 Projections: 57/12/46/.258/1
100. Justin Ruggiano – There could be a sub-tier within all of these outfielders called, “The Mariners outfield is a mess.” Guess that would make the Mariners outfield, subterranean. This offseason I said about Ruggiano, “Traded to the Mariners. Ruggiano is currently slotted into the everyday lineup, but I’m guessing the Mariners got him so he could ‘accidentally’ collide with Logan Morrison. “Should I hashtag before or after my witty retort–Oh, crap!” *crash*” And that’s me quoting me! Since then, the Mariners went out and a platoon-mate in the aforementioned lisper, so I’m adjusting Ruggiano’s projections since you last saw them. 2015 Projections: 48/9/39/.258/4
101. Chris Coghlan – Coghlan’s Law: Bury platoon outfielders that don’t have huge upside. They stink up the joint. 2015 Projections: 56/7/38/.261/10
102. Dayan Viciedo – On June 9th of this year, he will hit a home run and I will tell you to watch for a hot schmotato. On June 10th, your girlfriend will dump you for getting more excited that I was right about Dayan than you are about dinner with her friends. Sorry, don’t shoot the messenger. 2015 Projections: 51/18/54/.259
104. Emilio Bonifacio – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2015 fantasy baseball.
105. Alexi Amarista – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2015 fantasy baseball.
106. Melvin Upton – I have distant memories of premarital B.J.’s and I could’ve sworn they were good. The player and the act. 2015 Projections: 38/9/42/.222/19
107. Eric Young – Should fill in for Melvin (changing your name from B.J. to Melvin is like changing your name from Paul to Hitler) while he’s injured and could see platoon work thereafter. 2015 Projections: 46/2/19/.245/27
108. Junior Lake – I’ll give you a bit of a DVD commentary on these end blurbs. As with most of the rankings, I write down everyone that has a starting job, then some guys that are in a platoon, then a few extraneous guys that could matter. I then rank them, then I write brief notes, then I return and expand on my brief notes. My original notes for Lake were, “Rank Junior Lake or Allen Craig FIND ANYONE MORE INTERESTING THAN CRAIG.” Apparently, my notes come in caps, too. The Cubs outfield and infield is going to be a constant source of elation and aggravation all year. There’s just too much upside for one team. Lake could be a starting outfielder on another team. I’m farting in your general direction, Mariners. Between Soler, Coghlan, Denorfia, Sweeney, Arismendy and Baez, someone is going to fail. With that failure, will likely come a chance for Lake. 2015 Projections: 45/12/42/.263/9
109. Alex Presley – Hey, last one to get ranked needs to shut the lights. *lights switch off* “Presley has left the building.” 2015 Projections: 42/12/39/.271/8
110. Josh Hamilton – This is a new tier. This tier starts and ends here. I call this tier, “Dope.” Look at Brett Butler. She’s 56 years old. She looks like she’s 97 years old. Hamilton was once an addict and now he’s 33 years old, yet he swings like he’s 49 years old. Moral of the story? Don’t do drugs, or do so many that you die in your twenties. 2015 Projections: 31/8/36/.242/1
